Oh My Fucking God · 1:23am Aug 25th, 2016
I have a dentist appointment tomorrow. I gotta get up early to get my wisdom teeth removed.
I'm TERRIFIED.
Holy SHIT I had no idea I was afraid of dentists, but I apparently am. It's 3 AM. Less than five hours to sleep. There's an owl hooting by my window. I hate this fucking owl. What the fuck is it hooting to. GO HUNT SOME MICE YOU FLYING CUNT. LET ME SLEEP.
Oh god I'm gonna have nightmares aren't I. Fuck me why couldn't I be born with perfect teeth.
Wait that's not an owl. That's a. A pigeon?
What the everloving sweet fuck ass-backwards double-dipped banana is a pigeon doing at 3 am hooting like a dog bit its bird dick. God damn it.
Christ almighty I'm not gonna sleep am I. Fuck. Fuuuuck. Do I need to be well-rested before getting anesthesiated?
I'm gonna fall asleep as they go through my mouth, aren't I.
FUUUUUCK.
Okay uh. Guys. Distract me. Comment with something funny, or, or some silly picture. Go read my new story -- it's about clever stuff and it talks about a chimpanzee playing the bagpipe -- and comment there, or start drama, or GOD FUCKING SHIT I'M TERRIFIED.
THEY'RE GONNA PIERCE.
MY BEAUTIFUL MOUTH.
I'LL NEVER GET MARRIED NOW.
And I'm weak to anesthesics. Tomorrow I'll be high as your dad when I put cocaine on my cock. Cockaine. Oh fucking lord I'm panicking so hard.
Try thinking up a comedy fic where one of the MLP characters are afraid of going to the dentist.
you probably won't remember most of it. i didn't when i had mine out. I did get up too fast afterwards and passed out I smash my head. watch out for that. Try to write a blog piece tomorrow to test how out of it you are that could be fun.
First off, breathe. In and out, watch your chest rise and fall and focus on only that. Get a drink of water and try to be alright.
ride the high there how u doin
A good distraction: Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee with John Oliver.
My parents are dentists. They're trained professionals whose job it is to take care of your mouth. If they can't do it safely, they wouldn't have the job in the first place. Trust them and they'll help you.
There, there. There there.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2016/6/26/1187102.png
...There, there.
If Flurry Heart is named after an averted disaster, is it her destiny to constantly generate nearly averted disasters?
Who would win a fight, Spike or an extremely drunk angry Fluttershy?
It's somewhat implied at times, (or at least a lot in the fandom) that magical talent is inherited. If that's the case, what if Starswirl was Rainbow or Pinkie's descendant and not Twilight's?
If you can't laugh at Whose Line is it Anyways then you are an unfunny fuck. :V
Ricky Gervais bird noises: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=huHFkRcDBoQ
Don't act like Sonata and you'll be fine.
Dude, don't sweat it. All four of my kids had their wisdom teeth out, INCLUDING the one who is so freaked out about needles and pain that he can't even watch a sewing machine (I kid you not). A day or two of groggy pain pills while trying very hard not to eat anything that might cause issues, and it tapers off fairly quickly into frowns and sullen internet watching (which is their normal mode anyway.)
Just wait until you hit 50, and you get The Procedure. Far worse. (and even then they put you under so far you forget about things hours later)
i dare you to challenge the dentist to git gud after the procedure. please
Did you know that, despite appearances, owls are not actually that wise? The majority of them blow their life savings on lottery tickets and high-interest loans, and they are on the endangered species list because they enjoy taunting people with shotguns.
Quoth the pigeon: HOOT HOOT HOOT HOOT HOOT.
And yet you manage to give us a pun so bad, it made my non-existent dog owl to the death.
Been there, done that...good luck!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm having an angiogram next week. That requires an insertion in my groin, going up my artery (or vein, can't remember which) with a little camera, and up and around my heart to take pictures. They won't let me go to sleep for that. It hurts like fucking hell. Then I have to lay flat on my back for at least three hours. Awake. Without moving my legs. I've done that before. Your back starts to hurt like fucking hell, too. It's either that or let them go in through my wrist instead. Uhhh... it may require less recovery time, but... a wire... through my wrist... up my arm... into my chest... while I'm awake?
IIIIII... think I'll pass.
Oh, I also had my wisdom teeth out when I was 13. They put you WAAAAAY out. You won't feel a thing.
maby this is punishment by the universe for being too meta
I have 2 problems with dentists. The first is, why can't they act like any other business?
"Tell me, have you been eating chocolate?"
what I say: I have one every few weeks
what I'm thinking: YOU'RE GOD DAMNED RIGHT I HAVE!
My mechanic doesn't grill me if I've been doing quick stops and hard accelerations, he just sells me new tyres! He doesn't bitch at me!
And the second thing... I swear half the time they DO act like a mechanic. Going in for a routine checkup and you KNOW your teeth are fine? How do you know that all the work they say needs doing actually needs doing? Wouldn't surprise me if he rubs some metal filings around my teeth then say I need major work done.
There are companies that send pre checked working cars to mechanics to see if they make up a bunch of shit in order to fleece you out of money, they should do that with dentists too.
Sorry if this rant doesn't help you. :/
Someone out there once said they sexually identified as an attack helicopter. This means they have a gasoline fetish and enjoy having entire humans stuffed in them.
I sure am glad I don't need my wisdom teeth removed... because I had a bunch of molars taken out a few years ago instead.
Honestly, it's more scary afterwards. The process is completly painless, and not in a just-telling-you-that-so-you-don't-run way. But then you see your teeth. HOLY FUCK THE ROOTS ARE LONG THERE'S A FUCKHUGE HOLE IN MY JAW I DIDN'T FEEL ANYTHING AT ALL I BIT A HOLE IN MY LIP WITHOUT NOTICING AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
And then there's the drooling and the lisp and the literal cotton in your mouth and the difficulty eating. That's a fun week.
This isn't helping, is it? Just masturbate until you can't anymore or something I guess, no dreams garunteed.
Yeah... it's not fun. Getting your wisdom teeth removed sucks. The after effect is not as fun either. But hey, don't sweat it. The pain you'll feel will only last for a little bit. As for you being high? That can't be helped. But again, don't let yourself get wrapped up in this fear. This whole thing will blow over within a week and you'll be your normal self again.
So when I had mine out, I remember chatting briefly with one of the nurses, and then I was completely out. Didn't really wake up again until about 3 hours later, and I don't remember anything that happened when I got picked up and taken home. But from my family tells me, I apparently tried to do jumping jacks. Also, I scribbled some random crap on a piece of paper, then went off and watched Little Shop of Horrors.
Again, no memory of any this. I "woke up" after about seven hours, not a care in the world. Trust me dude, you'll be fine!
i kinda wanna draw lyra getting her god-awful teeth removed now
Having gone through a wisdom teeth removal twice, it's not that bad really so long as you know what to do after its over. Ask your dentist if he could prescribe you some good painkillers in case it gets really bad, although I only had to take them for a few days.
The secret is to get a chair with good armrests you can squeeze if you feel uncomfortable.... at least if you're not being knocked out, which I think you will be.
Still, squeezing something hard is surprisingly relaxing.
I had all of my teeth removed when I was around 28 years old, and I was awake and aware for all of it.
It's honestly not nearly as horrific as people imagine it to be, and the pain is minimal at its very worst. You'll likely only feel the very first injection, which is like a pin prick, then the rest you just kind of feel distantly because the area is numb. After that, they'll probably inject you with a bit more in the area, then it's go time.
Most of it is just tugging, and your head will be tugged along with the tooth a little bit. You just hold still and everything is fine. They may have to get at the teeth at awkward angles, but it's no big deal.
You then get to have gauze in your mouth for a while, and after it clots, you don't smoke, drink through a straw, etc. because of inverse suction. You'll probably get a small prescription for hydrocodone that'll last for a few days to a week. It'll honestly put you to sleep because of the relief of having had it done.
...and that's if they don't put you under. If they do (they likely will), you'll just wake up feeling a bit hazy and maybe a bit sore in your mouth. Insert gauze, insert hydrocodone, done.
You got this. <3
I like windmills a lot. You could even say I'm a big fan.
Ha. Get ready for the worst week of your life. As one who had to suffer through this before, I laugh at your misery.
Love your stories. Keep updating and have fun!
So...did you survive?
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Holy shit that's a lot of replies. Thanks to y'all! It was a pleasant distraction, and I eventually managed to fall asleep. I had nightmares. They involved my teeth. They were horrible.
But I survived the dentist! Now my mouth is full of blood and I can't speak. Or eat. Or drink. In Spain. In Summer.
Follow-up tomorrow. Hopefully, it'll be less pathetic and more interesting.
Stuff happened, yo.
4171277 Think of it as building up a beer-debt. You get to cash it in at some time in the future.
"Your fic now reads rapier than ever!"
That quote of yours cracked me up real good.
Other than that: don't worry if you fall sleep in the dental chair. My mother tells me of this priest that kept falling asleep on her dental chair all the time. Just tell your dentist that you are alright with them using a locking jaw opener.
So. You've had your appointment. What fic ideas did you get while high as a kite? Morbidly curious minds want to know.
Silly Aragon. Humans aren't born with teeth!