Maternal/Personal Update · 2:11am Jun 19th, 2017
So... I'm back?
I never really left, I'm still on Fimfic every single day, but by "back" I mean I'm actually writing again, and that is almost entirely work on Maternal.
So, it's all pretty personal, but since I already mentioned it in passing in the comments of Chapter 1, I thought I'd expound on what's taken me so damn long after I sounded so optimistic when posting the story. If you want to get to the bits about Maternal and don't want to read something incredibly personal and deeply depressing, by all means skip through the next two page breaks.
Rip the bandaid off, long story short, tl;dr, my Grandparents died. Both of my maternal Grandparents.
My Grandma had been battling congestive heart failure for the better part of a decade (most people die about five years after diagnoses), and right around the end of last summer she had an extremely bad episode and was finally deemed too sick to live at home and was put on hospice care. I ended up doing a lot during that time, taking care of my Grandfather who was not in great health himself, taking care of my Grandmother, as much as one can when they're already in hospice, since neither of them were able I took care of all of their housework during this time, and taking care of my Mother who had to deal with all the ramifications of her mother dying... while dealing with her mother dying. Basically August to November 2016 were like living through hell. You might be able to guess why I didn't feel in a very good place, especially to write sexy/fluffy stuff.
My Grandma passed away in her sleep on November 1st, 2016.
My Grandfather very quickly began to deteriorate himself. The doctors told us, it wasn't uncommon for partners, especially ones in their 80s who already have health issues, to be unable to continue with life after their spouse dies. My Grandfather went from frail but otherwise more or less okay, to being on in-home care with the maximum oxygen you can have outside a hospital. His ordeal ended up being much shorter. After coughing up blood at some point in January we took him to the hospital, where they found lesions caused by lung cancer. Which was a pretty big surprise considering he got chest xrays every year due to chronic cardiovascular and respiratory issues. But I guess his body had just completely given up. He decided to go ahead and go on the chemo, but if anything it just sped things up.
My Grandpa passed away in the hospital on February 10th, 2017.
My family was basically in tatters, and now I was out of a job and didn't have the government assistance as my grandparent's caretaker, and I still hadn't taken the time to have grief counseling for my Grandma. So I had to hit the ground running looking for work while having to deal with an increasingly distant family, the death of two of the most important people in my entire life, and a rapidly dwindling bank account.
I eventually realized I'd have to apply for government aid, something I never in my life felt that I'd wind up doing, but there it is. I'm actually still on food stamps, since I haven't made enough money yet...
It took almost a whole year of awfulness, but then two pretty great things happened right in succession. First I got a totally clean bill of health from my PCP. Something phenomenal as someone approaching 30 that had usually been sick in some way for most of his life. And then I got a call back from one of the places I'd applied to. Got an interview set up for the next week. Two hours after the interview they called to ask when could I start?
I've been on the job for two weeks and, even though I haven't even actually received my first pay check yet, my world feels like it's finally reached a sort of equilibrium once again.
And with that said, work on A Maternal Figure has begun once again in earnest! And by that, I mean the next installment is done. Finished.
I'm going to do another editing pass or two after I post this blog and then I'll be updating the fic.
This is not the chapter two I initially envisioned. Instead this is going to be basically Chapter 2 Part 1 (and will be labeled as such), but this is by far the part that has given me the most anguish writing throughout this almost year since I first published the fic, and I really want it to just be done.
I always felt like I couldn't work on other ideas, even when I felt like I was in a creative space, just because I couldn't get Chapter 2 fucking FINISHED. I've re-written the scene that comprises the bit I'll be posting probably three times, and I've agonized over details over and over. Consequently, I'm actually pretty sure it'll be much worse than Chapter 1, just because it's been gone over too much. Like a Hollywood blockbuster that's been over-edited out the ass (cough Batman v Superman).
But I feel a kind of catharsis having gotten this part done, and I'm certain that it'll finally let me work on both the further chapters of Maternal AND the other ideas that I've had swirling around in my head/plastered all over my Google Docs. Spoilers: If you like clop involving big bellies, big cocks, and silly ideas stick around.
I'll end this blog post off here so I can get back to Chapter 2.1 and get it posted for y'all!
I'm sorry it took so damn long, but I hope any of you that 'shelved Maternal/followed me enjoy the next installment, and I'll try to reward your patience with more/faster content in the coming weeks.
-Hale
Glad to hear you made it through and things are finally starting to look a little better for you.
Welcome back!
Congratulations on coming back, and on making it through one of the most difficult times of your life (still here, aintcha?). I can definitely sympathize, I lost my father to a brain tumor early on January 6, 2017. Having been through an actual depression, and then still going through the most agonizing grief of my life (which feels like fucking depression), I know how hard it gets sometimes to want to do anything.
But the fact that you came back means you want to, yeah? So go forth. Write what YOU want, and what YOU enjoy, I know I have. We just get the 'pleasure' of being along for the ride. And truthfully, I would advise not really worrying too much about the details, it just isn't worth it (especially on our particular flavor of stories hehe). As long as it's fairly cohesive and makes progress, I'm fairly certain you won't get that many (if at all) complaints.
I feel for your loss. Stay strong and take care.
4575387
4575515
Thanks for the kind words! I'm happy to be writing again! And enjoying it, rather than feeling like I'm just forcing myself.
4575596
While I didn't have to go through any of the financial problems at the time, I can tell you that I have gone through something quite similar. My little cousin had been in the hospital from month 6 to 24 battling brain cancer. In a way, even when we held on to hope, we were still ready for her to die. Then we all get the good news that she is in the clear. She would still Ned to be in the hospital for a time to sort everything out, yet she would live. Two days latter we learned that my older cousin Mark had died on the way home from that family meeting. Mark was practically a older brother and a saint to me. After I ran away and way to tired to run any longer, all it took was two people jogging pass me to instill a rage in me that I can only describe as murderous. "Mark would have stopped and comforted a crying person. Why should people who won't do something so small be allowed to live when he died." A part of me thought. I can honestly tell you that coming that close to killing someone was the scariest moment of my life.