Story Reviews » SA Reviews #91 · 11:36pm Sep 27th, 2016
Seattle's Angels is a group that promotes good stories with low views. You can find us here.
On a glistening beach sat Red with a fishing pole. It wasn't working out so well, given he had thrown the line about as far as one could throw a squirrel if they were lazy and drunk, and the waves crashed with grinding monotony to bring the hook back to shore every time they came in. The squirrel didn't care, as he was currently the living embodiment of 'vegged out,' his blank gaze hidden behind oversized sunglasses.
Corejo came up behind him, peering over the horizon.
"That's a mighty big ocean, I tell ya h'what," he said.
"Eeyup," said Red.
"Mmhmm."
"Yeah."
A radio next to Red crackled, and a panicked voice on the other end said, "Corejo! Red! Where have you been? There's clamoring at the door for more reviews!"
"I'm, ah, fishing 'em out as we speak, Arch," Red replied, moving only just far enough to push the transmit button. "It's, uh, looking like it's taking awhile here."
"People are clamoring? Really?" wondered Core.
"Well, it's not so much clamoring as a few people wandering up every few hours knocking on the door," said Arch. "But better late than never, aye? Make sure you work hard and—"
"Uh, what's that Arch?" Red said loudly. "Your beard's in the way of the mic again!"
"My what? I—"
Red "accidentally" tipped the radio over speaker-first into the sand. "Nobody tells me to work hard except the missus," he said to Core's frumpled expression. Suddenly, the bobber bobbed.
"Ooo," said Core. "Looks like we got a bite!"
ROUND 91
STORY 1
Feedback, by RQK
Princess Twilight Sparkle has died a hero, but no one knows why.
Between an ancient evil that had not even existed until she struck it down, a mysterious crystal ball that bears some unknown significance, and a set of cryptic notes and behaviors from the Princess during her final days, the circumstances behind it all are murky at best and suspect at worst.
And the rabbit hole only grows deeper from there.
There are few stories that really let you have it, throwing adventure, angst, moments of triumph and moments of grief at you all in the same chapters. Feedback is one of those stories, combining the high adventure of fetch-questing with the hijinks of time travel and alternate universes. When I say it starts with Twilight’s death and escalates from there, you know I mean it.
The writing does need an editor’s hand in some areas. For all the emotion that comes of an important friend’s death, it didn’t quite hit me the way it was supposed to. Though this may have been from my growing paranoia when I realized what kind of story I was reading; even for a fic about strange time loops I could barely follow the action for a lack of exposition at the start of new chapters. For a time I was concerned I was reading each chapter as an alternate timeline, but it turned out even that fear was not entirely unfounded. But it was partly my bemused confusion at the whole situation, and also my pleasure at finding a real adventure story that kept me pressing through to the end.
Twilight and Sunset and time loops, oh my!
Okay, it’s not really time loops per say, but there’s a whole lot of timey-wimey stuff going on in this one. Also, there’s Twilight and Sunset Shimmer. What more could you ask for?
Alright, fine, fine, I’ll tell you why you should really like this story. Not that those two aren’t perfectly valid reasons.
So the gist is that there’s some evil horror imprisoned beneath Canterlot Mountain and only Twilight has very recently come to know of it. With the imminence of said evil’s release, Twilight sacrifices herself to keep the monster imprisoned and Equestria safe.
Except, apparently, she never died at all.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we have a [Dark] [Mystery] on our hands! And boy, is it a goodun’! From the twists and turns the plot takes, to the interactions of our heroines, this story will see your eyes glued to your monitor as Twilight and Sunset work together to contain the evil bent on breaking free of its prison and destroying the world.
For real, though… All the intricacies of RQK’s take on time got me all hot and bothered on an intellectual level. Like, seriously, unf Of the four this round, this is my top recommendation.
In the deserts of Saddle Arabia, an explorer finds more than he bargained for in an ancient tomb.
I love me a good romance. I mean actual romance. I don’t mean to bash clop or anything, but the preponderance of erotica on this site precludes most effort by authors to create a truly honest and sensual romantic experience. Of course, this story is not exactly sensual, nor traditionally romantic, but it is eye-catching and heartwarming.
This story comes recommended due to what it doesn’t do; that is, anything you might expect a story about a lonely stallion happening across a beautiful, magical, subservient mare that calls him ‘Master’ would do. In just a few short chapters it introduces a unique view on the genesis of a djinn which fits remarkably well with MLP canon, gives you tantalizing views of a larger world yet to be explored, and provides a simple and well-made love story that isn’t overstated or drawn too thin over too many words. The djinni herself is at turns cute and mythical, and the stallion may be a bit of a blank slate, but I grew attached to him nonetheless. So grant my wish and read it already!
A genie in a lamp story! World building! A third reason to be excited!
Joking aside, there’s plenty to love and be excited for here in The Djinni’s Tale. Set in what can be inferred as the far-flung past, a stallion goes on a journey to an ancient tomb deep in the Saddle Arabian desert in search of artifacts with historical/magical value, where he happens upon a genie in a bottle. Worldbuilding and other such fantastic headcanon ensues.
What strikes me as the most fitting (and immediately important element to suspension of disbelief) in this story is the explorer’s earlier caution. While most authors might be content allowing their protagonist to leave caution to the wind at the thought of getting three wishes from a spirit released from a magic lamp, but Snake Staff doesn’t even bother hanging that lampshade, electing for the more natural—and smart!—approach: unwavering caution.
This might seem like an odd thing to point out, but just understand what I mean when I do. It’s moments like that that really bring out the best in the story, that Snake Staff understands the material and the weight of the world and the actions/choices characters make within it. That’s the mark of a good author, and it’s wonderful to see that intelligent story choices like this are prevalent throughout. It really adds the polish to an already intriguing story. Did I mention the pacing is absolutely splendid? Because it is. There’s no nonsense to be found here.
A beautiful story from start to finish.
A series of personal tragedies has left Roseluck despairing of life. Now in the hospital, she faces a difficult path to recovery from her depression. With caring but imperfect friends, an unconventional counselor, and a head full of questions, will she ever return to a happy, normal life?
Wouldn’t it be nice if most of our problems in real life could be solved with a blast of a friendship rainbow? Just one look and poof! There goes your financial burden. Poof goes your melancholy. Poof goes your feelings of loneliness. Well unfortunately this is real life, little filly, so buck up and get ready for a story about it!
Bed of Roses isn’t exactly a ‘pony’ story. As far as I can tell there’s no problem as insurmountable as depression and suicidal thoughts in Equestria, or if there are it’s handled much differently than for us. But what are ponies if not a mirror from which we can see some of ourselves? So perhaps, if you struggle with the problems Roseluck does in this story, it helps you too. This story is best described as “domestic” in that it skirts around the issue of cutie marks, downplays the magical remedies to everyday maladies found in the show, and doesn’t deal with anything beyond what a totally normal person might face. It’s refreshing, sometimes, to get a story like this, unburdened by the need to justify a brand-spanking new magic system or why a dragon can have kids with a griffon. The writing isn’t particularly subtle, but it doesn’t detract from a solid theme of “friends can still help the worst situations, even if they aren’t farting rainbows.”
Depression sucks.
It's a difficult thing to pin down when rooting through your feelings, be it the feelings, the causes, the seclusion and all the other little factors at play. But putting that into words others can empathize with? That's the real feat.
A Bed of Roses is about Roseluck fighting through depression as one tragedy after another impacts her life. It strikes a meandering pace fitting in tone, and treads a very introspective line in perspective. If you like interpersonal relationships and finding inner strength, this one is definitely up your alley.
While its light on the body language, which leaves some sections wanting in terms of inferences, writing strength is definitely present here, and so is the understanding in no small part.
Half the Battle states in the author notes that this is a recollection of his experiences with depression (and good on you for putting this sort of thing to paper, man!), and the understanding shines through in the final product. He makes it feel right, as wrong as that sounds. Natural would be the best term for it. And, really, that's the best you can shoot for.
Every so often, a storm comes along that even the Pegasi can't control. Best they can do is warn everypony to bunker down and ride it out. Equestria hasn't seen a blizzard this bad in over half a century. AJ and Big Mac were out when the first winds hit, so Applebloom's stuck with Granny Smith in the farmhouse.
But ol' Granny remembers, she tells Applebloom. She remembers the last blizzard, and what came with it. Can't help but wonder if they'll stop by again.
I don’t usually go for stories that are just stories within stories. I find it a rather clumsy and inefficient way to introduce new world building, and unless the writing stands stark against that of other contenders, I just pass on without even remembering what I’ve read. Why not just write a story about the story being told? Yet sometimes, just sometimes, I find one that manages to do its job.
That’s what we’re faced with in this chilling (har!) little number, where Granny Smith tells a creepy tale of strange messengers to Apple Bloom during a life-threatening blizzard. Now, I know this story is marked horror, but it’s not a particularly horrifying tale, depending on how you view ghosts, death, and the inevitability of our own mortality. I can’t spoil too much, but there are no shocks, no creeping critters that delight in destruction, and no final ‘gotcha!’ There’s just Granny and her old story that could be the product of a batty mind, but turns into something much more fearsome, and if I’m interpreting the story right, much more relevant than mere fantastical monsters.
Who wants some horror this round? Any takers? Good, because you're getting some.
We here at Seattle's Angels like a good bit of horror. Whether its olden pony come to claim her rusty horse shoe or Pav Feira popping in to make a lewd joke (the attempt is the true horror), the goosebumps are always welcome here. This story hits you like the Goosebumps of yesteryear.
Slow on the upstart, the mood is set. A grandma and impressionable young filly holed up amidst a blizzard and a tale of terrors beyond the snow. The voices ring loud and clear, even between two characters that share similar speech patterns, and these nuances really sell Granny Smith's story.
There's a subtlety to this one. There's no overblown horror or eldritch going on (unless you deem it so). It’s a creeping kind of horror, given strength by the pacing, and the ending, while mildly predictable, still greatly satisfying, with a surprise twist of world building that got the goosebumps going up and down my arms.
This is a solid pick all around. Don't pass it up.
On a glistening beach now spotted with craters and sea flotsam, Core and Red sat shivering beneath a half-wrecked dinghy. A snapped fishing pole sat next to them.
“That went better than I thought,” said Core, peering over the top of the dinghy. “Or worse, relatively speaking. Do you think we got them all?”
“The stories are getting more fearsome, even way out here!” Red wailed. “I can’t take the pressure, man! That last one had all the tags that keep me up at night! How’s a guy supposed to get work done during a vacation like this?”
Corejo rolled his eyes. “Well, at least the tide’s going out. The stories won’t come back for some time.” His eyes narrowed like an old salt’s. “But they always come back, written in single space to hide their numbers.”
“You don’t think that beard shot was too harsh before, do you?” Red squeaked miserably, perhaps getting some inkling of a guilty conscience after such a close call.
“I couldn’t hear you, your tail was in the way,” Core said.
“Oooooooh!” said the radio, still face-down in the sand.
Feel free to visit our group for more information and events, and to offer some recommendations for future rounds. See you all next time!
rude
Some interesting looking stories this round, though. And for once I haven't read any of 'em! I'll have to check them out.
4230217
Here's some hidden, super-secret-squirrel praise for The Djinni's Tale that I wrote as part of the duo that approved it for The Royal Guard:
4230217
It would have been ruder if it was spelled like this:
Wow! A feature! Color me surprised! Glad to get some spotlight, obviously.
Although you could color me a bit befuddled as well. Even at the outset, I was sure that SA focused on low-view stories, and Feedback had a decent share of views (it's approaching 3k by the time of this writing). I'm not complaining by any means, given ya'll find it a worthy fic, but I would have thought it would be over the viewcount threshold.
4230492
Uh... Admittedly, I dropped the ball on this one. The original proposition was for Substitute to be featured, since it falls under all our requirements for a feature, but then my brain was like, 'but this is the sequel. It wouldn't make sense to feature a sequel!' So I reproposed Feedback for chronology's sake without thinking about viewcount requirements.
So yeah, I dun goofed. What's done is done, though, I guess. I'm gonna go put myself in time out now.
How big is the SA bathroom if they have to leave a large sized tub in the middle of the litter-box? After all, to get to a real beach, you need to leave the place you are all holed up in, and I don't think they'd let you leave without dropping off a few reviews first.
4230648
lmao I disagree. Substitute is utter crap.
Honestly, I've wrestled with that problem despite the null possibility of encountering myself. Featuring a sequel in a way requires that its prequel is of considerable quality as to warrant reading it before the featured fic. And there are undoubtedly some that have not and will not read the original in its entirety. That should by no means prevent a featuring of the sequel in the first place but there will exist reasons to feature a non-sequel over it (especially if said sequel is incomplete and thus not yet wholly good).
4230648 What confuses me is that I thought SA had already featured Feedback in a previous installment. Unless I'm mistaken and it was in a Round Robin one instead.
Whoa.
I check back in on one of my stories, and suddenly it's exploded.
Thank you for the review! It's always nice to get feedback, and especially to hear that I achieved what I set out to do. In a way, It's fair not to call it a horror story---I aim for terror.
I was sleep deprived last winter when I wrote Restless Couriers, and I think at some point I was convinced that writing this story would summon the snow. The cold and the dark, plentiful where I live when winter rolls aroud, both do strange things to my head, and I think to a lot of other people around here as well. I wanted to capture that feeling when the snow piles high and the winds shake the whole house and the power goes out. Of the stories I've released, I think this ties with my other short horror story (Crooked Stems) for my favorite thing I've written so far.
Again, thank you! It means a lot, and I hope people enjoy Restless Couriers.
Yours Strangely,
Cadejo Jones
Actually, a point of curiosity: how DID you come across my story?