Story Review: Molten Gold on a Spring Evening

I've been meaning to work on my understanding of literary basics. And to this intent, I wanted to try to write a Story review. And the story I want to review is Molten Gold on a Spring Evening by coleisfantastic.

Before I proceed, let me warn anyone reading this blog post: this review will have spoilers.

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Summary
Molten Gold on a Spring Evening is supposed to be a romance story between Spike and Scootaloo. However (as I will discuss later) the story's focus causes it to feel more like a slice of life story.

Synopsis
Molten Gold on a Spring Evening begins with Twilight Sparkle and Spike waiting at the Cutie Mark Crusader clubhouse for Scootaloo to arrive, in what is, apparently, a weekly event. However, it seems Scootaloo is late.

From this perspective, the story switches to Scootaloo's point of view. Apparently, she is in a hurry to get to the clubhouse on time, but has hit a bit of delay. Apparently, she wants to get to the clubhouse without being seen. The story doesn't tell us why, but the fact that she's wearing a makeshift robe (it's actually a rather large turtleneck sweater), is a hint as to what may be going on.

The camera quickly pans out to reveal that Scootaloo's need for secrecy may be more than a simple embarrassment about how she looks, as she is being followed by some mystery being (most likely a pony). However, Fate intervenes in Scootaloo's defense, as she inadvertently sneezes and --

She sets her turtleneck, and her mysterious stalker on fire. It's at this point in the story that we start to see what Scootaloo is hiding: She's a dragon.

Rather suddenly, Twilight teleports to Scootaloo's location. She saw the fire, and knew that it was from Scootaloo. After Scootaloo apologizes for making Twilight wait, the story progresses to the intended romance section.

Twilight and Spike set about performing some kind of ritual, which transfers Scootaloo's dragon magic into Spike, turning her back into a pegasus. While this is going on, we quickly get the impression that Spike has a crush on Scootaloo's dragon form... So much so, that he neither notices Scootaloo ask about what's distracting him, nor that Twilight is offering him food.

Flow and pacing
I believe the flow of the story is good, if a bit fast. The story seems to have a beginning (Twilight and Spike waiting for Scootaloo), a middle (Scootaloo is hurrying to get there), and an end (Scootaloo is temporarily changed back into a pegasus, and Spike is crushing on her).

It also has a building climax, but not where the author had intended. The conflict of the story seems to be: will Scootaloo get to the ritual & picnic on time.

Focus
I believe focus is where the author may have slipped up on this story. While the intended content of the story was a romance between Scootaloo and Spike, I felt like the lack of a proper conflict drawing attention to Spike's crush (which is, admittedly, well over half of the story) relegated this intended focus to more of an afterthought. Instead, the story seems to focus on Scootaloo and the ritual.

Characterization
I felt the characterizations in this story were pretty good... at least from what we could see. The story has very little in the way of internal thoughts or exposition, so we are left to judge characterization by the actions and words of the characters (which, admittedly, is usually a good thing).

This was probably a good idea, especially considering the compactness of this tale. As in, a lot of exposition without more content would have bogged the story down.

Descriptiveness
There seems to be very little in the way of descriptiveness in this story. That is not to say the author doesn't provide some, where it is absolutely necessary.

The clubhouse is described in order to set the scene (and imply how long Spike and Twilight have been waiting for Scootaloo... long enough that a spider has decided to start a web on the other side of the room).

Scootaloo's turtleneck is described, giving us the idea that she is hiding what she looks like.

Scootaloo's dragon form is very well described. This is a definite good point, as without it's description, Spike's crush would have been relegated to a one paragraph footnote.

Comments
Once again, I adore this piece. I felt that the story is well written, if a bit short. And, the basics of the piece seem sound, even if there is a little room for improvement.

However, I suspect a big reason for why I like the story is that I'm left puzzling:
Why is Scootaloo a dragon?
Why does Twilight's counter spell, or whatever it is, only turn her back for one week?
Who is Scootaloo hiding from? And, why?
Does her family know?
Is Twilight and Spike the only ones who know?
Who's been stalking her, and why? Is it the paparazzi? Diamond Tiara? Some kind of crazy cult? Featherweight?
What is Scootaloo's feelings on being a dragon? Does she like it? Hate it? Is she afraid of it? Does she care at all?

Considering that the author, sadly, hasn't been seen in well over a year, I fear those questions will never be answered. Maybe somebody will write a fanfiction to this fanfiction that answers these questions.... But for now, I recommend anyone who has the time and patience take a look at this piece.