A Sneak Peak at a new story? · 10:13am Nov 28th, 2016
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/355372/a-lowly-peridot
Password=Horseshoe
Because the Displaced stories where the MC is a bonafide badass right from the start aren't exactly... small in number.
I posted a short paragraph and a certain pic in the displaced idea thread. I then fell in love with the art style and the ideas running through my head, so I decided to steal my own idea and run with it. So this is now my starting attempt at not a standard 'normal' character like from some of my stories, but a full on broken character.
Physically and mentally.
So lets see if I can't completely mess this up, all right?
Story is still in first draft status, so please disregard any spelling or grammar issues.
Tell me what any of you think, ask questions... and.... yeah.
This looks interesting and look forward to seeing more of it. Most of the questions I have would be asked/answered as the story progresses. The only question I could think of at the moment is does this Peridot have the limb enhancers?
The concept is interesting and I like what you've written so far
Since you're the writer of a few of my favourite stories on this site, I really want to see what you'll create in the next chapters
firstly, why is he a actual crystal, we could say crystal ponys are not made out of crystal, how is he/she powering the entire area, why is he a pony gem, and this is just going to turn into every other HIE were they live with the main 6
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She did, at the point of her arrival into Equestria. Said limb enhancers were promptly confiscated and disassembled, the parts used for other ... 'projects'.
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First, the only part of her that is actually 'real' in the literal sense of the word is the gem stuck in her 'frontal head based region'. That is technically a crystal, so that's why her 'whole body' is crystal. The body projected past that... lets just say magic to be contrary, k?
The Crystal Gems are shown to be not only long lived, but practically immortal in the sense that they can't age in the show. It's shown that they can be degraded through corruption and stress (cracks, so on so forth) but beyond that they're practically immortal. Lets just say that a certain unicorn obsessed with stairs and crystals caught wind... and decided to... make use of her.
Why is she a pony gem? Because the king didn't like how her other form looked. He didn't like how she looked in her first pony form either... or her second... or her third... or her fourth...
And before you go and ask how he intended to make her stay how he wanted her to look... just go back and look at the stories picture, k?
Peri in this stage... lets just say I highly doubt they can pry her out of the room she's in, let alone cart her all the way over to Ponyville for some 'friendship lessons'. And not due to physical restraints.
Lets just say a little dog owned by Pavlov has nothing on her.
Why is there a question mark?
Speaking of which I'm ten chapters into a criminal investigation book, half way through a 20 year old volunteer firefighter manual, four chapters into a book about racism, I've almost finished the second section of a book about writing children's stories (apparently the writer of Godfather wrote YA novels), 3/4 of the way through animal farm, and about 1/4 of the way through a book about motivational interviewing, and six chapters into a wheel of time D20 campaign setting... and I'm still mapping out a short MLP parody comic featuring Oaxaca Dalecarlian (Whacky Dollar) who is going to be an Applejack/Cadence like character... Latchkey (Rainbow-Dash/Twilight) will have to be redrawn or updated, and Nimby (a Fluttershy-esque character obviously Not In My Back Yard).
Poor rule 63 Bret! Sorry, I haven't seen Steven Universe and 'she looks a bit like Bret from team galaxy. Also, Evee tails are awesome.
NEW displaced story?!
Awww! I miss my Kill la Kill! DX
Seems interesting so far. It definitely makes sense for Sombra to have an interest in a Gem. I shudder to think at just what Sombra might have accomplished with Peridot's tech... I'm also curious as to why Twilight is invisible to Peridot. A protection spell? Or is she an alicorn at this point and that somehow makes her imperceptible to Peri?
The fact that I'm asking these questions already shows that you have successfully captured my interest, so I commend you for your writing and curse you for your fiendish trapping of my interest.
Looking forward to more.
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Easy answer is... well, Sombra had a tight grasp on the publics knowledge. Propaganda and so on. So much so that a majority of the population of the Crystal empire believe the Princesses to be dead, killed by the King himself. It explains why they never came to rescue them, after all...
Anyway, the information network that Peri's currently hooked into is actually FORCING that belief in her, so much so that she can't even rationalize an alicorn standing right in front of her. Her eyes just slide over her, not even noting her presence.
4335199 Makes sense. Otherwise you'd kind of expect Pinkie Pie to yield an error message.
orig08.deviantart.net/fb2a/f/2013/246/d/d/screwphysicsimpinkiepie_by_rainbowyaz-d6ky5zn.gif
I assume that will come later.
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This is the video I'm watching at the very instant I opened that image.
https://youtu.be/3x-3Q4faVhs?t=71
I found the combination to be hilarious.
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And good god, Pinkie Pie? ... I haven't really planned for her...
*Forced Buh-duhm-tish*
Who can, though? Peri is definitely going to be struggling trying to rationalize the pinkette.
Oh hey, Query for everyone (assuming there's still anyone that comes to look at this- you know what?).
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There, now everyone that commented will get a callback.
So, Question for you social lot. Should 'Crystal Gems' be known to the populace of the Crystal Empire? Maybe not so overt as 'OH YEAH DEEZ WER OUR GODZ MANG' but maybe something much more subtle as in the vein of legends?
In another story that featured a crystal gem, the author had the populace of the crystal empire not only know of the crystal gems like they were common knowledge, but outright recognize her character and confuse her for the 'original'.
Now, I personally liked the story (I'm biased, for multiple reasons) but I can see how such a story element might be construed by certain readers as 'clumsy'. So my idea was that the knowledge isn't so 'on your face'. The populace know of crystal gems, but pretty much only that. They were a mythical race of ponies (because really, if you're going to go around white washing your history, might as well make your ancient heroes of history past the same race as you) that did something in relation to the Crystal Empire. Beyond that and a few almost forgotten names, nothing else is pretty much known.
So what do you think? Please respond with whatever criticism that you can think of. Tear it apart if you're able. I don't want to get all the way to pushing the publish button only to realize that I made a glaring plot hole that everyone will point out...
4335247 they can take on anyform, you could just say that whats his face found him and saw that he had a lot of energy
4335247 Equestrian history does seem to be rather vague at best, so it wouldn't be surprising if Crystal Gems had existed but nopony seemed to have noted the fact that they weren't exactly ponies to begin with. Perhaps the Gem Homeworld had attempted to make Equestria into a new Kindergarten, but were repelled by Gem Rebels and the Magic of Friendship (and maybe dragons since they eat gems
), leaving some Gem influence/architecture throughout Equestria, but most of the details and actual history being lost to common knowledge.
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Bret's brain was harvested and used as a computer to run alien empire in the third episode of Team Galaxy. I have literally no knowledge of Steven Universe.
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YOU'RE ON A CONVEYOR BELT. ROLL OFF.
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Just one more, Sombra was apparently a gem that became a pony based on the Fiendship is magic origin story.
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Also , thppppt!
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sorry about the delayed reply but life gives you troubles and mine is baking the cookie army.
To answer your question I think the mythical race idea seems right. It's the 'They do exist!' moment added to the already little/scrubbed history of the crystal empire that is going to make them question what else is true. What other myths exist out there...
Peridot and Spike meeting for the first time is going to be awkward.
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Spike, huh? Geez, that WOULD be pretty bad...
Finally got around to reading this. I like it, definitely an interesting idea.
Im not sure if I couldve posted this on the actual story, or if that would be spoiler or something, idunno but just to be safe Ill comment on here.
Can ^^
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As stated, the portion available is not only unfinished, but unedited.
*grins sheepishly*
But thank you for pointing it out all the same. Every little bit helps.
That out of the way, what do you think of it so far?
4408490 Well as far as I can understand, I dont see any contradictions with the story. I also really like the way you wrote Celestia, makes her a lil bit more, well, human. The ending was great, loved it.
Hello, I like the story so far and think it's a very interesting take on a Steven Universe crossover. Still not sure on the displaced human element since in Steven Universe there are already multiple copies of the same gem so this Peri could just be another Peridot from another cut that somehow got stranded in Equestria. Gem's came to Equestria and somehow got forced off but this one got somehow left behind. She's like the new Lapis.
Sorry, don't know why displaced is affecting me so much. Everything I've read so far is interesting and I like it.
But as for this chapter, Celestia is interesting, still caring and kind but the span of years has made her a bit distant to the day to day lives of the ponies. I think she'll learn soon that compared to gems, she herself is just a precocious teen playing grown up at the kids table. Long term planning? Chess games? Dearie, it's those day to day moments that ponies face that set the course of history.
I take it that Peri left and is heading back to her 'room' due to her conditioning. Understandable and a fun way to get her to run into various characters. I do like the idea of her meeting Spike. The crystal empire seems to have a magical property on him that he's less a mess up there than anywhere else in Equestria. After a terrified moment between the two, Peri out of fear of being eaten and Spike with memories still fresh of her rather violent release, both would be rather wary of the other. Spike though could follow her around to make sure she's OK and fill her in on the changes being made to the Crystal Empire since the last time she was top side. Just seeing the Crystal Heart back in place could be confusing to her. That and the giant statue of a baby dragon in the middle of the square there. Weren't crystal ponies supposed to be scared of dragons since Sombra said that they'd eat the ponies as well?
The two could become friends if this Peri has the same sarcastic wit of the one we know so much. They could be snark buddies. Plus, Spike is an assistant who's main job has always been to send and receive messages. Peri could see him as a crude, very crude, version of herself. An obvious downgrade to her own systems but carrying out a respectable job all the same. Very well, she will take him under her wing as it were and show him how a REAL information hub is supposed to operate. Spike could see Peri as having no life outside of her job and decide, very well, he'll take her under his wing as it were and show her how a REAL assistant is supposed to live.
Anyway, as for Alicorn Twilight and the time line, it seems fine as even the normal show time line is often a bit hard to fully see. Show wise, I think only two years have so far happened in Twilights life, just spread out over six seasons. Pretty sure Twi and company have only done two hearths warmings together so far.
So technically Twi going Alicorn happened not that long after the return of the Crystal Empire. So you could just say that this happens right after Twi gets wings but not too long after the Crystal Empire returned.
So Cadance was organizing the surface of the Empire, focusing on basic streets and homes and didn't even get to the underground facilities until only now. A combination of all the work that needed to be done upside, re-establishing basic contact with Equestria, and her own unfamiliarity with the more sophisticated Crystal Empire communication hub and networks. Equestria still uses newspapers and town criers while the Crystal Empire could potentially have holo-displays. So Cadance didn't work on the information hub until now simply because she didn't even know it existed or could exist. She did grow up in a small earth pony village as a child and then moved to a medieval castle for her teens. She just focused on what she knew and the crystal ponies around her didn't bring up the more sophisticated systems in need of repair because, 'She's the Princess. Of course she knows what she's doing. If she wants to focus on streets first then it's because it's all part of her grand master plan to restore the Empire. Who are we to question that?'.
So to sum up, Cadance didn't even know that the Comm Hub and other systems were even a thing that existed, much less needed to be checked on and repaired, until much later. And the ones that did know just assumed that she was leaving it alone for now because of 'Princess Reasons'.
Also, just a thought, but there are a lot of stories where someone comes from a more advanced society to a primitive one, but here Cadance is the opposite and is basically going from Amish Country to being in charge of Tomorrow Land. Really depends on how much Crystal Tech you want to have hidden beneath the surface of the Crystal Empire.
Sort of comes back to Celestia and her assuming that history will repeat itself in a predicable and plan able manner. If the Crystal Ponies are really that advanced, they could also have a different system of government than a simple monarchy. It could be more like the British system where there is the beloved royal family, but also a Parliament. Its just been suspended for so long under Sombra that no one has had time to hold elections yet and is also waiting for Cadance's go ahead, not realizing that she doesn't know what elections are or that she's supposed to be organizing them. So Celestia could find herself trying to convince Cadance to do something, but being outmaneuvered by a fully functioning Parliament that legally speaking makes all the real rules and policies.
Didn't expect to write this, hope I haven't offended you. I do like the story and I'm really interested in seeing where it goes and how it all plays out.
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I like you.
*tries to snuggle*
4412003 Thank you, if there is anything you need from me just ask. *snuggles back*
Also, random idea just popped up, but Peri finds, much, much, much, later on, that she can do a fusion with not just crystal ponies and Cadance when she's being amped by the Crystal Heart, but with Spike as well. Reason being that his diet of gems (non-sapient kinds) means that while he doesn't have a large gem on his body, gem minerals are literally in his blood. That and dragon biology is weird. During greed growth he grew to the size of a castle and back. So while he does not have a body composed of light like Gems do, it seems that dragons are heavily magic based, or at least not based on blood and bone as we understand it.
And as for Spike wanting to eat Peridot, it could be like how we eat meat, but if you were to look at your pet dog or a monkey the first thing that pops into your head would probably not be 'how would that taste?'. Or looking at another person. Sure they're made of meat and technically you could, but you don't eat things with a face or that can talk back to you. I'm going to assume that you don't feel any desire or hunger in such situations. So sure, Peri is a Gem, but she's a person/pony first who just happens to be made from a Gem. Strange, but definitely not food.
Thank you again and best of luck to you.
Why does this concept haunt me so? I'm so sorry but my mind keeps wandering to this.
Thinking on Celestia and Cadance, there really shouldn't be a way for a two thousand year old intelligence like Celestia to be outmaneuvered even by a governing body like a Parliament. She deals with her own collection of nobles and politicians everyday so she should be able to deal with them and handle the political games.
The only way such a long established and trained intelligence could be outmaneuvered would be if it were up against another intelligence that surpassed it in someway. Basically any single pony or simple collection of individual ponies should lose eventually to Celestia. But if she were to go against something that was more a collective rather than an individual, then that could throw her off her game as she would no longer be dealing with a simple pony.
To clear things up, the Crystal Empire could govern based on a type of crowd sourcing. If there really do have an interconnected information hub and were taught by alien teachers, then they could practice government in a way that's unlike anything Equestria or even Earth has seen. Each district in the Empire/City could send out and receive a list of tasks and issues that need to be addressed. The citizens themselves then crowd source to try to determine how each issue should be addressed while also updating the local (elected) district hub admin about future issues that they would like addressed. The district hubs then relay the plans and ideas gathered from the crowd source back to the general public for a round of elimination. Selecting which ideas are best and getting a consensus of what direction the Crystal Ponies want to go. There could be another round of eliminations or tweaking of ideas as new view points weigh in, but overall the idea with the most support will be sent to the Palace where Cadance, Shining, and the Royal Staff then carry out and implement the decision. If there is a dead lock on what to do, Princess Cadance then acts as the tie breaker.
This way Celestia would be up against more of a faceless entity rather than a single pony that she can get close to and try to influence. The decisions coming out of the Crystal Empire could change in style and stance dramatically and be unpredictable to her as she's more used to dealing with smaller groups of nobles of long time career politicians.
Of course this system of government would probably only work in a magical land of talking pastel crystal ponies who value love and friendship above all else. And have absolute faith in the new Princess and Royal Family leading them. And only in a small population like the Crystal Empire has. And only because they all more or less agree with each other.
So basically impossible in the real world. Just trying to figure out something that could actually match Celestia in political maneuvering. Or at least be so far outside of her experience that her millennia of expertise is nullified and now both parties are on equal footing.
Ugh, this is why having a competent and caring Celestia is so hard as an opponent. Unless she is nerfed to the point of being out of character, she's hard to oppose. By all accounts she should just get her way because she is just that good. Or your side has some sort of magic cheat like Tirek had. But trying to out think her, that's rough and I can see why the show doesn't have her on screen for very long.
Sorry for rambling, again just trying to figure out how Cadance and the Crystal Empire could realistically hold their own against Celestia's experience and expertise.
i love the way you started this story and the sneak peek!
i also love how you took the time to actually set up the characters, scenes, and world. Most Steven Universe fan fics and crossovers that i have seen don't put time or effort in the set up of...well... anything.
besides i really want to know what happened to the Crystal Gems like is Lapis just somewhere in the ocean, are Amethyst and the others in hiding somewhere? have all of them been separated from each other for the past thousand years? i really want to know,
Oh! and the concept that ayh proposed about 2 days ago on how their empire is run by a form of crowd sourcing intrigues me.
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I'm not sure it would work even then. Remember people frame ideas differently. I've encountered individuals who think of friendship as proof of concept. For instance, I've attended classes with store managers, musicians, nurses, nursing students, real estate agents, federal agents, police detectives, public information officers, and their offspring, among others. I don't know these things, or people, personally. But, because I took a classes in journalism, oral history, and others that required research and investigation it seems more likely I had the opportunity to interview a former county commissioner, know one of my classmates died, and completed group projects with nursing students, musicians, managers, real estate agents, people with disabilities, racists, or what have you... I may even be able to give you the names of a couple handfuls of people and my professors if asked directly (even though more than a few of them share a limited christian naming pool with names like Matthew, Peter, and David in common; although there was the odd Tia, Gwen, Georgia, Emily, Kevin, and Kelly among them).
But, the part that makes this concept I've met people from all walks of life as a college student much to fantastic to be believed, for a hiring agent at any rate, is that I made 'no friends' with any of my cohorts, companions, or classmates, or for lack of a better word allies. Simply becasue the apparent proof is in the pudding and not in how it tastes. So, if I believe I was the leader of a group that I named K.A.A.T. for personal reasons during eight of my class assignments one semester, the proof that I'm _lying_ (for some people) is that I kept the initial of my first name out of the naming process when thinking CAT made it easier to remember my classmate's names, (instead of something like G_kaat, or gatak-ah or kagat-oh), only becasue I didn't consider them my friends. Becasue, clearly, no one thinks good things of cats. Additionally, I must be using or taking advantage of those poor people who are not my "friends," or maybe I was not working as hard as the others, because I considered myself a leader and not the 'head' of the group, instead choosing to switch off roles based on expertise. Or, maybe I'm a bully becasue I had the audacity to complain if someone brought up an improvement or last minute issue less than 10 minutes before a class presentation, like I have some magical rendering powers that allow me to screen capture and splice a streaming video together, without any software, on the fly... Clearly, I'm totally not justified in being upset, in thinking myself a leader, thinking of myself as having executive functioning, or practicing social problem solving whatsoever, without people I consider my friends.
The idea that a communist party or some low level government official could outmaneuver a socially isolated individual is very real in my opinion. But, you're right, even if Celestia was between fortunes or had walled herself off in an ivory tower for 2000 years, as a supposedly immortal being one would think she could work around politics or government infrastructure. For instance, you mention a district Hub administrator...
... Celestia could reframe this concept to be a City hall or Town meeting with a Mayor and know exactly how to work the system in her favor.
4420600 ... Celestia could reframe this concept to be a City hall or Town meeting with a Mayor and know exactly how to work the system in her favor.
For this she could see it as a Mayor or Town Hall, and then be sidelined as Mayors and town halls are semi-isolated entities that deal with primarily local issues while this set up is openly influenced by different districts. An idea or work through for a local problem could come from some pony on the other side of the city, injecting fresh ideas into the community. This makes it harder to gauge the reactions and movements of each individual hub because they're so interconnected.
I know that I said the system is probably not going to work, but I wanted to point out that it is supposed to be different enough from what we and thus Celestia is used to that it can keep her off balance. It doesn't have to be this system, but the Crystal empire should have something that it can use to its advantage that reflects its alien influences and can give Celestia a run for her bits.
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Hmmm... Crystal gem teleporters, yea or neigh?
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I say yeah, I think it would be an interesting thing to see in here
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If you mean teleporters on every street corner in lieu of cars, then neigh. The Crystal Empire may be advanced and have Gem Technology but Steven and Co. wouldn't have tried to make it a full on Colony and would have limited some of the technology. Both due to not wanting to hurt the ponies and not having a lot of access to it themselves. Peridot and Pearl may know how to make a lot of things but even they are right now stuck with using Earth materials.
But with the Crystal nature of the ponies and the abundance of crystals in the area, then maybe you can say that Original Peri could maybe rig some sort of transport system, but not personal teleporters.
And if I'm completely reading the question wrong and you meant Warp Pads, then Yea.
Having a very limited number of Warp Pads could work and would even explain why a single city is called the Crystal Empire. There could be a room in the Crystal Palace that acts as a Central Warp Hub, that in days past, connected to several outposts and mini-colonies. Nothing off world or on the Moon, but small settlements in the North that due to being cut off from the main city, lost their protective shields and were buried in the snow over the years. And with Lapis exploring the oceans, there could even be an island colony or two. Similar to how in Steven Universe there are a few islands with Warp Pads on them like the Watermelon island and the island Saddie, Lars, and Steven were stranded on (Could be the same island, not sure).
Again, with the main city disappearing completely from existence for 1,000 years, these settlements became isolated and either died off due to lack of resources (tropical islands are not always self sufficient or good places for large populations despite what fiction would tell you) or now house lost tribes of Ponies. Could be fun to explore later on.
But yeah, a small collection of Warp Pads, limited in size and scope due to there only being one Peridot and Pearl back in the day who could make them. And even if they did have access to raw materials were still basically making each one by hand. So I don't see a huge mass production of them.
These pads connect to small hostile snow covered settlements, islands, or even deserts in the North and else where the Crystal Gems explored, that need their shields and climate control to be reactivated. Each mini-colony or settlement possessed some sort of tech or manufacturing that helped the rest of the empire. Like one could be devoted to food and hydroponics, another to research, another to refining crystals into crafted goods that used to be sold to Equestria, and so on. In total, this web of Warp Pads connect several different areas together and that in total makes up the entire Crystal Empire.
The reason why the settlements also died off when disconnected could also be due to something someone else noticed a while back. The Crystal Empire is almost all Earth Ponies. Almost every native pony we see in the Crystal Empire is an Earth Pony. We eventually see a few Crystal Pegasus guards, but we still haven't seen a Unicorn Crystal Pony. Maybe Crystal Ponies don't naturally produce enough Pegasi to control their own weather and even fewer Unicorns that they are near magic-less. Well, magic-less in terms of Unicorn magic, not the strange inner light they seem to posses.
So the reason why the Crystal Gems helped out the Crystal Ponies (besides being Crystal) is because back in the days before the pony unification, Crystal Ponies were seen as the bastard step-children of the dirt poor Earth Ponies and shunned. Not many fliers, all fancy looking like the snobbish unicorns, but powerless like mules, none of the main Pony Tribes wanted them. So the only place they could go to in order to avoid persecution was to the Frozen North where they barely scrapped out a living until the Crystal Gems appeared and elevated them to greatness. Supplementing their lack of weather control and magic with Gem Tech and finding them new lands to connect to with Warp Pads to provide them with the resources needed for their new home in the north. The Crystal Ponies now rely on Gem Technology (attuned to work only for them) the way the other pony tribes rely on their own inherit magic abilities.
................sorry. I went way off tangent there. To answer your question, Warp Pads yes, but not a whole lot. Personal teleporters in every home, definite no.
After that latest preview, all I can say is, I like that Cadence.
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Yes, becasue superior technology would create less self reliant or self sufficient ponies. The crystal ponies being slave labor save for having 'first world problems' could be highlighted. Since the population appears largely earth pony based, and the mentally advanced series -6 pointed out the problems with even cleaning up after themselves, the first step in making a slave population would be to take away their self sufficiency and economic self sustainability. Then, make the population all think they're disabled by forcing them into a universal healthcare system while setting up an education system that focuses almost exclusively on physical fitness, mathematics, and environmental sustainability before making the idea that one cannot get a job discounted as a first world problem until it reaches a critical point where they need 'help' which is distinct from aid or assistance in that it is an unequal balance of power.
Becasue prideful people make poor slaves, and in a communist society pride is defined as believing all people should be treated equally instead of the usual definition of selfish love. After you've convinced this mythical nation that equality is unattainable and the best they'll ever get is equity, only then can you create commercials about passing on values to your children like Gratitude, now redefined as worship and focusing on the individual value of a person in such a way which highlights that certain blatantly obvious differences are what make one person worth less than the other- at this point no one will question the concept they are seen as property, only equality issues and what makes one more equal than others are the focus.
The SAO characters have teleporting crystals and they live in a fantastically oppressive primitive magical society... inspired by the author's view of the United States of America unfortunately.