The Coming Months: Moving Again, Money Problems, and Flavors of Soy Sauce

You ever notice that when you're talking with people and you try to defend yourself or take a stance for better treatment, you have to mentally fight off a wave of shame? Or is that just me? Please tell me I'm not alone in that.

There's going to be another big change. I'm moving back to Texas. As much as I'd prefer to stay put, I gotta go back because I will otherwise be without any support up here in Maryland and stuck underneath a growing debt that I can't pay back. Seriously, I've enjoyed my time in this state, but the sheer cost of living in general has doubled my credit expenses in only a year. And since my brother and sis-in-law are headed back down in August...

Welp. Time to move. Again. For the fourth time in four years. There's a major underlying problem here in the lack of control I have over my own life, but that's a rant for another day. I might even cut loose and go all explicit with that rant too. Anyway...

Over the next month or two, I will be headed back down to Texas, to either my hometown or the towns near it. I have between now and then to secure a job, secure a living space, and somehow make all the moving expenses work when I already need to stay on top of my current debt. On that note, it's not too bad - I mean, I've only got payments on two cards, and this month will see one of those cards completely paid up - but that 'not too bad' comes with a five-thousand-dollar price tag. Plus, considering my need to visit a dentist for possible surgery and the cost that moving itself will inevitably be, and I'm terrified that I'll max out my line by the time I get back.

Isn't this absurd? I move from my family home to an apartment in 2014. I move into another apartment in the same complex in 2015. Then I drop everything and move across the country in 2016. Now I have to move back to Texas in 2017. And out of all of that, the only time I was really in any control was 2015...everything else, including now, has been decisions made for me.

Ugh. Not here, Leo, save the rant for a rant blog...

So the move is happening. I'm not happy about it, and in fact I'm even more unhappy about this one than last year's move. This will all be taking place between July and August, with plans to have me come down first and my brother to follow some weeks later. There's no set date yet, but the ball is rolling and I am trying to find a hole for it to settle into.

If there's any real good news to be had from this, it's that Texas' expenses are markedly lower than Maryland's. I do look forward to paying only ninety bucks for car insurance again instead of this asinine three-fifty per month, and I'm hopeful that the hot job market down there will find me a good spot very quickly. Who knows? Maybe all of my bellyaching is just blinding me to the opportunity this affords me. I don't know, it's hard when everything I know as a sure thing has already bled me dry and is taking even more.

You know what, this blog really doesn't have much structure to it at all. I want so badly to be mad right now, but I also am trying to keep things informative. Do you see my problem here? No, you don't, because I haven't yet allowed myself to really vent about them. That bit at the beginning about shame wasn't for nothing, after all...

I'm gonna come back to these topics later. Right now I need a drink and some sleep.

~Leo