How To Not Cook Like a Fucktard #3: Taking Stock of Stock · 7:36pm Dec 6th, 2016
This isn't so much a recipe as it is general cooking advice, but it's useful to many recipes I talk about, so here we go. When you think of things you should always have in your freezer, you probably don't think of stock. Hell, some of you probably don't even know what stock is! Well, in this post, we're going to discuss what stock is, why you need it, and how to make it. And it's really REALLY fucking easy, so don't even worry.
First of all, what is stock? Stock is what happens when you get a pot of water, put bones from some sort of animal in it, then boil it for a long ass time until the water gets the flavor, fat, and color out of the bones and meat. Now, you might be saying "hey, isn't that just soup or broth?" Well, not quite. There's actually a lot of overlap between broth, stock, consomme, soup, and bullion. But stock, pretty undeniably, involves cooking the bones and doesn't involve adding a bunch of salt. In some case, you only use bones, though I wouldn't recommend doing that straight out of the gate.
But why would you even need stock in the first place? As it turns out, stock is used in a whole lot of my recipes, and not just soup-related ones. Risotto (which will likely be my next recipe), Alfredo sauce, curry, dumplings, casseroles, stir fry...the list goes on and on! You should ALWAYS have this in your freezer, just in case. You just make it, freeze it, and then use it when you need it. That's literally all. And this is literally one of the most simple recipes I will ever give you. So here we go.
Cooking Stock
Cook time: 5+ hours (it's a lot of waiting)
INGREDIENTS:
-Leftover bones/meat from some animal
-1 pot of water (big enough to submerge whatever bones you've got. Think like 3 quarts of water at least)
-1 Tsp peppercorns (you can use everyday black pepper as well, though it will get into the stock and make it grainy)
-1 chopped onion (optional)
-1 bay leaf (optional)
-1tbs cut parsley (optional)
-other spices and veggies to taste (optional) (Make sure they're big enough to strain)
Seriously, everything here is optional except the bones and water. The onion does add a lovely flavor though, and onion powder can be substituted.
As far as what bones to use, you can use ANYTHING. Chicken is the most popular, but that steak bone with meaty bits you didn't finish? Make stock with it. Those buffalo chicken wing bones you still have from happy hour? Make stock with it. You killed a raccoon and made a stir fry with its meat, and you're left with a scary looking skeleton with sinews and flesh hanging off it? Make stock with it. It's true that stock is best made with raw bones, or things that haven't been cooked, but believe me, you can do this with anything if you want to.
DIRECTIONS:
1. Take whatever animal carcass you have and put it in a pot of water (so the bones are fully submerged) on the stove. Bring to a light boil or simmer (small bubbles rather than frothy-looking death on top) for an hour.
2. After about an hour, add in other ingredients and spices as desired. Remember, you don't need to add salt, and the ingredients should either be dissolvable, or strained out. For your first stock, I recommend just the bones/meat, pepper, and water.
3. Bring bones and extra stuff back to a simmer, cover (you don't have to cover, and some people think you shouldn't! I have a curious cat, and I don't want her getting hair in it, so I cover it), and walk away. Leave that shit going for 4-5 hours. Taste it to check to see if it's what you want, and look to see if it's turning golden.
4. Once it tastes meaty and tasty, take the pot off heat and let it cool for a while, until you feel safe pouring it into something.
5. Pour the stock through a strainer (to take out the meat and spices and stuff) into a PLASTIC container. It should be free of debris.
6. Use stock in recipe, drink it like a weirdo, throw it in your sibling's face, or put in the freezer for later.
That's seriously all. Done. You're good.
Two different types of stock I have in my freezer, which I did not label because apparently I'm an idiot. I Hope one is duck...
BONUS INFO:
-DO NOT pour into a glass container to put it into the freezer. Do you know why? Because liquids expand when they freeze, and you will genuinely shatter a glass container with stock in it. The sound an exploding glass container makes in the freezer is a terrifying one, and the cleanup is horrible. You don't need that in your life.
-My favorite stock to make is duck stock. It sounds weird, I know, but it makes this kind of tart savory stock that I can't get the flavor with in many other cases. It makes the best risotto.
-You can make stock JUST using vegetables! I know, weird, but true. For that, I recommend carrots, celery, onions, and spices, in order to get a sweet, savory, and nicely-colored stock. But. I mean. Meat. That's the way to go.
-If you want a really clear stock, you can walk through the kitchen every hour and, using a spoon, skim any debris or impurities off of the top of the stock. This will give you an amazing golden color once you freeze the stock.
-DO NOT use potatoes in stock. They absorb flavor and salt, and they make the color of the stock cloudy. You'll end up with killer potatoes and lame stock.
-If you don't have a strainer, you can pour the stock through a very clean washcloth, cheese cloth, or even shirt. I don't recommend this, especially if you use a scented dryer substance with them. Just...bad things will happen. But in a worst case scenario, it can be done.
If you're wondering when I'll be posting more advanced recipes, fear not. The next one is a little more involved, and is one of my all-time favorite things to make.
Now get cooking.
-Pencil
I once found a dead horse at the bottom of a waterfall that had been sitting there for so long everything except the bones and ligaments had completely rotted away, and some chucklefuck had impaled the pelvis on a log.
Could I make stock outta that?
I come for the stories, but stay for the food.
4331027
You COULD.
And then you could kill someone by feeding it to them.
Such stock would have its uses...
4331032
And then you could use their bones for stock.
4331038
See? Full circle.
https://twitter.com/HiE_Podcast/status/806239083450273792
4331086
Oh sweet lord...
I accept pencil as my new cooking overlord.
4331200 I do recommend drinking for this one. It's a lot of waiting.
Meat's meat, and a griffon's gotta eat.
Maybe I will make stock from the bones of my enemies.