Read It Now Reviews #97 – Relinquishing, How Many Princesses Does It Take, Celestia’s Secret, Psychopomp, Twilight Sparkle Lays an Egg · 2:46pm Oct 30th, 2016
You know, normally after a period of inactivity, folks would say that they climbed back on the horse, but in Equestria, that sounds a little bit dirty.
These are some of the stories I read while I was also reading stories for the FlutterDash contest.
Today’s stories:
Relinquishing by Chris
How Many Princesses Does It Take by Georg
Celestia’s Secret by Robo Bro
Psychopomp by Nyronus
Twilight Sparkle Lays an Egg by Georg
Relinquishing
by Chris
Sad
1,054 wordsOn one day each year, Celestia and Luna turn control of the sun and moon over to a group of the most powerful unicorns in Equestria. Twilight is finally old enough to take part.
But she can't.
Why I added it: Chris is a good writer.
Review
Twilight is forced to watch a group of the most powerful unicorns in Equestria perform a yearly ritual to raise the sun on their own in order to ensure that there are unicorns who know how to do it in the absence of Luna and Celestia.
Twilight can’t take part because she’s an alicorn now.
This makes her sad.
I have to say I’m not sure if this really did it for me. The core of the idea was potentially interesting, but the problem is that the story is structured such that the reason for Twilight’s emotional state is not clear to us for most of the story. It is eventually revealed, and the story ends.
This story is marked as sad, but I didn’t feel for any character in it. I think this story made the mistake of concealing material which was vital for us to understand how a character was feeling, and then told us to feel sorry for them. You can’t do this. I know I’ve tried formulating stories like this before in outlines, and it becomes clear as you run through them in your head that if your primary goal is to get the audience to empathize with a character, you need to let them understand why they’re feeling the way that they do. Even if you must conceal the real reason why they’re feeling bad, you should at least hit on the emotional state from other angles.
Here, though, I wasn’t really left feeling wistful along with Twilight, and indeed, even after it was all explained, it still didn’t really click with me emotionally.
Recommendation: Not Recommended.
How Many Princesses Does It Take
by Georg
Comedy
1,459 wordsThe sun has gone out over Equestria, sending Princess Twilight Sparkle and her friends off to Canterlot to deal with whatever new villain has caused the disaster.
...thankfully, it turns out to be a far smaller problem than anticipated.
Why I added it: Georg is a good writer, and it was at the top of the featured story box.
Review
After the Sun goes out with a quiet pop, Twilight and her friends run off to Canterlot to try and find out the source of the problem.
It turns out to be much more mundane than expected.
I should have guessed what the punchline of this was going to be from the title, but I didn’t.
Unfortunately, that’s… really all there is to this joke. And while there’s some back-and-forthing there, and the actual punchline is amusing to some extent, it feels like the punchline comes very early in the story and the rest is just sort of the story deflating from there. It feels too long even at 1,400 words, and I was left at the end without a feeling of a strong conclusion.
Recommendation: Not Recommended.
Celestia’s Secret
by Robo Bro
Sex, Comedy, Romance
2,222 wordsAt the end of the Grand Galloping Gala, Princess Celestia has invited Twilight Sparkle to her personal chambers so that she could tell her a secret that she has kept from her for a very long time. The excited, love struck Twilight Sparkle eagerly awaits the arrival of her mentor and the confession that she felt was appropriate to make in such an intimate setting. The secret that is revealed is not at all what Twilight was expecting.
Why I added it: It was featured.
Review
Celestia invites Twilight to her bedchambers after the Grand Galloping Gala in order to tell her a secret.
It isn’t the secret Twilight was hoping for.
Sadly, the secret is not only a non-sequitur, it doesn’t really feel like it makes sense even in the context of the story. It is ridiculous, but it is ridiculous in a way that fails to feel all that consistent with Celestia’s character, or really play off of anything we see in the show. It just feels random.
Without some connection to the character, it is hard to really care about the secret or its potential ramifications, and the secret, while absurd, feels like it is just kind of arbitrary – humor like this is often best when it subverts expectations rather than disregarding them entirely, and while her secret is kind of funny, the subsequent explanation felt like it was trying a bit too hard and was a bit belabored.
Recommendation: Not Recommended
Psychopomp
by Nyronus
Slice of Life
2,156 wordspsy·cho·pomp – ˈsīkōˌpämp - noun: (in Greek mythology) a guide of souls to the place of the dead.
Luna and Twilight have a conversation at a crucial juncture in Twilight's life. Celestia and Applejack discuss it after the fact.
A story about moving on, the recurrence of things in eternity, awkwardness, and friendship.
Why I added it: The title. Also, Nyronus is a good writer.
Review
Celestia tells Applejack a story about Luna accompanying Twilight to the afterlife, acting as a psychopomp after Twilight died. Rather than just being a story we’re reading, it is a story within a story. This allows some injections of Celestia’s view of things into the story, but it also means that the reader is somewhat distanced from the events.
And unfortunately, I ended up not really engaging here. I didn’t end up really empathizing strongly with any of the characters in the story – I was told how they were feeling, but I never felt it viscerally. I never really got swept up in a sense of loss, or of sadness about it, or… anything, really. It just kind of felt a bit muddled to me, and by the end, I was left wondering what the point was supposed to be.
Recommendation: Not Recommended.
Twilight Sparkle Lays an Egg
by Georg
Comedy, Drama
3,467 wordsPrincess Twilight Sparkle discovers a fact about alicorn reproduction she never expected.
So do the other princesses.
Why I added it: It was featured, and Georg is a good writer.
Review
Twilight wakes up to find a certain dampness under her covers and a large egg bearing her cutie mark in her bed.
On the one hand, she’s fairly sure that alicorns don’t lay eggs.
On the other hand, there seems to be life within the egg. But even as she watches, it seems to slowly be fading…
Meanwhile, downstairs, Luna and Celestia giggle about something, while Spike eats pancakes.
This is kind of a silly story. I’m not sure if it is up everyone’s alley; the bit with Twilight is a bit ridiculous, but Georg apparently thinks it is funny to make Twilight believe ridiculous things, as evinced by [some of his previous stories.](https://www.fimfiction.net/story/256913/my-brother-the-tooth)
On the other hand, Spike’s totally blasé acceptance of the inevitable in this story really makes the piece, in contrast to Luna and Celestia not quite realizing who they’ve pranked here.
This story is rather silly, and quite short. It is dependent on your enjoyment of absurd things, as well as of Twilight overreacting in response to a prank. But if that sounds at all up your alley, this is likely to be at least vaguely amusing.
Recommendation: Worth Reading.
Summary
Relinquishing by Chris
Not Recommended
How Many Princesses Does It Take by Georg
Not Recommended
Celestia’s Secret by Robo Bro
Not Recommended
Psychopomp by Nyronus
Not Recommended
Twilight Sparkle Lays an Egg by Georg
Worth Reading
I also have a “Read It Now” written back in September that I completely forgot to post; I’ll have to post it as a “Read It Later”.
Now, to get back to work on my own writing.
Number of stories still listed as Read It Sooner: 159
Number of stories still listed as Read It Later: 548
Number of stories listed as Read It Eventually: 2039
I read 3 of these stories.
How Many Princesses Does It Take by Georg
I found it mildly amussing
Celestia’s Secret by Robo Bro
Eh I read it and well ya it's not very good but it would have been better if her secret was a different one.
Twilight Sparkle Lays an Egg by Georg
This one I found to be hilarious. It's one of those stories I would like to read when I want to/need to something silly to read. (If that makes any sense at all. I am kinda silly myself)
I found TSLAE more drama:adventure and less comedy in feeling.
4277461 Comedy can be very hit-or-miss, particularly with pastel ponies. The hardest part of comedy that I'm still trying to get a good angle on is something I read once from one of the major comedians (and paraphrased because I can't remember who): Comedy is less actions and more reactions. Less characters and more characteristics.
My first exposure to trying to 'get under the hood' of what makes something funny or not (instead of just laughing) was Robert Heinlein's The Moon is a Harsh Mistress where Mannie is teaching Mike (an accidental AI) about what is funny and what is not. (It's where I picked up the concept of 'funny-once') I literally wore the cover off that paperback book. In short, there are no funny nouns, there are only funny verbs and situations. In 'Princesses' I should have milked the situation for drama more before the reveal, much like I did in 'Egg.' However, even though both of the stories are 'funny-once' situations, I've seriously considered doing a somewhat longer third chapter for 'Egg' where Twilight introduces her newborn to her friends (Yeah, like that won't be embarassing). Edit: I've added a second chapter called 'Power Failure' for 'Princesses.'
I don't remember TD ever doing another review that had two stories from one author (Thank you, TD!) but that's not all. I also did a Never The Final Word for Chris's Relinquishing. Trifecta! (and Trixie is Best Pony)
Thanks for the review, TD! I'm sorry the story didn't do much for you. Although I obviously wanted readers to empathize with Twilight, it wasn't my intention for this to be a "now feel sad!" kind of story (I was using the Sad tag to indicate the overarching mood of the protagonist, not that the reader is supposed to feel sad. I may be using the tag wrong. Also, I'm bad at tagging
). Still, it's nice to see "Chris is a good writer" in any context, and now I can add "Not Recommended by Titanium Dragon" to my list of FiMFic achievements! It's not quite so coveted as a PresentPerfect NR, but it's one off the checklist nevertheless.
Also, if you thought the story needed a different emotional tenor, definitely give 4278708 's epilogue a look!
A dragon getting atop a horse? C'mon, man, there's nothing dirty about that!
Not even if you tie the horse up first!
i.ytimg.com/vi/YGG3mRUtBz4/maxresdefault.jpg
totally a children's show
4278708
Have a fixed link, since yours goes to Heinlein instead of my collection.
4280609 Arrgh, bloody stupid Copy, Paste, Paste instead of Copy, Paste, Copy, Paste. Fixed!
Yeah, Spike is the only dragon in Equestria with points put into the Ride skill, Shining Armor is the only pony with points put into Thrown Weapon (Spouse), and Cadence with points into Being Thrown.
Of course those will be wasted skill points once he gets fully-grown, so maybe the GM will let him change the skill into Being Ridden. Otherwise, it could get awkward.
"Onward, my fair steed! To Lady Rarity's! For tea!"
"Spike!" groaned Twilight Sparkle from somewhere underneath him. "Get off!"
I think the joke with Secret is that Celestia was just messing with Twilight.