Getting Back To Work · 2:04pm Dec 9th, 2016
This morning I came across a document I originally made last year at this time that had about a hundred different videos planned out for this year for my YouTube channel. It started at May, which is where I must have left off. I suddenly became disappointed in myself, unable to understand why I put it all off. I had lots of Snippets, Draws, Brushables, and PMVs planned. But thinking back to during summertime, I understand why I put it off. I don't want 2017 to be like that, and knowing how much better my life has become, it most likely won't unless due to a software problem (which might be an issue...). I have lots of stories I want to write, I have something I want to do to replace my audio drama (which is canceled due to personal reasons and a lack of motivation for it, it is officially canceled). I am putting off art requests until further notice. I have things I want to draw for myself, too. I hate doing things for myself, but I want to get some things done for me as well, and I'm tired of being quiet about it. I want to move forward, not stay behind. I joined FimFiction to improve my writing skills and to make friends. I joined YouTube to help with my shyness and anxiety. I joined DeviantArt so I could link art I made to FimFiction. I want to do more than that. I want to get a story in the feature box. I want to make a new type of video that I've never done before (an animation, a parody, just something I have yet to do) on YouTube successfully. I want to compare my newest picture to my oldest picture on DA and say I've improved. I want to draw without using bases and I want to gain confidence in what I do. I stayed home sick yesterday from school and I got nothing done. I drew a few avatars for people, but I still feel useless. I don't want to feel useless. So, for the time being, I will be doing more things for myself. I want to be able to satisfy myself. I don't take pride in the stories I write, in the art I make, and in the videos I post. I want to have that excited feeling every time I look at one of my older projects just as I look at one of my newest. "Look, there's my newest video! I wonder how many views it'll get" is a lot more exiting than "here's my video from four months ago, who cares?". My point is... I am going to be more like the Vanilla Mocha I was when I joined this site. This site ruined me. People have hurt me. People have killed me little bit by little bit and I allowed it to happen. I am sick and tired of it and with the help of a few anonymous people, I am finally working up the courage to put my foot down and to say that I'm sick of it. I am sick of anxiety keeping me bound in chains. I am sick of feeling embarrassed of everything that I do. And now I am going to learn to love my life. My life has been getting better the last five months... now, it will continue to get better. I can't depend on others for everything, I need to step forward. And now I feel ready to. Expect a lot more content that genuinely comes from a better me, and expect a lot more quality work. Expect me to be in a better mood, and expect me to be learning to become a better person. I might mess up. I might be really awkward and I might be really full of myself for a little while. I stayed so quiet because I feared that. But perhaps... perhaps that won't happen. Maybe I'll be acting normal when I feel full of myself just because I put myself so low for so long. I might feel like I'm being greedy and bossy, when really, I'm just standing up for myself and what I want. Maybe I won't be awkward or full of myself, maybe it'll just feel that way since I'm not used to anything except putting myself below others. Maybe I'll be happier this way. Maybe things are truly looking up.
Good for you mocha you can do it and
i cant wait for your work and everything 
A great mogul in training, we see!
I always liked speeches like this one because it's simply a person saying what he/she feels like and the only thing it wants is sharing its feeling with the world. And it feels very inspiring.
I'm sorry of what had been happening to you this year.
In fact, this is good material for a book. But that's your choice, good luck Mocha.
Sounds like you've got plans and the determination to get them done. Everypony better watch out, Mocha's coming through.
Feature boxing is a terribly inexact science, though. Quality alone is no guarantee; you also need eye-catching titles, descriptions, and cover art (a little clickbait doesn't hurt here). And getting there isn't always obvious; 2 my 4 were only there for a couple hours, if that; I only knew one made it because I checked the featured bookshelf after the fact.
It's a heck of a feeling getting there, though.
Best of fortune!
Sorry that I couldn't make you feel purpose. That is something we all must find on our own. It is terrific to see that you're finally finding it. <3
4333838 Your name and Icon...we must speak. You are a Smash player?
4334102 Yes, yes I am (not a professional and don't have a Wii U, but still).
4334146 Dag nabbit... ;-;-;-;-;-;-;-; I've been looking for another professional for ages...
Good luck friend, may you succeed in your endeavor
4334102 You make me feel purposeful D: I just feel like I need to improve what I do around here D: This blog was mostly a vent ;-; I really just needed to say I'm putting off art requests, lawl...
4334285 2 Battalion, 5th Marines. I think their motto is exactly what you need to do Mocha, have a good night!