So... I'm fucking handsome. · 1:13pm Aug 13th, 2016
God... That moment you realize something that you've doubted your entire fucking life, is like the moment Squidward had to realize that he's in the future. That's how I was in the bathroom this morning. FUCK. AND THINKING ABOUT IT NOW.... It all makes sense.
Fuck. I'm an eighteen year-old guy that's managed to "grab" a hold of three girlfriends in his life. First one was a fucking model, second one was... To be honest, I've no idea, third one was another fucking model, and the fourth (though she didn't know it), could've probably been a model too! And yeah, I know. Having hot-ass girlfriends doesn't exactly make you fucking handsome, but not when you became a model yourself! FUCK. ERRRRG. FRUSTRATION PUT INTO CAPS AND WORDS!
I never realized. And even then I hadn't accepted the fact that I was a fucking hottie. I mean, people dont just fucking tell you! DAMNIT. I mean, yeah, they do. But not convincingly enough!
...Yeah. And apparently, I was sought after by more girls than I could've honestly admitted to say. And ive been told by my bestest friends. I suppose I should be happy that I'm... handsome. But the trouble it's caused. Innocence plus looking like a fucking hottie does not make for a pleasant experience you know. I... hmm. It caused me so much trouble... I fucking cried before I wrote this. I suppose I was relieved. But not because I'm apparently... you know. But because I finally accepted it. Because I'm done fucking losing sleep over this. I'm done doubting my god-fucking given gift. I'm done.
And now I'm gonna stop writing this 'cause... Yeah.
Oh wait, but not before I tell you this: Don't fucking do what I did. I made it so this thing affected my only four years of high school. I let it change me. I let it ruin me. Dont fucking let your problems ruin you, aight? 'Cause if you do, when you realize, it could be too late. And sorry this is so vague and cliche looking, but I tried, yeah?
Scratching that, errm, to be more specific/less cliche/helpful, I cared too much about my appearence. So much so, that my appearence actually worsened, and my health degraded. Bags under my eyes, lack of any rest at all in school (because self-concious of everything, like walking talking and etcetera), and a pure lack of confidence in my looks. It became a negative feedback loop. Hell, I even let other people's opinions affect how I viewed myself. Do you know how that feels? To doubt that you were good-looking, just because someone had the gall to tell you you weren't? Really stupid. But besides that, I didn't see myself as me just 'cause I let people's opinions get to my head. Hell, I knew it shoudn't have mattered, but it did. To the point where I became a guy who's face changes every night and morning he looks in the mirror, because he couldn't accept the truth, and he wasn't willing to accept others opinions--the ones that say that he had, in fact, a very attractive appearence. To the point where he actively sought out attention, in the hopes that someone, anyone would give him a sign that he is, in fact, what people said he was--Handsome. For four years. To the point where he actively worked himself to exhaustion, just to be on the front cover of a freakin' fashion magazine...
Anyways, that's all I got for now. My writing muscles are blah and I just finished working awhile ago. I needs sleeps peeplez. I'll finish z life storie thing later. Comment btw, I'd like to see what all of yous thoughts are on this. I didn't just rant publicly on a fanfiction sight for nothing you know. 
Oh god what is this? How do I get rid of it? When did I even write this!?
Nah jk. I needed to get this thing off my chest. This wreck of a blog is for keeps.