An Offer You'll Hopefully Accept

So, a mere three weeks later (damn my busy schedule) I'm finally responding to the reactions to 'An Offer She Can't Excuse". I have to admit when the comments first started to pour in I was very surprised to find quite a few people disliking the ending. It took a couple of read-throughs of the chapter and some deep thought before I realized what had gone wrong. The problems were two-fold, or perhaps one fed into the other. The main problem being that I lost the ridiculous, absurdist tone that had made the earlier chapters funny. The other problem being that while I understood that the ponies were not there to kill anybody I did not make that clear enough in the writing. That soured the mood and further killed the absurdist tone.

So I've added some material to the chapter and rewritten small bits of it. To those who enjoyed the ending, don't worry. The main parts have not been changed just the tone and the way the scene is approached. And in regard to some questions people had.

Yes, Discord cheated by creating the pictures. He also cheated by transforming into the 'changeling' that Celestia's troops followed after the second letter, capturing those troops, and teleporting the fourth letter under Celestia's pillow. Not that he'd consider any part of that cheating, though he did have to admit to the ink loophole. He's not actually that great at keeping to the terms of an agreement, which should be no surprise as he's the Spirit of Chaos.

I am a little puzzled by comments that thought Chrysalis was supposed to win somehow. I'm not clear what part in the story suggested that. The Discord reveal had always been the plan, and I still find that bit hilarious.

Comments

[abronie]

Was it only the final chapter that was changed, or did you edit some details in previous chapters for a more proper build up?

Queen Chrysalis examined the ruined castle, her disorganized defenders, and the pony army thundering towards them. “Yay me?”
“Great,” Chrysalis said, unsteadily. “What do I win?”

BTW, that last line in the last chapter shouldn't be there.

Edit: So I like that last chapter a lot more now. It still isn't the best, and I have no idea how I'd go about fixing it properly, but it's a lot better than before.