Apologies · 10:27pm Feb 27th, 2017
Let's get some worries out of the way:
1) I'm not dead. I still come on here to read the fics while I'm at work during break and lunch.
2) I'm not quitting TMS. I vowed I'd get the series done before the end of this year (which is especially special since this is my chinese new year, the rooster, though I'm not sure if that's a good motivator).
Details in the page break, but TL;DR, I have a lot going on with work and life, but I'm doing what I can to keep my writing gears functioning. Thank you for your patience, and there's a special treat for you if you read on.
The only reason I've been holding off on writing the main stories on here is because work has been stressful on me lately, especially with what I've just talked to my managers about recently this week. So far, I've made good progress working in the pharmacy. I'm learning the skills I need to fill and bill prescriptions efficiently, ways to work around some insurance problems when they arise, and I think all the typing from writing in the past has helped me write the labels on those bottles pretty quickly.
My main problem though? My brand of customer service isn't to their satisfactory levels, and apparently even if I do get my certified license, they probably won't promote me to become a full-time technician if I don't display the kind of "smiling, joyful, happy to see you" customer service their company is known for.
I should probably point this out to you guys, but I'm one of those introverts who's not as much of a people person as the next one. I get exhausted trying to be as socially inept as possible with customers and my employees, and I just don't want to talk to anymore people by the end of the day, hence why some of you I've talk to, especially the D-Team (proofreading/editing team) don't hear from me very much. I also have high-functioning autism (technically asperger's syndrome, but it's no problem if you don't know what it is), which makes interpreting social cues from the customers as well as my own sometimes, and really just trying to say what I need to say a more difficult challenge for me than most. Finally, and this is the big one that I try not to be open with a lot of people, I have chronic depression that I've been taking meds to treat it for years now. For those who are or have been on the similar boat, you know as well as I do how we sometimes either get really anxious or agitated in different circumstances, so much that we may lash it against others when we're pushed to the brink, even if we tried so hard not to let it get to us. I'm afraid it might have been a few of these outbursts that had my managers pull me from work to have that talk to begin with, and of course I couldn't just tell them I have what's going on. It just seems like a bad cop out or excuse to put depression as the reason, and I'm afraid it might up my chances of them letting me go if I did bring it up.
So not only am I overwhelmed from that, but I recently registered for the certification exam this upcoming April, so I'll need to really study if I haven't already to prepare for that. It's been so hectic that I couldn't write what I need to write, and when I do it, it's not even the stories already published here. It's been more of a way to help me ease my stress, writing random stories, but thinking of writing stories like TMS like some sort of second-job or priority doesn't really help it. So again, I apologize to you guys for the agonizingly slow updates.
I have been working on it when I can, though, and to thank you guys for reading this far under the page break, I'll leave a little sneak peak of what's to come in the next chapter. It's getting to be pretty long, so I might have to split it into a 2-parter, but I'm going to make sure I have this worth the wait. I have the epilogue for TOWAT finished as well, I just need to send it to the team for editing. I might send the few finished UTM chapters to them as well, to get that back up again.
Thank you guys for reading the blog this far, whether or not you understand or are peeved at my lack of progress, I sincerely apologize for the negative group if that's the case. I'll do what I can to write these updates, but with the exam coming up, I'll be slow as I'll be busy with part of my time studying for it. I also have my birthday coming up this sunday turning 24. I planned something really special for me for the occasion, and I even scheduled time off to make that possible, so I'll make the most out of that. Until then, enjoy the tidbits of the next TMS update (not final, mind you) if you'd like, and until next time,
This is Dudeler, signing off.
“Actually, that’s part of why I need to call you. I’ve … made some important discoveries while being here, and I want to be there for my friend as much as possible. You remember Ozzy, right? The guy who spattered his first pussy? Yeah, that’s the guy.”
“He’s talking about the drink, right?”
“See you guys later! And Ozzy! Let me know when you tie the knot with them soon! I throw wicked bachelor parties!”
“Did you do something with your hair, Ozzy? You smell more … enticing, than usual.”
“Uh, no? I’ve just been washing it like I always have.”
These brning hot pusies r caling out 2 u ozzy. They want ur big hard cock inside n cool them down w/ ur cum. Get back here NOW.
to be honest I would rather see you hold off on your story's till you life gets back to normal and never set a dead line for a story as it will just force you to make chapter you will later hate.
if your story's keep growing their is no reason to finish them just allow them to grow.
Hey man, glad to hear you're working hard and doing the best you can. Don't rush for our sakes, go at your own pace. Anyway, happy to hear from you and still hope to collaborate with you at some point.
One of the more insidious aspects of depression is it's very difficult for most people to understand what it really does to you unless you have been through it personally. My own brother told me he never understood me until he went through PTSD after Iraq. You might try looking for a men's depression support group like I'll be attending next week. The stigma and misunderstandings of mental illness is it's own challenge on top of the condition itself.
For probably around 20 years now (and I'm 36), I have dealt with depression, so I know what you mean all too well. Just remember that a friendly ear is available if you need one. One unexpected thing I found out is studying human interaction, such as reading books like Dale Carnegie's How To Win Friends & Influence People was actually beneficial to dealing with both depression and introversion.
Don't worry about the story unless it benefits you in some manner, such as in joy of creation or fulfilling a personal commitment. Readers will be there when you're ready.
Good to hear from you again. Take your time. I'm happy to edit when I can, and next week is spring break for me. Do what you need, and I'll talk to you again soon.
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4438436 Good to know. I'll get in touch with you and the others for the chapters, soon.
4438434 I'll look into that book. When I can, I'm reading a book on reading non-verbal language to help me better read other people, but it's good to have multiple sources.
4438340 Thank you for always reminding me of that. I know there's more content to cover, but I want to get through this story as soon as I can so I can move on to other projects. It's gotten quite a lot of attention over the last couple of years, but I feel it's almost time to put this story to a close.
4438394 Oh yes, I'm definitely interested in the collaboration. If you're still interested in Fleur fics, one of the random stories I've been writing involves her on Earth instead of Equestria. She has a slight different characterization than she is on TMS, but she's still an awesome (maybe more on this story, depending on one's tastes) mare for a romantic interest.
4438479
I know there's more content to cover, but I want to get through this story as soon as I can so I can move on to other projects. It's gotten quite a lot of attention over the last couple of years, but I feel it's almost time to put this story to a close.
ok if I may bring the story to a close at the end of this story ark allow your self a way to start a sequel.
at that point go work on your other projects I am sure you will feel better and will at the same time find your self being puled back to the story.
the one thing I will caution you on is with ending one story and starting a sequel you will lose a few readers it will just happen but at the same time you will gene new one's.
I watch a author spin a story threw 7 deferent story's / story arks he lost readers and gained readers , this is not the only series I watch this happen too.
just remember be true to your self. first you are the one righting the story's for your self and you chose to share them with us the readers.
Harts Fire
Always make sure to take care of yourself first and foremost. I know what its like to battle depression too. Know that your readers will be here regardless of when anything is published.
Been dealing with aspergers and chronic depression almost my entire life.
If you can keep a customer service job, you're dealing with it better than I ever have, boyo. I can't stand most people. Whether being paid to be subservient to them or not.
4438616 Sometimes I wonder if I'm making the right career choice considering my difficulties. It seemed I had a mindset of picking a career that's suitable to your skills and specialty is the best course of action, which I still think is partially true, but I don't think I took into mind whether or not I'd actually enjoy it. Maybe seeing some of those who don't seem as thrilled being there at their work places as the next person, especially my parents recalling their work in daily life, yet still working with them because of the benefits, money, and the like, I thought that was sort of normal.
Ahh, the curse of introversion, of course.
I don't know if this is at any help but here's what I did and it worked for my case:
1) Sports: It was fearsome at first but I managed to convinced my self to try Archery and Swimming, which doesn't require much team work or talking at first. They're quite relaxing much like meditation, my anger become fewer, also I got something new to share or talk about of when it comes to "sooo, what do you do in your free time?". I also try some cooking and planning to join Aikido and Boxing club later.
2) Audio Books: Just when you got bored of reading books or want to take your mind out of life's problems for 20 minutes driving home, these are much better than the music in your phone because they may contains something new you didn't expect. I usually pick some on the "Mental health", "communication skills" and "nutrition" category.
Some Youtube channels like "The School of Life" may have the answers you need, they made learning interesting.
3) 9gag, memecenter and failarmy: they magically and randomly make me laugh at work for no reason, well some gave me wtf-looks but there's nothing wrong with mentally recalling funny pictures or comments that help fight away the stress these days. You actually learn some jokes then and there and they always come in handy one day.
4) Helping people, do charity and community service: This is where happiness happens.
Well that's all I can think of for now. I think the key to escape a stressful life and becoming socialized is to keep finding new joys and trying new things, both mentally and physically.
Finally I just want you to know I just started to re-read TMS last week, this is like the thirst time I started from the beginning and yet it feels like the first time I pick it up 2 years ago, still makes me smile and laugh and feels.
This is one of the few fics that saved my sanity, made me happy and gave a reason to share and make others happy. Yeah, cheesy as that.
Thank you and happy Birthday.
4438772 This comment has moved me a little bit. I had no idea I was able to bring that much out of you through my stories, so I thank you for expressing that to me. I feel that might be what every writer's goal is.
Sports, I've been trying to take up jump rope and do whatever strength/resistance training I can at home. I'm aware that frequent to moderate exercise helps fight depression, so I'm trying to incorporate that into activities outside of work. I had meditation going on, too, I need to get back into that. I used to love practicing Tae Kwon Do from middle to high school, I want to do something like that today, but the changing work schedule makes getting to classes difficult.
Audio books, I can't say I've ever really listened to one. I can't hook up any of my devices to my car to play anything, anyway, and of course it'd be illegal to drive while listening to the book with headphones. Maybe I could find a few in CDs somewhere and use those? Until I think about getting a new audio player for my car, that's all I really have to go on.
I'll look into those sites, but I've usually turned to good youtube videos, manga, and anime for laughs. One youtuber in particular, NicoB, has been my go-to guy for laughs, and I've always looked forward to his next LP video.
You'd be surprised how many times I've heard volunteering and community service as a way to fight depression. Frankly, I've had done some volunteering work in the past, a lot of the time spent in the American Red Cross, and a little at the Ronald McDonald House, but the latter was part of what I needed done to pass a college course. I probably wouldn't mind going back to volunteering for ARC, but again, varying work schedule makes putting time into it a challenge.
Again, I thank you for loving my story this much, as well as the advice. It was difficult finding new things to do with how bad winter was around here, but with things getting warmer, I'll have more freedom to explore new activities. I'll be sure to keep your likeness to TMS high up to the end.
I find Tetris, Columns and Puyo Puyo (the holy puzzle trinity) the most soothing. Whether they count as sports is debatable. Otherwise, I just hike or ski and enjoy nature.
Audio Books can't beat the real thing. Music on the other hand is truly medicine for the soul.
Books of philosophy work wonders as long as you don't dive into the deep end (though everyone needs to read Godel, Escher, Bach at some point). Simple musings on virtue and sociopolitical relations go a long way and aren't difficult to get into.
http://classics.mit.edu/Confucius/doctmean.html
http://classics.mit.edu/Antoninus/meditations.html
http://oll.libertyfund.org/titles/cicero-treatise-on-the-commonwealth--5#toc_list
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/425084.The_Sword_and_the_Mind_The_Classic_Japanese_Treatise_on_Swordsmanship_and_Tactics
Since it is possible that thou mayest depart from life this very moment, regulate every act and thought accordingly. But to go away from among men, if there are gods, is not a thing to be afraid of, for the gods will not involve thee in evil; but if indeed they do not exist, or if they have no concern about human affairs, what is it to me to live in a universe devoid of gods or devoid of Providence? But in truth they do exist, and they do care for human things, and they have put all the means in man's power to enable him not to fall into real evils. And as to the rest, if there was anything evil, they would have provided for this also, that it should be altogether in a man's power not to fall into it. Now that which does not make a man worse, how can it make a man's life worse? But neither through ignorance, nor having the knowledge, but not the power to guard against or correct these things, is it possible that the nature of the universe has overlooked them; nor is it possible that it has made so great a mistake, either through want of power or want of skill, that good and evil should happen indiscriminately to the good and the bad. But death certainly, and life, honour and dishonour, pain and pleasure, all these things equally happen to good men and bad, being things which make us neither better nor worse. Therefore they are neither good nor evil.
4438839
Good for you, you're lucky you found your interests in life and stick with it. Some couldn't find what they need to take their mind at peace, we lucky bronies have ponies and fimfic and this fandom to keep us sane and healthy!
Human are complicated being and we have different ways of learning, some through reading, seeing, doing, etc... I personally find audio books work for me, it could be not your cup of tea at the moment but maybe later when you're more open-minded that is. Dudeler too can choose to try it or not, I don't mind I'm just trying to share my experience with anyone who bother to read.
Interesting, the last book you suggested sounds familiar to one I've read: "The Compassionate Samurai: Being Extraordinary in an Ordinary World" by Brian Klemmer. I'll see if I can find that one in the local book store.
See? We're walk the different ways but we're all found wisdom others didn't and find the need to share and all.
4438821
Well isn't that nice to know where to look for happiness. Life has its ups and downs, beginning and ending, but one day we'll be thankful they happened. I know I do for every day random memories make me smile
It's last week something happened it reminded me so much of some scenes from your TMS, later that night I re-read those scenes and felt so happy I decided to relive it all one more and here I am at chapter 10, for the third time.
Even if this story for some reasons couldn't make it another chapter, the characters still live in my heart and knowing them after the time we've spent together, I believe their journey will be full of magical moments. It's like completed a good video games, those fictional character never exist, the journey never exist, but you know who they were and welcome them to be a part of you anyways, they become a treasure no one can take away.
A friend knew and said I "shouldn't live in the past". It's very nice of him but I found that suggestion only valid in some cases, not this one. If this didn't happen then I believe I couldn't be who I am today, i'm happy with who I've come to be.
The time you enjoy wasting isn't wasted at all, I personally find this story a memory to remember, it's hard to find those treasure these days and I've come to learn what to do when I'm lucky enough to find one:
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Heh, you'll never know that little something you did could cause such affect to someone's life when it comes to the right moment. I hope my doings will.
Such coincident, I say Lady Fate has a funny way of guiding me when one needed her, I'm grateful I got to see and learn the magic of this fandom. This conversation is no accident neither, I found magic happens in real life too, in many forms if you look hard enough, and it started with your mind.
This comment is getting out of hoof, I'll stop here or it'd make a 900,000 words essay no one bother to read .
I'm glad to hear you haven't given up on this story.
We wish you the best of luck with both your certification and your depression.
I'm a cashier so I know a little about having to try to be pleasant with customers. All I can offer is to make a habit of pleasant greetings and farewells and hope the in between fills in naturally.
Things like "how are you today/this evening", "are you doing well", "you take care and have a good day/evening."
Just practice saying those pleasantly and hope that any replies lead you to say more positive statements that will reflect good on you.
I don't know if this helps at all but I hope it does so you get along better with work and you get that promotion.
Good luck man.
IDK about the others on the D-Team, but I am ready to get to it when you say the word.
And good luck dealing with your work, I know I have difficult enough times as it is dealing with some of the people that pass through.
You take all the time you need man. Anything worth enjoying is worth waiting for, and I can say without a doubt I do enjoy your writing.
also, those previews
Unf
bud, I know what its like when life piles up.
i've literally been gone for 2 years... music career called and sort of took off.