Two Background Ponies Quickie: "Buckball Season" Aftermath · 12:27am Sep 5th, 2016
The blue stallion pushed the plate of cookies out of the way, slapped the field guide on the table, cracked open to a pre-marked page, and then shoved it forward for his green friend to look at.
"There you go, Carl."
Putting his own cookie down, Carl looked forward and glanced over it before reading aloud. "'The South Equestrian Pink-Shelled Grasper is one of the most dexterous animals known to ponykind. This seemingly standard snail is renown for using a cup-shaped protuberance on its backside to swing out and catch ripening berries as they fall from trees. The longevity of this snail is attributable to its skill at navigating through forest understories to collect these berries with a near pre-cognizant awareness, and in field studies the snail was able to successfully grab 989 out of 1000 separate berry drops.'"
Carl looked up to Sam, who was back in his seat now and shrugging. He rubbed his own chin.
"Huh...when you put it that way, I suppose it makes perfect sense. To think...all these years I figured he had a Cutie Mark for a snail because he was a bit slow..."
"South Equestrian Pink-Shelled Grasper, Carl."
Some hoofbeats nearby caused the two stallions to look upward. Coming from the direction of the train station was four of the six biggest mares in Ponyville; in particular a yellow shy pegasus and a pink earth pony with a poofy mane. As they walked along, a few randomly occurring pony fans came by and congratulated them, often to the tone of loud hooting and hollering. Carl and Sam, on their part, smiled back but remained casual as the group approached.
"Hi Sam! Hi Carl!"
"Oh, hey girls!" Sam called.
"How was your social experiment on the mob-like effect of introducing a new competitive sport that serves no purpose other than to give one community of individuals an excuse to brag that they're better than another?" Carl asked.
Both girls drew to a halt and gave him a puzzled look. "...Huh?"
Sam frowned. "He asked how the game went."
"I liked the way I put it better, Sam. We went from not knowing what 'buckball' was to saying we were the best at it and could cream anyone else playing it in less than 12 hours..."
"Oh, it was very nice." The yellow one answered with a meek smile after a moment. "Everything went much better once we realized that main point of the game was just to have fun, and not worry so much about winning."
"Yeah!" The pink one answered, bouncing happily.
Both Sam and Carl stared at the two for a moment. They glanced to each other afterward, beginning to smirk. Finally, both knocked their heads back and laughed out loud. Both mares were rather stunned at this, but the two of them continued to laugh on and on. Sam went back in his seat while Carl bent over the table and banged his hoof against it for relief.
"Oh ho! Ha-ha!"
"Phew, ha! Aw man! That's the best one I've heard all week!"
"You really had us going there for a moment! Thinking you two were that naive!"
Both slowly recovered, only to see the two mares still staring at them blankly. Their own laughter died down, but their smiles remained.
"Oh dear...I think they're serious, Sam."
The blue stallion straightened himself a bit and looked at the two of them. "Um, girls? I'll try to not be blunt about this, but, uh, one of the sad truths of life is that Applejack and Rainbow Dash were right: winning is everything. We don't build monuments to people who came in second. We don't give awards out to those who were runner's up. We don't write world record books about the people who are nearly the best at things. And most of all...the town doesn't get whipped up into an enthusiastic, pep-rally frenzy, cheering you on as you leave for Appleloosa, because they wanted you to simply 'have fun'."
"Sports are serious business, girls." Carl added. "If your town gets a reputation for being good at a sport, you have a claim to fame. That's tourist revenue. That's merchandising opportunities. That's infrastructure development. We're talking millions and millions of bits on the line. Pony lives and livelihoods. Investment chances. Heck, some ponies' entire lives depend on income from recreational sports. It's turning your body into a valuable commodity. I mean...do you think they pay all these professional athletes millions per game because they just like shelling out money to sports stars? Tartarus no! It's because they're worth that much money to their community! There's reasons these ponies are driven to blood dope, take steroids, and push their bodies to breaking down, you know. They got to keep themselves profitable."
"Not to mention sports rivalries. Now that you two have made Ponyville the 'team-to-beat', everypony is going to be gunning for you two. Everypony is going to want to beat Ponyville. Every team is going to prove to be the ones that beat the First Person Shooter." Pause. "Heh, that's the name the papers came up with for you. Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Snails...FPS... Get it? Why, as we speak, fans in Ponyville are establishing superstitious routines they must follow in the future to guarantee victory, as well as planning all manner of obscene jokes and disgusting pranks to play on Appleloosa and rub in their faces their losses every time they come to town. Today's paper alone featured three joke columns talking about how dumb, backwood, inbred, and sexually impotent everyone in Appleloosa is."
"Oh, and you can bet Appleloosa is doing the same thing. I mean, heh, they have to be. They burned four Ponyville wagons in retribution of that game and visitors broke in and wrote explicit graffiti all over the fountain this morning. You should see some of the dirty jokes that are coming out about you two. Fluttershy...they're saying you're a crazy recluse because you line the inside of your house with skinned animals. And Pinkie Pie? Oh, heh...let's just say you're going to get a lot of weird looks whenever you invite anypony over to bake cupcakes with you from now on. And, uh...I wouldn't wear any multi-colored clothing for a while if I were you... And each one of these fans will cling bitterly to their tradition, fandoms, and hatred..."
He leaned in closer, his eyes seeming to burn.
"Devoting themselves to it body, mind, and soul...and visiting violence, psychosis, and even murder on anypony who dares to break their sports fanatic routine...from now until eternity."
By now, the two mares were staring open-mouthed, eyes shrunk into dots, and horrified. They were shaking as if they had just suffered a stroke. The two stallions looked on at them silently, with Carl still staring at them darkly. Then they both eased back.
"Well, later girls. Tell Snails we said 'good game', will you?"
"Ok, so they did invite me to the Crystal Empire, but it's not like I did anything there! I almost saw more action spying on Twilight a couple months ago, and all I did was sit around! But the trip to Manehattan...don't even tell me they're leaving! They need a unicorn for Buckball...don't even extend the offer! The zombie prank...I knew even less about it than Rainbow Dash! During the entire trip to Yakyakistan I was in my room! I didn't even know they were playing Ogres & Oubliettes downstairs the whole time! I mean...am I the Mane Seventh or am I just 'Spike Jr.'?!"
Considering this had been going on for a while, the fellow members of UCA were looking rather bored. One of the pegasi rolled his eyes to his friend.
"She's got to be the best at everything... I suppose it was only a matter of time before she had to be the biggest underused character too..."
"Maybe they're hoping people will forget she exists...kind of like they did with that one yellow pegasus Royal Canterlot guard..."
"...Hey! My name is Flash Sentry!"
So... is buckball something no one's heard of, or is it a deeply-entrenched, billion-bit institution? Not even ponies work fast enough for both to apply.
Still, this is what separates talented amateurs from professionals. Friendly games are one thing, but league play is quite another.
Also, the bit with the snail was quite amusing.
4193175 I know "explaining the joke" kind of ruins the whole thing to begin with... But the idea was that now that Ponyville had proven they were good at a sport that was just becoming popular and more widely known, that if it did emerge as a new multi-million-bit "industry" that the town would be a hotspot for it because they're now the best. So now if anyone came along and tried building an infrastructure associated with it, they now are on the line to keep it profitable or all of that money would be sunk.
...Yeah, like I said, explaining the joke ruins it.
Poor Starlight.
...Hmm? Flash? Who's that?