Review #39 - "Chrysalis I've come to bargain!" , Variables, Starlight Repeatedly Teleports into Custard · 10:31pm Jan 12th, 2017
And now for 3 more reviews, enjoy:
"Chrysalis, I've come to Bargain!" by Doctor Disco
Variables by The Descendant
Starlight Repeatedly Teleports into Custard by Loganberry
"Chrysalis, I've Come to Bargain!" by Doctor Disco
(Comedy, Random)
Starlight bargain's for Chrysalis' friendship!
Review
Starlight sets a time loop up and gets repeatedly killed by Chrysalis while trying to get her to be a friend. After a great, great, great many, highly comical, deaths, Chrysalis agrees.
This has amazing pacing, but it does leave one wishing for a sequel... maybe when the next Marvel movie comes out. There are very few errors within the text, which adds to the experience. And It also seems mostly planned out, as there is a lot of planning involved in deaths. The tags work very well too.
Score: 8.5/10 Recommendation: Highly Recommended.
Personal Thoughts: May I kill you later? I promise it will be fun. maybe we can even get featured for it.
Variables by The Descendant
(Slice of Life)
After his defeat at the hooves of the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony the stony figure of Discord was dragged far, far, far out of Ponyville where the good ponies could eventually forget the name of their tormentor... ...again. But, it seems, as the months have passed some creature in Ponyville has not been able to put aside what had happened. Now, that creature approaches, and it seems as though he'd like a word with the immortal spirit of chaos...
Review
Have a condensed version... Spike goes out with a sledgehammer to where Discord's stone body was dumped to talk. While talking, he gets to the discussion of chaos, and how it is an important aspect of life; chaos adds fun. Spike is then going to smash the statue of Discord, but he can't do it; so he leaves the hammer leaning up against Discord as a variable, maybe Discord will get smashed by something later, maybe he won't.
This has great pacing, though it does get to feel a little bit longer than it should. It has very few errors in the text, which is nice. And it seems fairly planned out, though there is a lot of filler. The tags could use a little work, however, as it could use an "Alternate Universe" now that the canon has expanded.
Score: 7/10 Recommendation: Worth Reading.
Personal Thoughts: Pretty good story, but it needs an "Alternate Universe" these days.
Starlight Repeatedly Teleports into Custard by Loganberry
(Random, Slice of Life)
Starlight's teleportation skills are becoming very impressive. There's just one little problem... she doesn't seem to be able to go anywhere without coming to a rather sticky end. Okay, not end exactly. But definitely sticky.
Review
No matter where Starlight teleports, she always ends up in Custard. That really is the entire story.
Actually, this has pretty great pacing, and cannot be much better. It has very few errors in it, which is a thing Loganberry does. And it seems fairly planned out, leaving the rest as comedic filler. The tags work out too, but it could use a "Comedy" added.
Score: 8.5/10 Recommendation: Recommended.
Personal Thoughts: Well, that was worth my time!
I've read two of these! Well, I wrote one of them, so it would be weird if I hadn't read that one.
Glad you enjoyed Custard! It's a very silly story that I wrote for no other purpose than to be ridiculous, but one which somehow ended up becoming semi-famous at UK PonyCon. You have a point about the tags, and I'll think about adding the [Comedy] one. There may be a sequel to this story one day, though don't hold your breath.
I'm going to steal that line and use it every time someone points out some stupid typo I've unaccountably left in. :P
Anyway, thank you for reviewing my story!
The other one here I've read is Variables, and I agree with you that it feels rather long. I think I said in my own review that it's a bit rambly for my taste. The Descendant's Spike writing is often some of the best on the site, but I don't think this is his finest story by any means. TD hasn't logged into Fimfiction for over six months, though, so I don't think the tagging is going to change now.
I don't know the other fic at all, though I know of the writer and have one of their other fics in my to-read queue. It sounds interesting, though the whole "time loops" thing always makes me think of Eakin's Hard Reset trilogy, which is a high standard to reach. (Though doubtless someone will be along soon to tell you that Hard Reset is dreadful. These people should be scorned utterly, yea even unto the ends of Equestria.)
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It is actually based upon Marvel's Doctor Strange. And great, now I have to go and read Hard Reset... lol.
4380763 I'm a fan of Hard Reset (even though not everyone is), but be warned: it gets very dark in places. The full trilogy is also about 160,000 words, so be prepared! (There's an M-rated alternative third part, with a very different plot, but reading that isn't necessary.)
Sick
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