How To Not Cook Like a Fucktard #1: Pencil's All-Purpose Dough · 4:23am Nov 21st, 2016
You guys asked for it and you guys got it! Blog posts about cooking and recipes... however, this was probably not what you were expecting for my first blog. Simmer down though (hah, cooking pun) because I did this for a very good reason. As far as recipes go, most people want to know how to do something extreme, hardcore, fancy, unusual, or fast. I'll get to that, believe me, but we're going to start with a simple thing that I use every single week of my life: basic dough.
Here's some I made today! There's almost ALWAYS some in my home.
When I say basic, I do mean basic. This dough has a total of eight ingredients, and six steps, but it can be used in hundreds of ways, and modified for basically anything. I modify it for use in pasta, pierogies, bread, hand pies, pie crust, biscuits, muffins, crackers, tarts, and even pizza dough! What's more is that you can freeze this and, I've found, that it not only can be thawed without issue, but that it's sometimes better texture-wise AFTER thawing!
Basically, this dough is something you'll see versions of over and over again in my recipes. Dough is love, dough is life.
Without further ado, here is the simple recipe:
Prep time, <30 minutes.
1 cup sour cream
1 tbs butter (melted)
1 cup olive oil (cooking oil works fine)
1 tbs HOT water
3 cups all purpose flour (you’ll need more flour later, so get a big bag. Never hurts to have flour around.)
1 cup Bisquick (More flour instead is fine too if you don't have this, and gives a different texture)
2 eggs (one is actually fine if you add extra oil or just don't want your dough eggy)
1tsp salt
Directions:
1. Blend salt and flour, and Bisquick in a bowl
2. Combine melted butter, oil, sour cream, water, and eggs in bowl until smooth
4. Combine with dry ingredients and mix until smooth. It's going to get thick and sticky, and it may look like it's not blending, but keep mixing. It will come together.
5. Knead dough with your hands, like you would play dough when you were a kid, adding flour until it does not stick to your hands.
6. Cover with cloth, allow to sit for half an hour before using OR put in container and freeze.
Makes enough dough to probably coat a small dog, if you were so inclined.
Seriously. That's it. That's all there is to this. But hey, what good is dough without something to make? Well, I'll link back to this post in many recipes, but for now, let's stay basic. I'll keep it super simple this time, because you're going to be making noodles. That's right, no more buying boxed pasta, you can make the stuff from scratch! Are you ready for the super complicated procedure? Okay, here we go...
Noodle Directions:
1. Grab a ball of dough that's a manageable size (think about the size of an apple or less)
2. Cover a surface very lightly with flour. You may need to continue to re-flour the surface over time. Then put the dough on it.
3. With a rolling pin, roll the dough very very flat, or basically as thick as you want your noodles. If you do not have a rolling pin, you CAN use a bottle of wine, believe me, I've done it. If you don't have a bottle of wine then...damn son, I feel for ya.
4. Cut the edges off the big sheet of dough, so the piece is square. You can add the extra back to the other dough to use for later.
5. With a sharp knife, or pizza cutter if you like, cut long thin slits down the entirety of the piece to make individual noodles. The more you do this, the better you'll get.
6. Using a oiled skewer (I use this), chopstick, long spoon handle, or really any long thin object, put the noodles over it and hang them, dangling, to dry. Leave them danging until they're brittle. This should take 4 hours or more, but it can just sit there as you go about your merry business, unattended, no stress. Repeat steps 1-6 for as much noodlage as you wish to make.
7. VERY carefully, pull the noodles off whatever you used to hang them (take care, they are very breakable, and either cook them in boiling water (with a pinch of salt) until soft, OR put them in a bag in the freezer for later. These keep for fucking ever.
If you happen to have a pasta roller or maker, then just use that with the dough...you rich bitch you.
I had these just sitting in my freezer. Gonna make a pesto goat cheese cream sauce for em at some point.
So yeah, there you go. That's all. Done deal! You can now make your own pasta. Yay for not being completely inept!
BONUS INFO:
-Need more iron in your diet? You can stick some spinach leaves in a food processor and then add them to the dough while you're kneading. It makes the dough less stretchy, but also turns it green. So there's that.
-The biggest problem making noodles is usually not enough flour, or you cut the noodles too big. You'll get better the more you do it, so expect to make some mistakes.
-Noodles sticking to the surface you roll it on is a PAIN! But use flour. Do not use oil or butter on the surface. You'll regret it.
-Try adding spices to the dough or herbs! You can really get some interesting flavors in there. Just don't add cracked pepper, it's too course when you're rolling the dough.
-You might be raising your eyebrows at the use of sour cream in this. Well, here's why: this is based off a very old Polish recipe, with some minor tweaks in order to make it more all-purpose. In a lot of Polish cooking, you'll find sour cream, and this is no exception. Surprisingly, no, not Polish myself, but my Grandmother knew a whole ton of Polish recipes. She was German. I try not to think too hard about if those have any correlation.
Now, go get cooking.
-Pencil
Cool, simple and to the point I'll give this a try soon I'll let you know how it turns out. That is if you're interested.
Neato. I have a problem with saying things that sound sarcastic but really aren't.
All I know how to make are brownies. Bitchin' brownies that magically turn people into swarms of locusts and will give you diabetes just by looking at them.
Nice to expand my cooking knowledge, because pasta is pretty gnarly.
Would you be able to post a blog showing how to make scottish eggs and danish fried fish? I have never been able to figure out how to actually make these and was wondering if you have done so thus if you would be able to share this that would be great. Oh, I intend to try this recipe out and I'll let y'all know how it turns out.
4310995
Er...not things I know how to make, my apologies.
4311029 that's cool just thought I would ask. Any how I hope you have lots of fun cooking.
I just decided to check fimfic while watching priests stream.
I will have to try this in a week or two. I need to learn more recipes
I'm glad you started with the basics.
Bookmarked.
4311029
This reminds me of my mum's cabbage steaks that we had the last night before I came to America.
You do understand that I'm going to have to alter that picture of your hand in Photoshop, right?
why do you use olive oil and not butter?
4311760
Less fat.
Why not think about it? War trophies are fun.
Wow thanks!
I've been trying to learn to cook more food so this is awesome! Can you make a blog post on the dough recipe for the pie crust? Or muffins?
4312201
I'll talk about pie eventually, though honestly, you can use this dough pretty much as is for a simple pie crust. There are better ones, but this works in a pinch Just add sugar to make it sweet.
Coming to this site expecting more horse words and finding cooking tips on top of that?
i.imgur.com/hKG6u0u.png
Also, you mentioned something about a beer-batter crust the other day for that delicious looking pizza you showed us. How do?