• Member Since 5th Jan, 2014
  • offline last seen Yesterday


Semi-Professional writer with a love of filmmaking and MLP! Now on Patreon.

More Blog Posts107

  • 102 weeks
    Chapter Forty One Is Out!

    Hey, look at that! I'm actually getting these things out again. Here's the link to Chapter Forty One of Mass Effect Gathering Storm: Chapter Forty One Link

    2 comments · 215 views
  • 104 weeks
    Chapter Forty is Out!

    Hey, guess what. I finally got another chapter out. I'm also going back to college, so I'm going to have more time for writing. I hope that means that I'll be able to get this series going on again. See it here! Chapter Forty Link

    2 comments · 214 views
  • 126 weeks
    Dungeons and Dragons

    I'm sure a lot of you have noticed that I haven't put out a new chapter in quite awhile. I am truly sorry about that. The reason for this is that I've been trying to focus on getting my life in order.

    Read More

    8 comments · 483 views
  • 162 weeks
    Chapter Thirty Nine is out!

    Chapter thirty nine is out, and you can view it HERE!

    Hopefully, this marks a return to form, and we'll be getting back to regular chapter postings.

    1 comments · 259 views
  • 170 weeks
    I Feel Disconnected

    I know a lot of you are awaiting the next chapter of Gathering Storm, and I'd like to tell you its coming, but I don't know if that's true. This past year has been rough for me, creatively, financially, relationally, and everything else. I want to tell you that it's all better now, but that's not true. I'm working a full time job, and I'm trying to film a web series at the same time, but I'm

    Read More

    11 comments · 397 views

I Feel Disconnected · 6:46pm May 8th, 2017

I know a lot of you are awaiting the next chapter of Gathering Storm, and I'd like to tell you its coming, but I don't know if that's true. This past year has been rough for me, creatively, financially, relationally, and everything else. I want to tell you that it's all better now, but that's not true. I'm working a full time job, and I'm trying to film a web series at the same time, but I'm feeling myself slipping. I'm heavier than I've been in awhile, and I'm still living at home, and on top of that, I'm on extremely high doses of anti-anxiety meds, and meds for my heart and cholesterol. I'm 24, I'm 6'2', and I'm about 225 lbs.

There are times when I hate myself.

I came into the brony fandom four years ago, when I had hit absolutely rock bottom. There were problems that I was sure would be the end of my life. I struggled, and I struggled, and I stumbled upon a purple little pony and little dragon, in a magical pony world. It kept me going, and its why I started writing Shattered Record, Broken Wings. It's also why none of my stories have been proof-read, and why spelling errors and tense problems abound. I wrote these stories for myself, not to read, but to merely have them exist. I'm very happy with all the support I've received, but I don't know if there's ever going to be another chapter.

I went to school for storytelling. It's something I know very well. These stories are not the best indicators of what I can do. This was a hobby, and its one I feel guilty for indulging in now, when I have so many real world problems tugging at me. Why should I be writing fan fiction when I should really be creating something original and making a career? Why should I spend so much of my time poring so much love and creativity into something I'm embarrassed to tell my friends that I do.

Maybe there's something wrong with me, I don't know. It feels like whatever I put my mind to, whatever goals I set, they never get accomplished. When I was still at the Film School, I had an idea while I was taking a shower one day. One of the biggest problems that I've struggled with throughout my life was the lack of ability in making friends. That had only worsened in college, as the Film School was its own thing, but also was attached to a local community college. That meant that there was no one I could guarantee I would see again after each semester, no one I could bond with, and no one I could share myself with. That's what my whole idea was about.

I imagined a place where older kids could hang out after school and between classes. Not so much a coffee shop, or places like that, but something where you could go to get help emotionally, physically, relationally. Where you could meet new people, and there'd be a consistent place to see them without the struggle of trying to schedule things. I built a small team of people, and we were just starting to explore opportunities when it all fell apart, and my team scattered to the winds.

That seems to be a constant theme in my life. I've got the ideas, and a plan, but when I reach out to the people who can help me accomplish these plans, they never come through for me. I try to keep going with enthusiasm, but it's difficult. I've had several other ideas and plans since then, one of which was my feature film, Artemis One, which fell through in the same way. I've tried applying to Bioware, several times, through both EA, and employees in Edmonton. They are genuinely some of my favorite people in the world, and I'd be honored to work with them, but I've gotten relatively nowhere, despite talking to a few of their company heads.

I love story, but there's something about characters I already love that are so much better to write for as opposed to original ideas. Mass Effect is truly one of my biggest passions in the entire world.

Maybe this is oversharing, but I'm just so tired of hiding my true self behind double meanings. I don't know what this blog post is about, but I feel I just needed to get this all off my chest. It's hard to keep motivation going when there's no one to support you.

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Comments ( 11 )

And now i wanna hug you:fluttershysad:

You deserve good fortune and luck. I wish i could help grant that to you:ajsleepy:

living at home with 24 is nothing bad and 225 is quite normal weight actually and no amount of pills can help you with your problems they only make it worse i had some shit moments in my life and still have and i was able to force my through and i know you can do it too

Well, you have about 215 people supporting you right here. :pinkiehappy:

At least you do things. I'm a serious case of Failure To Launch: Still live with parents, because houses are expensive as houses. Part time gruntwork job, because careers are hard. All kinds of ideas for writing, never do anything with them.

Failure means you tried. It means you have the spirit to Do. It means you've got experience, you've got stories. You've got life. So get up and try again, and again, and again.

Not taking your pills isn't a good idea, though. I know of people who've made really bad decisions from that.

4525169 The pills have really helped. My anxiety is definitely manageable now, save for the occasional massive flare ups.

4525450 well i always prefered to stay away from medication even when sick nothing helped me better than force and determination but it was just an advice

I know that feeling. Keep moving forward.

And don't feel ashamed about not finished the ME Crossover. Mass Effect is a gigantic story, and doing a full crossover with the series is a similarly gigantic undertaking. If you have a busy life, it will take a long time to get it finished, if you even can. Don't sweat it.

You really are strong, this isn't something people share, and it takes a large pool of resolve to do so, thank you for trusting us. The expressions, pains, and love you put into the story is something that truly pulls me in, and its good to know it came from a soul like yours. Thank you.

I feel the same way. I think I'll stay for one more year.

If it helps, your only 45 lbs off from ideal weight, whereas I am a tad further behind.

Sometimes you just need to take a chance and reach out like your doing now. As for Bioware, they'd be lucky to have you, especially after the flack they've been getting for other issues.

Though maybe you should start a tad lower on the ladder? Work your way up to their level?

In the end its all up to you to make things happen, can't rely on others to do everything for you.

I hate to say it, I really do since it feels cheap, but sometimes you just need to keep pushing forward. With life comes barriers and they will always try to erect themselves. Just gotta keep overcoming.

I wish I had more encouragement then to say "take your time and do what is necessary to secure your real life before FiM."

As for jobs, I know exactly what you are feeling, of being stuck in a "post" oil sands boom in Edmonton. Jobs are damn scarce and I was aiming to be an electrician. Instead I will be heading to NAIT for IT next fall. Right now you might just need keep throwing out resumes while chugging on at your job.

If you need to gripe at local bullshit, feel free to hit up a fellow Edmontonian.

When you discover a great author and they have so much shit going on they can't write much :ajsleepy:
But I hope it works out for you. Maybe one day, when you've secured a good job, you can come back to this little community of ours :)

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