Friendship is Card Games: Kelpie Issue and Discord in Time · 1:18pm Jan 22nd, 2017
Bit of an awkward situation this week. It’s time for another main comic storyline… but the next two issues are one-shots. As such, as per the convention I’ve established for the spinoff lines, I’ll tackle both of them to ensure sufficient material. Let’s begin.
Kelpie issue
Yeah, even the wiki doesn’t have a title for this one. Though given how there’s very little verbiage in this issue, that’s actually kind of appropriate.
Also, I quite like the cover, with each of the pets having a unique and stylistically appropriate thought balloon. Gummy imploring the reader is an especially nice touch.
Wow. You wouldn’t think it, but Fluttershy really does hold her little community together. Angel certainly can’t compare. I suppose I should be grateful that they aren’t trying to eat each other. Yet.
Fantastic exchange. “Great idea, boss! Good luck!”
“Wait, wha—“ SLAM!
Huh. That “Welcome to Ponyville” sign raises a few questions. Does Fluttershy technically live outside of the city limits?
Owloysius is clearly concerned. He’s been up all day with worry.
Also, I do like how Spike is represented with a flame. Makes sense that that would stick in Angel’s mind.
I like Opal’s ornate word balloon.
I knew it was coming, but the page of mindless pony drones working to destroy the dam is quite effectively creepy. Especially Rarity not caring one jot about her muddy hooves.
Ha! Winona cares not for catastrophic floods. She is a puppy, and puppies have one setting: Love.
Oh dear. Cassie can control dragons on top of ponies. Basically anything of sufficient cognitive complexity. That’s very much not good. And raises questions of how kelpies haven’t conquered everywhere within earshot of a large enough body of water. Seriously, kind of nuts.
Also, Coco Pommel is here for some reason. Trixie being in the area is at least somewhat justifiable, but Coco just feels bizarre. I suppose she could’ve been visiting Rarity, but this just feels like she’s there for the recognition factor.
Nice. Owloysius is designed to be a rabbit transport system. Granted, the rabbit’s usual destination is the owl’s stomach, but still.
… Baby alligators not so much, but that’s Gummy for you. Likely lost in contemplation. Life, the universe, how to get off that bug that smacked him right in the eye, the usual.
See, this is why I don’t like cats. I can perfectly believe Opal wouldn’t care about Ponyville getting flooded until she realizes she’ll get inundated.
I have to say, it’s a good plan. Have the dog play with ponies, get the cat to channel her natural malice, and assign the alligator to aquatic ops.
Checkmate indeed, Gummy. Checkmate indeed.
On the one hand, helping the water sprites is the right thing to do. On the other hand, Cassie could have asked to begin with. Really doesn’t speak well for someone when their first course of action is mind control on a massive scale… even if this does set a precedent for Twilight putting up with Starlight’s shenanigans in the future.
Also, if the water sprites couldn’t make it past the dam, how did Cassie get there in the first place? And for that matter, given how Celestia granted the presumably undammed land to the Apples several generations back, how could that river flood the area anyway?
I admit, I kind of like the whole “greatest story never told” angle, but the premise and antagonist are both horribly thought out. Kelpies OP. plz nerf.
Discord in Time
Or as I like to think of it, “The issue that ships Discord with an Espeon.”
Tell me I’m not the only one who sees this.
Huh. Do you think the Filly Scouts have a dangerous animal tracking merit badge?
I’m with Sweetie Belle. There’s been an infrequent but persistent undercurrent casting her as “the dumb one” of the Crusaders, and I don’t get why.
Always nice to see Fluttershy’s courage on display. Very reminiscent of the cockatrice.
Also nice to see the Crusaders happy to see Discord. Nice continuity with their Friends Forever issue. A shame he wasted that goodwill when Tirek came calling. (Credit for that perfect bit of headcanon goes to alarajrogers.)
Huh. Couldn’t Discord just snap himself across the cosmos? I suppose even his teleportation has a maximum range. Or it’s not nearly as interesting as the scenic route. Or both.
I like to think Discord mentioning plots to overthrow Celestia is just a personal running gag. After all, if he really wanted to, he could probably do it in the blink of an eye. He certainly wouldn’t plan it.
Also, I love to massive bucket of nail polish. Hooves call for a much larger brush, after all.
Heh. Only Discord could go faster than life by accident. Assuming he’s telling the truth, which is a very big assumption.
Friendship: the Gathering is clearly distinct from Hocus Pocus: the Get-Together. After all, FtG is a board game. 
… Wait, the Girl Scout uniform is for the Crusade? Since when? Still, props for the transformation sequence, especially the irony of Chaos itself stealing Usagi’s shtick.
Animal collective nouns are fun.
Heck, Discord’s probably created more species than Fluttershy’s ever met. Also, fauns were apparently a thing in Equestria once.
Also, way to traumatize Sweetie, Discord. No one needs to see your boxers, least of all Rarity’s little sister.
Nice to see that Fluttershy and Discord’s relationship doesn’t consist solely of one-way manipulation.
Sorry, Doc. They’d need to give some kind of characterization, and we were still a long way away from “Slice of Life.”
Aww, they went with one of the boring variations of time travel. Which is especially odd, given how the comics already established how parallel timelines are a thing. Still, destiny has long been established as a major component of Equestria. And it’s not like the past is totally immutable, as Starlight can attest.
What a shame that this issue couldn’t wait a few more months. It’d be the perfect opportunity to use mechanics from Amonkhet, the upcoming ancient Egypt-inspired Magic set. Ah well, c’est la vie.
The Mane Six’s cutie marks showing up among the hieroglyphs raises a number of intriguing questions.
That’s a surprisingly deep line from Discord on the past hurting you. Though given his long life, I suppose he’d know.
Hmm. I’m sure the jet-black jackal with a curdling, acid green aura is a fine, upstanding gentlesapient.
How exactly would locking Discord in a dungeon work? That’s just asking to have your cell doors turned into licorice.
Hmm… Is reincarnation a thing in Equestria? The suspiciously familiar cats definitely seem like an argument for it.
Very nice pattern recognition on Sweetie’s part. Though mentioning the potent artifacts that channel the power of friendship into a rainbow laser might have helped.
That future certainly raises some uncomfortable questions. Especially in an immutable timeline.
Funny. The Coltlantean kelpies don’t look a thing like Cassie.
Why is Fluttershy so sure that the horned ones are magical? Inferring from unicorns?
Hmm. I suppose I could see Discord convinced that his powers can only cause further chaos, and thus actually saving ponies with them will have repercussions even he won’t see coming… but it still largely feels like the writer trying to make us not notice the obvious solution, even when Fluttershy calls it out.
Still, it’s certainly better than the other issue. A fun, fascinating romp through time and space, with a lot of incidental world building along the way. And I’ll always take keeping the incredibly powerful characters from doing much over antagonists that by all rights should’ve conquered the world.
And now it’s my turn to show you all some wonders:
Baast’s Ambushers 3W
Creature — Cat Rebel
Flash
Baast’s Ambushers has indestructible as long as it entered the battlefield this turn.
The cats’ favored tactics were also the only viable ones they could use against Anubis.
3/2
Smaller on the Inside 4W
Enchantment
Nonartifact creatures with power 3 or greater can’t attack or crew Vehicles.
”I keep forgetting you ponies can’t shapeshift on demand.”
—Discord
Ancient Butterdragon 5W
Creature — Insect
Flying, lifelink
Suspend 3 — 1W (Rather than cast this card from your hand, you may pay 1W and exile it with three time counters on it. At the beginning of your upkeep, remove a time counter. When the last is removed, cast it without paying its mana cost. It has haste.)
3/3
Nesting Roc 6WW
Creature — Bird
Flying
When Nesting Roc enters the battlefield, exile up to three target creatures until Nesting Roc leaves the battlefield.
Fortunately, their chicks are very picky eaters.
6/6
Water Sprite U
Creature — Spirit
Water Sprite can’t attack unless defending player controls an Island.
When you control no Islands, sacrifice Water Sprite.
Water sprites are delicate creatures that cannot bear to be kept from their homes for long.
2/1
Swooping Owl 1UU
Creature — Bird
You may cast Swooping Owl as though it had flash if you pay 2 more to cast it.
Flying
When Swooping Owl enters the battlefield, you may return target creature to its owner’s hand.
1/1
Devastating Flood 2U
Sorcery
Kicker 3W (You may pay an additional 3W as you cast this spell.)
Tap all nonblue creatures. If Devastating Flood was kicked, destroy those creatures.
Water is essential for life. That doesn’t mean it’s harmless.
Enthralled Excavators 2U
Creature — Pony Drone
Hoofcraft — When Enthralled Excavators enters the battlefield, if you control three or more Ponies, Pegasi, and/or Unicorns, target player puts the top six cards of his or her library into his or her graveyard.
2/2
Superluminoopsy 3U
Instant
Return target nonland permanent you control and target nonland permanent you don’t control to their owners’ hands.
Chaotic 1U (You may cast this card for its chaotic cost. If you do, choose its targets at random.)
Heartsong Kelpie 4UU
Creature — Siren
At the beginning of each upkeep, put a verse counter on Heartsong Kelpie, than gain control of each Pony, Pegasus, and Unicorn with converted mana cost equal to or less than the number of verse counters on Heartsong Kelpie for as long as you control it.
3/4
Malicious Molly 1B
Creature — Cat
Other creatures you control get -0/-1.
Cats don’t cooperate. They tolerate the survivors.
3/3
Meteorite Barrage 1R
Instant
Buyback 2R (You may pay an additional 2R as you cast this spell. If you do, put this card into your hand as it resolves.)
Meteorite Barrage deals 3 damage to target creature an opponent controls chosen at random.
Discordian Faun 2R
Creature — Satyr Shaman
R, Sacrifice Discordian Faun: Return target card with chaotic from your graveyard to your hand.
”Oh, them. There’s nothing more embarrassing than being worshipped, and they just wouldn’t stop. What’s a draconequus to do?”
—Discord
3/1
Quick Thinking 3RR
Instant
Exile the top five cards of your library. Put two of those cards at random into your hand and the rest into your graveyard.
”Plans are for mortals.”
—Discord
Charging Herd 3R
Creature — Pony Drone
Charging Herd attacks each turn if able.
Ponies act aggressively only when defending themselves or others. Some of that defense is proactive.
4/5
Coney Commander 3GG
Creature — Rabbit Soldier
When Coney Commander enters the battlefield, other creatures you control get +2/+2 until end of turn and cant’ be blocked by creatures with power 2 or less this turn.
Even headlong charges can use a little tactical finesse.
2/2
Wild Rumpus 3GG
Sorcery
Destroy all artifacts target player controls. For each artifact destroyed this way, that player creates a 2/2 green Beast creature token.
The day was saved. The same couldn’t be said for Fluttershy’s favorite tea set.
Flourishing Philter 4G
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
When Flourishing Philter enters the battlefield or at the beginning of your upkeep, put two +1/+1 counters on enchanted creature.
Overdose to overwhelm.
Cyberpony Converter 5
Artifact Creature — Construct
Whenever a nonartifact creature dies, you may pay 2. If you do, create a 3/3 colorless Construct artifact creature token.
”They’re just doing what comes artificially.”
—Minuette, temporal operative
3/3
Look Ahead WU
Sorcery
Each player may scry 1. Then each player reveals the top card of his or her library. You gain life equal to the total converted mana cost of cards revealed this way.
Ditzy Doo can’t focus well on anything, including the present.
Anugyptian Halberdier WB
Creature — Hound Soldier
W: Anugyptian Halberdier gains first strike until end of turn.
B: Anugyptian Halberdier gains deathtouch until end of turn.
Anubis personally trains his favored guardians, making them nearly unbeatable.
1/3
Quickglide Lotion UR
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature you control
Enchanted creature has hexproof and haste.
”You’ll slip and slide with careless ease, confounding all your enemies.”
—Zecora, zebra shaman
Baast, Pouncing Partisan 1RW
Legendary Creature — Cat Rebel
First strike, menace
Whenever Baast, Pouncing Partisan deals combat damage to a player, search your library for a Rebel permanent card and reveal it. You may pay X, where X is that card’s converted mana cost. If you do, put it onto the battlefield. Otherwise, put it into your hand. Then shuffle your library.
2/3
Anubis, Fel Pharaoh 4WB
Legendary Creature — Hound Wizard
At the beginning of your upkeep, choose target creature card in your graveyard. Return that card to the battlefield unless an opponent pays 3 life.
”You may enter the next life when I have no more need for you in this one.”
4/5
As everypony knows, cats have nine lives. They also aren’t obliged to live them all at once.
An interesting twist on Athreos's ability you gave to Anubis. Fitting.
The Cassie comic remains wretched, although not completely without its merits. A few tweeks a nd it would have been great, mostly to nerf Cassie herself.
The Discord comic I liked; that one was all in good fun.
I certainly took it as an indication of such. This comic was actually the inspiration and justification behind a lot of the background worldbuilding in my own fics.
I kinda wish Smaller on the Inside said "nonartifact non-Shapeshifter creatures", if only for flavor reasons.
I feel that Swooping Owl should say "another target creature" so it can't bounce itself, but then again the owl could just swoop away... .
I almost wish Heartsong Kelpie was an "Enchantment Creature - Siren Song" but I understand why it isn't.
Speaking of Sweetie Belle, I like the idea that she's kind of ditzy, but not stupid. That is, she's easily distracted and a little slow on the uptake, but if she focuses on something, she's quite sharp.
Perhaps Cassie is a royal kelpie with much more power than most.
That first issues here remains the one to fill me with blinding rage whenever I think about it. The second one was a continuity mess.
4392231
Now I want to build a deck with Swooping Owl, Strionic Resonator, and Minion Reflector. I'd call it "Owlstorm".