Wait, wait... What year is it again? · 11:34pm Apr 9th, 2017
Wow, it's been a long time since I've posted anything, hasn't it? I'd like to apologize for that. I have an explanation down below (spoiler! It involves depression) underneath the really cool Sunflower art that I forgot to post about back in... God, was it October? It was, wasn't it? Sigh...
I also wanted to say, if you've sent me something (via PM or email or whatever) and I haven't replied, please feel free to send it again. I probably lost track of it.
Before I get to the depression stuff (which I urge you to skip if you've got no interest in it), I have some great news! A new chapter of Sunflower is currently being combed over by my editors, where they will fix my many errors and slap me in the back of the head every time they find a plot hole or poorly-worded passage.
The chapter after that is in-progress, and going pretty well. That's right, I'm back to writing again, baby! Whoo! 
My tentative goal is to get a chapter out every other week. We'll see if I can keep to that, or if I'm being overly ambitious.
Also! There's a new story I've been plugging away at for a while: Trixie Lulamoon of the Dreamguard. I think it's finally ready to publish, more or less... I have a few revisions I want to do in the later chapters, but apart from that, it is all written and ready to go. I'll publish the first couple of chapters today, then a chapter every day or so until complete.
So, are you ready for that awesome art? I hope so, because here it is!
She faced all of that without blinking by FoxOFWar
What I like most about this is the serene feeling of Equestria while Erin takes it all in with a look of complete wonder. Many, many apologies to FoxOFWar for not posting this back when I said I would, back in October!
Direct link: http://foxofwar.deviantart.com/art/She-faced-all-of-that-without-blinking-640986320
So, the reason why I've been so distant is down below. Like I said, this is mostly me going on about my mental state. Feel free to skip it, but I feel that you all deserve some explanation if you want it.
2016 was not a good year for me. 2017 has been marginally better in some ways and worse in others. My brother's death last year hit me harder than I'd realized, I think. A deep depression sort of seeped into my mind pretty much without me realizing it. Now, I've always been prone to chronic depression (it seems like a lot of other people on this site are, as well), but so far I'd been managing it. Up until September of last year, I was... well, functional, if not always happy.
One interesting thing about depression is how damned stealthy it can be. When I was a kid, I always thought depression was a near-instantaneous reaction to some horrific piece of news—finding out you have cancer, or something along those lines. Maybe it is for some people, I don't know. How it happened to me was that it just crept in bit by bit, like gas seeping into a room from a pinhole leak in a gas line.
The depression I'm now getting over also seemed to shut down various parts of my mind. It didn't happen overnight, but I started finding out that things I used to enjoy, things I should like, were holding less and less interest to me. This has happened before with previous episodes of depression, but it's never been this severe. Everything from video games, to reading, to hanging out with my wife and/or friends, a lot of things were just... bland, colorless, flavorless. Like, someone took all of my favorite things and replaced them with fakes, cardboard cutouts that didn't do anything but remind me how things were supposed to be, but weren't. When I find myself staring at a wall for over an hour because I literally can't think of anything I can be bothered to do... well, that's a problem.
It also messed with my sense of time. I posted before about my brother passing away... I can't believe that was over half a year ago, now. It feels like it just happened. And my last chapter of Sunflower? Also more than half a year ago. That actually comes as a shock to me. It's as if the months got shorter, somehow. The days got compressed, or something. Someone or something has been messing with my sense of passing time, and I don't like it.
I'm coming out of my depression, now (thanks to new meds and therapy), but it wore on my wife to the extent that she pretty much broke down too. Her own depression got bad enough at one point that we were talking about committing her. And one of her doctors went so far as to suggest electroconvulsive therapy—the new term for electroshock therapy. I've never had my heart clench in my chest like I did when they brought that up. Fortunately, we were able to see some improvement with a partial committal program, so we didn't have to go that far. She's coming out of hers, too, but it's been a battle.
I feel pretty bad about what my wife is going through, because I know a good chunk of it is from dealing with me over the past 6 months. Dealing with someone else's depression can be really overwhelming, if you don't have sufficient support yourself. So, it's important to spread that emotional weight among as many people as possible. This is why a lot of my therapy now is geared towards making sure I'm not over-extending myself while helping out with my wife's depression. Otherwise, we're going to end up in a situation where one of us is always down, and the other one is always exhausting themselves while they try to help them up. We need to both get out of this pit.
To wrap up this long (and kind of mopey) blog post: I've been in a bad way, but things are trending towards the better. I'm writing again and feeling pretty good about it. Not only writing, but I've picked up guitar again for the first time in a decade, and I'm also getting back into D&D—as a player this time, not as a DM. And I'm loving it. I'm feeling all those old emotions, the ones I've been missing for months, slowly waking back up and dusting themselves off. It's an interesting feeling. And, of course, this whole ordeal has inspired some new story ideas 
Talk to you soon!
~Hoopy
Glad to see you're feeling more chipper!
dang :O I'm glad you're doing better! It's always a battle.
Hey man, don't worry about it. Just glad you're doing better. And if you've never seen it before, Hyperbole and a half does a pretty good bit about depression.
I hope things continue to look up for you and your family.
Nice to see you're back.
Hope you can get better soon!
Also, puppies. Sure to induce happiness in 99.9% of living creatures:
zarias.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/4-cute-puppies.jpg
I've been there myself, Hoopy. Fight it! We're glad to have you back!
YAY! Glad you are feeling better. Just.. not sure what else to say, depression sucks and dealing with it... just... you know you got plenty of friends to talk to about stuff if needed and.. well glad things are going better, can't wait for more Sunflower.
From my experience, both personal and from peoples around me, this is a very accurate description.
Depression is just a collection of weigth, some bigger, some smaller, that just keep pilling up on your back -sometime without you even realising it- till you reach a point were you find yourself too tired to go on.
And then you are so tired that any step feel like it's too much. And even thing you enjoyed get that balnd tasteless feeling you described. I do remember woking up some morning and not wanting and not caring about anything, including staying in bed.
The good news is that just like any other sickness, you can heal from depression. It's a slow progress, and that kind of illness seem to be very persistant, but sometimes, even when you feel you are not better, when you take the time to look back, you can see how much you managed to improve.
I'm really glad to hear you and your wife are getting better, and I really hope the two of you will keep on improving till you can enjoy life fully again.
Glad to hear things are improving for both you and your lady. I'm here t'listen if you need it :)
Yay! You're back! If you want, you can rant or otherwise talk to me.
Hey, du
de, good to see you back in the game. Best of luck to you and your wife!
Hoping for better days ahead for the both of you!
I'm almost suspicious of people that don't suffer from any form of depression.
It's always nice to hear from you, thank you.
Welcome back, Hoopy, and may ponies continue to be a source of fun and creativity for you.
That blogpost was surprisingly educational.
Glad to hear that both you and your wife are getting the help you need, and that things are looking up!
That's really rough, Hoop.
You know I struggled recently, and I'm just pulling out, so if you need another shoulder to lean on lemme know.
4490343 Aye, same here. I got "kicked out" by my aunt and uncle on January 1st, and have been sleeping on my grandpa's living room floor, or in my car ever since. I can't find any jobs, I have no money, and I hate feeling like a mooch, but... I've lost 30 pounds, I'm no longer stressed or stress-eating, my mood in general has been improving... I'm actually enjoying anime and cartoons again, after a good half a year of hating everything and doing nothing but work, sleep, and eat.
Oh, I should also mention how I got fired from my last job because my aunt's a goddamn gossipy cunt who told my boss' wife I was "watching movies on my phone at work" after I'd made a joke about how, on one specific day, there'd been barely any work, and "enough down time that I could have watched a movie." Hell, I'd gone around the other departments and asked around for work, and once there wasn't any left, I went to my boss and said "hey, there's nothing left to do right now; our group's already finished all the work we had waiting for us. Is there anything coming in later today, or anywhere else you'd like me to work?" My boss told me that there were enough workers, and to go ahead and go home, where I made a goddamn joke, and then got fucking fired, with my boss not believing me when I tried to explain myself. Haven't been able to find a job since, and got kicked out 'cause I couldn't pay rent, what with not having a job and all. No, it's not like I was depressed or anything that I got fired! I wasn't thinking about taking a swan dive off the goddamn roof or anything, every time my uncle called me a fat fucking waste of space who couldn't even hold a simple job! Nooo, the mental and emotional abuse were most definitely not affecting me at all!
The funny part is that my aunt keeps calling me up, wondering why I haven't tried to crawl back and run errands for her in return for a comfy night's sleep in a bed they bought literally three days before kicking me out. For the entire year prior to that, I'd been sleeping on a bean bag chair. Fuckin' self-entitled cunt...
Well, hopefully, things will continue to pick up for you!
Hey, welcome to the club of 'People who've fought out of that hole'.
It's a sucky hole to be in. Glad the both of you are finding a way out, together. And welcome back!
There is a trick to understanding what is important, what the universe wants you to think is important, and why they are not always the same thing.
Heh, I thought about PM'ing you a month ago, but I've had stuff going on in my own life and didn't want to be a bother. I'm glad you're doing better.
Yes, depression can certainly sneak up on you. I have to confirm myself and check that I'm not just in denial. It's now a bit more obvious when we have to force myself to engage in activities that normally bring joy (like reading!).
Keep going! ;)
It's nice to hear from you again Hoopy, to know that you are okay. Although It haven't been as severe for me as it seems to have been to you I feel you when you're talking about your depression because I am also trying to climb out of my own before it gets too deep. It's a sweet sound to my ears that you are back and writing. Also that art is really stunning. The realistic design of her legs and fur realy help highlight just how alien she herself has become as well. Makes me wonder what her more intimate thoughts about her new body were.
Hey hoopy. Glad you are back and feeling better!
4490457
And this is why I just don't bother to tell people some things, they'll just go and open their gobs and mess it up for you.
Depression is sneaky like that. I've only ever had mild depression but even that was more than enough. I want to enjoy things I like. And I wasn't. It was never bad enough for meds but I had to work through it. I knew it was there when I had a trip to Hawai'i planned and I wasn't looking forward to it. That's when I knew I was depressed (for the second time in my life). Eventually managed to work through it (because that can be done with the mild kind sometimes) but not something I want anyone else to ever experience.
4490733 Hey, I got shit like this because of something I DIDN'T say and because I'm too valuable to fire the company decided to just starve me for hours for a bit... Joke was on them when I didn't work that busy season and did security for movie shoots.
4490786
They cant hope to starve me for hours. I'm the guy they go to to fill in when others cant show up.
Hell I'm part-time and I worked enough hours to be offered INSURANCE.
4490794 Yeah, I was Mr.Reliable for years. The incident I referred to changed that. I'll still take insane hours but now? Now I don't take shifts on Saturdays that will make me miss pony and Mondays when I have D&D. Shame that Saturdays are usually busy.
4490828
Hopefully my boss gets some proper reliable people to finally stick around, too many don't WANT to work these days. Otherwise I wouldn't have to go in as much. We had a short-lived employee who would drop everything if her kid had a cold. No notice, just wouldn't bother to show up. And her kid kept getting sick constantly, eventually she was lat go for just not working, not giving notice, etc.
4490844 Yeah, that's one of those cases where it's justified and you feel bad at the same time.
I also agree that lots of people don't seem to understand they're there to work, not have fun. I'm one of the most laid back supervisors in the company. If there's a chance to relax you bet I'll make sure my guys get it, free stuff? I'll do my best.
But when it's time to get serious, when things need to be done I do not tolerate slacking off. My only pet peeve is that even if we're doing nothing but sitting around you aren't allowed to sleep unless you're on break.
Meanwhile I seem to never get a break as opposed to others that I've seen slacking off non-stop.
Yay for new chapters!
Also, yes, losing interest is scary, feels like you die little by little...
Oh my. Well I'm sorry to hear you're suffering, and I'm glad it's letting up. Welcome back.
Good to hear you are recovering. I still consider Sunflower's adventures to be one of the best HiE stories on the site and I just finished re-reading most of the first story last month.
Looking forward to reading more of where you'll take the story.
D&D is powerful friendship magic!
Wow... that all sucks. Good that you're feeling better, and congrats for hitting the featured box! I definitely missed Sunflower--one of my favorite ponyfics--so I'm happy to hear you're back!
Glad to have you back! It have been so long that I think I have seen any activity from you, been, like, 6 month? 5? Anyway, good to have you back! Also, I really hope your situation will get better, I've only seen bad news the whole year.
It seems 2017 might not be as bad as 2016, hopefully.
Glad to hear you and your wife are getting better. May God protect you.
Good to see you back.
I know first hand that sometines things can get pretty nasty in that weird thing called " real life "... Like being disowned by your mother...ehm, so yeah sometikes fighting against that crashing wave is hard.
Some of your stories are ones of my most favorite so just welcome back go on with amazing job.
*hugs*
Damn dude, that's no fun. Hope our editing shenanigans also help a bit with lifting your spirits (or are at least entertaining).
You might be a tad ambitious with the one chapter per week. Start slow and get yourself into a rhythm of writing on a set day for how long you have time/energy. Might be a bit less stressful than committing yourself to a chapter per week.
4495924
It does!
Regarding editing, though, I feel I might have jumped the gun a bit with my Trixie story, but I felt like I hadn't published anything in so long that I had to publish something. Usually, I give you guys a lot longer to go over my stories.
Happy to hear things are getting better for both of you.
4497530 Good to hear.
And yes, you took away our chew toys early.
I had depression last school year. It was only for a brief time, but by God it crippled me. I dread to imagine how hard it was for you for the past year; especially when the cause of your suffering was worse and more significant than mine.
I know this has been said a good dozen times already, but I'm glad you're getting better - along with your wife. Take your time with your fics; any decent fan of yours won't pressure you.
I saw that you added the Trixie/Dreamguard story to the Harmonics group recently. So that’s encouraging, seeing activity.
Hey, I hope you two are doing alright. I’m glad you’re getting out of that hole. Best of luck to you both.
*hugs*
Get better soon! (hugs)
I get the depression bit at a very personal level, I'm glad you managed to get help and recover before you did what I attempted in June of this year. Depression is the ultimate pathogen, it sneaks up on you silently; slowly changing you in ways you don't notice initially. Then when you are hit by something severe that damages you, or even just weakens you at the wrong time; it metastasizes and takes over. Then it proceeds to slowly destroy you, even when you are aware of it you can't always stop it, you are effectively the victim of a mental cordyceps.
If your mind was an immune system, depression would be a super bug that is so stealthy few doctors can spot the signs because it makes you hide them. Recovering from it is a nightmare in and of itself, worse if you lack support and everyone expects you to just get better like magic. Even though she is suffering through her own version of the same monster, you are lucky to have your wife to help you.
I fully understand how depression can do what it did to you, and hope you find the balance that allows you to recover and continue writing the Sunflower series.
Recover well,
Glen Gorewood