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Bad Horse

Sufficiently advanced friendship is indistinguishable from magic.

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Goldilocks and the 3 Norse Bears · 1:25am Jun 8th, 2017

Apropos of nothing

Yesterday I opened a jar of yogurt from my fridge, and after eating some, checked the expiration date and saw it was June 7.


It seemed wrong to eat yogurt just one day shy of being a year past its expiration date. So I saved some to eat today. Happy birthday, yogurt!

Relevant to Bad Horse’s Bedtime Stories,
from Red as Blood by Jo Walton:

Three Bears Norse

An old home, a bear home, remote from human-haunts,
Wall-girt and weather-warded, where ones wise in woodcraft
Lick into new life, a baby, a bear cub,
Safe among saplings, far in the forest.

Till one comes slyly, girlchild, goldilocks,
Soft-handed, secret-seeker, pamperling, pretty one,
“No!” never heard she, dancing like dandelion,
Stealing twixt tree-boughs, spies out the bear-house.

Fast closed stands the door, all bears gone from home,
In rushes Dandelion, door-breaker, greedy one,
No thought spares she for holy guest-law,
Spoiled child, undenied, heart set on plunder.

First seizes three chairs, orderly, big to small,
Claims each and tries each, breaking the smallest.
Next finds the oat-slop, orderly, big to small,
Claims each and tries each, eating the smallest.

Onwards goes Dandelion, breaker of guest-law,
Turning from oat-slop, yawning, bedwards,
Slinks up the stairs, three beds, big to small,
Orderly, tries each, sleeps on the smallest.

Bears, heading homewards, sleepy as sun seeks sea,
Father foremost, bear-cub beside him, bear mother guarding rear,
Stop still, scent surprise, coming on cautiously
See their door open stands, blowing on wild winds.

“Who?” asks bear-father, “Dared to sit in my chair?”
“Who?” growls bear-mother, “Dared to sit in my chair?”
“Who,” howls bear cub “Dared to sit in my chair,
Breaking it to scattered shards? I vow revenge.”

“Who?” asks bear-father, “Dared to taste my oat-slop?”
“Who?” growls bear-mother, “Dared to taste my oat slop?”
“Who,” howls bear cub “Dared to eat my oat-slop,
Eating it all up? I vow revenge!”

Upstairs, at long last, learn of the lawbreaker,
Sleeping serenely, stuffed with their oat-slop,
Wakes for an instant, seeing them, simpers, screams,
Bear teeth, bear claws, shred her, sunder her,
so perish law-breakers.

29th August 2006

Try out the new copy-paste! Copy-paste straight from Google Docs, or from a web page, into fimfiction!

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Comments ( 11 )

I'm a bit disappointed we didn't get a third "I vow revenge!" out of the bear cub, but that was still a fantastic Norsery rhyme.

Properly sealed and refrigerated yogurt seems to keep forever past its “use-by” date, especially the plain stuff. I just buy lots when it’s on sale and use the dates to tell me which ones are oldest and should be used first. :derpytongue2:

“I would not eat them on the field
I would not eat them off my shield
I would not eat them on a raid
i would not eat them with a maid
I would not eat them on a trip
And I would not eat them on my ship!
I do not like lutefisk and yams
I do not like them, Sven-I-Am.”

And he slew Sven.

(Also, you were the viking to that acidopholus culture’s Lindisfarne. I hope you know that. I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT.)

EDIT: a friend wrote that, not me
Say hello to my little friend

Oh, Jo Walton. I need to read more of her; she’s great.

Removing preview for blog posts seems like a strange and hard to justify design choice. I wonder if it was intentional. Hopefully it will be back.


Never heard of Jo Walton before. I may have to read more of her stuff (by which I mean “add her work to the ever-growing queue of things I’ll never get around to”)

How has yogurt managed to stay in your fridge that long? I could understand condiments or anything requiring the use of a stove, but yogurt’s always one of the first things I finish off

It wasn’t food, but I recently found some old acne medication from 2002! I’ve moved about half a dozen times since then, so it’s not like it just got lost here. I’ve apparently been hoarding garbage and unknowingly bringing it with me wherever I go

There’s an eye button in the toolbar, the fourth button from the right. This is the new preview button. Seems to be more responsive than the old preview.


Yeah, that was kind of the purpose of yoghurt, extending the storage life. Same with cheese. As long as nothing is growing in it, you’re probably fine.

Awesome, but it should have turned out Loki tricked Goldilocks into entering the house in the first place.

And thus does a malicious lawbreaker fall to the...

(wait for it)

Right to Bear Arms.

Clearly the moral is don't leave out your chair, oat slop and bed for someone to sit, eat and sleep in. It's the bear's own fault, really.

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