Revised Episode 2 Completed · 1:04am Feb 6th, 2017
Whew! Another chapter finished. Re-finished. Once again, I have impressed myself with the improvements I made. There's quite a lot of them.
1) Zecora. Oh, sorry- Miss Swahli. As of this re-write, she is no longer named in this chapter. Next time, I think. But I've redone her dialogue in a very specific way: if the first line has an even number of syllables, the second one has to as well. Same for odd number of syllables (though with odd numbers, it gets trickier to make it sound right). I'm no poetry major, so if this sounds obvious to you... KEEP IT TO YOURSELF!
2) Derpy. Similar to the first chapter, I tried to make her less 'Mako with Derpy's voice' and more actual Derpy. Cloud Cukoolander might be an exaggeration now. Let's go with... quirky.
3) Cell. The armor went through a couple of names before I settled on Cell. It kind of sounds like a DBZ character, and occasionally sounds masculine. But at this point Twilight has yet to accept her as a pony, rather than an object. It will come.
4) Everything about Derpy's family. Exactly the same, but better characterization. And different from the Mankanshokus.
5) Cadenza's plan. As in, she actually has one. A Xanatos Gambit is now in full force, starting with the possible outcomes of the fight. I tried to make it apparent that she's not 100% evil... while still making her a serious antagonist.
6) The CBC is different as well. I removed a lot of the combat aspects and focused more on the sport aspect, which actually makes it feel more competitive and confrontational. To me.
There's probably more stuff I should mention, but I won't I think its well worth reading the revisions, because they feel so different from the originals.
Xanatos Gambit? As in no matter what happens the one creating the plan wins?
4410745 considering who she's replacing in this crossover...