It's My Returnaversary!!! · 2:23am May 27th, 2017
Even though I made the decision to return to FiMfic weeks before May 26th, 2016, that was the day I announced my comeback with a cryptic Metal Gear reference and an embedded image that didn't actually load!
...Hooray!
Since I'm the type of person who places undue importance on marking even trivial anniversaries, I thought it would be a good idea to celebrate my one year returnaversary with a reflection on my first full year of horsewordsing since 2014. I wanted to have something bigger to mark the occasion, namely, chapter sixteen of Horsepionage, but that's just not ready yet. But I'm optimistic that it will be soon!
What do I have for you, then, instead of actual content? Why, navel gazing, of course! And numbers! Everyone's favorite!
It struck me, not long ago, that I'd written considerably more in the last year than I had at any point during my previous time on FiMfic. I decided to crunch the numbers to get an actual figure on that, albeit a flawed one that both exaggerates, and sells short, my total "literary" output over the last twelve months.
"Exaggerates," because FiMfic naturally inflates word counts, and because I'm also counting Equestria Gear Solid, despite the fact that it wasn't written entirely by me. Some other asshole helped with that.
And "sells short," because I'm excluding material like blogs, outlines, Writeoff submissions that haven't been published to FiMfic, stories which exist on FiMfic but are as yet unpublished (except My Little Immortal, which I updated, but subsequently unpublished), supplementary material for Horsepionage (like the character sheet), stories I've written or edited for which are not on my account (except for the April Fool's chapter of To Keep the Fire Burning) and the erotic vampire-pony roleplay that Editor Man and I frequently get up to on Skype.
I'm gonna run through each of the stories in turn, write a little bit of reflection about them, and tally up the word counts. You, uh, don't have to read that if you don't want to, but I'd be grateful if you did.
New Horse Stories Published:
Not All Who Dream Despair: 1 chapter, 1,534 words (Ongoing)
A spur-of-the-moment experiment which fizzled out. Lack of reader interest combined with a lack of inspiration on my part. Couldn't come up with anything past the first chapter, and a vague notion of Pinkie Pie dreaming lucidly about running a brewery.
All told, not my favorite effort from the past year, but I wouldn't call it wasted time, and I might write new material for it in the future. Long may King Wikey reign.
The Long Arm of Murphy's Law: 3 chapters, 14,311 words (Incomplete)
A story which is near and dear to my heart, but which I regrettably haven't made time for in close to a year. Pony Gear Solid took priority last summer, as the chapters published between July and August demanded more and more time, attention, and rewrites, and this one just fell by the wayside. I fully intend to finish it; it is, after all, almost done, and it's part and parcel of the continuity that sprang up around "Teach Me Goodness," anyway. So I can't not, y'know?
I think the changing seasons really played a role in burying this story on my priorities. It was June when I came up with the idea, after all. And, significantly, there was a fair in town, with rides, and fried food. Stuff that ended up featured in in the story. June rolled into July, however, which rolled into August, and my interest in finishing the story left with it. Now that summer's back, though... I can kind of feel the same creative spark that gave birth to this story in the first place.
Like I said, this one's important to me; most everything I write comes from someplace inside me, and Murphy's Law is no exception. That's as much as I'm willing to say about that. Make no mistake, I'm going to finish telling the story. You know, for all nine of you out there who care. 
Teach Me Goodness: 3 chapters (plus the original story), 22,160 words (Complete)
I... don't quite know what I can say about this story that I didn't say in the RCL interview. I guess I can say that, with the benefit of hindsight, it's the story I'm the most proud of. Besides being an outlet for my own career angst over leaving behind the teaching profession, and an expression of my own uncertainty regarding the future, it quite unexpectedly netted me a place in the Horsewords Hall of Fame, and really cemented my desire to stay in this fandom and keep writing for it. Plus, I ended up building an extended continuity around it, which I'm quite proud of, even if it hasn't been fully fleshed out on FiMfic yet.
It's not my most read or reviewed story, but going by ratings alone, it's my most favorably received one, and the one which I think best captures me as a writer. Judging by the number of sequels it's getting, and references to it that I make, it's probably my personal favorite out of everything on my profile.
Pinching Flurry: 1,077 words (One-shot)
This one's gonna be less light-hearted and saccharine than the last two reflections, so feel free to skip it if you'd like.
I remember when this Writeoff rolled around (*Princess Not Included), trying to come up with ideas that would match the prompt. The one idea that stuck with me was Twilight experiencing an epic maternal episode and refusing to yield Flurry Heart to her father. I dunno; the idea was just hilarious to me. I planned it out in my head, cranked it out in around an hour, and prepared to edit and revise.
Then I found out, by chance and quite suddenly, that an old college friend of mine had committed suicide. After that, finishing this story was the last thing on my mind. It's not that her death even struck me all that hard; we weren't what I'd call close. But the suddenness of it... it just seemed inappropriate to keep writing after that.
The story turned out okay, all told, once I sat down to finish it. It's cute. People liked it. Reading it leaves a bad taste in my mouth, though, because of association alone.
...So this is fun, huh? 
The Old View: 1,156 words (One-shot)
"Oh, an X does Y story. Those are always wonderful." -Editor Man, on the Writeoff version, which was titled Twilight Sparkle Seeks a Zoning Permit
Cute Writeoff fluff that scored well, but didn't turn enough heads to win. To be fair, it is a pretty basic premise; two characters banter wittily back and forth until a resolution happens. In structure and execution, it's basically the same story as Pinching Flurry, but with Spike as the straight man instead of Shiny.
But, hey, people who read my shit know that I like Spike and Twilight and their friendship, and that I'm a sucker for nostalgia and sappy friendship moments. You read a Posh story, you get what you pay for.
The Next Best Thing: 5,877 words (One-shot)
My Scribblefest entry! The first "TMG" sequel! My very first time writing for Starlight Glimmer! A story in which, uh, not a whole lot happens! It exists! It won! I got a $20 Amazon gift certificate out of it! It's...
...It's not my favorite thing ever.
That's not to imply I dislike this story, or that it's bad, but as the follow-up to an RCL story that's deeply personal to me, I feel like it's... lacking. It doesn't have the same emotional punch, I don't have as much invested in it, and the best thing from "TMG," Cheerimilf, isn't even in it. Although her signature does cameo.
Still, it has some of my favorite dialogue that I've written of late, and Starlight Glimmer is surprisingly fun to deal with, when handled a certain way. "TMG" is getting at least one more sequel, this one being my belated holiday story (which I don't plan to release around the holidays because fuck the police), and though it's supposed to be centered on Cheerilee, Glimmy features prominently in it. She's not the crunkest bitch in town, but she still has a good role. I think. Hope.
Never did find out who made the cover image...
Equestria Gear Solid: 5 chapters, 21,468 words (Complete)
AhaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaahhhhhAAAAAAAAA. Undoubtedly my finest achievement. Never have I (with the help of some other asshole) written a story so good which has netted so little attention. But then, as the April Fool's spin-off to a completely different crossover story, full of in-jokes and foreshadowing disguised as wacky comedy, it's probably just a little inaccessible.
So this one was actually conceived during the editing process for Horsepionage's eleventh chapter. If you're not familiar with that story, then, well... I don't want to spoil it. Suffice it to say, DannyJ took me to task for some shoddy writing regarding a certain magical phenomenon. He did, however, like my defense that said phenomenon was created from Wolbachia (one of MGSV's many, many convenient plot devices), by Twilight Sparkle, as part of some convoluted, sexually charged adventure, and he kept pressuring me to write that story instead, and to use the title Twilight Sparkle's Slutty High School Wolbachia. Eventually, that became a story that he was going to write, and finally, it evolved into a collaborative effort.
Equestria Gear Solid is an ugly mish-mash of mine and his writing styles. It's self-referential, masturbatory garbage. It's also my favorite thing in the whole wide world. It laid the groundwork for Bilight "Bespectacled Twilight" Sparkle in a later story, and gave us both ample opportunity to both skewer and foreshadow events to come in Pony Gear Solid.
I regret that it didn't get as much attention as I'd have liked, but again, that's probably not avoidable.
The Eye That Floats, Silent and Unblinking, in Sunset Shimmer's Kitchen: 6 chapters (plus the original story), 34,958 words (Complete)
Yet another Writeoff entry, and only the second non-minific to get published outside of the Writeoff website. Probably my most popular story besides PGS, and one of a very small number that I'm actually willing to stand behind one hundred percent. It's not perfect, I don't think, and I don't consider it my best work, but it's a surprisingly poignant, comic romp that I'm happy to see resonate with so many people.
I don't want to talk too much about it, though. As with "TMG," there's not too much to say that I haven't already said. 8/10.
Calamity from the Skies: 1,050 words (One-shot)
My goal with this one was to write a story which everyone would immediately attribute to Majin Syeekoh, whose Sonata Dusk fetish is common knowledge.
Also, it was originally Bon Bon and Lyra in the roles of Octavia and Vinyl, respectively. I couldn't think of another pair besides Bonnie and Lyra who would fit the premise, besides Dr. Whooves and Derpy, and there are no circumstances where I would ever dignify Dr. Whooves with my attention. After the Writeoff was over, I remembered Octy and Vinyl, and the story was the better for the change.
I know people like to abbreviate Octavia's name as "Tavi," but "Octy" just makes more sense to me. And it brings to mind an image of a very well-to-do, prim and proper octopus with a pony's head. And what's not to love about that?
Additional Horsewords for Additional Horse Stories:
My Little Immortal: Friendship is Gothic: 2 chapters, 4,275 words (Incomplete)
My Little Immortal was a funny joke that I think dragged on too long. I won't say I'm never going to return to it, but in the here and now, the odds of my doing so are... not great. Especially not when I have many, many more serious stories which need to see the light of day.
I'll probably bring the character of Ebony Way out every now and again, though, just because I'm an asshole like that. Alas, for now, the Apple Bloom Must Suffer universe, consisting of this story and "For I Am A Jelly God," is on indefinite hiatus.
Pony Gear Solid: 5 chapters, 2 interludes, 110,145 words (Incomplete)
Jesus, if I'd written at this pace from the start, it might not have taken me this fucking long to finish! 
These last seven installments of the story have been weird to look back on, because the story's been in the works for almost six years, and so much of it has changed. The canons of both universes have changed. I, as a person, have changed, along with my tastes, my world view, my writing style, and my conception of what the story is and should be. Even my editor is different. The result is a final product which kinda fluctuates in tone and presentation, but which I... think... sort of evens out to a flat, even "readable" after a fashion, especially after I've gone back and retconned revised previous chapters to bring them up to a higher standard of quality.
Nevertheless, PGS is entering its sixth year of life. I hope to bring it to a close before its seventh begins. After that...
...well, the fun starts in earnest after that. 
To Keep the Fire Burning: 1 chapter, 13,973 words
Oof. Definitely not my best work, nor my funniest; by the end of March, I was exhausted with writing, and phoned this one in severely in an effort to get it out the door. It's not proofread or edited as thoroughly as it could have been, and it didn't get the kind of reception that I had hoped it would have. Also, someone left a burning cross on Editor Man's lawn after reading it, which, frankly, I thought was a bit of an overreaction.
But, undaunted, I've already started pondering ideas for future April Fool's stories in the Fire Burning setting. Among my ideas are a My Immortal-themed spin-off, an EqG-themed spin-off, and a story in which Firelink Soul is transported to CWCville, and must do battle with Sonichu and Rosechu in order to retrieve the Amnyfist Ring from Princess Christine, the Goddess of the Sun.
On a more serious note, I do want to recommend it to my readers; it's a well done fusion of Dark Souls and FiM which pays ample tribute to the former, while using it to reinterpret the latter. It's great; it deserves more attention; go read it. Tell DannyJ that it sucks, though, because I don't want his self-esteem rising too high.
Adding those numbers together, my raw horsewords output over the last year is...
*drumroll*
231,984! Or slightly less than double what I'd written between August of 2011 and July of 2014!
...Yowza.
What's funny is that I halfway expected to have fizzled out on horsewords by this point. But this has been a long, exhausting year, professionally and personally speaking, and having this creative outlet has made all the difference for me. I'd forgotten, during my hiatus, just how much fun it is to sit down and create, even if I'm just doing the literary equivalent of breaking into someone's house and splashing around in their swimming pool while they're away.
So the question is... how much longer am I gonna stay?
I don't have an answer to that. For the foreseeable future, definitely; the show's still running, and I'm still driven to write material based on it. Many of my nascent ideas demand expression, and my unfinished work demands completion. You're all stuck with me for a while longer yet.
Fuckin' cherry, m8.
Sounds like you had a heckuva year.
I haven't read nearly as many of those horsewords as I likely should, but There's definitely some stuff on that list that I enjoyed. Eyeball and Calamity Sonata and Starlight vs. Tiara were all good. I'm sorry the latter didn't do it as much for you but I thought it was Good.
I also don't think I realized that you were gone on a long hiatus and only just came back in the last year. I've been around for a little over 2 now and I still feel like I'm playing catch-up with who did what and stuff.
(Also Starlight is Crunkest Pony. DWK has taught us this.)
This fandom constantly baffles me with the velocity at which it cranks out amazing stories. It keeps me in a constant state of frustration, because if I try to keep up with you (and all the others), I don't have time to contribute to the flood.
Still, I try. One drip at a time
You're a diamond, Posh.
Daily reminder to Posh that he tried to put a Harambe reference in his story.
4548955 Your daily reminders are not daily, sir.
Daily reminder to Posh that he tried to put a Harambe reference in his story.