Underground Science Writing · 7:12pm Jan 3rd, 2017
For once, this has nothing to do with ponies. Instead I am looking to exploit the wonderful Fimfiction tradition of helping each other further our writing ambitions. I want feedback on something else.
Like quite a few writers here, I am nurturing the dream of getting a book published. My chosen genre is popular science. The vision of seeing my work in printed form, perhaps displayed alongside bestselling paperbacks in the science section my local bookstore, is very seductive. This dream took a step towards becoming a reality earlier this year when I went along to a science writing course given by professionals (Michael Brooks and Aarathi Prasad). I talked through an idea I had with them, writing about my particle physics and geophysics adventures in underground laboratories around the world. The feedback was very encouraging. I was at first thinking of doing this as a blog, but they encouraged me to put together a book proposal. If I can get a publisher interested, that would be very cool, as I would then have an excuse to do some more travelling, visit some other undergrounds labs, and write about it.
I have been obsessing about this project for a few months. I have now written two sample chapters. But the idea of sending it to an agent feels rather daunting, and I think I need to rewrite it again. Popular science is an odd niche in the world of book publishing. Like all non fiction, it’s more about what you write about than how you write it, but writing style is still of critical importance. I need to convince a publisher that I can explain complex science in a way that will engage the general reader.
This is where I need help. Would you, my dear readers, be willing to read through my 20,000+ words and give me some comments? All comments are welcome, but I’m particularly interested in the science communication bit. That is: Did you understand it? Did you get lost at any point? Are there any bits where I assume the reader knows something I haven’t explained? Were there any bits you especially liked / disliked? Would you like to see more or less science / anecdotes / historical bits / jokes? Does it hold together as a narrative? What bits of science sound most interesting to you? If you manage to get through the whole thing, can you say which chapter you think is best? (I think it might be a better strategy to cut the proposal down to one sample chapter).
There also, almost certainly, some typos to spot.
If you are up for this, please take a look at: Deep Underground Science
Getting paid to go play with physics and fancy toys. Darnit! You get to have all the fun!
Can't take a look at it right now, but you've definitely given me something to do once I'm home from work tonight.
Honestly, Pineta, you do a wonderful job of explaining science in your pony fics while making it incredibly entertaining. I think it's likely that you'll be able to do a spectacular job as a science writer. When I get the chance (I have a couple things I need to do first.......) I'll take a look through your writing. I'll let you know what I think, and if I find any typos! I'm a science major, well sort of (long story), but physics was never my strongest suit (teacher didn't explain the whys of the math very well...) so I may not be a typical person (or I may have more background knowledge of some things), but ahh, I think my feedback would still be useful...?
I know jack and s
t about advanced physics (or even fairly basic physics), so I can be a guinea pig for the 'can you explain this to an idiot' aspect.
{Written towards beginning} Can you get me some liquid helium... Please... I'll give you a dollar...
{Written after reading} Ow... My brain kinda hurts... Anyway, it does a fairly good job explaining the science stuff without using too many big words. I noticed one, and only one, error within it, which I commented on.
Just a couple things: You spelling "centre" instead of "center" is a little weird for me to read in America, though it is a correct way. And the temperature in Celsius (though correct in the way of science) left me googling what the Fahrenheit is, but again, America.
Had a read, here are my thoughts:
Information about the radiopure lab was interesting.
Shenanigans after the trimethylbenzene incident (page 16) were interesting, but there seems to be an error "Anxious not to let work on the upgrade get being schedule," maybe should be "Anxious not to let work on the upgrade get behind schedule," My correction may be entirely wrong, I'm having trouble parsing the sentence at all.
Whoever came up with the [Squid]^2 name is a twisted genius.
Of the outline chapters, chapter 5 (Alien life in North Yorkshire) is most interesting to me, possibly due to being near where I grew up. They're all interesting-looking anyway.
I managed to follow all of it without difficulty, but given I'm currently a physics undergraduate, I'm slightly better versed than most of your target audience.
Will read later. For now, just want to throw a suggestion for an underground facility out there: the Texas Petawatt Laser. I've worked on it and it's pretty cool. Blasts holes through solid gold.
4367632
Some of the time. Only some of the time.
4367655
Thanks
4367660
Thanks and yes, I'm sure any comments you can make will be useful
4367674
Sounds like you're perfectly qualified for the task. And I seem to remember that you know a thing or two about how to turn the technical details of a job into a great story, which is sort of what I'm trying to do.
4367692
Thanks. Yeah British/American spelling... no easy fix for that
4367776
Yes, that was an error - thanks. Right, definitely keeping chapter 5. That does promise to be an interesting one, although also the one where I have the most research to do. Although I have visited the lab.
4367778
Thanks for the suggestion. I've no shortage of material now. Do you know how deep that one is?
Can't resist - I'm in.
4367942 Well, let's see... floor 4 is the ground floor of the building, and the laser is on floor 1. So at abooout 10 ft per story (as it was built in America...) we'd have it about 30 ft underground, which would give us around 10 meters? It's not super far. Enough to keep any radiation from leaking out.
I'll take a look.