Story Reviews » Round Robin Reviews # 13 · 1:38am Aug 21st, 2016
The Round Robin Reviews are written by different groups and reviewers taking turns each week. If you are a story reviewer or part of a group that reviews stories and would be interested in joining the Round Robin Reviews, feel free to PM Wanderer D, Professor Plum, or ElDorado to tell us about it.
That's right, friends. I'm back. And a little early, too. Apparently these guys just can't get enough of my awesome reviewing skills.
PaulAsaran here, once more looking to introduce people to quality stories while trying to be as fair and balanced as I possibly can. As usual, you can find all the rules for how I do things on my user page. This time we're going to take a look at a number of stories that have received criminally low views considering their quality. Let us have a look, shall we?
Stories for This Session:
Trixie vs. Roadside Assistance by Dusty the Royal Janitor (Recommended by Thought Prism)
This One Time At Band Camp by Arbutus (Recommended by Pascoite)
Scald by Casca (Recommended by Pascoite)
One Small Mistake by OfTheIronwilled (Re-Read)
Chasing Winter by Raging Mouse
Total Word Count: 122,591
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 4
Pretty Good: 1
Trixie vs. Roadside Assistance
9,555 Words
By Dusty the Royal Janitor
Recommended by Thought Prism
I’ve said it before in my blogs, but it bears repeating here: I don’t laugh easily. Most comedic authors – even those thought to be hilarious by the average reader – are lucky if they can get a chuckle out of me. More often than not, I’ll smile and that’s it. I’ve always been very reserved when it comes to literary humor. I bring all of this up to emphasize one point:
I haven’t laughed like this while reading a story in a long time.
There’s nothing complicated to this story. Indeed, it’s almost certainly been done before in a variety of mediums, fan-based or otherwise. Simply put, Trixie Lulamoon, fresh off the rock farm and ready for revenge, is stuck in Hoofington when one of her wagon’s wheels breaks. Unable to repair the traitorous part on her own, Trixie uses a ‘gem phone’ to call for Equestrian Roadside Assistance.
Thus begins her descent into madness.
Anyone who has been on the wrong side of fate on a day when they had to call some corporate hotline has an inkling of what this is like. This story takes the horrors of the modern automated assistance to is most exaggerated, terrifying levels, and Trixie has to endure every second of it. From the playful writing style to the exceedingly unfortunate string of events that plague the poor showmare, every moment of this story is entertaining. It’s only made all the better by the fact that the protagonist is Trixie, whose tendency to add flare and drama into every little act ups the entertainment factor significantly.
What do we learn from this story? Well, for starters, why Trixie hates wheels. Also, why she turned to villainy in the first place. And the biggest reveal of all: the true villains that gave us Magic Duel. Apparently, Trixie’s profound resistance to criticism provides little protection against fast-talking twins.
This story deserves a lot more than a mere 850 views. It’s exceedingly rare for me to give out my highest rating to a story of comedic nonsense, but I suppose stranger things have happened.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
This One Time At Band Camp
12,832 Words
By Arbutus
Recommended by Pascoite
Ah, OctaScratch. Is there a single pairing in this fandom more popular? I’m honestly not sure that there is. I mean, there’s LyraBon, LunaLight, SunLight, AppleDash, the list goes on and on, but is there any relationship in the fandom quite like this one? As a shipper, I dare say there isn’t, and while I’ve actively avoided shipping them in my own stories, I can’t deny the ridiculously high appeal of it.
Say hello to This One Time At Band Camp. It doesn’t take place at Band Camp, in case you were wondering. It’s also a 100% humanized story, so for those of you who are triggered by that, there’s your warning. But if you skip this one just because of that, you are doing yourself a severe disservice.
In this piece, told from Vinyl’s perspective, Octavia and her meet in a hotel near where they were both working for the evening to have a nice, quiet chat. And… that’s it. No, really, that’s the story. No big adventure, no villains, no drama. Just two young women enjoying a conversation.
You’re probably wondering why something like that would be remotely interesting. The secret here is in the details.
First, the characterization. Is it necessarily original? Maybe not, but there are subtleties to both the characters that bring them out in ways you don’t typically see. The opening section, in which Vinyl relates the story of an old painter who used to be her neighbor, sets the scene beautifully and gives us an unexpected, deep insight into who she is as an individual. Likewise, Octavia’s tale of her elite education and the deep personal calamity she faced there truly brings out her character in a way I can honestly say I haven’t seen before.
Moving in another direction, there’s the curious application of pone concepts within a human world. In particular, Arbutus finds a way to give these two humans cutie marks in a way that doesn’t seem even remotely dumb, forced or unbelievable. It struck me as very clever and, in a way, touching, because what we basically get is the “How I got My Cutie Mark” story… for humans. The fact that it works is only more impressive.
Then we have the wit of the writing. While this isn’t continuously present, the author weaved enough clever descriptions and unexpected slight-of-tongues to keep me watching for more. Having often considered my writing rather bland in this area, I am always pleased to see other authors do it well. And Arbutus does it well; just enough to be valuable, not enough to be overbearing. I find it an enviable balance.
Related to this is the author’s capacity for story continuation through physical description. There were plenty of instances that, in a normal story (like, say, one of mine), the physical actions are exactly that. They’re quickly written, quickly read, and just give you the bare basics. In comparison, Arbutus finds ways to describe even the most mundane of motions in a way that makes them not only interesting, but clearly visible in the mind’s eye. Every motion feels important, and that’s not an easy thing to achieve. There are the occasional moments where the movements aren’t quite as clear as they could be, but those are the exceptions. I love this author’s capacity for physical description.
Then there is the conversation itself. It’s a twisty-turny road of stories, teasings, dodges and rumor. At times it seemed almost as though I was watching not a conversation, but a battle as carefully orchestrated as a game of chess, with both sides taking pieces off the board every now and then. At times fun, at others dramatic, but always a little playful and flirty, the nuance of the discussion between Octy and Vinyl is enough by itself to call attention to this story.
There are some caveats, of course. The conversation, while the main draw, also has its detractions. For one, those looking for light reading and not expecting to have to think for their enjoyment may miss out, because you do have to pay careful attention at times to really get some of the finer points in the conversation. This is made all the worse by Arbutus’s regular tendency to throw in some rapidfire dialogue with minimal narrative direction, which sometimes left me trying to figure out who said what.
Even so, this story was all-around great. At once playful and serious, it shows what a writer can achieve with the right word choice and a willingness to create a scene through masterful description. Even if you don’t think much of the story itself, I believe everyone should read this just for the sake of the example. I for one can see me coming back to this later as a study in a variety of style elements I know I’m lacking in.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Those of you who don’t know my methods for selecting these won’t get it, but I simply must say: This is more like it. I think I’m going to start looking forward to Pascoite’s recommendations. There is a certain kind of story that strikes me as uncommon. Most stories involve sweeping adventure, a big romance, witty dialogue, something showy to draw in the crowds, whether successful or otherwise. Even slice of life stories always have some kind of specialty or hook that screams “Hey, look at me!”
What everyone tends to forget and ignore is the quiet story. The subtle story. The story that isn’t trying to draw you in with flashy lights and promises of your favorite characters doing your favorite things. Stories that want to deliver their message without clever wordplay, loud characters or even – dare I say it – an ambitious plot. They tend not to draw attention to themselves, not because they are bad, but because they don’t bother with all the bells and whistles.
And when I find them, it makes me happy.
Scald is one of those stories. It centers around Lilac, an accountant and coffee connoisseur, the barista of her favorite coffee shop, and how their lives rotate about one another. At first, it’s just a fascination with his manner and brewing skills. Then, it’s an awareness of his existence in the corners of her otherwise drab life. At last, they exchange their first real words… and that’s when the fear sets in. For Lilac is a very scared pony, and her magical earth pony barista is so addictive.
And that doesn’t mean what you’re probably thinking it does. There is one part of the magic of this story: it defies the ready expectations of the romance tag. That’s because this isn’t a story about a fiery love affair, like every other story you’d be pulled into. No, this is a story about two ponies, their interpretations and ideas, their lives and their fears. It is not fake or exaggerated. It’s real, yet real in a way that makes it strangely magical.
This is unquestionably a product of the writing itself. Casca’s style combines careful intricacy with subtle meaning, doing away with the theory of too much detail. Every scene is carefully crafted, every line a little picture. It does this without resorting to excessive verbiage, never digging too deeply into wit, not droning on so long as to be dull, just interesting enough to drive you to the next one. I am envious of this author’s writing style. It is the paintbrush that makes this entire tapestry beautiful.
Then there are the characters. In a way, Lilac and Percy do nothing of importance for two chapters. By most estimates, they’d be downright plain. Yet under the spell of the writing style and the gradual changes of Lilac’s interpretations, they become so much more interesting. Lilac’s observations, her privacy, her fears and hopes and low self-esteem, it all paints the image of a complex and interesting individual. In much the same way, her barista shows his own unique character traits, made all the more interesting by Lilac’s ever-growing fascination. In their everyday activities and encounters with one another, these two shine more as characters than most heroes in adventures, romances and epics do.
Then, there’s the psychology of the story. We have the first chapter, showing everyday lives. Then the second chapter comes, and things start to go wrong. It seems odd, unusual, perhaps even exaggerated. I began to wonder how Lilac could be so torn up, as if she were facing a truly life-ruining situation. Then the third chapter comes, and everything clicks. I was going to dock against the story for certain things that didn’t make sense, but slowly, steadily, it all came together.
I think it’s safe to say that I thoroughly enjoyed this story. Fascinating characters, impeccable scene setting, pitch-perfect narrative, and a sheer defiance of the common expectation. That this story has barely been recognized is almost a crime… but one I can understand. It is the type that falls between the cracks of the bombastic and baiting.
Go read it. It deserves far more praise than it has.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You read These Yet?
One Small Mistake
1,762 Words
By OfTheIronwilled
Re-Read
I have read and reviewed a number of stories by this author. They tend to be hit-or-miss in story quality. This, however, is one that interested me from the get-go.
One Small Mistake enters the mind of Fluttershy as she reflects upon her relationship with Rainbow Dash. This, however, is just the background of the story. On a deeper level, it involves the effects of small events and guilty actions, the things most people forget, but mean a world of difference to the individual. We’ve all experienced these: a casual conversation that never leaves you despite its insignificance, or a tiny reaction that said something profound about another person that stuck with you. In this instance, it’s something that Rainbow Dash did – or didn’t – do when they were fillies that comes back to haunt Fluttershy every now and then.
Simply stated, I enjoyed the subject matter. It’s something I feel isn’t addressed that often in literature, at least not in this way, which raises my opinion of the story all the more.
The writing style, however, has its issues. A combination of vague and direct, we watch as Fluttershy forces herself through a training regime with Rainbow. OfTheIronwilled works hard to use descriptive, elegant – but not quite flowery – prose to describe every moment of it. For some parts, this works wonderfully. For others, it seems the author is trying too hard, going into borderline purple prose. Some of the descriptions also get rather weird and make mistakes, such as going through the trouble of describing Rainbow as blue and Rainbow’s hoof as blue in the same sentence (because we didn’t get it the first time). I think the worst mistake was an attempt to stretch out a single, meant-to-be dramatic sentence across several lines, in between which are lengthy paragraphs of description that promptly killed the effect.
However, I think the effort paid off. In fact, I feel inclined to be more forgiving because of the effort in and of itself. A lot of the prose is strong, and if OfTheIronwilled took it too far in places, I think we can safely chalk it down to practice. I won’t fault someone for trying to improve themselves – which, perhaps ironically, is exactly what’s going on in the story itself.
The prose could use polishing, and the author could learn a lesson about how that prose affects pacing, but the concept is good and the message worthwhile. I think this is one of this author’s better works, and I’m especially pleased to see that OfTheIronwilled has been taking steps to improve – especially compared to some of their earlier works I’ve read. That’s rewarding in and of itself.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Chasing Winter
84,634 Words
By Raging Mouse
Now this is a Trixie story worthy of my attention! It’s no secret that the GAPT is my favorite side character of the show, and stories centering on her are always a treat in discovery, if not always in execution. This, however, was a slightly different rendition of the Trixie we all know, love and – for some people – hate.
Chasing Winter takes place sometime after Season 4, although exactly when is neither clear nor necessarily important. We start with Trixie being a reasonable, responsible and capable pony – a far cry from the various over-the-top, arrogant or pathetic versions so common in most stories I’ve read. Unfortunately, having a good head on her shoulders isn’t enough to protect her from the arrogance of noble blood, both hers and the enemies of her family’s House. Now the Blueblood matriarch wants Trixie dead, and her only clear option is to flee Equestria.
How fortunate that the Princesses are funding an emergency expedition into the Frozen North just now.
This story is a curious mix of oddities. It has predictable villains, but then it has an unpredictable villain. The plot is at some points painfully obvious and at others completely unexpected. It stars a Trixie who is arrogant, but is at the same time aware of her flaws and is actively seeking to fix them. It gives her noble blood – hardly an uncommon headcanon – while making her antagonistic to nobles. It suggests a feel-good story where nobody dies and everyone comes out okay, only to hit you in the feels with the dried out husk of the suggestion afterwards.
And I loved all of it.
The plot flows at a nice, steady pace, with every chapter giving us something interesting and none of them feeling like filler. The titles are excellent, playing to the audience’s expectations, practicing a bit of deceit but never actually lying. The characters all grow, the stakes are high and the manner of Trixie’s battles always as believable as they are fantastical.
About the only addendum I would add is that Trixie appears to have grown as a mage significantly between Magic Duel and this story, and we aren’t privy to exactly how. I don’t consider it to be a big flaw, though, as the journey does more than enough on its own.
Another big boon to this story: the worldbuilding. New creatures, fresh histories, natural wonders and some concepts I’ve never seen before grant a sense of freshness to everything. In this area Raging Mouse did an excellent job, and I would love to read more and see what else this author can conjure up.
This is the kind of Trixie story I’ve been waiting to read for a long time. It establishes for her a new presence in my mind, reminding me of all the potential I have seen in her in the past, but with a creativity I hardly anticipated. I wish there was a sequel. Barring that, you can bet I’ll be exploring Raging Mouse’s other stories in time.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
If you enjoyed these reviews, feel free to check my blog on Thursdays for the latest set! The goal is to write at least five reviews every week. I also accept review requests – see my profile page for more information.
Thank you for the review! I know I still have a long way to go before I'm a good writer, but it's nice to hear that I'm improving.
Thank you so much for the review! I wanted to do something inspired by K-drama, and I've always wanted to see if I could make something fantastic out of something plain.
Speaking of underappreciated Trixie stories, one of these review groups should really read They Don't Know Her by Sporktacles.
Somehow, all five of these stories haven't crossed my ponyfic path yet. Looks like a good excuse to add some things to the reading list!