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The Goal... 200+ mph in the Standing Mile. To Tartarus with academy records, I want to hold a Land Speed Record.

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Biker Dash rides in the 2016 UBM Toy Run · 2:34am Sep 12th, 2016

Today was the day of the largest group ride here in Maine. The United Bikers of Maine annual Toy Run. It is one of two things I have on my yearly must-do list. The Toy Run is to gather toys for those kids who due to circumstances (poor families, loss of home due to fire, homeless kids in shelters and those stuck in the state system without foster families, ect) might not get anything for Christmas.

I get up this morning, do the normal morning thing, and get the gifts loaded in the sidebags on my bike. I grab Trixie as well, because she wants to go on the ride with me. Here she is ready to go.

I ride into the Elm Plaza in Waterville, where all the riders from Kennebec, Somerset, and all other counties north and east of us meet up before hopping onto the Interstate to get to the Augusta Civic Center. No one there... Well, I am early. It's only 9AM, and we're not scheduled to roll out until 10:30. Eventually people start rolling into the Plaza parking lot. Here are some of the rides that joined us in Waterville.

I like the looks of these new Indian motorcycles.

The bodywork on this ride is flawless!

I went to school with this guy's son lol

And I see someone found and dug up Anon's remains...

Angel Bunny's much nicer cousin...

I think my friend, Jim, went a little overboard with the chrome. Also, I wonder if he needs to wear welding goggles on sunny days?

Matching his & hers bikes... :facehoof:

Those GoldWings (the bike on the right) are friggin luxury liners on two wheels :raritystarry:

Check out this blacked out Kawasaki Ninja ZX-14! :rainbowwild:

Welp... 10:30 finally gets here, and it is time for everyone to go sidestands up, and head down to the Civic Center in Augusta. Only around a hundred bikes in all that arrived at the Elm Plaza for the first half of the Toy Run. Normally, there will be at least five hundred, and one year, there was well over fifteen hundred bikes on this segment of the Toy Run alone. Looking up at the sky, I think I know why the turnout is so small this year. Frig it. Trixie and I ain't afraid of a little rain. :trixieshiftleft:

We get on the interstate, (I'm up at the front of the pack almost) and BY SUNCUNT'S BALLS, the rain hits! It was as if Cloudsdale completely emptied their water reserves in one massive dump right on top of our heads. On top of that, we now have some very nasty crosswinds hitting all of us from seventeen different directions all at friggin once. I'm okay with this. I can handle a little rain and wing. Welp... was that lightning? Eeyup. Damn close to. Alot of it suddenly. No worries. Keep riding. Wait... is that FUCKING HAIL? :twilightoops: Fine... BRING IT, BIOTCH! :flutterrage:

Rain coming down so bad that traffic was slowed down to 45mph. I've ridden through storms where it was raining cats n' dogs, but this storm was dropping earth ponies and minotaurs down on us! :rainbowderp: It was coming down so hard, I could just barely see the taillights on the bike in front of me. And then there was all the cars we passed. I think the drivers thought we was on some pretty good drugs or something. Me cackling like a madman while singing SmileHD at the top of my lungs might have reinforced that fact.

It went like this for the next 18 miles until we reached the Civic Center exit. And it continued for almost another hour. It was at that point when the National Weather Service out of the Gray, Maine office comes over the radio warning all of us about a nasty thunderstorm in the area producing heavy rain, strong winds, dangerous cloud to ground lightning, and hail.


So, there is a total of about three hundred bikes at the Civic Center, from what I can see. Three hundred dumbass fools who don't know enough to stay home when it is friggin pouring outside. About ninety-five percent of them are all jammed under this small concessions tent like sardines inside an apple press. Then there is this group of fifteen... just standing out there in the monsoon, smoking and joking. Guess which idiot was out there smoking and joking with them? :twilightsheepish:

Eeyup :eeyup: That would be me.

About ten minutes before the big group is supposed to depart on the last leg of the journey, it stops raining. I manage to snap this one picture of a guy who brought his dog along in one of those infant carrying things that I've seem moms wear. Hey, you gotta bring along the most important family members lol. :yay:

Finally, time for us to go sidestands up, and we see signs of clearing skies. Nice. Was getting tired of getting soaked to the fucking bone. So, we finally hop on our bikes, and all three hundred plus bikes roll out and head to the Windsor Fairgrounds. That is where they collect all the toys, and someone in some high office gives some speech to the crowd that he thinks us bikers are awesome and that he will do every... blah, blah, blah...:trollestia: (Fucking politicians...) Anyways, it was a decent ride over to the fairgrounds. Many people along the side of the road waiving to us as we go buy, and as we pass by his house, I see that my roommate's dad is outside catching the whole procession on video like I had asked him to.

So, while there, I do the dropping off of the gifts I got for those kids who might go without, if not for those of us who are willing to brave any storm for them lol. I get lunch, then I snap pics of all kinds of bikes.

Of course, Santa would be there to collect the gifts. I guess his elves went on strike or something.

I think this guy hit a storm to the south of us... he was already there when we'all got there.
I almost bought one of these Yamaha Venture Royales, but I found an even better bike for me instead.

I friggin :heart: this bike. It is home built, and not one of them cookie cutter "customs" that you see the high end custom shops puke out on a daily basis.

I immediately thought of V-Pony and his fic, Blue Angel when I saw the paint on this gas tank.

I need a trunk that size on my bike! :rainbowdetermined2:

I've seen these things on the road... they say that they're motorcycles, but they look like a fucking car with only three wheels :derpyderp1:

Hell, if I had THAT windshield on my bike, I probably would have stayed nice and dry lol

Okay, I hear them talk about their armadillo problem down in Florida. Florida ain't got SHIT on Maine, apparently!
Up here, our armadillos are muthafuckin BIG, walk, wear big hats, and will smack the stupid outa ya! :rainbowderp:

Okay, this looks ratty as all fuck, but she runs perfectly. :moustache:

One of the event sponsors...

The building where they collected all the toys

The stage where Mr Important blabbed his "important" words...

The UBM tent and trailer

DAYUM! Thats one awesome looking trike!

Was a nice, sunny ride home at least.

When I get home, I discover that the camera mount on my bike is not very stable. WAY too much vibration to be of any use, and the battery died way too quickly. LUNADAMNIT TO TARTARRUS! I then check the video of the procession going by Mike's house, and the damn fool turned the camera on it's side, and because of the angle, (perpendicular to the road) the video is pretty much useless.

Thinking Mike needs to be brohoofed...
Across the head...
From the top turnbuckle...
With a steel chair...

Turns out though, there is one really cool thing that happened this evening. Someone made fanart of Trixie on my bike, and sent me the Tumblr link lol :yay:
Here is his Tumblr page. Go check him out!
Ree... Zuu...

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Comments ( 13 )

Did you have any cool music playing while riding? :moustache:

Heh, I've actually seen one of those three-wheeler "car-bikes" in person. An older gentleman pulled up into the hardware store last July. I was very impressed with his red.

Y'know... I agree with you on the 3-wheeled not-trikes... You can't be both a car and a motorcycle! You get one. ONE! And you have to stick to it. (I've seen them hanging around car shows.)

4206110 All pony music. All the time

Okay, that fanart is adorable.

And I really like the crappy-looking bike; that thing's my style.

the moment i saw that first photo my thoughts were :rainbowkiss: but were then followed by a story idea, which i give to you, seeing as i don't know how well i could do it, not being a motorbike fan and you can use that first photo as the coverart.

Okay, so (it doesn't actually have to be you, you could imagine just some random human who just happens to do this) as the bike is being ridden down the road, with plushie trixie strapped on the back, there's a sudden flash of light and human finds themself turned into the trixie plushie, only the plushie is now a flesh and blood pony and things go from there.

happy writing (if you chose to write it, that is:scootangel:)

Coworker of mine is with that Christian motorcycle group, wonder if she went there today.

That so awesome that all you guys get together for the kids like that :pinkiehappy:
And LOL @ poor Trixie! :rainbowlaugh:

4206155 If I had known ahead of time, I could have asked lol

This is an epic tale of a rouge watherpony.


Ya would've known her if you saw her. Short, female, would've been wearing the jacket, had a baby (was probably driving a green SUV with the logo for the Christian riders on the door), claimed to be from Thomaston or thereabouts.


R-redundancy? I don't want to piss off a guy with access to napalm but napalm is always flaming isn't it?

4206556 did not see anyone of that description, but i didn't stop to chat there.
4206712 only when lit lol

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