Random Ramblings CXXVII · 9:44pm Jan 28th, 2017
IN WHICH I MULL OVER WRITING
My life right now is in sort of a minor limbo due to circumstances outside my control, and it's too cold to spend time outside, so I've been using the opportunity to write. Naturally, considering it's me, the going is slow. Regardless, I have two stories in the works, one of which (one-shot) is nearly ready to go if I can work up the courage to finish it, and the other (multi-chapter) is chugging along but I'm not sure about its pacing.
I'm not sure if I should finish the one-shot. It's an interquel set between Highs & Lows and Lows & Highs. If you're familiar with those stories, then you know anything happening in their interim won't be flowers and sunshine. My concern is that, well, there are a LOT of Depressed Sunset™ stories and, even though I've read almost none of them, I'm worried adding yet another, even within my own already-established continuity, would be far too derivative and would make readers be all, "Boring! I've read this shit a hundred times already!" I mean, at least my Mayor Mare stories, unpopular though they may be, try for something different. To my (two) regular readers, I'd love to hear your opinion and feedback. Please follow me past the jump.
Okay, so the one-shot is Sunset's mental breakdown, narrated in first-person (a format I very rarely attempt). Here's a short sample:
I haven't spoken to anyone in weeks. Except to check my mailbox and occasionally venture out into the cold, unforgiving neighbourhood to buy food – okay, it's just to the convenience store set up in the ground floor of my apartment building, but it still requires me stepping outside for thirty seconds – I haven't left my room in weeks, either. Why should I?
A sharp pain stabs my lower back, soon followed by a twinge in my left leg. Briefly, I wonder if I might finally be developing some sort of affliction that will finally take me out. But I know better; it's the natural side effect of spending over twenty hours a day in bed. My mattress now has a permanent sag as a result.
I loll my head to my right, away from the blank grey wall, to stare into the disaster area that is my bedroom. I haven't cleaned in months. Clothes and junk mail lay strewn about the floor haphazardly. I try to keep paths clear, but the glossy paper gets stuck to my bare feet and tracked everywhere. "Why don't you just throw it away?" one no doubt asks. Well, that requires doing something, and I just don't have the drive.
The second story I'm working on deals with the aftermath of Anon-A-Miss. I realized after finishing three "therapy" sessions (i.e. chapters), I was violating the "Show, Don't Tell" rule by only having the incident mentioned, so I'm adding in scenes from the Happy Holidays comic (with some dialogue rewritten to improve internal logic). I don't like how doing that wrecks the pacing, but I can't see any other choice. Here's a sample, which will look a lot better once it's properly formatted:
Apple Bloom grumbled audibly as she thought about the past couple weeks.
<flashback>
A brand new day. Applejack, still tired from a staying up late during Pinkie's slumber party, trudged into school half asleep, barely having the energy to greet her just-as-tired friends.
"Morning, Piggly-Wiggly!" said some random boy to her. /That/ woke her up.
"Huh?" she asked no one in particular.
"Sis, ya need ta see this!" Apple Bloom said as she ran up to her, brandishing her new(-ish) cell phone.
On the screen was the CHS intra-network MyStable page. An account Applejack had never seen before, named "Anon-A-Miss", had posted about her silly nickname. The post had several dozen upvotes and a few comments agreeing the nickname was worth making fun of.
"W-what the? How the?" In what might have been a first, Applejack was rendered unable to form a complete sentence.
"It just got posted a couple hours ago," said Apple Bloom.
"Who's this 'Anon-A-Miss'?" asked Pinkie Pie upon seeing the phone.
"The profile was created the same time as the post," said Apple Bloom pointing out the poster's information in the sidebar. "No idea who she is. And she made the post /public/; it's on my page, your page, everyone's pages. The whole school probably knows by now."
Applejack pursed her lips as she heard the soft knowing laughter of her classmates. "Well, I ain't so delicate that I can't take a little teasing," she insisted.
"Fine, but what about Anon-A-Miss?" Rainbow Dash asked. "How did she know about your stupid nickname?"
"And why would she post it online?" Fluttershy chimed in sadly. "That's just cruel."
The warning bell rang, putting an end to the conversation.
"Guess I'll have to wait 'til after class to find out," said Applejack as she adjusted her backpack.
Sunset Shimmer placed her hand on Applejack's shoulder. "Let us know if we can help, A.J."
"Sure thing, Sunset," Applejack replied as Sunset turned to head toward the library. Once she was gone, Applejack felt a tug on her shirt sleeve.
"Uh, about this Anon-A-Miss…" said Apple Bloom.
"What /about/ her?"
"Y'know," Apple Bloom began, "The only people who knew your nickname were your family an' your friends. You /sure/ you didn't tell anyone else?"
"What're ya gettin' at, Apple Bloom?" asked Applejack, her eyes narrowing.
"Well, look at this Anon-A-Miss's profile. It's Sunset's colours," Apple Bloom said as she pulled up Sunset's (sparse) profile to prove it. "And Sunset only found out yer secret last night, an'—"
"Apple Bloom! How could ya /say/ that?" Applejack near-yelled. "Sunset's my friend!"
"Fine, fine. Just a thought," Apple Bloom said. "See ya after class." With that, she walked away towards CHS's junior high annex on the other side of the campus.
</flashback>
After what seemed like an interminable trek across street and pavement, stopping only when traffic demanded it, they arrived at their destination: a five-storey brick building which did absolutely nothing to mask the age of its century-old façade. A large entryway loomed in the middle of the small businesses occupying the ground-level spaces.
That bit has a couple paragraphs before the sample and several after it. In all other chapters, I'll put any flashbacks at the very beginning, but this is from the prologue, which I wanted to start In medias res.
I'd love to hear some feedback so I can know whether I'm right to pursue this track. Is the one I posted too long? I'd rather these flashbacks be shorter, but I don't see any way to cut them down. The other problem is, Happy Holidays REALLY made Apple Bloom look absolutely horrible, and my story is meant to redeem her. Sunset's already forgiven her, but showing what she did may make the reader believe she doesn't deserve forgiveness (i.e. the exact reason why so many hated the comic to begin with).
So, should I keep the flashbacks to Anon-A-Miss? Should I finish and post my Sunset breakdown fic?
I would suggest doing the one-shot first if you feel the pacing isn't right for the multi-chapter one. Give yourself some time to work on it.