Deadtale 1st chapter. · 12:36pm Feb 4th, 2017
Then first chapter to Deadpool in Undertale, or, in this case, Deadtale. What do you think? Fanfiction won't let me post it just yet, but I'd like your opinion on this.
Long ago, two races ruled over Earth: Humans and Monsters. One day, war broke out between the two races. After a long battle, the humans were victorious. They sealed the monsters underground with a magic spell. Many years later, legends say that those who climb the mountain, where the monsters were banished, never return. One person discovered the truth, one important being, one… Canadian assassin for hire… and his name is simply… Deadpool.
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A man woke up in a patch of yellow flowers, blinded by the sun and blocked it with his left hand. He wore red spandexes with black patches on his elbows, legs, sides of his chest, gloves, and around his white eyes. Strapped to his back was two swords, meaning that this man, whoever he was, was ready for combat… or was a showoff. His white eyes opened as he groggily got up from the flowers.
“Ugh… what the hell happened?” He asked himself, looking up to the hole above, seeing how deep he fell. “Oh shit… how the fuck did I survive that fall? Or, at least, not break any bones? ...Eh, whatevs… how do I get outta here?” He looked to his left, seeing a dark path. “Oh, of course, follow the dark path where someone, or something, may jump me. Welp, I better investigate and make my way back home before the X-Men need me again.” He stood up and followed the path. When he entered the door, he stopped and looked around the dark hole, missing the patch of green grass under a spotlight, and a smiling, yellow petal and white faced flower on a green stem.
“Howdy!” It spoke in a kind voice. “I’m Flowey! Flowey the-”
“KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!” The man screamed his head off, pulling a flamethrower out and burning the plant alive, making it scream in agony. He took deep breath as the flamethrower only spewed gas, out of the energy needed to make fire. “Whew! That’s the last time I’m eating a box of expired Twinkies again. Shit!” He pinched himself on his left butt cheek. “...Hey, wait a second… I’m not hallucinating from crippling diarrhea. I’m in some kind of magical world!!! HAHAHAHA!!! … Hm, I wonder if they have Mexican food.” He leaned down to the flower and poked it. “Hey! Hey, Flower Munchkin! You know where I can get some tacos?” It turned to him with a distorted, pissed off look.
“F-Fuck… you!” It wheezed.
“Alright, no, yeah, I deserve that. But hey, to be fair, I thought you were a horrible nightmare hallucination. I mean, you are a talking, fucking, flower.” A branch quickly came out of nowhere and impaled him. “AHHH!!! Oh God! That hurts!” A distorted song was heard. “Hey! Is that your theme song? That’s very spooky. He-he-he-” Another branch came, stabbing him in the face, killing him. The branches went away and the flower shook itself off.
“Ugh… what the hell is wrong with this kid!? Well, at least I now have a free soul. Hopefully, I can use it to-”
“What soul?” The flower gasped as the hole in the man’s face and chest were quickly healed as he stood up.
“W-what the-!? How the hell are you doing that!? I’m supposed to be taking your soul!”
“Hahaha!!! Silly flower, Gingers don’t have souls!” He turned to you, the audience “(Apologies to my ginger fans).” He turned back to the flower. “And double penetration in the first two minutes? Kinky.” The flower’s left eye twitched, before getting an evil grin across it’s face.
“Alright then, if you didn’t die then, how about this!?” A ring of pellets surrounded the man. “DIE!!!” It cackled as the pellets went to the man, slowly, but steadily.
“This is gonna hurt like a mother-” The pellets went away, making him, and the flower, give a confused look. A fireball hit the flower, knocking it out of the way. Walking into the spoitlight was a goat-like, human monster: all over it’s body was white fur, but it wore a large, purple, poncho-like dress with white long sleeves and a white symbol, surrounded by a large blue patch on it’s upper chest area. Despite what it wore, the monster was a female, and it looked both friendly, motherly even. Underneath the man’s mask, he had a massive nosebleed, and his pants felt a lot more tighter than earlier.
“What a terrible creature, torturing such a poor, innocent youth.” The goat woman spoke in an equally motherly voice as it looked. “Ah, do not be afraid, my child. I am Toriel, caretaker of the Ruins. I pass through this place everyday to see if someone has fallen down. You are the first human to come here in a long time. Come, I will guide you through the catacombs.” Toriel turned around, but turned her head back to the man. “Come, this way.” She walked ahead. The man drooled under his mask, thinking of some nasty things he was wanted to do before slapping himself across the face.
“Come on, man! I’ve gotta question my sexuality sometimes… but I am alone… so…” He got up and ran after her. “Hey! Wait for me!!! We can make kids or Billys!” He stopped and turned to you all “That’s the term for goat babies. The more you know.” He turned and ran through the doorway.
Toriel walked up one of the two twin stairs as he entered. He took a deep breath, already exhausted, despite running at least three feet. However, his attention was caught as he saw a glowing, yellow star that moved in place.
“Uh… what’s this?” he asked, touching it.
(The Shadow of the Ruins looms above, filling you with Determination)
“What the fuck!? Who said that!? Is that you, God!? Tell Jesus that… Oh… I can’t believe I didn’t realize sooner. I’m in an Undertale FanFic! Ah shit! Tumblr’s now angry that a guy with a dick is the protagonist instead of some Chinese, genderless version of Dora the Explorer. Oh man! I can’t wait to kill everyone!!!” He pulled out a pistol and cocked it, aiming at Toriel… only for the gun and all his weapons to be taken by a small, white dog. “What the-!? Hey! Give those back, you son of a bitch!!!” A paper was thrown at his face. He peeled it off, reading it to himself.
Deadpool,
I hate to tell you this, but you’re going to have to do the pacifist run in this fic. As much as you may want to kill everyone here, the good ending is only acceptable is if you don’t kill any monster AND do all of the major side missions. Plus, a good 99% of the fans love the Pacifist ending, and you’ll see why.
Sincerely,
MrAquino
“... Ah fuck me.” He turned to you all. “Alright, I’m gonna do your Pacifist Run, but we’re gonna do it my way; the Deadpool way! And please, if you haven’t played the game, play it, this is full of major spoilers… or who knows, this game is already shy of being two years old. Sit back, relax, and enjoy my pain as I trudge to get that ending that you all love, you wusses!”
“Who are you talking to, my child?” Toriel asked with a curious look. Deadpool turned to her.
“No one!” He turned back to you. “I’m so gonna fuck her.”
“What was that?”
“I said I wanna luck you!”
Nice. It gets my approval. Though I'd recommend using Archive Of Our Own, it's better than Fanfiction.net.
4408996 Huh, I'll try that out. And if you're wondering, it's going to be rated Teen; swearing, and certain subjects, will only be mentioned.
4409000 I think you'll like it, it's a good service. Might have to wait a bit though, the way it works is that you have to apply for an invitation, and then when you receive the invite you can form your account. This can take up to a week from my experience.
4409002 I'm getting mine in the 8th. I'll post the 1st to Fanfic first, work a bit on the 2nd, see how people react to it, and if the 2nd is finished by then, I'll post both chapters to the Archive and see how they react. Though, I'm most likely to be Jontron and his videos: don't expect scheduled updates.
That's OK.
4409012 you're a ginger? Huh... Sorry for that, you won't be the only group offended.
Leave a link when you get there!
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4408996
4409012
Here's the link.