Paul's Thursday Reviews LXVIII · 11:21pm Mar 23rd, 2017
Good news: I'm doing the contract-to-hire thing and will no longer be earning an hourly wage. I'll even get a raise in the deal.
Bad news: There's a lot of paperwork involved. Combined with gathering certain documents and having to make appointments for things like a drug/alcohol test, and I've lost a bit of my free time, at least for this week.
But have no fear, oh readers mine! The review blog is still running and I've manged to write enough to get another chapter of Order of Shadows released this weekend, so it's not been a total loss. My current project has shifted to Bulletproof Heart, but no telling when I'll finish chapter 1 of that.
To the reviews! Guess what's on the list today? 
Stories for This Week:
Half-Minute Horses by TheSlorg
Saving the World Can wait by Doppelbock
Pioneer by OleGrayMane
The Lucky Ones by Educated Guess
The Application of Unified Harmony Magics by Novel Idea
Fallout: Equestria – Project Horizons by Somber
Total Word Count: 1,828,080
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 1
Pretty Good: 3
Worth It: 2
Needs Work: 0
None: 0
Half-Minute Horses
11,556 Words
By TheSlorg
A random, unknown foe called The Dark Lord has acquired a spell that will destroy the world. Naturally, Celestia and Luna have called upon Twilight to stop him. The catch? She only has 30 seconds to do it. The good news is that Celestia and Luna can reset time every time she fails. The bad news? She starts each new chance in the same place as before.
This story has plenty of amusing elements to it, from the knowledge that Pinkie is more dangerous than a Dark Lord to Celestia and Luna being total trolls. This one definitely earns its comedy tag. Reading this makes me very curious regarding the game it is based on.
There’s not much else to add about this one. It’s fun, fast, and genuinely entertaining. I think the only regret I have is that the story’s ending felt anticlimactic, but that’s okay considering it's a pointless frolic made just for laughs.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Saving the World Can Wait
2,704 Words
By Doppelbock
Princess Twilight Sparkle has become quite accustomed to dealing with crises, whether they involve politicians with their heads up their butts or potentially world-ending cataclysms. So when one of her assistants comes storming into her room bearing news of a god dragon that needs to be stopped from gaining its full, universe-devouring potential, she knows exactly what to do. It’s not what her assistant expected, that’s for sure.
This story is simple and silly. One might argue it is also a means of rubbing the obvious in the face of all those epic adventure tales with loopholes. Regardless, it aims more for silliness than anything else, and it certainly achieves that. Not my kind of story, to be honest, but I can see a lot of people getting a kick out of it.
The story suffers from some serious grammar issues, most notably punctuation (or, more appropriate, the lack thereof). The severity of the offense will depend upon the seriousness of the reader. It definitely had a negative impact for me, but not too bad simply because this is not a story to take seriously… so I’m not.
It’s not a bad story, but there’s nothing noteworthy here either. If you’re just interested in reading something silly, to almost certainly be forgotten by tomorrow? Give it a go. Can’t hurt, unless you’re physically sensitive to poor grammar.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Pioneer
12,691 Words
By OleGrayMane
Apple Bloom is sixteen. Sixteen, and still without a cutie mark. As she watches life and her friends pass her by, she recognizes a distinct darkness growing inside. They say the farm holds the answers, but the more she sticks around the more she starts to think that’s not true. So when a stallion comes through Ponyville to give a presentation about a new Equestrian territory overseas that needs immigrant workers… well, how can she not be curious?
Unlike most ‘miserable Apple Bloom’ stories, this one doesn’t focus on her being miserable. True, that’s one part of it, but it’s not truly the point. The point is self discovery. Not the shallow form of self discovery that so often comes with stories relating to the search for a cutie mark, but a true exploration of who Apple Bloom is and why she has been so lost for so long. It is deeper, more thoughtful and infinitely more interesting than any story I’ve ever read starring her.
Well paced, emotional, and possessing strong, interesting characters, this is a story worth getting involved in. I didn’t know I wanted one like this, but now that I’ve read it I wish I’d done so ages ago. One part inspiring, one part reflective, it’s all about recognizing who we are on our own terms.
I couldn’t be happier.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
The Lucky Ones
3,860 Words
Educated Guess failed to provide cover art.
Recommended by paul
Disclaimer: I swear I am not his evil twin. 90% positive. Twilight’s Inferno don’t mean a thing in that regard.
There’s worldbuilding, and then there’s Worldbuilding. Which one is this?
The Lucky Ones centers on a young soldier. Wounded during a presumed invasion, he finds himself shacking up with a bunch of griffons and ponies in a cave waiting out the artillery bombardments. Unable to comprehend his newfound companions’ laid back mannerisms, he seeks comfort in the pegasus that saved his life, sparking a conversation on the dreams of soldiers.
Put simply, this is a story both about how soldiers cope with the fear… and the ones that relish it. I get the impression it’s meant to make the reader think, and doesn’t do a bad job of it overall. It suffers from the fact that there are hundreds of books and movies with almost the exact same premise, but it still does the job well.
Yet it appears that the primary draw was meant to be the worldbuilding. Alas, I’m not so enthusiastic here. Normally I love worldbuilding in stories, especially when it’s competently done. Educated Guess shows some major marks in this regard in bringing up a significant backstory involving seaponies, while also introducing the concept of joint Equestrian/Griffon military operations, past campaigns and hinting at some complex political systems, all of it fully realized through the eyes of those who live them.
The catch is that this is a 3,800 word story. The worldbuilding aspects are so thick and thrown at us so quickly that there is no time to take it in and no effort made to clarify anything. As a result, I was less amazed by the sweeping attempt at universe creation than I was mystified by the constant stream of names and facts. The names of nations and events flash by so quickly that they felt more like random syllables thrown together than anything meaningful to the story, and what was probably meant to be important historical events are more like ideas splashed against the page in hopes that something will stick.
Don’t get me wrong. From the confident manner in which everything rolls together (and a quick glance at the author's list of stories), I have no doubt that everything here has a fully fleshed out history and backstory. But having not read any of Educated Guess’s other stories, it all comes out as a muddled mess for the uninitiated. The end result is that the effect is a lot less for anyone who hasn’t read this author’s library of works.
That is something I intend to rectify for myself. But for this story? I think it’s decent. If I knew the world like I should have it’d probably be good. Right now all I can say for sure is that it’s not a good introduction to Educated Guess’s world.
Still, not bad.
Bookshelf: Worth It
The Application of Unified Harmony Magics
16,128 Words
By Novel Idea
Requested by Novel Idea
In this alternate universe story, we find a Sunset Shimmer who managed to reign in her ambition just enough to not be rejected by Princess Celestia. After some years and a bit of effort, she’s turned her life around and learned to rein in her darker tendencies, but now suffers from a constant need to make up for past mistakes. Fortunately, she’s got a number of familiar friends willing to help her out… or give her a good buck when she needs it.
Novel Idea starts us off by explaining everything that has happened for Sunset in this different world. Well, not exactly, because that usually amounts to, y’know, explaining, usually in a long and dull mass of details. Fortunately, Novel Idea avoids the first big error of the author needing to get readers up to speed by instead letting the audience figure things out through the ongoing events, discussions and the thoughts of the characters. I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to see an author who knows how to do this correctly.
What we end up with is a fully fleshed-out world that looks, feels and runs like Equestria, but with the players shifted about. Instead of Twilight making friends with our own beloved Mane 6, Sunset has already made friends with her own set, which partially includes the likes of Minuette, Moon Dancer and Coloratura. We get to see everything about what this looks like, at least from Sunset’s side of things. All in all, I’m quite happy with the story and its writing. It’s a great piece about forgiveness and learning from past mistakes.
And yet, the greatest strength of the story also proves to have its drawbacks. The description, cover art and, yes, even the story, make it clear that the big draw of this is New Sunset interacting with New Twilight. So why does it take half the story to get there?
The answer is obvious: Novel Idea needed to set the scene. However, I think the author was so devoted to making everything clear as a bell that they ended up going too far. Don’t get me wrong, the events in the first half are interesting when it comes to learning about this new Sunset Shimmer, but it still felt overlong. It’s hard to say what Novel Idea could have done about this aside from cutting back on the scenes and letting some facts remain mysteries, so it’s not something I’m going to judge too harshly on, but it’s still there.
Other than that? Consider my attention grabbed. I have every intention of exploring more of this universe. I’m rather interested in knowing where our other favorite characters might be.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Fallout: Equestria – Project Horizons
1,781,141 Words
By Somber
Once, long ago (shut up, this is how you’re supposed to start these yarns, a’aight?), someone by the moniker of Kkat wrote a 600,000-word behemoth of a story named Fallout: Equestria. It became a MLP cult classic, a phenomenon of the fandom known practically by all. A truly epic post-apocalyptic tale about sacrifice, with all the heroes and love and loss and drama and violence one could want. Some weak-minded souls declared it too painful to read, while others to this day place it upon the highest of fanfiction pedestals.
Then, a fellow named Somber read it, scoffed, and said “I can do better.” He then proceeded to do everything he could in a determined attempt to one-up the single most famous story in MLP lore. Among the changes include, but are not limited to: 3x the wordcount, more heart-wrenching sacrifices, more blatant violence, more wanton sexuality, more vicious treatment towards beloved characters of MLP lore, more singing, more evil villains, more ways for the Wasteland to kill you, more Enclave megalomania, more cyborgs and robots, more pew-pew, more boom-boom, more flank-spank, more ancient heroes coming back from the dead, more Littlepip and friends, more blatant alcoholism and drug abuse, more superweapons, more conspiracies…
Y’know what? More of everything.
Now, I will acknowledge that there have been many instances where I read a story and thought “I can do better.” coughSilentPonyvillehack* But this? I yield. Project Horizons raises the bar so astronomically high that even my ambition quavers at the thought. In this regard alone, I am humbled.
But making a story “more of everything” doesn’t necessarily make it good, so let us take a look at what Project Horizons actually is. Is it a side story? A sequel? An offshoot?
Yes.
This tale, written in the same first-person narrative style as the original, stars Blackjack, a young mare working as a security guard in Stable 99. Stable 99 is in the midst of political unrest; everyone knows a fight is coming, but Blackjack’s typical way of dealing with these bad thoughts is to just not think about it.
One day the stable’s Overmare gets in contact with someone from the Wasteland named Dues and conjures a scheme to use him to get rid of all her opposition. Predictably, this goes horribly, violently wrong. To save the survivors of her stable, Blackjack takes what Dues is seeking – a seemingly random program called EC-1101 – into her pipbuck and flees into the overworld. From here on in, she’s on a quest to determine what EC-1101 is, why everypony in the Hoofington Valley will kill her to get it, and try to ensure as few ponies die along the way as possible.
And that… is about as much as I can give. The fact is that Project Horizons is so big and takes so many twists and turns that, like its predecessor, it is impossible to give a proper summary for a review such as this. All I can say is that Blackjack takes her journey much farther than Littlepip ever did, from going down rapids to investigating sewers where the air alone can literally melt you to visiting Tenpony to exploring cloud cities and night castles and even going so far as to visit the Moon itself, Blackjack gets around (and has a curiously high number of boats falling on her head). And as can be expected, she leaves a path of destruction in her wake – although that doesn’t stop her from making friends among the enemies. Along the way, we learn about the fate of the alicorns, learn more about zebra culture, and find a lot more survivors from 200 years ago than seems likely.
Oh, and there’s the whole Maiden of the Stars thing. No big deal. Just a zebra legend mentioned in the original that gets a little more prominence in this one. Ignore the giant demonic entity buried miles beneath Hoofington. Just an eyesore, that’s all.
One reader suggested that Project Horizons was more focused on characters than events, and having finished the story, I can say this is certainly true. Fallout: Equestria was a list of things that happened, and while we do come to love the characters involved, we only know so much about them even at the end. For Project Horizons, the author delves much deeper into who the individual characters are. It goes deeper than just backstory, drawing out their hopes, dreams, flaws and sins. This is something I wholeheartedly approve of even as it is used as a finer tool to rip apart my emotions. Rampage’s eternal need for death, Whisper’s search for affection hidden beneath layers of anger, Psalm’s constant search for repentance, every character has something that defines them as individuals and keeps them going from beginning to end. This is best represented in Blackjack herself, as every major enemy she meets turns out to be a reflection of who she might have been had the circumstances been slightly different (which i itself another nod to FO:E).
Simply put, the characterization in this story is great.
Oh, but what about that whole ‘too dark to handle’ angle? Well, let me put it this way: if Fallout: Equestria was too much for you, you probably won’t make it very far in Project Horizons. This can be seen from the very beginning: whereas the original took its time defining the world and getting to know the situation, this one dumps the violence and debauchery on your head from chapter 1. It’s kind of like how Fallout 3 gets you acquainted with things, but Fallout 4 just throws you into the wasteland with minimal prep time.
The best example, however, is in the revision of Equestria’s backstory, particularly for the Mane 6 and Luna. In the original, the Ministry Mares tried to win the war and failed. They made a few major mistakes, but still died as the mares we know and love.
In Project Horizons, the war has changed them. Rarity dives into dark magics to protect her friends, and resorts to immoral human trials to see them completed. Twilight drowns herself in work and comes to loathe everything about her life. Pinkie is a paranoid, semi-suicidal drug addict driven steadily more and more over the edge by an impending doom she can see but can do nothing about. It goes on and on – Rainbow is particularly interesting, I should note – but none are so dramatic a shift as Princess Luna, who fears her rule and yet longs for her sister’s legacy. At times it is hard to tell if she remained Luna or, at some point during her rule, progressed back to the state of Nightmare Moon.
Point is, the Mane 6 and Luna are no longer the mares we know and love. They’ve been polluted, damned and brought low, and at times their crimes could be seen as unforgivable. It’s in watching these pinnacles of Harmony crushed beneath the gears of war that this story truly hits hard.
That’s not to say Blackjack’s loses aren’t horrible in their own right, but I don’t intend to go too deeply into those. What I will say is that there’s a certain ‘death’ factor involved. Like in comic books, death is no longer a guarantee of an ending. Blackjack herself dies several times in the story, but miraculously keeps coming back. A few characters she knows also end up dead, only to return. Some of this is ridiculous, others pretty important, and a few are serious plot points. The big problem is that this threatens to cheapen death itself, such that when a character dies the reader’s response is to roll their eyes and mutter “eh, she’ll be back.”
Except when that doesn’t happen. The good (sorta?) news is that not everyone gets this treatment, and some characters – good and bad – stay down for good. This creates a level of uncertainty, because you never know when that beloved character’s unclean demise will be permanent or not. Easing the literary ‘badness’ of this is also the fact that Somber doesn’t limit this steady reincarnation to good guys or bad guys; you really have no idea if that favorite hero of yours just kicked the bucket or is just taking a nap, and the same goes to the villains. For balancing the act a bit, I am put more at ease in my opinion of the matter.
The biggest downer, or so I feel, is that the story runs for so incredibly long that even the big events stop feeling so big anymore; Somber made his epic so epic that even the epic events start feeling normal. Essentially, long before the end you’ve been disenchanted.
There’s also the question of pacing and realism, which comes with the story feeling more ‘gamey’ than its predecessor. This is at least partially due to Blackjack’s opposing ‘character build’ to Littlepip. While Littlepip knew stealth, had charisma and focused on caution, Blackjack is a tank, perfectly happy to run into a stream of bullets, lasers and explosions with guns blazing and sword slashing – possibly drunk and singing while she’s at it. Plan B (or is it D?) is almost universally to call in Rampagebackup. Consequently, she gets shot a lot more, to the point that her apparent survivability seems stupidly out of proportion with reality even when you account for her armor and later… ‘upgrades’. Another consequence is to make even very legitimate threats feel minor, regardless of what the author tries to do to change that.
Then there’s the speed, another problem of the ‘gamey’ feel. Anyone who plays Fallout (or Skyrim) knows that it’s possible to deal with multiple big things in a day or two, and this feeling is brought forth in Project Horizons. Blackjack can go from sinking a battleship to having a close friend die to having sex with her marefriend to getting her mind sucked into a broken therapy machine to slaughtering a small army to going insane from a lack of sleep to meeting an entirely new race to facing down an old enemy… and then you find out only about a day has passed the entire time. I might be exaggerating, but not by much. Blackjack goes through so many different emotionally driven scenarios in such a short time that it’s downright preposterous.
Alright, this review has gone on long enough. I couldn’t possibly address every little thing that swung my appreciation one way or the other, and every time I finish one topic I am abruptly reminded of another. I already tried ending this review twice since I started writing. So.
Ultimately, I enjoyed Project Horizons. It’s way over the top, even in comparison to its predecessor, but in the end I’m okay with that. It’s character-driven, emotionally brutal, and ambitious beyond most people’s wildest imaginings. It has its flaws, and I can understand why most people prefer to take it in pieces (I read it in a constant, steady stream over the course of 6 months). It doesn’t require an understanding of the Fallout video games to get into, nor is reading the original Fallout: Equestria necessary, although it would help. Most importantly, it very clearly knows its source material, taking plot influences from both the Fallout franchise and the original Fallout: Equestria with an impressive amount of faithfulness.
If you choose to read it, be ready for a slog of emotional, violent, sexual and high-paced activity. Yes, it is brutal, and yes, it does everything it can to one-up the original. If you’re willing to go for it, by all means do so. Think of it as a trophy reading: “That’s right, I read through the whole thing!” It will certainly leave you feeling beaten and battered.
Having said all of that, I can make one certain declaration: I liked the original more. It’s one thing to want to do something epic. It’s another when that epicness starts sabotaging itself.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
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All that, and it gets a "Pretty Good"?
Remind me to come back to this in a few months, when I finish. <.<
4469518
The scale of the story alone means it is going to cover a lot of things to be touched upon in a review. Oh, sure, there were things I loved about it, but I really think its size sabotaged it. Definitely a good story, but an epic size does not guarantee an epic rating. Individual parts would definitely have earned a WHYRTY? rating, but all of it together? I'm comfy with my choice.
4469527
Funny thing, at some point that turn self-deprecation gets pointed out as a pivot by blackjack and company, specifically by stating that something 'changed' right around there that may have less to do with Blackjack being Blackjack than it seems. Of course, if you don't want to go through 800,000 words to get to that little revelation, who can blame you?
But I didn't mind Blackjack beating herself up so much. I don't need a positive, self-appreciative character to enjoy the things going on around her. To me, her personality flaws were just one more challenge in the adventure.
OleGrayMane is a damn good writer, and Pioneer has been sitting on my favorites list for a while. It's nice to see that they're getting some more appreciation thrown their way.
I have pretty much the same assessment of Novel Idea's story as you. Well done, but curious that it took so long to get to the stuff that the synopsis sure made it sound like the story was going to focus on. And I had the same reaction to Slorg's story, too, except it was incomplete when I read it, so I haven't seen the whole thing.
First of all, thank you for the review, Paul. I'm glad you enjoyed it overall. I also fully agree with you and 4469591, especially looking back at this from a distance. It's interesting to see how far one can come from one's first story (on here at least) in several months. The more I think of it, Applications almost three connected short stories than a full short story in and of itself. One story setting Sunset up with Celestia, the next setting her up with two of her friends and the third introducing her to Twilight. Maybe one of these days I'll break those up into more consistent parts. Might be more interesting that way.
Then again, that's why I'm here. To learn. Pacing is one of the things I need to get better at. As is weaving both world-building and narrative into a better whole. And this definitely helps point me in the right direction on where to focus. So, thank you once more for taking the time to read Applications!
4469552 Long stories are inevitably going to have strong and weak moments. I think that's why shorter stories tend to get higher ratings: they represent a small idea and are often polished and re-polished to shine to a brilliant hue.
In a longer story you'll better see an author's ebb and flow. He/she had good days and bad, good ideas and ones that probably should have been cut.
One of the more interesting things I learned about Douglas Adams after his passing:
If we all had the time and patience...
Thank you very much for your kind words, but most of all, and always, thanks for reading.
I felt that PH was really good, but I think that the story went on too long- the 'Tom' arc, I suppose it would be called, felt unnecessary to me and while it did have some good moments, I would have preferred the previous landmark moment to be the end of the story.
I didn't really notice the short time period in-universe- while multiple major events did take place in a short period I'm sure there is mentions of breaks, sometimes of several days to a week or so, throughout.
I strongly agree with you about the characterisation on it, everyone gets attention, flaws, advantages and moments through the story, which was fantastic.
Combat and the fighting seemed much more brash and detailed than in the original, definantly going for a game like feel there, but I thought it was good. Not fantastic combat except for a few standout a times, but there are weird moments- I have removed a backfliping tank fight from my memory.
Personally I preferred PH to the original, because I preferred the more violent Fallout it showed and the character work was utterly fantastic, but I do understand the criticism it gets, and find some of the choices made in the story illogical.
The sheer scale of the story is on one hand helping to make it an epic journey, but in the other means that negatives tend to nag along the way.
I didn't find the word length an incredible issue like I thought it would be at first glance, and afterwards I ended up re-reading the story in 6 days, including a emotional break for a day in the middle, so it's not an impossible feat to do, and I would encourage FOE fans to attempt to read PH at least and see if they like it, assuming they can accept the differences from the original.
Good assessment of "Application of Unified Harmony Magics' :D I think you were quite accurate in pointing out the good, and the bad.