Hiatus Notice: Chuck Is An Ass · 8:26pm Oct 15th, 2016
Buridan's ass is an illustration of a paradox in philosophy in the conception of free will. It refers to a hypothetical situation wherein an ass that is equally hungry and thirsty is placed precisely midway between a stack of hay and a pail of water. Since the paradox assumes the ass will always go to whichever is closer, it will die of both hunger and thirst since it cannot make any rational decision to choose one over the other.
So, I've been pretty quiet lately. No updates, no new stories, hell, no blog posts for a while even. Life has been... odd, lately.
For the last six-odd months, I've been looking after my cousin. She's younger than me, carries a slew of mental illnesses like me, and she grew up in a household that makes Trainspotting look like Teletubbies. Her parents are both meth addicts. They never taught her to read, and actively encouraged her to miss school. We went to visit her mum a while back, and in the first two minutes of conversation her mum had already mumbled that Cousin was overweight, underdressed, poor, frowny, and smelly.
(for the record, she was none of those things apart from 'frowny,' and I can't blame her for that)
Cousin has turned into a little sister for me, and so I'm helping her get the stuff she needs to have a stable, non-shitty life. Between working on the actual 'work' she needs for that, like reading, jobhunting etc, and the emotional support she needs in terms of friends, reassurance, dealing with a lifetime of low-self-esteem and the constant anxiety that comes from growing up under a pair of unstable drug fiends, keeping away suicidal thoughts.... well, there's a lot of work.
Specifically, it's stressful work that makes writing near-impossible. One of the artefacts of my somewhat-treated ADD is that my writing-work style isn't so much time-intensive as calm-intensive. If I keep thinking how long it's been since I sat down to do a proper reading lesson with Cousin, I'm less calm. If I keep thinking that I need to work with her on the job hunt despite the fact that I'm terrible at job hunting and she's functionally illiterate, I'm less calm. If I keep thinking that my lack of work on those fronts is going to make her more isolated, and the isolation is going to lead to suicidal despair, I'm less calm. And if I keep thinking that if I blow her off too many times when I'm concentrating, and she's effectively alone with no emotional support, and that's going to lead to another suicide attempt, I can't even be in the same postcode as calm.
Also, though we're both on the spectrum, I'm an introvert and she's an extrovert. She needs to be social and talk to people and be around people to function. I need good helpings of literally the opposite to be at my best. So, since her best friend recently moved abroad, and she's relatively new to the area, we're both in an equilibrium of trying to get from each other what we need to function without driving each other crazy.
Now, some of you might be saying 'wow that sounds stressful' and others might say 'pffft, I've dealt with far worse, loser.' I, personally, am finding it stressful. Stressful enough that it's essentially erased the progress I've made with ADHD drugs, and stressful enough that I've wandered a few times into breakdown-adjacent territory.
But most of that stress hasn't really been about Cousin. It's about ten different urgent priorities in different aspects of my life that all need my undivided attention, me flailing between them, unable to commit to a single on, and me hiding under my bed for hours every morning playing Pokemon: Reborn until I absolutely positively have to get up and do something mundane.
I've decided that I need to narrow my priorities. Since Cousin is family, as close as can be without being Scarlet or a parent, getting her on track is now my priority. Therefore, for the next few months, writing isn't just on the back-burner, it's off the hob. Right now, I'll be shocked if I update anything before Xmas.
I'll still be around for questions, pokes, and chats, and I'll still be reading and commenting, but until I say otherwise, my writing output will be as cold and empty as Eric Trump's eyes.
Thanks for listening,
Chuckles.
Hang in there, man. You're doing the right thing here, and your horse words, as fun as they are, easily take a back burner to taking care of family. I wish you and Cousin the best of luck in everything.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go enact some revenge upon my own Cousin for his latest Halloween prank. Cousins all come with some form of stress, but by god, they're worth it in my book.
Thanks for sharing. Hang in there, and best of luck to you and your cousin!
Entirely understandable. Asking you to write when you have much higher and vastly more stressful priorities hanging over your head would be insane. Best of luck to the both of you.
Good job prioritizing your life. Most "my life is falling apart" blog posts seem to happen because they failed to do what you're doing. If it helps, have your cousin write fanfiction for you. Delegate
You're doing a good thing.
That's... a perfectly legit excuse. I hope all goes well for you and Cousin.
heh, Don Jr always seemed like the scarier one in my opinion.
Caring for another person in between functioning in your own life aint easy, but you're doing it for the right reasons. make sure you get enough of your own time.
Damn, this isn't the news i was looking for when i finally got around to reading The Quiet Equestrian. Just came back to FimFiction after a year break, myself.
Guess ill carry myself over with that e-book you published. Good luck out there man.
Well, damn, Chuck. Best wishes and hope it all works out for the best. I can't imagine what it's like and I'm not going to pretend that I do or that I can, so instead have my sympathy and some words of encouragement;
You got this. Go out and grab life by the pussy.
Good thoughts.
We'll be here when things calm down.
That's cool you're helping her like that. Best of luck.