• Member Since 24th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen 11 hours ago

Wise Cracker


Just some guy.

More Blog Posts299

  • 13 weeks
    Early New Year's resolutions, and Old Year's conclusions

    Well, another year's come and gone. How did the resolutions go? Half and half in my case. Managed to partially accomplish what I set out to do, moving from wondering how to do things to figuring out what to do. I believe I've successfully identified the habits that are hampering or even harmful to me, so that's progress.

    Resolutions for the new year?

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    3 comments · 53 views
  • 37 weeks
    Summer update 2: What's Sticking to the Wall?

    Quick update on future plans.

    Still working on the original stuff, I think I'm down to the last rewrite of what I wanted to do, only question is what to change in terms of details. Art's had some progress, but work responsibilities and sweet, sweet sleeping problems have caused disruptions.

    Read More

    0 comments · 83 views
  • 43 weeks
    Summer update: what next?

    Honestly? Not sure. I never publish anything that's not complete, so I'm not breaking any promises there. Thing is, I haven't started on anything new yet, and hadn't lined anything up before the previous one.

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    2 comments · 102 views
  • 51 weeks
    Spring update: Changeling Beauty Contest, and other stuff.

    Been a while since I did one of these. Story stuff first.

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    1 comments · 147 views
  • 67 weeks
    Preview and update: Shining Armour's Checklist.

    Hey, all. Just popping in to say I'll be trying to stick to some better habits in the future. I'm cutting down on all the sites that are distracting or otherwise leading to bad and unhealthy behaviour on my end. As such, I'll only be logging in when I have something to publish from now on. I'll also keep communication while I'm logged in to a minimum, just to avoid any unpleasantness. Hopefully

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    0 comments · 144 views
May
12th
2017

Job Interview in a Nutshell · 6:28pm May 12th, 2017

A little funsies in anticipation of a status update for fics. Things are somewhat in flux right now, more details to follow.

Imagine, if you will, a simple room with one table, and six seats. On one side, three people sit. Let's pretend they're ponies for the sake of comedy. There's a stallion, a white-maned mare, and a regular, young mare. Across from them sits... a Cracker.

This is a job interview. Here's the broad terms on how it goes.

Stallion: "Here's a picture of something. Where are the dangers?"

Cracker: "Here and here, and I guess in that, too."

Stallion: "Your answer is completely wrong, but good try."

-"Oh."

Young mare: "What can you tell me about the endangered species convention thingie?"

-"Well, the abbreviation stands for this and this, but for some reason they dropped the two f's in the thing."

"Good. And what's it about, specifically?"

-"Ivory and horn are the most obvious areas, but also birds of prey have come under attention, falconeering (is that the word in English?). And, I imagine, certain types of fish." (in hindsight I could slap myself for not mentioning seahorses. Those get used in Chinese medicine, too.) "Oh, and terrarium animals, like the Greek land tortoise."

"Well, actually, that one's fine, as long as it's bred in captivity."

"Oh."

Young mare: "How do you feel about handling birds? Are you squeamish about it?"

-"Not in the slightest. No experience, but willing to learn."

"We do offer training for that."

At some point, then, the middle mare speaks up. That's the one in charge of Personnel.

"Let's go over some personality questions."

Me: "Well, at least I got this far."

"Have you ever done anything very difficult?"

Quoth the Cracker: "Thesis."

"Ever run into an unexpected obstacle?"

Quoth the Cracker: "Thesis."

"Ever make a major mistake that only in hindsight you realised you should fix?"

Quoth the Cracker: "Thesis."

Personnel mare tries to ask another question, but is interrupted. There is a crow, or a raven, walking past the window. Like, casually strolling past, looking at the strange ponies inside. Possibly attracted by all the quothing.

Cracker: "Aww, crap, Odin's at it again. I'll never hear the end of it now. Anyway, you were saying?"

The mare squints at Cracker's file. "You don't have a car?"

"Not yet, no."

"But you do have a driver's license?"

"Yes."

"But you don't drive."

"Funny story; I've never actually needed a car before, so I never got one."

At this point it's worth mentioning the department Cracker is applying to happens to be related to environmental protection. Still, weirdest response yet from the young mare:

"Well, that's something we can only encourage, then, you not getting a car you don't need. For the environment and all."

Cracker walked straight into an Oscar Wilde play there.

Last question: "Have you ever been in a situation where you got into a serious conflict situation, and how did you resolve it?"

"Serious conflict situation?"

"Yes."

"Like, physical altercation?"

"Or verbal. Whichever you think is more apropos to the position."

"Well... I suppose there was that one incident with the knife."

"Knife?"

"I kinda needed my knife for that, yes. I didn't stab the guy or anything."

"We'll be in touch, Mr. Cracker."

You wanna know the funniest part of it all? I think this was probably the best interview I've had thus far. And even on the off chance that anyone on that agency is even on FimFiction, the odds of them reading this are slim at best.

Join me next time, when I explain the similarities between a spontaneous application and an online scam.

On a completely unrelated note, have a funny LoL video with a totally random (but catchy) song to it.

Comments ( 2 )

Now that's comedy. Does anyone ever have a good answer to those disagreement questions?

We had an argument, then I did what my boss wanted me to anyway.

4529931
Replace 'boss' with 'thesis promotor' and you get the gist of my reply, too :raritywink:

Also, knife thing actually happened. And was cited during interview. I tried to spin into a good thing?

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