Chapter 13 · 7:44am Sep 16th, 2012
As you may or may not know, I was on a long Hiatus after I took down Chapter 13 and the Epilogue of Lost Time, but I am proud to say that I am back. I have gone through Chapter 13 and cut or rewrote some parts, but then completely revised the last part of it. The ending is still in production, but it is actually going to be Chapter 14, and then the Epilogue which should finally conclude the story.
So now on to the important part. I am inviting a few people to come and pre-read Chapter 13 for me. Preferrably those who disliked the ending yet still kept me on their tracking list, but also a few who liked the ending as well.
The new ending isn't meant to specifically please anyone besides myself. I saw the error in the path my story took and I rewrote it in a way that I saw more fitting. I also completely omitted the Discord flashback (but not deleted; I intend to use it for a later side story.)
If you are interested in pre-reading it, please post in this blog and tell me if you disliked or liked the previous ending. I want to get this chapter out to you guys as soon as possible but not before I'm confident I didn't miss anything. It makes sense to me, but I want to make sure it makes sense to you.
You're back!? WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I really liked that scene. Whether it fit in the story is questionable (which, I suppose, is why you took it out), but it was very well-done, I thought.
As for pre-reading, I'd be glad to take a look. However, I'm not sure if I'd be much use beyond saying, "That was good!" I can probably bring myself to be more critical, but I can't make any guarantees. As for the ending, I had mixed feelings.
Loste time - Rebooting
Yay!
362191 I took it out of THIS story but I will probably put it as a side story to Lost Time. I really like the part too, but it really didn't fit in the storyline. I realized that a lot of people actually skipped it just because it was wedged in.
362207
Whoops. Forgot part of my comment. Silly me...
I intended to mention that I was glad to see it would be used for a side-story.
362216 Okay, and since you are interested, are you able to access Google Docs?
362225
Yep. PM you my gmail?
362234 Na I just put it on link share. Plz dun distribute...
362237
Don't distribute, you say?
On to 4chan that link goes... dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/discord.png
362241
okay...
It's been a while since I've read the story so I can't remember exactly what happens. I guess I'll have to fix that at some point. I think the biggest thing I disliked was your version of how Alicorns work, but that's just because it was sad (I guess you're not going to change that though, considering that's a main part of the story). I can man up and get through that I guess. I'd love to pre-read, though. I did enjoy the ending despite looking forward to the newer one.
Man, it has been a while. I remember that I thought the ending was rather convoluted in a story that had been, up to that point, fairly simple and straightforward. I'm willing to offer up an opinion on it, as long as you don't mind me taking a few days, because I'm going to have to re-read the last few chapters to remind myself what the lead-in is.
You may remember me as the guy who compared it to the Mass Effect 3 ending.
A little late to the party here, and by now I'm sure you've got enough proof readers--still I'd like to submit my candidacy. I'd be happy to give it a look.
As for how I felt about your original ending; I neither hated or loved it. I think my biggest disappointment with it is something that won't be changing. That is, the point of Twilight replacing Celestia. It really has nothing to do with your fic; I just dislike that story element, mostly because it typically involves a character I really enjoy dying in some fashion--aka Celestia.
But that in no way has anything to do with how well the fic is written or handled.
I would imagine that many took issue with the original epilogue's shortness, and the fact it suddenly jumped ahead 4000 years. But despite that, I felt it still managed to do what I believe you intended it to; that is, to round things out and bring the tale full circle.
And unless I forgot reading about Pinkie getting healed, her sudden return to normality was a little surprising in chapter 13. And while I didn't mind the Discord part ( I really liked the trick Celestia and Luna pulled on him), it probably does work best for the story to ommit it. Ha, I also liked that little trick you pulled on us at the funeral, making it seem like Scoots had died--I had to laugh when I realized what you did. I admit, you got me XD
Personally, I think what could really help it out is adding more of a focus on the characters--everything moves so quickly once they get back. Does anyone ever tell Rainbow to spend more time with Scootaloo? How does Twilight react seeing her grown up Spike as a baby again--does she give him any hints about Sweetie Belle? I think, if you really wanted to drive the emotional knife home, show the mane six being together, knowing their time is running out (perhaps only Twilight and Rarity know, or maybe it's one of the last times they get to spend together). Of course, this depends on how sad and painful you wish to make the ending, because the more you focus on the separation, the more it'll hurt, though you can still handle it very well, IMO. You could also find a way to make it bittersweet.
Anyway, those are some of my thoughts. Like I said, I'd be happy to give your edited stuff a good look, but it's your choice. As it is, I'm looking forward to seeing them, however they turn out.
Good luck, and keep it up!
I was not a very big fan of your original ending, to be blunt. But I still kept tracking you because you have a lot of potential. I would love to be a prereader if you're interested.
It's been a year now. Are you ever going to finish that story?