Job Interview in a Nutshell · 6:28pm May 12th, 2017
A little funsies in anticipation of a status update for fics. Things are somewhat in flux right now, more details to follow.
Imagine, if you will, a simple room with one table, and six seats. On one side, three people sit. Let's pretend they're ponies for the sake of comedy. There's a stallion, a white-maned mare, and a regular, young mare. Across from them sits... a Cracker.
This is a job interview. Here's the broad terms on how it goes.
Stallion: "Here's a picture of something. Where are the dangers?"
Cracker: "Here and here, and I guess in that, too."
Stallion: "Your answer is completely wrong, but good try."
-"Oh."
Young mare: "What can you tell me about the endangered species convention thingie?"
-"Well, the abbreviation stands for this and this, but for some reason they dropped the two f's in the thing."
"Good. And what's it about, specifically?"
-"Ivory and horn are the most obvious areas, but also birds of prey have come under attention, falconeering (is that the word in English?). And, I imagine, certain types of fish." (in hindsight I could slap myself for not mentioning seahorses. Those get used in Chinese medicine, too.) "Oh, and terrarium animals, like the Greek land tortoise."
"Well, actually, that one's fine, as long as it's bred in captivity."
"Oh."
Young mare: "How do you feel about handling birds? Are you squeamish about it?"
-"Not in the slightest. No experience, but willing to learn."
"We do offer training for that."
At some point, then, the middle mare speaks up. That's the one in charge of Personnel.
"Let's go over some personality questions."
Me: "Well, at least I got this far."
"Have you ever done anything very difficult?"
Quoth the Cracker: "Thesis."
"Ever run into an unexpected obstacle?"
Quoth the Cracker: "Thesis."
"Ever make a major mistake that only in hindsight you realised you should fix?"
Quoth the Cracker: "Thesis."
Personnel mare tries to ask another question, but is interrupted. There is a crow, or a raven, walking past the window. Like, casually strolling past, looking at the strange ponies inside. Possibly attracted by all the quothing.
Cracker: "Aww, crap, Odin's at it again. I'll never hear the end of it now. Anyway, you were saying?"
The mare squints at Cracker's file. "You don't have a car?"
"Not yet, no."
"But you do have a driver's license?"
"Yes."
"But you don't drive."
"Funny story; I've never actually needed a car before, so I never got one."
At this point it's worth mentioning the department Cracker is applying to happens to be related to environmental protection. Still, weirdest response yet from the young mare:
"Well, that's something we can only encourage, then, you not getting a car you don't need. For the environment and all."
Cracker walked straight into an Oscar Wilde play there.
Last question: "Have you ever been in a situation where you got into a serious conflict situation, and how did you resolve it?"
"Serious conflict situation?"
"Yes."
"Like, physical altercation?"
"Or verbal. Whichever you think is more apropos to the position."
"Well... I suppose there was that one incident with the knife."
"Knife?"
"I kinda needed my knife for that, yes. I didn't stab the guy or anything."
"We'll be in touch, Mr. Cracker."
You wanna know the funniest part of it all? I think this was probably the best interview I've had thus far. And even on the off chance that anyone on that agency is even on FimFiction, the odds of them reading this are slim at best.
Join me next time, when I explain the similarities between a spontaneous application and an online scam.
On a completely unrelated note, have a funny LoL video with a totally random (but catchy) song to it.
Now that's comedy. Does anyone ever have a good answer to those disagreement questions?
We had an argument, then I did what my boss wanted me to anyway.
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Replace 'boss' with 'thesis promotor' and you get the gist of my reply, too
Also, knife thing actually happened. And was cited during interview. I tried to spin into a good thing?