The Buttery Snake Show: New Story 'Four Yellow'

The stage lights went up, and the several individuals in the audience applauded- -at least those who were not asleep. The spotlight eventually fell on Buttery Snake, sitting behind his adorable pony-sized desk.
“Hello and welcome to the Buttery Snake show!” he said, waving to the camera. “And yes, I do sleep behind my desk. Because it’s comfortable. I even have a little pillow. Totally not because Unwhole Hole doesn’t pay me.
“We have three guests tonight. Let’s hear it for Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon, and the OC Diamond Pick, stars of the new Unwhole Hole story ‘Four Yellow’! Clap Celestia darn you!”
The one member of the audience who had any wherewithal clapped lackadaisically. The camera panned over to three chairs onstage where the three guests had been seated. Silver Spoon latched onto Diamond Tiara and waved wildly to the camera.
“Now, did I read that right?” said Buttery Snake, producing a pair of frumpy reading glasses and adjusting them. “Pick, you are an OC?”
“That is correct,” squeaked Pick. He shuffled in his seat awkwardly.
“I see. Not that I discriminate, I’m an OC too. And your name is…” Buttery Snake sighed. “It’s not a Minecraft reference, is it?”
“Maybe…”
“Well, I’m guessing that since you’re the OC, you must be the mane character. See that, I made a horse pun.”
“Where?” asked Silver Spoon.
“You would have to be reading- - never mind. So, Pick.” Buttery Snake leaned in closer. “Are the rumors that you’re a Mary Sue true?”
“I- -ah- -eep- -I don’t- -”
“Oh, please,” said Diamond Tiara. “Do you really think HE could pull off being a main character?” She pointed to herself. “I’M the protagonist. He’s just in a supporting role like last time.”
“I am,” said Pick. “That’s the thing. If I may be so bold, it can get quite awkward when an OC takes center stage. Sure, I’m not canon pony, and I’m not even a canon species- -”
“He’s a morlock,” added Silver Spoon.
“For those of you who don’t know,” said Buttery Snake, “morlocks are a race of super-evolved cannibalistic humans from H.G. Wells’s ‘The Time Machine’.”
“What’s a human?” asked Silver Spoon.
“Ask Lyra,” suggested Diamond Tiara. “
“But what I’m saying,” continued Pick, “is that when an OC is the main character, they can get Sued really fast. I think our role is more to be supporting characters for the canon characters. So that’s what I did.”
“Indeed,” said Buttery Snake. “We don’t want you to end up like D27.”
“Yeah!” called D27 from the audience. “I learned that the hard way!”
“Quiet you!” shouted Buttery Snake. “Go home, D27, nobody liked you!” Buttery Snake cleared his throat and shuffled some blank tax returns that he pretended were notes. “So, Diamond Tiara. It says here that this story is rated ‘M’ for sex and gore? Isn’t that a little extreme for you fillies and…”
“I’m a colt,” said Pick, annoyed.
“Yeah. Sure.”
“We’re up-aged in this story,” explailned Diamond Tiara. “It takes place six years after the last story- -‘Desert Water’- -and we’re twelve in that one. In all honesty, though, Desert Water was totally better.”
“Diamond Tiara!” said Silver Spoon.
“What? I’m just being honest. It was. This story, I don’t know, I feel like the author was trying too hard to make a sequal. Desert Water was fine on its own, it didn’t need another one.”
“Well,” said Buttery, “some readers complained about it ending too abruptly, not bother to explain a lot about the morlocks and their society.”
“Yeah, and what does Hole go and do? He just adds like, twenty layers of confusion on top of it. It’s worse than Pick’s bean dip.”
“I don’t make- -wait, you thought those were BEANS?”
“The one thing I did like, though, was that it’s way easier to be me with an ‘M’ rating.”
“Hmm,” said Buttery, blushing slightly.
“Not like that! What I mean is, I’m supposed to be mean and vindictive. It’s hard to make witty jokes when you’re limited by censors like in the series, and I feel like as a character, I can be a little more useful when I’m allowed to be just a little meaner and more adult with my insults.”
“Even though most of them were fat jokes,” said Pick. “And about her, not made by her.”
“But that’s just it,” said Silver Spoon, holding Diamond Tiara back from attacking Pick. “We can’t reasonably make jokes like that in the actual series. Which is why the fanfiction is a nice medium to explore our range.”
“Not to mention the shipping. Which, I suppose, is the ‘sex’ rating?”
“Well, it’s not clop,” said Silver Spoon. “But it is heavily implied. Especially for me. And for poor Sweetie Belle.”
“Oh, come on,” said Diamond Tiara. “You know everypony in Ponyville wants to ring that belle.”
“That’s not nice,” said Pick. “Sweetie Belle is adorable. I mean, she’s no Scootaloo, but just look at her!”
“I see this story is tagged as containing the CMC,” noted Buttery.
“They play a supporting role,” said Diamond Tiara. “Mostly, the point is that our lives are explored a little bit timed out six years. There’s kind of an idea that we’re all going our separate ways and all.”
“I see.” Buttery Snake reached under his desk and removed a large stick of butter, which he promptly dipped into powdered sugar and started eating. “So, any final words?”
“The story is rated ‘M’ for gore, violence, and sex,” said Silver Spoon. “There’s also implied alcohol use, even though we’re only allowed to call it ‘cider’.”
“And it can get a little lore-heavy,” said Pick. “But everything will be obvious if you’ve read the other Unwhole Hole stuff…actually, too obvious. I can’t help but wonder if Hole works under the assumption that totally different sets of people read each of his stories without any overlap.”
“Oh, he does,” said Buttery. He turned toward Diamond Tiara. “And you?”
“Pff. It’s a so-so story. Not great, but I don’t think it was terrible. I enjoyed doing it, but it was a little too over-the-top tryhard sometimes. Of course, I was great. Because I am great.”
“You sure are,” lied Buttery Snake. He pulled out a sticky note. “And, as always, we have Unwhole Hole’s predictions on the numerics. He predicts a 50/50 like:dislike ratio, with a total read number not exceeding fifty. That’s better than a lot of the stuff he’s made.
“And that’s it, folks. Join us next time on the Buttery Snake Show as we talk about…well, I don’t know. Probably that Mass Core sequel. But maybe not. I don’t even know.”
And with that, the blog post ended because it had gotten too long.