I Was An Accessory to Theft: A TrotCon Retrospective · 8:25am Jul 20th, 2016
"TrotCon is the Sodom and Gomorrah of pony conventions" - Zyrian
'Twas a great convention this year! From what I'd heard, it was supposed to be the last (they wanted to turn it into a more general convention), but the staff realized the error of their ways when multiple people told them it was a terrible idea and the announcement was met with awkward silence. I didn't attend opening or closing ceremonies, though, so it's all hearsay. Also, I was promoted from Present Perfect's sidekick to shadow, though Trixie questioned whether that was actually an upgrade
Friday
I still haven't even tried to obtain a license, so I once again had to get a ride from my mom. We arrived around noon and I was actually able to check in immediately. After stowing away my crap, I went looking for registration and became confused when I saw a sign saying I could get a badge inside the Traveling Pony Museum (who should really add an extra L to their name). Turns out that was for Pokémon Go badges or some such thing, and the line was exactly where it was last year
There wasn't a whole lot to do early on, so I just browsed the vendors' wares — immediately buying two bottles from PixelKitties to add to my brother's collection and nabbing cards from just about everyone else — before heading back upstairs for some food. As I passed through the lobby, I spotted Present and his buddy, Max, checking in. We met up shortly after at Writers Waffling about Writing Willingly, which was fairly enjoyable. For once, it wasn't spoiled by barely comprehensible ramblings reminiscent of Bil Keane's chromosome-enhanced offspring!
Present, Zyrian, Kaldanor and I went out for some Chinese afterwards. I'm normally the first person to finish eating, but that wasn't the case that day. I actually didn't even finish my Dragon & Phoenix (which I suspect didn't truly contain either mythical beast)! I blame the unsalted nuts and berries I'd had earlier. We met up with Admiral Biscuit, Bad Horse and Rob, as well as some guy who I guess is called Milk, and went out to The Old Bag of Nails Pub like last year. I think this was around the time we spotted a car sporting a Trump bumper sticker (Trumper sticker?) and a license plate that read "AUTISM3". Unfortunately, I was unable to get a good picture because Celestia is a cruel mistress 
I rode in Milk's car with Zyrian and Rob (forgot who else). Rob was upset he lost his pin and flashlight, but these were recovered later on. He also called our faces various things. I only ordered a Coke — which I ended up not having to pay for! — since I was still satiated from my faux-cryptid and fried rice. Present and Bad Horse both offered me food, so I did eat a little. Much talk was had, and were we more motivated, we could've made Worthington great again
Present and I also met up with the infamous Argembarger, author of Pepsi® Twist and PK Has A Stroke
Bad Horse informed me of a game design panel that night which I ended up attending alone. It was a bust. They took forever to set up and there was no talk of dominance, costing game objects or bushiness. I bailed before we even got to play the games. The one positive thing to come out of that was discovering Artists' Alley After Dark. People coming out were hiding their purchases and looking like they'd bought CP or something. One staff member peeked in and shouted at the horrors inside. I resolved to get in the next night
Saturday
First thing the next morning, I went back to Arists' Alley to commission a piece from Princrim. It was a full body color featuring two characters: Caramel and Braeburn. I don't recall my exact instructions, but it was something like "more cute than cloppy. Maybe rope?" I kept it kinda vague and basically told her to surprise me. Ended up paying $60. I have no idea whether or not that's a good rate
10 A.M. was The Brony Critic's Guide to Better Fanfiction. Bad Horse and Trixie were also there, but not with me. At the time, I wasn't sure who Brony Critic was, so I wasn't sure what to expect. Turns out he's just Jacob Fawkes. Even ignoring the errors on his slides, the whole thing was pretty lackluster. If you've ever read even a single writing guide, there was nothing for you to learn there
I met back up with the others and we stole a jeep. Rob was sleeping off alcohol poisoning and Zyrian still had his keys from the night before, so a bunch of us went to Waffle House. Don't recall if I've ever been there before. Whatever I ordered wasn't as big as it looked on the menu, but it was still good and I wasn't terribly hungry in the first place
Bad Horse and I joined Max and Present for tale regaling and what we'd hoped wasn't turpentine. They introduced us to the wonders of Kamen Rider Gaim, which I eventually realized was that Kamen Rider. Had no idea that show was still around. Present mentioned samurai armor at one point, 'causing me to spend the rest of the day trying to remember the name of an anime I used to watch about twenty years ago. It was Ronin Warriors. I also pissed off Present mighty good correcting Max on the proper name for batponies 
At some point, Present and I also hung out with Protopony and his sister for a bit. Girl was rocking My Little Karaoke in the game room! They had a NES in there with a copy of Super Mario Bros. That shit was my first video game as a kid, so of course I had to play it. I remembered the 1-UP in 1-1 and the warp pipes in 1-2 after all these years, so I made it to 4-1 without dying but lost all my lives without making any further progress. I know, I suck
The cosplay contest was a lot of fun. I saw TF2's Blue Spy, Fluttershy, Geishashy/Geishy, Marty McFly, Steven Universe and Princess Celestia's butt captioned "worship". John de Lancie actually signed it!
Met back up with the others, including Morning Sun, at some diner called Fisky's or Frisky's. Something like that. Rob felt like shit and didn't even touch his burger. Music was good there, as was the food. At one point I thought the waitress misgendered Sunny, which I thought was funny and nearly brought up, but I later found out she's actually trans. Felt like a right idiot. Sorry, Sunny 
We went back to the con for My Little Script Reading, where Deimos Foxx pulled off an OK Paul Lynde and PonyToast did possibly the worst Ahnold I've ever heard. It was hilarious! Oh, and Chef Joe contributed his didgeridoo skills to the proceedings
There was about an hour between the script reading and AA After Dark, so we just milled about for awhile and talked D&D 
By the time we got to the workshop room (right across from the Kids Room!), a line had already formed. Capacity for AAAD was limited to 20 people at a time (excluding vendors). Still, it didn't take too long for us to get in, though we wound up going separately. Now, I went intention of not laughing too hard at all the porn and not staying too long. However hilarious I might find clop art, I still didn't want to spoil the convention for anyone, nor did I want to keep paying customers held up in line. I didn't succeed as well as I'd hoped, so I felt like a bit of a jerk. Still, I wasn't in there that long, and it's not like I caused a scene. Also, there was a porn version of NagaJack! Part of me wishes I bought it, but another part's glad I didn't. Hopefully it found a good home
I met back up with Present and some others outside the rave, where the whole wall was turned into a speaker and I found a tails-up dime. I went the rest of the night solo
At midnight I went to a 21+ panel called Fanfic Gone Wild. They gave out free vodka and "I 
Clopfics" buttons. There was a presentation on the logistics of pony sex, followed by clopfic mad libs. I suggested Granny Smith as a character for one and they used it! Then I started getting shouty, yelling out "grundle" a dozen times. Bastards never used it
Left a little early for some quick grub and then it was back to the same room for another, more "mature", script reading
Sunday
Woke up a little later this time and got a text from Present asking if I was dead. Lady Luck was not with him that day, for I was alive and shortly joined everyone in the lobby. We talked to some guy named emmens, then headed to Artists' Alley
Kefkafloyd saw my clopfic button and gave me some shit about how the only way to cleanse myself was to buy some of his merch. I walked away with a nifty Twilight Sparkle poster which now adorns my bedroom door. Would've provided a link, but I can't seem to find it anywhere
After that, it was back to the lobby for some UNO (or maybe that was before AA) and our goodbyes
No longer a shadow, and with no interesting panels to attend, I found myself bored. Fortunately, I ran into Bad Horse, who reminded me that Trixie was having a party. I ended up being her first guest, followed by Bad Horse, though I dipped out briefly for a smoke and to pick up my commission (she kinda made Caramel look like a mare, but I suppose that fits with the transition theory. My wall's still lacking proper m/m, though)
The party didn't really get started until after closing ceremonies. Morning Sun and Zyrian showed up, as did some artists like Fierce Wendigo, Blind Coyote and Braeburned (who looked seriously cute this year! I wouldn't mind getting him drunk enough to do something he'd regret). Also Steven Universe and a few other people whose names I either forgot or never caught. One person may have been M D Quill, but I'm not sure. I believe I was the only non-furry there
Alcohol was imbibed, we played Cards Against Equestria and watched Street Fighter on ESPN. What a country! We had a great time, though it's too bad Trixie had to leave so early
My only regret was that I didn't meet Jitterbug Jive/Pierce Smoulder/BaldDumboRat
I mean, it's Braeburned, doesn't everyone feel that way?
Shoot, did I already christen you my sidekick? I forgot. I'm not sure if that's a promotion, either. D:
FUCK YOU STILL
Totally forgot to add:
1) Biscuit and Bad Horse are my OTP
2) Although I didn't win CAE, I'm proud of the round when I played "Being fat and stupid" and "Sonic the Hedgehog" for "And the Academy Award for __________ goes to __________"
Your face is a various thing.