Fallout: Equestria - Joker's Wild Reviews: Chapter 1 · 10:37pm Apr 1st, 2017
Video made by me.
Well I promised in my review schedule that I'd do something special today and here you are.
There's a lot of more serious fanfics out there in the Fallout: Equestria, and while I haven't read all of them, I have heard of this fanfic and that it is a bit, odd at times, so I figured it would be perfect for April Fools Day.
Sadly, I don't really have a joke to go with this, so lets just get started on Joker's Wild by Shenanigans.
Although I have to call shenanigans on that name.
---Chapter 1: Washing Dishes for all Eternity---
So we start out with a treatise on the nature of friends, enemies and the nature of war. It reaches the conclusion that everything changes, with one exception, one inescapable exception that no one can change:
War. War never changes.
Okay, major points for creativity for how to lead up to it instead of just outright saying it.
And what a stubborn bastard war is. War wasn’t always so prominent in the pony-lands, but there were always struggles. Great magics were acquired and learned to face off against the forces of evil, and it kept the order. Eventually, tensions became strained for one reason or another with the Zebralands, and we turned our righteous magics against somepony we should have called kin, but rather called ‘brother’.
The time awoke in us evils that we were neither familiar with, nor could control. They found themselves amid games that placed bets on blood and bullet. They learned quickly, one terrifying mistake after another. One didn’t have to be a prophet to see what would happen. The end came pretty much as we had predicted. War visited when the megaspells fell, and the earth burned. They sacrificed their cities, their loves, their lives, even their world to the god of the struggle, and he greedily accepted.
They got good at war... a little too good, some might say.
It goes on to talk about the megaspell apocalypse that followed and the idea of the inhabitants fighting a war not against the Zebras, but against their own extinction. It talks about how even after the apocalypse, things haven't completely changed for Equestria, that even with the darkest times, there will always be a light. It gets a bit weird when the narrator actually thanks the ponies from the war for blowing it all to hell, but something tells me this guy isn't exactly stable, and we also get his name, Tumbleweed.
The chapter proper begins seemingly trapped between the Wasteland and the Cloud cover above as Tumbleweed is, flying I'm guessing, commenting on the weather more than anything. Apparently its very hot out which keeps most ponies indoors, and he's bunkering down with of all things a Radscorpion before he finally has to leave.
As he starts moving along with a box labeled Pandora on his back, going past an old play area and a diner before checking the instructions that had been given:
Tumbleweed,
The objective is to secure new trade routes along I-95. There are countless more ponies out there, and if we can find them, we can bring the world closer together. Living in Post-Apocalyptia is rough, but we can make it better, and it all starts with the roads. The trailblazer before you hasn’t responded back, and we think something happened to him, so be on your guard. We've heard of some rather powerful groups coming out of that region. There is an empire of "protectors" who have been forming their own rule of law, although the word on the trail is that they have their eyes on the wastes. It seems New Reino has interests in the towns on the road, but try not to get their attention. Supposedly there is a rather prosperous stable around those parts. Apparently there are claims of, and I quote, "Giant, screaming goat monsters with gigantic horns" that have organized into some kind of kingdom. I know you are a tough pony, you have a way of doing things that surprises me often, it is probably one of the reason’s I trust you with this job, but you are no use to anypony dead. Be careful. Raider activity has been on the rise, and they seem to be gathering for something. Please, Tumbleweed, I know what you went through, but please don't get involved if it is what they say. Stick to the roads unless it’s of the utmost importance. Check in over the usual frequency every two days. You are your own back-up, so try not to mess this up. Remember, if its bigger than you, don't throw rocks at it, if they out number you, don't insult them to their faces, if you have something explosive, don't. I know that list doesn't cover the extent of your creative antics, but try to use your head. You are the representative of ‘Glory Road’. Don’t do anything that would make us look bad. We can’t send another one after you, so be careful, and for the love of Celestia, don’t get into trouble.
DD
Wait, what was that about screaming goat monsters with giant horns? That's a new one for me.
Yeah, it seems that things are a bit, strange in this area of the Wasteland, it seems that something is going on around here, and what it is isn't exactly clear. That being said, you get a little bit of worldbuilding about what Tumbleweed is going into, which is always good.
Despite the warning from the letter to stay on the road Tumbleweed heads into the nearby diner. But something is strange about the diner, first off there's a sound coming from it and secondly, its clean... like, really clean despite the fact that its 150 years old.
Video belongs to Disney.
But serious there is some sort of... thing inside the Diner, probably a robot of some sort, which would explain how its so clean (though I wonder how it got fallout out.), okay its actually a Mr. Hoofsy robot (finally a name that makes sense) that accidentally almost hit Tumbleweed with a bottle. It tries to read how hot it is outside, but only gets an error message, but its clearly really freakin' hot out there.
Also given that there is a skeleton of a dead pony which the robot thinks is a regular, I think this robot is missing a few circuits, and apparently the pony has been dead for... well awhile, so yeah, this robot isn't exactly all there. Tumbleweed actually considers paying the dead guy's tab, but its way out of his price range, but still a nice thought. Tumbleweed just orders a Rum and Sparkle.
Tumbleweed asks the robot if it had seen any other ponies dressed similar to him talking about victory or something like that. The robot says no but they have heard things from other ponies like ghost stories.
“Are you scared of ghosts?” I baited.
Song belongs to Ray Parker Jr.
The robot tells some general stories about life before the war:
“Well what do you want to hear about then? Poniesburg apparently has a new restaurant that has been selling a wonderful new cuisine that is ‘to die for’. The locals have been struggling with an influx of immigrant goat populations in a big way. I hear the Saddleton Thunder-hooves have been having an amazing season. There seem to be a lot more hoof-ball teams running about, and they sometimes seem like a bunch of reckless mobs of ruffians. There is something about a triple crown I've hear musings about, and it seems like ponies are ready to bite each other's heads off just to win it. If you'd like to hear the horoscopes, I hear they are just dreadful these days.”
So, yeah, basically nothing interesting or valuable, but before he can question the robot more the door opens and, well, I'm just going to let you read it for yourself:
The fellow with a wide brimmed hat and an eccentric poncho carried himself in. The poncho was mostly dark blues and purples, but had spots of whites, reds, greens, and yellows. It didn’t look like anything I was used to seeing. It was vibrant with various crests and symbols, most prominently with studs at various points where the lines met. His hat had several bottle caps affixed to the bond of the hat and the entire thing was made of metal. He had two revolvers strapped to the collar of the poncho facing outward. They were a weird sight to see… they didn’t have a speck of rust to them. He had bones and feathers hanging from his ears, and a necklace of rusted bolts and mechanical trinkets. Every step this fella took clanged with the metal sound of those spurs attached. The powerful aura he exuded demanded my attention. I could feel a force to his presence, one that tried to stomp out the energy of those around him. It was the kind of force I was familiar with, but certainly not willing to take lightly. He had a wandering lightning to the way he carried himself. The wasteland had a way of meddling with a pony’s soul, either breaking them into something submissive and empty, or tempering them into something brilliant. This stranger had the air of the latter.
Yeah, I have no idea what to make of this guy at all, sounds, interesting though, also it turns out he's a Zebra. The two start to hit it off a bit and the Zebra offers to get Tumbleweed a drink, when Tumbleweed tries to steal a look at the strange Zebra's face, he says that he'd repay rudeness with rudeness basically. But when the Zebra orders a Holy Toledo, which Tumbleweed had tried to order before, we get this interesting bit of dialogue:
“There once was a clever dog…” I sputtered like I was in a trance, and he smiled.
“His name was ‘Holy Toledo’ and everypony thought he was best…” he responded.
“One day, a bunch of mole ponies attacked the village…” I continued.
“So, he came up with the cleverest of clever plans to defeat the mole ponies.” He said, and then sweeping his hooves out and nodding, he added, “The end.”
Not exactly a story of epic proportions is it? But that seems to be kind of the point because they even comment on how childish the story is, but they seem to enjoy the fact that they found another pony who likes the same drinks.
Wow, these two sure are strange.
Anyway when the robot says that it can't make a Holy Toledo, the Zebra tries to get it to make one by giving it a command... which triggers a coffee brewer so they try again, and then gets an air conditioning prompt. Tumbleweed decides to try and nearly blows the robot up, whoops, yeah, not going well is it? They finally settle for a different drink.
Tumbleweed asks the Zebra's name and we get this, actually pretty amusing bit of dialogue:
“Think of it as a trust thing. There is a lot of purpose in a name… at least for you ponies anyway. You always have names like ‘Sunny Faceplant’, like it is your destiny to spend your entire life happily slamming your face in the ground. It’s rather helpful sometimes… For when you want to know who you are getting involved with.” He spoke smoothly from behind his hat. Pony naming conventions were a weird tradition to be sure, but I think that trust might have been the exact reason it existed in the first place.
“Why yes, my name is ‘Sunny Faceplant’!” I cut in.
He growled at me.
“Fine, my name is ‘Tumbleweed’.”
“They should really call you ‘Wiseass’.”
Okay, I am officially loving this fanfic so far.
The Zebra then introduces himself as 'Calypto and Tumbleweed asks if he's from the legion, and after a tense moment Calypto just laughs and says he's not with them, which is good. Tumbleweed asks what he does do and the Zebra says that he's a Hunter of Justice, what that means isn't quite clear, but it seems he's interested in doing what's right or something. He asks what Tumbleweed does and he says that he's a caravaner.
Of course Calypto is a bit confused since he doesn't seem to be with the usual caravan things, and he takes out the aforementioned box and opens it up to show it off. As it turns out, he's been carrying around a refrigerator, no I'm not joking, its a refrigerator that he uses to stock food and water. He takes out a Hayburger and asks if he can have it heated up in a microwave, but apparently the owner's kid used to try and stuff the cat into... you know I'm just going to leave it at that.
It turns out that Tumbleweed's primary job is to actually create trade routes with towns and learn more about the Wasteland, which is a nice idea actually and something that does make sense. They run on the radio and the usual DJ Pon3 comes on the radio, although Calypto seems to not like him, calling him a liar... umm, yeah, I'm not really sure what to say to that.
Then we get this:
“bzzzt…crrrrrr…gaaah….ell, Rodeo, I just think the ponies are just incredibly JEALOUS of the PERFECT SOCIETY we have built here with our own GIGANTIC hooves in the soaring heights of Broquestria!...” A masculine voice yelled various degrees of loud. We only hovered on the station for a moment, but I found myself totally entranced with what ever the hell the yelling voice was talking about. I tried to make a note as to what frequency it was on, but Calypto egged me on to keep going
I have no clue what the frak that was about.
Anyway they move on to a station with Morse code, then to the Ministry of Morale station, and then back to Morse code at Calypto's request. As it turns out he recognizes it as a distress signal coming from nearby. Calypto pays for his drink and then heads out, and since the robot is confused about the use of bottle caps, Tumbleweed winds up paying for Calypto's drink anyway.
After awhile, we get this ominous message from our old buddy DJ Pon3:
“… I want to talk to you about something breaks my little pony heart. There are some crude individuals who have been taking over the airwaves, just like yours truly. They have been broadcasting distress signals, as a means of luring in ponies. And those that wander in to the devious trap have not been heard from since. So, remember, you can hear all those screams, but they just in your head. Don’t go trying save no pony if you can’t save yourself.”
Ominous, very ominous.
After going over it in his mind and figuring that it made a strange amount of sense for Raiders to do (which I suppose it does), he asks the robot if he knows what the broadcast is saying. As it turns out its coming from... oh dear Celestia its coming from Ponyville, yeah, you see where this is going I'm sure. Tumbleweed asks the robot what he thinks of the idea of him going to attack a Raider stronghold in this heat with only a refrigerator to protect him, and the robot says he's had too much to drink.
Tumbleweed pays the tab and decides that Calypto now owes him money so he might as well go after him. The robot doesn't seem to get the hint here and when Tumbleweed tries to leave with the skull of the dead pony skeleton, the robot stops him and he starts talking about the logic of hunting him down for the debt.
“Ah, yes, but interest is a searing hot horse shoe up the rear. I might never see him again, and in forever’s time, that pony will owe me infinite bits. If he owed a million bits, it would be extremely important for me to chase this pony down wouldn’t it?”
“Damn straight it would be, Mr.Tumbleweed!” The angry spider said as its saw blade began cutting directly into the bar with one arm, and wiping down the accumulating sawdust with another.
“I knew you would understand, you are an incredibly smart business pony. So what do we do with bandits that owe us millions of bits?”
“WE MAKE THEM WASH THE DISHES!” The robot thundered with an authoritative voice as flames began to spew from the flamethrower arm.
I had my victory, but I wanted to be sure. I smiled and put down the skull of the unfortunate Mr.Hayseed. “So, what is that advice matrix telling you now? What should I do?” My tail sliced the air with a satisfying crack.
“Chase that fucker down! Tar feathers to his stripes and make him wash the dishes!” The mechanical spider roared.
I swear, I can't make this stuff up.
The robot asks for his keys, but he obviously doesn't have any so he leaves and heads towards Ponyville.
---Character Analysis: Tumbleweed---
Dear Celestia this is the weirdest Fallout: Equestria character I've ever encountered, and I read Project Horizons so I'm very familiar with Blackjack.
To be quite honest, I have no idea what the heck to say about him, we get some really good signs of his character so far and his motivations but he's just... weird, there's no other way to describe him. That of course seems to be the point however, this is much more a comedic fanfic, even if it'll probably be dark comedy more often than not.
Tumbleweed is strange, energetic, and a bit eccentric but you know what? I love this guy, he's not what you expect from a Fallout protagonist at all, he breaks many of the molds you expect, at least so far, and he's pretty well written.
So major props to Shenanigans for this, great character idea.
---Final Thoughts---
Dear Celestia this fic is weird so far... which I suppose shouldn't be a surprise.
The characters are crazy, the robot is crazy even for a Fallout robot, and just, everything is crazy!
Video belongs to hasbro
That being said its a good start to the fic and really sets the tone for the rest of it. Its funny, but at the same time it has some serious elements to it. It grabs you and really makes you want to keep reading, I loved this chapter and hope to read more in the future.
Chapter 1 gets a score of 5/5.
Tomorrow, we get back on the nightmare that is Project Horizons because I have to get through it eventually right? I might as well get more done now.
April Fools!
Nah, tomorrow we're getting back to Roam.
Video made by me.
First off, be careful with tagging Tumbleweed in blogs, there is a writer named "Tumbleweed" and I here he is pretty big. It will nag him relentlessly.
Did you not see the cover? I know its not the clearest thing, but that protagonist is riding a rad scorpion and holding up a mininuke (probably should have been a balefire egg, but the iconography wouldn't be as strong, oh well). My art style is really scratchy, but I think it captures the intense chaotic weirdness that really encompasses the wasteland.
It is an honor on to reviewed on April Fools day. I'm glad you enjoyed it. As you said, Tumbleweed is not your average bucket of grief most FOE protagonists are. He is a character who is a true blue wastelander. He loves the wasteland, and we are so conditioned to think of the wasteland as a grim, inhospitable setting. That's the point though, because Joker's Wild is a story about perspective and changing how we see things. There is a lot to read into in the first chapter if you understand this, something inconsequential might just be really important, nothing is really as they seem. In comedy, the ability to get people to laugh is very much linked to being able to convey a perspective that is disjointed from our initial view, but you would probably be remiss if you only saw Joker's Wild as a gag story or a parody like Duck and Cover. No crater inducing nerf guns here. Everything is there for a reason. This is 50 years before pip, so comments like "DJ PON3 is a liar." are there to help you come to terms with the change in times. Homage isn't going to be alive for 30 more years.
I can get that it is hard to get a good read on Tumbleweed. He isn't a character who talks all too much about himself. This is intentional. For a first person protagonist, he has a way of not being entirely transparent. He was designed to be the most fun and interesting character I could make him. If you keep reading and try to keep in mind the kinds of things he focuses on and talks about, you might be able to pin some stuff down about him.
As for what "Hunter of Justice" means for Calypto, I thought that as much should have been obvious. He is a extravagant bum. You know, an FOE hero type. The kind that is probably starving all the time.
On the point of "Screaming goats", I came up with those weeks before the Yak episode came out. I was playing New Vegas and saw all those big horners and thought "Goats are amazing creatures, I need to have Big Horners be a thing in my story." I love goats. My profile right now is my OC Shenanigans as a goat.
Not a whole lot happens in the first chapter, but it is a chance meeting of two characters in the wasteland who become friends, and that meeting gets the two of them involved in something bigger. It is a tale of perspective and friendship and war. I hope you get the chance to read more. Thanks for the review.