TWP-as the Night Before Hearth's Warming

WARNING! This contains massive spoilers to future stories.

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Twas the Eve of Hearth's Warming and all through The Power Block,
Not a creature was stirring, except a malfunctioning Xbox.
Rei with her hentai and Del surrounded by snacks,
I planned out my gift route thanks to a handy Android app.
The path was nonlinear, hopefully nopony would gleen.
Something, something, I have a time machine.
(Hey. My writing new works is something we all missed.
Hopefully, Loki, God of Stories, won't be too pissed.) // Depends how bad your rhymes are.
With many time zones to visit, both literal and figurative,
I started to wonder if these holiday trips were getting derivative.
The first stop on my trip was the land of Neighpon,
To visit the eldest daughter of my eldest son.
For my granddaughter Naoto, director of the Big Hero 6,
I hid her gift behind a complicated series of clues so she could get her detective fix.
In the jungle, it is a terrible idea to wear fleece,
But who am I to argue with the wishlist of my favorite niece. // Only niece at that
I warp back to Equestria without any lag
As I prepare for my annual cross-country zigzag.
The city of Fillydelphia is first on my list
Specifically the dragon district made of fine schist.
The perfect gift spot was no need to beg
Since I could hide hide everything in a compartment on Iyokan's fake leg.
A large gift was left for Arno, wrapped in red and gold.
Just knowing I'm a great-grandfather now makes me feel old.
A mad dash to Crystal Empire, quick as a switch.
No time to cuddle Shining Armor of Twilight would bitch.
Spell books for Daphne, toys for Wiccan,
Shield polish for Strawberry, so more butts he'll be kickin’.
For Trixie and Stormy, two tickets to Aruba,
That gift idea was from their son-in-law, my boy Satsuma. // Are you even trying to rhyme anymore?
Speaking of him, I made a quick stop at Sweet Apple Acres,
Where a lot of my family lives like Quakers. // Your granddaughter-in-law is a roboticist!
For CAL, a new ledger, blank as a slate,
Except for several reminders to go out on a date.
For Jirard, a rare plant from a planet called Grrhythim.
With any luck, I probably won't eat him.
I quickly slipped gifts into the home of Starlight and Apple Bloom,
Since they still up, with wife riding her groom…
Then off to Cloudsdale, the home of Rainbow Pie and Co.
The gift was an idea from Emile, the latest console by Neightendo.
Sunny Smiles was out with her coltfriend Rainbow Blaze.
Knowing his mom, they'll be hungover for days.
When Sunny awakes with her head fuming,
She'll find a note promising to let her spend a week as a human. // Why would anyone want to be one of those?
Sneaking into the Shy family house, I risked my demise
Trying to avoid being caught by Aunty SURPRISE!
For Freya, a new spear she can use with impunity
Just in case Helios claims dating Shaun doesn't grant diplomatic immunity.
Fluttershy gets a stack of new graphic novels,
But not too many to make Sunshine expand their hovel.
Away to the beaches of San Dineighgo for some sun
And dropping off gifts for Circe and her honeybun.
They get a tree full of chestnuts
For after battle when she and Doreen kick butts. // Second time butts have come up…
Next a quick break for this Hearth's Warming elf
During which I encounter an alternate self.
Future, past, different universe, I have no worries
All we ever do is trade entertaining stories.
Finishing our tea, we head for where hope is naught
Because our next stops are our respective Canterlot.
My first stop has the least malice
As it is Celestia's palace.
Luna gets a graphics card from the future
And Celestia is given enough cake she'll need sutures.
Dashing and Gem get an ancient tome.
// Ooo! I could give that I better home!
// … I see what you did there.
(It is always fun catching a god unawares.)
Next stop is Presea and J.
Their small home is decked out for Hearth's Warming Day.
Juliet gets a stack of Whinnyworld tickets.
Her twin sister gets some brand new physics. // That's not a real thing.
In Canterlot Carousel, I left a bag in.
Spike needs to relearn How to Raise a Dragon.
Erebus gets a vintage, signed guitar.
Joining him on stage, his uncle Technis on his new keytar. // That's a lazy rhyme.
Wine from his home universe is Helios’ Goal.
// Personally, I think he deserves a lump of coal.
His sister's gift has a more practical flare,
Getting Princess Twilight to teach her class spells to roast bully derriere. // More butts...
For Dusk, a pile of books is always fine.
As is a stack of toys for his adopted daughter Starshine.
Last is the stop that made me glower:
The apartment building that is Dawn's tower.
Dawn is easy, just promise her a trip with me.
It was the others that made me less than squee.
Val's gift was plain to see:
Aid her efforts to stop Dr. Victory.
The twins seemed happy just to be in their beds.
// If it wasn't for me, they'd have all the deads.
Thankfully, I knew what would get them mushy.
The other me had recommended the perfect plushies. // Bet it is their Saddle Arabian friend.
Now over to Seaddle for a quick coffee break,
And by now, my grandchildren there won't be awake.
My little angel Del gets something that will make her scream,
Loads of exotic fruits for her wife to make into ice cream.
For Lollipop, a pile of sushi and sweet buns.
And I rescheduled Pax's meetings for next week so he can have some fun.
All across Equestria I did roam.
It was time for my wandering /* I get it! */ to send me home.
My assistant Lucas gets a paycheck printed on pink
Atop some new games before his heart can sink.
Mayor Applejack gets a cure for her ills,
Some political pressure to block her opponents’ bills.
Her son gets a rare item for his collection of book,
And his wife gets a stack of recipes to try to cook.
Rei gets a new RPG
To play with her wife Limestone, aka Inkie.
Forgetting my oldest granddaughter, Usagi, would be criminal.
I got her lots of treats for her animals.
The castle is covered in webs of lights like a spider den.
Obviously Pinkie got help decorating from Gwen. // No butt joke about her for once? It's a Christmas miracle!
There are even decorations in the base under the castle.
With Logan on duty, decorating must have been a hassle.
A bag of sweets is left for the mare who is pink
As back to my bedroom I do slink.
Twilight is waiting in bed, and wouldn't you know it,
She is so beautiful they should have sent a poet.
The long day over, we hope sleep isn't tardy
Since the morning brings the family Hearth's Warming party.
At the end of this poem, I have one last thing to say:
Merry Hearth's Warming too all! // And Happy Wookiee Life Day!