I Need New Batteries

“Why do you need new batteries?” you may ask me. Well, it is because of one of my FlashLights died and the other one is slowly dimming. Okay, my dead FlashLight isn’t just dead. It is totally destroyed, and it will take a lot more than new batteries to fix it. Let me go ahead and describe the circumstances that lead to the death of my FlashLight.

I think it happened right around the time I watched Legend of Everfree. If you’ve read my other blog post, then you know how horribly irritated I am about it. Well, I read this review on deviantart by arthurcrane and the supplementary journal that went with it, and I realized that I agreed with pretty much everything that he had to say. This made me realize something important yet unsettling. EG!Twilight as she is currently being portrayed shouldn’t be together with Flash. She shouldn’t even be together with the flirtatious yet unattractive guy the movie staff lumped her together with. (I don’t know why, but I just don’t find flirts attractive. If you personally do, that’s none of my business.)

It took me a while to realize this, but I think my second biggest problem with Legend of Everfree is that everything that allowed me to relate to SciTwi in The Friendship Games is essentially gone. I mean, in The Friendship Games, Twilight reminded me of the person I was in high school. Like her, I went to a school where students valued success and achievement over true friendship, and like her, I had trouble fitting in with other kids my age. I had such a hard time fitting in that I actually thought I was better off alone. Like SciTwi, I also had my share of laudable accomplishments, but I was so lonely that I sometimes felt like I was going insane. Yeah, it was uncanny how similar I was to SciTwi during my high school years, but I got better because when I went to college, I made a group of friends that supported and cared for me, just like she did at the end of The Friendship Games.

Well, unlike me, SciTwi in Legend of Everfree didn’t get better because she was too busy feeling sorry for herself to let her new friends be there for her. I mean, this girl spent part of the last movie lamenting how alone and miserable she is. She finally has a chance to get away from that, she’s finally around other people who want to help bring out the best in her, and she still acts like she thinks she’s better off alone. Sure, she gets a little better near the end, but by then, it was too little too late for me. I know a lot of people are going to disagree with me about this, but a girl who is so full of insecurity and self-pity that she can’t even trust her own friends isn’t ready for a romantic relationship with anybody, not Flash, not Timber, not anyone. I wouldn’t even ship her with an OC at this point. To summarize, SciTwi is the biggest reason why my EG!FlashLight is dead and destroyed. The only way this FlashLight will ever work for me again is if Hasbro took it a part and put it back together with better parts, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but one of those parts that need replacing is EG!Twilight.

Pony!FlashLight, on the other hand, thankfully isn’t dead for me, but it is unfortunately dimming. Pony!Flash’s existence hasn’t been acknowledged since Season 4. I was okay with this during Season 5 because none of its episodes took place in the Crystal Empire where Flash presumably still worked. This season, however, we have visited the Crystal Empire twice, and Flash hasn’t even made a single cameo. One episode even had a fairly strong military presence, and neither hide nor hair of him was seen. I am hoping against all reasonable hope that his absence was due to him being stationed elsewhere and not because Hasbro deliberately erased him from existence in an attempt to separate the show from Equestria Girls as much as possible, but I honestly don’t know how much longer this FlashLight can last on just fanart and fanfiction. It’s not that the fanworks aren’t good. I just really want something in canon indicating that pony!FlashLight is a possibility. I’m not asking for the ship to be certain. I’m just asking for possible. That’s all I’m asking.

(Caution: you are now approaching a tangent)

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P.S. I think the saddest part about pony!Flash’s lack of acknowledgement is that he is the second member of the royal guard to be given a name , making him the second indication that the royal guard isn’t just a mass of nameless and faceless cannon fodder. Without him, the royal guard canonically goes back to being nothing but another little known, barely acknowledged branch of the Equestrian military populated by clones and recolors. How is it that we have had several military-centric episodes featuring the Wonderbolts yet none featuring the royal guard? I know the royal guard’s job is less action-packed and more thankless than that of the Wonderbolts, but shouldn’t the fact that it’s made up of ponies taking time to serve their country garner it just a little more respect and attention than what it’s currently getting? I might be asking for much, but you know what I would love to watch in Season 7? I would love to see a lower deck episode featuring Shining Armor and the royal guard. Maybe said episode could even have a few scenes with pony!Flash directly answering to Shining Armor like a lieutenant or something. Maybe it could even be a Veteran’s Day special or a Memorial Day special. Maybe said episode could even have an end card saying “In honor of our military families, thank you for your service” right before the credits roll. Wouldn’t that be nice?

Okay, I don’t know why I suddenly felt the need to defend the Equestrian military. I’m not a servicewoman. I have no plans of becoming one, and to be honest, I’m a probably WAY too sensitive for the job. None of my family members are currently serving or have served in the past. I also don’t personally know anyone in the military. Furthermore, I am keenly aware that our military has made terrible, costly mistakes both as a group and as individuals both in the past and the present. On that note, however, I do know that our country as we know it today wouldn’t be possible without our military and that our military is made up of good people who willingly put their lives and well-being on the line in service of our country as a whole. Assuming that the last sentence also applies to Equestria’s military, maybe I should be defending it.