Let’s take a look at #30, “Cutie Pox.”

---

TECHNICAL SPECS:

Season: 2
Episode: 6
Written By: Amy Keating Rogers
First Aired: November 12, 2011

SUMMARY:

The CMC are at it again, this time trying to earn their Cutie Marks in bowling. Naturally, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle fail, but Apple Bloom seems to hit a strike and get her mark…until she notices that everypony’s talking about the colt in the lane next to her, while her ball just slowly rolled along into the gutter. This time, the failure is far too great, and she sinks into such a deep depression that she wanders into the Everfree Forest, trips down a cliff, and chips her tooth.

Fortunately, Zecora shows up soon after and takes her back to her hut, where she uses a potion to fix the broken tooth. The process fascinates Apple Bloom, who soon takes a fancy to the idea of using a potion to get her Cutie Mark. Zecora, however, tells her that’s impossible and returns to her work: mixing a potion using the Heart’s Desire, a plant that grants the wish of anypony who makes a potion out of it. However, she’s out of an ingredient, and after she leaves to gather more, Apple Bloom steals the Heart’s Desire.

The next day, the ponies at school are amazed to learn that Apple Bloom has a Cutie Mark: a [strike]hula-hoop[/strike] loopty-hoop! She demonstrates her amazing abilities for the whole school, even getting Equestria’s worst teacher to cancel classes so one of her students can show off her talents. However, during a complex trick, a second Cutie Mark appears, this time representing plate spinning. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon are quick to call this proof that she’s faking, but Cheerilee simply says that it means she’s twice as talented. And after another endless exhibition, AB returns home to her overjoyed family, where she goes to bed with them thinking the world of her.

That night, Applejack is awakened by tapping noises from Apple Bloom’s room. When she goes inside to investigate, she finds her sister now has a third Cutie Mark, representing tap dancing…and the pony herself can’t stop doing all three. Desperate, the two go to Twilight, who diagnoses the cause of the Cutie Marks as the Cutie Pox, a mysterious ailment from the Paleopony period with no known cure. This leaves Zecora as their only hope for answers.

On the way there, however, more marks begin to appear, and soon Apple Bloom is doing everything from chimney sweeping to sculpting. The ponies are freaked by this, and when Spike tells them that it’s a disease, they all flee…just as Zecora arrives, searching for a certain plant that disappeared along with a certain filly. AB tries to stammer out a response, but her marks cause her to run off and do more random things. Fortunately, there is a cure: the Seeds of Truth. All they have to do is tell the truth, and the seeds will grow a cure.

Unfortunately, not even the Element of Honesty will tell the truth that day, so Apple Bloom, now close to death from the exhaustion of performing all her talents, finally breaks down and confesses to using the Heart’s Desire to fake getting a Cutie Mark. This causes the seeds to sprout into a flower, which she quickly eats, causing all the Cutie Marks to vanish. She apologizes to everypony for lying, and especially to Zecora for stealing her herb. The zebra forgives her before vanishing back to her hut, and Apple Bloom dictates a letter, telling the Princess how she learned not to take shortcuts and that good things happen to those who wait…

Five seconds later, she decides she’s waited long enough, and the CMC go off to explore potion making with Zecora. Yep, another typical CMC episode…

REVIEW:

“Cutie Pox” was the first CMC episode of the new season, and…well, it’s…I’ll get to that in a moment. For now, let’s focus on my favorite part of today’s subject: the Crusaders taking up bowling. Things get off to a good start with the three conferencing outside over what to call themselves once they all get bowling marks (even though they never consider that only one of them might get the mark, leaving the other two blank still), as well as one of Sweetie’s cutest moments ever:

Once we actually get into the alley, things pick up even more. First, there’s a The Big Lebowski reference because, well, they’re in a bowling alley, and you have to make a Big Lebowski reference when you go in a bowling alley. It’s, like, a law or something. Sweetie and Scootaloo are just hilarious here. Sweetie Belle is just so proud of her gutter ball, while Scoots nearly destroys the alley by trying to buck the ball itself. Both gags fit the individual characters perfectly and are just fun to watch. As for Apple Bloom, while her sucking the ball into her mouth and spitting it out is cute, her scene isn’t really played for laughs quite as much, instead setting up the conflict that drives her to Zecora’s in the first place.

Once we get outside, we start to see how this crushed hope has affect AB. Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle, who never got close to their marks to begin with, are both just happy to have had fun, but since Apple Bloom thought she had her Cutie Mark, only to learn that she was looking in the wrong lane, it’s pretty clear that their many failed attempts are finally wearing her down. This leads to a short series of attempts to cheer her up, ranging from cupcakes to parties to hats. Out of all of them, the one I find most interesting is the last one; after “Sisterhooves Social,” it’s nice to see Sweetie turning to her sister to cheer her friend up, and Scootaloo actually manages to hover a good five feet off the ground for a few seconds. Of course, all the attempts fail, Sweetie Belle makes it worse by saying something rock stupid, and Apple Bloom’s friends leave her to die in the Everfree Forest.

No, I’m serious. They abandon their friend after she starts walking into a monster-infested forest where, just a season prior, the fillies came close to becoming statues. Even worse, Apple Bloom immediately trips on a branch (which seems designed for tripping, like the forest itself was out to kill her) and chips her tooth. It’s a miracle that Zecora found her before a manticore did.

While Zecora made an appearance back in “Luna Eclipsed,” she plays a much bigger role in this episode. We see more of how her potion making works, as it seems to be able to do just about anything with the right ingredients. Of course, AB spends much of her time her whining about not having a mark, and once she discovers the extent of Zecora’s potion-making skills, tries to get a Cutie Mark potion, only to be told again that she has to wait. The real reason for the scene, however, is the introduction of the Heart’s Desire, which Zecora stupidly leaves lying around when she leaves to get more ingredients. Obviously, AB mixes it into a potion and uses that to get her mark, which begs the question of how does she know how to mix potions in the first place. Then again, there’s also a bunch of obvious guidebooks and texts in the hut as well, so she could have just as easily followed the instructions for once.

Oh, and Zecora is apparently making the chicken version of Viagra. Just thought I’d mention that.

And so we get to the moment that haunts my nightmares: the loopty-hoop. I have no real comment on the name, other than the fact that trademarks are a pain, but the scene itself is one of the things that sinks this episode for me. About 90% of the episode’s second act is devoted to Apple Bloom pulling off tricks with her hoop. Now, if this was just a quick gag, I wouldn’t have any problem with it at all, but the scene just goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on. The episode literally stops dead for a good five minutes so the animation team can show off. Even worse, Cheerilee comes in to stop it early…but then turns over the entire class to studying Apple Bloom’s hoop skills. Cheerilee confirmed for worst teacher.

And when AB gets her second mark, it seems like things will finally stop…only for them to pick right back up where they left off and keep the endless sequence going. The only jokes I thought were funny were the hoop taking off the cloud around a sleeping Dash and Twilight’s mane getting restyled into looking like Rarity’s. Then again, that joke has Spike falling in love with her immediately, which grosses me out a little.

But to give a little bit of positive here, it’s nice to see the CMC not break up over the fact that one member got two Cutie Marks. In fact, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo are absolutely proud of Apple Bloom’s accomplishment, despite still being blank flanks themselves. This is pretty much the first sign that this season’s CMC will not be the same as the one from Season One. Back then, their characters were hampered by their desire for Cutie Marks as it was the only character trait any of them got. But here, they’ve gotten a chance to develop and show just how close they really are as friends. It’s this that helps push me past my sheer hatred for the raw amount of padding on display this episode.

Of course, this then leads into the Cutie Pox part of the episode, as Apple Bloom gets another mark in tap dancing, beats up Applejack by accident, and Twilight serves her last useful purpose in a good while. The Cutie Pox itself is your pretty basic ancient illness, complete with no known cure. It’s also a surprisingly dark disease, basically working your body until you finally die from exhaustion. And given how mysteriously it vanished, it seems pretty clear what happened to those infected. And to cap it off, we have my favorite gag of all the Cutie Pox-related stuff this episode:

The rest of the episode is basically a repeat of the earlier loopty-hoop scene, only with Apple Bloom doing whatever appears on her body. On the plus side, there’s at least some variety this time around, but still, it’s just another chance for the animation team to stop the episode so they can show off. We get a return of the Flower Trio briefly, but then all of the extras run off at the very mention of the ancient disease they know nothing about. Then again, it doesn’t take much to scare the ponies; you so much as sneeze and they’ll scurry off.

Zecora also returns here, with a brief callback to the town avoiding her in “Bridle Gossip.” It becomes perfectly clear that she knows what happened to the Heart’s Desire the whole time and is just trying to get Apple Bloom to confess, which leads to the “Seeds of Truth.” I’m a bit conflicted on this part of the story; it feels like a very forced way to get the filly to confess, but at the same time, Zecora obviously knows who was responsible the whole time and is trying to get Apple Bloom to confess. It seems she’s been taking from the Princess Celestia School of Trolling.

Pinkie also has a great scene here:

Finally, Apple Bloom admits she stole the Heart’s Desire, the antidote grows, and she is cured. Surprisingly, Zecora doesn’t even seem that angry that she stole her stuff and almost got herself killed tampering in Celestia’s domain, as long as she’s learned her lesson. Even the CMC aren’t upset at being lied to like that, instead just being happy to have their friend alive and well. And so we get the moral, which isn’t an outstanding one, but still one that bears repeating. You shouldn’t take shortcuts to get what you want, but instead should work your best at it and triumph on your own.

Unfortunately, it’s immediately subverted when Apple Bloom promptly forgets the lesson about patience and leads the three back into the Everfree Forest to learn more about potions. Even Applejack and Twilight are stunned at this turn of events, although by this point, it’s pretty clear the three will never learn anything. And I’m sorry, but this is just aggravating. Apple Bloom nearly got herself killed because she was rushing to get her marks, and now she’s promptly forgotten the lesson and wants to do it all over again? Thank Celestia none of the other CMC episodes this season ended like this one.

CONCLUSION:

The biggest problem with “Cutie Pox” is that it really has nothing to the story whatsoever. What little plot there is exists only to service the various sight gags and flashy animation, with the loopty-hoop scene taking the cake in sheer drawn-out boredom. The episode’s saving grace, however, is using Zecora in a meaningful way, as well as showing the friendship between the CMC by not turning this into a standard “friends are jealous” story. Other than that, this one just barely manages to scrape above “Show Stoppers” as the second-worst CMC episode so far.

---

And with that, we are done with the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Goodbye, you annoying little fillies! You shall be missed…or not…I don’t care.