Musings: Censorship in FoE · 12:20pm Jul 22nd, 2016
"When you tear out a man’s tongue, you’re not proving him a liar, you’re only telling the world that you fear what he might say."
Tyrion Lannister in G.R.R. Martin’s A Clash of Kings
We all know that non_creepy_nickname reads the stories of his authors before they go up, in order to correct mistakes and see that they are in line with his idea of what FoE should be. With Schorl Tourmaline's permission, I want to give you a few examples of edits non_creepy_nickname forced onto Bruised Apples, and discuss the implications of these edits.
Let me begin by quoting a passage about relationships between males from the first Gala chapter.
"I know, but let’s get back to what I was saying about you," Gunne started circling around Mac, taking in every detail, "If I didn’t know better I’d say you were an upstanding member of society. Combed tail, shined up your hooves, the tux isn’t spectacular, but it should let you blend in with the other ponies at the castle. If you combed back your mane I’d be afraid of one of the guys taking you home with them."
Mac wasn’t quite sure what the caribou was talking about at first, but then remembered that there were some like Braeburn who were into other things than women. "Ah guess there would be some gay stallions here as well." he said, partially joking, but also aware that he might actually receive a few passes.
"I would believe that there would be more bisexual men there than those that are purely gay, and not just stallions either. My people don’t quite have the same views on male relationships as yours. Many of the friendships among us are cemented by more than ale and war stories. Though given that you’re likely to be the smaller of the pair, I suspect they’d have certain expectations."
Now I have been proofreading Schorl's story for a while now – that's why I was able to connect the dots and piece together her plan, at least partially. I had to read every single chapter thoroughly. But I'm digressing. The point is that the original version of this passage read quite a bit differently. But non_creepy_nickname didn't like it, and at first he wanted it cut altogether. You will soon see why. With Schorl's permission and without further ado, I hereby present to you the original version.
"I know, but let’s get back to what I was saying about you," Gunne started circling around Mac, taking in every detail, "If I didn’t know better I’d say you were an upstanding member of society. Combed tail, shined up your hooves, the tux isn’t spectacular, but it should let you blend in with the other ponies at the castle. If you combed back your mane I’d be afraid of one of the guys taking you home with them."
"Taking.. me home…?" What Gunne had implied almost escaped Mac, but then he thought back to Braeburn and felt his backside unconsciously clench.
"Well yes, but of course I’ll be there to keep any horny stallions and my brethren away."
"Your brethren?!" Mac now consciously clenched himself as tight as possible.
"Well yes, some caribou enjoy having sex with other males, though if that were to happen then you would have to expect to be the one on the bottom. From my understanding other caribou like to assert themselves with their male mates."
Of course, non_creepy_nickname really didn't like that since it at least strongly implies that male on male abuse (or at least male on male sex with very questionable consent) is a common occurrence in caribou society. At first, he demanded that this passage be cut altogether. Schorl refused, arguing that this is a logical result of his approval of Twipet's suggestion to make bisexuality the default setting for caribou males – and she is quite correct about that, for several reasons.
In the passage itself, Gunne depicts a scenario that is obviously against Big Mac's wishes, and he depicts it in a way that makes it clear that Big Mac would have very little chance to get out of that. It is simply highly implausible that a sociopath like Ivangir would restrain himself from pulling rank on a lower ranking male. But there is one very definitive argument: The caribou obviously don't respect the mental integrity of other males. Their use of the Crystal Heart is essentially a form of mind rape. So why would they have more qualms when it comes to respecting the physical integrity of other males? (This is a more philosophical issue, but for some time, I wondered if caribou males even have a theory of other minds. But I think it can be shown from what is established about them that they have. Most of them just don't care too much.)
I thought along similar lines very early, almost from the moment I heard that most caribou males are bisexual, and as we can see, Schorl Tourmaline came to very similar conclusions. But apparently, non_creepy_nickname doesn't want people to know what Schorl thinks about male on male sex in caribou society. In order for his world to be perfect, females have to be abused in public, directly in the stories, males only behind closed doors where the readers can't see it.
Now of course, the new passage still has the same implications, so what's the big deal? Well, I think due to being watered down like this, the story is not as good as it would have been without the censorship. Schorl's story isn't just about the clop. It's about how people react to a deeply disturbing, violating environment, how they try to carve out little spots of security for themselves. Censoring a passage like this one lessens the impact of the story. But it also makes one part of the story outright nonsensical. The reason Gunne gives in the edited version for why Big Mac would have to play the submissive role is frankly ridiculous, given what we learn about Big Mac in other parts of the story.
Let me quote it to you again.
"Though given that you’re likely to be the smaller of the pair, I suspect they’d have certain expectations."
As Schorl's story emphasizes over and over again, Big Macintosh is a clydesdale. Clydesdales classically stand 163 to 183 cm in shoulder size, but today they are often bred to be even larger, and they have a weight of 800 kg to a ton. Given from what we see in both the show and in Bruised Apples, I think it is safe to assume that Big Mac is one of the larger examples. Male caribou, on the other hand, have a shoulder size of about 100 to 140 cm, in rare cases up to 170 cm, and a weight of about 100 to 300 kg. While it is true that non_creepy_nickname's caribou are different from real world caribou (in the real world, caribou have very thin penises, and they are literally the only species of cervidae where the females grow antlers and are not significantly smaller or weaker than the males), there is no reason for us to assume that a clydesdale like Big Macintosh wouldn't still be larger than the average caribou. We know that Gunne is smaller than Big Mac. But then again, he might be particularly small for a caribou.
The point is: There might be a few caribou who could range at about the same size as Big Mac (Ivangir could be a possible candidate), but most caribou males are very certainly smaller than him. Given this, Gunne's reasoning appears completely nonsensical. His premise is outright false.
Now it almost appears like he actually wanted to say something entirely different, but was too shy or awkward to say it in a more direct way. (A caribou male who is shy? Blasphemy! Censor it!) Now this is one aspect of the new version I'm actually fine with. I like the idea of Gunne being a male submissive, and it could be used to shed light on a few things about him, for example about his friendship with King Dainn. But of course, non_creepy_nickname will never agree to that!
As we can see, censoring a story like this affects the impact of the story negatively. Now of course, there are more examples like this one. I would like to briefly mention one other example here, but without discussing it in detail for now. Very early on, Schorl revealed to me that non_creepy_nickname had forced her to dumb down Ginna. Unfortunately, this was before Schorl allowed me to proofread her stories, so I don't know exactly what Ginna was like before the changes. Of course, Schorl still uses a few tricks to subtly imply that Ginna isn't as stupid as she appears to be on first glance, so they have apparently gone under the radar. There isn't much to say about this specific act of censorship as such, but it fits in with the general problem of cows in FoE stories. (I will release another essay about how to write a cow character soon.) I think this should be mentioned as well because cows are one of the central topics of my own story, and arguably one of the more interesting aspects of FoE. As I said, I don't want to go into detail in this essay, but I am interested in hearing and discussing your opinion on this topic (cows in general, as well as non_creepy_nickname's decision to have Schorl dumb Ginna down).
The real irony about this entire matter is of course that Schorl was still able to slip in all these little details that added up to her grand finale, without non_creepy_nickname even noticing. This shows very nicely how petty this kind of censorship is. The censor doesn't analyze what he has to deal with in detail, he doesn't care to read up on stuff or to think about the implications, he just looks for things he immediately finds "problematic", based solely on his own bias. That's why you can always trick him like this – by sneaking seemingly harmless stuff under his nose and then reveal the hidden implications when he least expects it.
Of course, despite this fact, his censorship still has a negative impact on the story. I think the examples given by me in this little essay should be enough to prove this.
The way that part was originally written and how its explained here, makes it seem that caribou's are merely hyper-aggressive males that would dominate ANYTHING weaker than themselves (females, animals, plants, other males, etc) rather than simple "misogynistic assholes." its just that the females, being weaker and maybe not as aggressive, got the brunt of their toxic hyper-"masculine" bullshit
its always been a headcanon of mine that the caribou in fact had (some) males slaves too, its was just hidden away where the females and the brainwashed couldn't see. (a little crack-ish sure, but for FoE one NEEDS to suspend their disbelief sooo)
kinda hope that, know that bruised apples is no longer "canon" (i think?), shorl MIGHT "put back" the things ncn censored but the story is ALOT so i aint gonna get my hope up for that :P
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Schorl is definitely going to spell out some of the implications she has only been able to sneak in so far. I also plan to do so. As a matter of fact, the idea that males regularly abuse other males in caribou society, and the psychological and cultural consequences of that, will be a topic in my story at some point.
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OOOOH cant wait!