Welp. Looks like I'm not as done as I thought... · 11:51pm Feb 13th, 2017
You know, coming up on the end of this story, I was really looking forward to doing some kind of retrospective blog. I wanted to talk about sequel plans, update schedules, other things I've been working on on the side, and the history of this story. I wanted to talk about how, after spending nearly three months and two massive rewrites plus lots of small polish, I'd taken the original (very bad) draft of Chaotic Dreams and turned it into something maybe slightly more worth reading.
If the reaction it's getting is any indicator, it- and me, as an author- clearly have a looong ways still to go.
I pushed it out when I did- not even done lining the continuity back up after the first overhaul- to try to meet EqD's NaNoWriMo post in hopes of a signal boost (for all the good that did me), resolving to just do another overhaul as I went along. Following that, wanting to push myself to get this done with so it didn't stay in editing purgatory until May, I committed to a weekly update schedule following the chapter layout from my original plan, eventually resulting in 12-16k updates containing scenes I'd read once and written less than an hour beforehand.
Both of those, apparently, were bad ideas. Not only is the feedback trend on this story largely negative, but it got worse as things went along, to the point where I'm convinced it needs yet another rewrite. I didn't put this much effort into this story to just dump it and go do something else, and I won't unless I somehow become convinced that the entire concept is rotten to the core. It's going to get an update, it's going to get an overhaul, and nothing is off-limits because it would be "too much work."
That said... I did have high hopes for this iteration going in, as bad as the original was. And while upvotes and downvotes give an impression of whether or not people like the story, they unfortunately tell me nothing about why the story is good or bad... or what needs to be fixed. And when someone doesn't leave a comment with their dislike? Sorry, but I have no idea what you're talking about, let alone how to fix it. The same goes for stuff people do like; I don't want to throw out something that worked well, but without feedback, I'm left guessing.
So what was it? Did people not like my treatment of Starlight? Is it something about alicorns? Does Demon Sunset's demeanor not sit well with people? Did the story switch tone too many times? Was Twilight OoC in the ending? Was it Snips and Snails? Was the sequel hook too blatant? Did I not draw things to a satisfying conclusion? Was it about too many things in too short of a space, or did it meander around too long and fail to reach the point? Was it just not interesting? Or was it merely that I chose to write a mystery where describing what the story's about spoils the plot, thus making it impossible to pitch to the right audience?
I'm going to change it. I want to fix this and do it right, even if it means spending a lot more time and effort than I was originally hoping. But I was wrong about the story's quality before, and I'd really like to avoid doing a fourth complete rewrite, so please, give feedback. I know it's bad; tell me why it's bad, especially if you're one of the people who left a dislike (and are somehow still seeing this blog). Or, if you still liked it, tell me what went right so I can learn from that as well.
Edit: now that I've had more time to think on it, I'm becoming more and more convinced that it's mainly the last one, and that this story just isn't what people were expecting going in. Since nobody else seems to have an opinion, I'm strongly tempted to just leave it alone now and adjust my sights going forward. It does have its issues, and revising it is still on the table, but honestly, at this point I'd rather just work with what I have and go forward.
Hello. I hadn't noticed this blog. I left some opinions on the story itself. I enjoyed it, the characters where interesting, and I liked the mystery most of all. The way you wrote it, made me feel there were always more to know until the end. It really captured me. It is sad you didn't get much feedback. I'm not very good at giving it, but I'd like to help. Take my opinions with a grain of salt, I don't have any kind of studies or training in the art of writing stories.
Well, you don't need an expert to tell you It's not perfect, no story is. There are a few moments it was confusing, and I wondered if it was your style, if you had a good grasp of all the loose ends of the mystery, you were leaving behind. For example, the simple fact that you never clarified where they were, Sunset's mind? Parallel dimension? The oneiric planes? Where? Still, that is not terrible, some feel bothered by that, some don't. It is a matter of taste. it just makes some readers wonder if a piece of information is important, some will just assume something. But some may feel confused, there are people that just want all the answers, to avoid bothering them much there is subtlety. In reality, the writer doesn't have to give all the answers, but sometimes just hide a bit that there is a question. I think with the unanswered questions about how cutie marks work, you were subtle enough, it didn't seem important.
I still think some action scenes felt too long, can't really pinpoint why they dragged. Maybe you described the actions of the character far too much, I suggest again leaving more details to the imagination of the reader. The last fight scene was good, but there was a point where it became very repetitive imho.
Some may say your dialogue is too lengthy, but I like it, is your style.
All that said, you really shouldn't fall on the trap of trying to keep improving an already complete work over and over. Move on, but try to get some more feedback; not for this, but for your next stories.
Honestly, as it is, it is a good enough story for more people to read it, if they knew about it. I think you do need a better pitch for the story though, a better description. I recommend getting help with that, and then go ahead and finally put it on some groups. Maybe go to a proofreader group to get feedback from people that loves giving it. http://www.fimfiction.net/group/27/the-proofreader-group
Good luck. Thanks for the story, would read the sequel.
4430206 Okay, that's actually seriously helpful! Thanks!
The mystery's loose ends are about 50% stuff that's supposed to be explained in the sequel. Most obviously, now that I think about it, what the world was- I was initially going to explain it in the semifinal chapter, but cut that during editing and decided to move it to the very start of the next book instead, which would flow just about the same once they're published... but doesn't really work if I'm taking a break in between! If you're curious, the world was a modified version of Starlight's time spell that creates a malleable, temporary copy of the world rather than messing with the real thing. The foreshadowing and leads were all there, I just never got around to saying it directly. The other 50% were likely things that didn't quite line up after all the editing: this story's plot got largely rewritten twice, and I'm honestly surprised it holds together as well as it does.
The action scenes... yeah, I can see that. I imagine it's partly a pacing thing; they need to be broken up with dialogue rather than clumped together. The library scene could definitely use some trimming in general too, I think it might be the worst offender (since it doesn't even need action to fulfill its purpose).
Lengthy dialogue... yeah.
That's also somewhat the fault of the revisions: I wanted to keep character development consistent and in an arc, but when I'm constantly making changes here and there, my priority started to become just making sure those arcs didn't have discontinuities, and forgetting to include something tends to be a lot more distracting than forgetting you included something.
The big issue with the pitch is that I wrote myself into a corner where I can't pitch the story without spoiling what it's about. Even tagging with with Starlight and Twilight would... I don't know. I think, rather than trying to maximize the exposure on this story, I'm just going to make the sequel so that, as much as possible, it'll be possible to read without going through this first, possible to advertise directly without spoiling itself, and then plug that instead and let it do the work for this story instead.
...That'll be a while, though. I've been working on the sequel since mid-December and have a current daily writing streak of over three weeks with it, but it's barely even into the (unedited) second arc and definitely not going up before it's ready. In the meantime, I'll probably do some other less-ambitious stuff that I can post for feedback. This story is pretty definitely staying as it is by now, though I do think there's more for me with the core concepts- Sunset navigating strange dreams, having a spirit sidekick and dealing with a forbidden power, etc. I'm toying with the idea of doing a complete reimagining from the ground up as an unrelated story, but haven't started anything yet. We'll see where that goes.