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GaPJaxie


It's fanfiction all the way down.

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Apr
15th
2017

Tormented Artist Cliche II: Emo Harder · 12:34am Apr 15th, 2017

Shown: The inside of my head right now.

Sixteen months ago, it was Christmas, and I promised stories as gifts. I'd done it in previous years, and it went well, and generally the stories I wrote were well received. So I figured, why not? I'll do it again. One of the people I gave a gift too was Cold in Gardez, because he is my pony writing senpai, and he made the following request.

A comedy shipping fic about Twilight and Thunderlane getting accidentally married that focuses on the differences between pegasus culture and normal Equestrian culture.

It seemed like a reasonable request. I though it was funny. I immediately had a few good ideas for how to write it. I figured I'd have it done in a month, maybe two at the outside. Another Christmas and four months later, and it still isn't finished. And it's not for lack of effort.

I have outlined and drafted this story six times. Not "six drafts," six distinct takes on the pitch, each of which has its own versions. I've listed them all at the end of the blog post if you're curious.

They're pretty much all decent. Some of them are even good. There's no reason I can't finish any of them, or couldn't have finished any of them a year ago. So, why isn't it done?

I don't have a satisfying answer for that. It's not writers block! I know what to write and how to finish these stories. And it's not that I don't like them as stories -- they're funny. Nor is it lack of motivation. I'm actually quite angry with myself for essentially defaulting on a friend's promised Christmas gift. So why isn't it done?

Because when I start actually writing it, I the contents of my stomach turn to lead and start to feel like I'm physically ill. Clinical anxiety is a horrible bitch, and while I really like what Hurricane Fluttershy did to talk about it, sometimes a training montage isn't the solution. Sometimes you fight the anxiety and the anxiety wins. And sometimes the trigger has nothing to do with the things that stress you out.

Sometimes your brain just decides it really hates Thunderlane shipping fics.

Hopefully, I'll have something up for you all this weekend. But right now, I think I need to go do something, anything else but writing for a day.

Draft 1: Laurels and a Stand of Colors
Thunderlane gives Twilight a strange series of gifts, thanking for saving Ponyville and talking about what a wonderful mare she is. Twilight accepts, only to discover later that was a pegasus marriage proposal! She's shocked that Thunderlane would propose marriage to a mare he barely knows, only for Rainbow Dash to say, "What's wrong with that? I barely knew my husband when we got married."

Things escalate from there, as Twilight gets drawn into pegasus culture's distinct take on arranged weddings.

Draft 2: The Other Mare
Twilight gets an invitation cordially inviting her to the wedding of Twilight and Thunderlane. She finds this a little surprising.

Turns out though, it's all just a big misunderstanding. Of course Thunderlane isn't marrying her. He barely knows her! Marrying her would be super weird. No, he's marrying a changeling who just looks exactly like Twilight, is named Twilight, and his pet name for her is 'Princess.' Totally different thing.

The changeling is really nice about it too. Rainbow Dash likes her. She's a lot like Twilight, really! Except, Twilight doesn't bake cookies for her husband's friends.

Perhaps, Rainbow suggests, Twilight could start doing that.

Draft 3: Prince of the Birds
It's one of those little historical details that get so easily forgotten, but apparently the treaty that made Cloudsdale part of Equestria stipulated that if Celestia ever had an heir, that their had to marry a Prince of Cloudsdale to better unify the kingdom. And since Twilight is a young mare, and she did take over when Celestia went missing, that makes her Celestia's heir-by-adoption doesn't it? And so Celestia has to have a talk with Twilight, because... you know. Could she?

It's awkward as hell, but Thunderlane is a total gentlestallion about the entire thing. He doesn't want to impose on Twilight's life, or force her into some relationship she might not want. They can date a bit, and see how it goes, and if it turns out they don't get along, they can just do the ceremony and he won't ask a lot of questions about precisely how she gets pregnant. Simple!

The town's pegasai don't quite understand Twilight's objection.

Draft 4: Once In A Mirror
When Queen Chrysalis summons Twilight's nega-copy from the mirror dimension, it's up to Twilight to save Ponyville! But it turns out that Twilight's fundamental nature isn't "good," and so her nega-self isn't "evil." She's just really sociable. So, after they beat up Chrysalis together, she goes out, has a nice night on the town, and then asks Thunderlane if he'd like to grab dinner sometime.

Now they're getting married, Twilight would really like it if she would go back to the mirror dimension, and Chrysalis is either really dedicated to pretending to be her cell guard, or she's escaped. The stage is set for the perfect wedding, and it looks like all the town's pegasai are going to be in attendance!

After all, what's wrong with a stallion marrying the negative-image of the mare he loves? Lots of Cloudsdale's greatest heroes have been evil clones!

Draft 5: Once In A Dream
After Thunderlane has a supportive chat with Luna during her visit to Ponyville, she asks him if she can do him a kindness in return. Perhaps, she offers, he'd like to request a particular dream? And he does request a particular dream indeed, one that involves him and Twilight and a nice evening.

Then Luna tells Twilight about it. She gets angry and stomps over to his house to demand he stop creeping on her. He says that it's not creepy, it's just a dream -- and besides, it's not like he can actually ask her out. She's a princess! They can't date. Twilight insists that oh yes they can, and an argument ensues.

Screaming, "SO HELP ME I'M MARRYING YOU AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT," in earshot of the whole town turns out to have secondary implications.

Draft 6: Never Give A Princess Your Sandwich
Thuderlane is just sitting on a park bench and looking forward to eating his sandwhich when Twilight sits next to him. She really looks like she's had a bad day. So he gives her half his sandwich and asks her if she's okay.

She asks him to marry her. After a little bit, he thinks about it, and says that that sounds good. She seems like a pretty cool mare.

It's only later that he discovers she was trying to get out of an ancient treaty that specifies that Celestia's heir must marry the Prince of Saddle Arabia. Specifically, he discovers it when the prince tries to push him around! But when the Prince of Saddle Arabia makes the mistake of calling Cloudsdale a solidified fart, things go up a notch. Because all the town's pegasai hear it, and nopony is going to stand between their town and having it's first real princess. Nopony.

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Comments ( 21 )

Gardez has good taste in stallions. How much $ and years to finish all 6?

Is this a bad time to mention that the WriteOff Original Minific round starts in 11 hours?

Dang, all of those do sound good.

Maybe just roll a D6.

The correct answer, of course, is to do all six, because they all sound amazing.

I don't think I have it that bad, but I do get a lot times where I hate every solution to a writing conundrum that I think of. It's part of why my writing style is 'edit as I go, then publish'. Otherwise, I would produce nothing. And that's also part of the reason it can take a long time for me to do anything: writing intimidates me. And it never helps that my passion is usually on something else, but I promised to get this done... months ago.

4496585 You fiend! Oh, well. I've got a few hours to play World of Warcraft before then.
4496600 Just don't use my GURPS dice because with my luck, they're going to roll a 8.4

Yeah, I played around with the concept of 'Accidental Marefriend' back in the In Over Your Head writeoff with Her Royal Coffee With Sugar involving a sleepwalking Twilight and a coffee shop owner who has been getting early morning Royal visits. I never went so far as an accidental marriage though, even with the Green Grass/Trixie wedding in Letters. Maybe it's time....

Sorry, GaPJaxie; good luck with the relaxing.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

only for Rainbow Dash to say, "What's wrong with that? I barely knew my husband when we got married."

This. Oh my god. 4, 5 and 6 sound great also!

It's just, I recently started reading a great fic about Twilight unknowingly marrying Chrysalis, and it was amazing, until it turned into Twilestia, and I've been loath to return to it ever since. ._. But unexpected dating/marriage rituals crossing cultural boundaries is a fantastic idea, and we need more stories like it.

I dunno, try it with Soarin instead, just slot him right into Thunderlane's position, and see if it doesn't turn out better?

4496675
I'm glad you liked that line, I came up with that whole Rainbow Dash bit :3

I particularly like the sound of 1 and 5.

4496579

Not enough money in the world, also I hate you. :rainbowhuh:

4496585

The timing is awfully awful. My parents are visiting all weekend. I won't have any time to write. :facehoof:

Which sucks because I really wanted to do this one! I haven't done a writeoff in way too long.

I'm certain I've seen 1 already somewhere but I can't remember but 4 sounds incredible!
Hope you feel better!

4496675

I dunno, try it with Soarin instead, just slot him right into Thunderlane's position, and see if it doesn't turn out better?

I might try that? We'll see.

This. Oh my god. 4, 5 and 6 sound great also!

It's just, I recently started reading a great fic about Twilight unknowingly marrying Chrysalis, and it was amazing, until it turned into Twilestia, and I've been loath to return to it ever since. ._. But unexpected dating/marriage rituals crossing cultural boundaries is a fantastic idea, and we need more stories like it.

You can read some of that draft here!

Maybe I should just clean the first one up and run with it...

#4 is my favorite though.
"Are you going to go back to your dimension yet?"
"Meh. They'll be fine. I was actually thinking of opening a permanent portal so I can visit!"
*teeth grind*

4496780

You saw it on my blog! :twilightsmile:

And #4 is my favorite too.

Have you considered farming this out in the form of a contest or something? With a little bit of luck, you'll end up with CiG writing the story for himself! :pinkiehappy: :facehoof:

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

4496909
This is devilish, and I love it.

I've run into walls like this; not nearly nasty as the one you're describing, but still. Sorry you've been having such a rough time with it :fluttercry:

All six of these need to be written. If not by you, by somepony. My favorites: 1,3,5 (but then, I've always been a little "odd".)

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