Because you're at Kroger. · 2:35pm Apr 26th, 2017
So, going into work yesterday, there was a dead chicken in the nearest parking space to the entrance. I don't mean a dropped food item, I mean a live and clucking chicken that had been turned into roadkill. And apparently a hen, since among the usual roadkill carnage there was yellow goo I can only assume was eggs.
My actions were to wonder where it came from and think to myself, “West Virginia, dial it back a little.”
And that might have been it, except the day kept going.
First, something I missed: a car wreck. Apparently someone ran over the curb in front of the dry cleaners and nearly hit the building. Or something like that. I didn’t get to see it. All I know is there were multiple emergency vehicles, but no visible damage to the building later in the evening.
And then, after sundown, the lights in the building started flickering, and all of the parking lot lights went out entirely for a while. Which isn’t particularly unusual — high winds between Charleston and Nitro can cause it, or damage to the nearby substation from an accident or an animal getting into the wires, or even just power surges. But it freaked out the female clerk who’d been pulling carts at the time.
And then, a little while after the lights came back, one of the card readers crashed and locked up, and we had to transfer that order to a new lane. Which is frankly so common that it’s weirder if a day goes by without that happening.
But apparently that clerk girl was pretty superstitious and gullible, because our office worker managed to convince her that everything going wrong was because someone had slaughtered the chicken and left it there as part of a voodoo ritual to curse the store or something.
To which I said: “What probably happened is, some redneck farmer keeps chickens, and one wound up in the back of his truck. It hopped out and got under the wheels while he was shopping, he didn’t notice, and ran it over when he backed out.”
Supervisor: “Wouldn’t it get out of the way?”
Me: “My family kept chickens when I was growing up. You are seriously overestimating their intelligence.”
Clerk: “But if that’s all it is, why is everything going wrong?!”
Me: “Because you’re at Kroger.”
I don't get it? What's a kroger?
4510768
A supermarket chain I work at.
If you're in the US, you probably have some store we own in your area.
According to Wikipedia, Kroger owns: Baker's Supermarkets, Barclay Jewelers, City Market, Copps, Dillons Food Stores, Food 4 Less, Foods Co., Fox's Jewelers, Fred Meyer, Fred Meyer Jewelers, Fry's Food & Drug, Gerbes Super Markets, Harris Teeter, Jay C, King Soopers, Kwik Shop, Lily's, Littman Jewelers, Loaf 'N Jug, Mariano's Fresh Market, Metro Market, Owen's, Pay Less Super Markets, Pick 'n Save, QFC, Ralphs, Roundy's, Ruler Foods, Scott's, Smith's, Tom Thumb Food Stores, and Turkey Hill Minit Markets.
4510772 surprisingly. I dont reconize any of theose store names.
....maybe its because the supermarket store chain I work at is.
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AAAAAAAAAH! someone get me outta here!!!