The Stories of Bronycon · 10:55pm Jul 16th, 2016
So, thanks to the con, I earned a handful more followers, pushing me all the way to 300. So, Mazel Tov.
That out of the way; Bronycon was an experience. What made it so great really was the people. Guests, panelists, everyone.
Of course, where people gather, things happen, and the following are some of what I feel are the more funny/interesting things I experienced at the convention. I hope you all enjoy.
Nyronus and the Bad Bad Terrible Awful Trip To Bronycon
Every story has a beginning, and mine… was not so hot.
For some background, my trip to Bronycon was partially a gift from my friends to me. Pwnego had booked the flights and the hotel for me and SoloBrony, and he and my friend Demiequis had helped foot some of the bill. Also keep in mind that I had Titanium Dragon and Soge rooming with me to further cut costs, and they would be arriving ahead of us, forcing them to wait on me to arrive since I had the reservations. At least for a little while.
Now, I had traveled a bunch before, but mostly as a kid. This was the first time I was really going out on my own, and I was in a weird position where I was sort of half in control and half not of what was going on, so I was super nervous there would be SOME miscalculation and the trip would be ruined. But, we got into the airport, got the tickets and got past TSA without ending up in a semi-legal facility in Cuba, so I figured it was smooth sailing from there.
And then I uttered The Words.
“Well, at least now nothing can really go wrong.”
“Oh no,” Solo said, “there is a ton of stuff that can go wrong.”
Almost instantly the stewardess announces an ongoing ground delay and we would be told more as the situation developed.
We sat in the concourse for an extra hour and thirty minutes.
Granted, we made a new friend, a Brony and con staffer flying out on the same plane, so we pass the time chatting with him and eating way overpriced snack food because fuck you if you think they’ll serve real food in an airport in New Orleans.
We eventually get underway, and spend a few hour flight on a cramped, dark plane having what are gratuities on other flights sold back to us at prices which would have caused revolutions in the 1700s.
Three dollars for bottled water or cup-ramen.
Three dollars.
For fucking ramen.
We land in O’hare, have a rushed de-boarding, rush to get a higher class meal, which basically means paying eight dollars a pop for packs of cheese, meat, and crackers.
Rush back onto the plane. Spend another couple hours getting to Baltimore. I call TD as we land, and thankfully, our new friend offers to help us get a ride. I call TD again to tell him I’m going to be ten minutes at the latest, and we all pile into the care and ride to Bronycon on Friendship Road.
And then spend 45 minutes doing figure eights around downtown Baltimore looking for the hotel.
We park at a random garage, try to use GPS to get to the hotel, and the GPS takes forever to figure out which direction we’re going, so we end up having to backtrack a couple blocks and then finally, finally, make it to the hotel. The Marriot on the waterfront. Right across from the convention center.
We get inside, I get out our reservation information, tell them everything they need to know - and they can’t find us. Distraught, I look down at the paperwork, when a horrible realization dawns on me.
My paperwork has Marriott's name all over it, but I didn’t have a room at the Marriott. I have a room at the RENAISSANCE, which is OWNED by Marriot, but is not, in fact, the Marriott.
It’s also four blocks back the way we came.
We trudge back, tired, broken, back down the road, dodging waves of homeless and Pokemon trainers as we went. We finally made it. The Renaissance Hotel. Succor and rest at last. We met with TD and Soge, and I went up to get our reservations.
My card was denied.
I tried to fix it on my laptop, but couldn’t access the account. I woke up my father to get his help. He couldn’t fix it. I called the bank, was given the run around by customer service only to be told that because I had a debit card rather than a credit card, I could not get customer service until the banks opened up.
At 7:00 a.m.
Nearly four hours hence.
I just about had a breakdown in the lobby until the concierge took pity on us and let us into our rooms and told me to just come down and fix it in the morning.
Me, TD, and Soge all get into our room, and that’s when I learn that I did not read the reservations properly.
I had offered TD and Soge my spare bed.
There was no spare bed.
Frustrated, exhausted, and just plain embarrassed with my own successive fuckups, I told them that since they were paying me money for a bed, they would get the bed. I would sleep on the floor, and, presuming I could get the card situation solved, order a spare cot for the room for myself. They took their showers and I went to take mine.
There were only two towels. So I had to dry with a hand towel. Then my electric toothbrush died after exactly six seconds in my mouth.
I crawled out in my PJs, and, grabbing a pair of chair cushions and the comforter, managed to get an hour and a half penance nap in before the clock struck seven. I then promptly put on my nice shirt, went outside and fixed everything.
Sorted out the card, found the free breakfast, sorted out the weird rules with free breakfast on the weekends, found the nearest convenience store that sold my favorite brand of energy drink, got drinks for me and Solo, and woke TD up at 8:30 by rolling into the room dressed to the nines and with a cot behind me. I then corralled everyone to get ready, marched us to the con, got me and Solo our passes, me with Nadnerb for the first time in person, and by the time I had tracked Skeeter down and had gotten one hell of a surprise hug from him, I knew I was home.
I went to the first day of Bronycon on an hour and a half of sleep after a terrible night that certainly felt like it would last forever, and it was one of the best days of my life.
Nyronus and the Great Booze Bildungsroman
I don’t drink alcohol very often.
Now, I like the flavor of certain beers and I find the whole culture of alcoholic connoisseurship and brewing to be really fascinating, but I very rarely drink, and I never drink in excess. There are a few reasons. One, it’s expensive. Two, it’s bad for you. Three, I hate being drunk. Four, hangovers aren’t much better. Five, I have constant headaches, and over the counter anti-inflammatories and booze are not the best combos.
Another fact about me; I have chronic sinus problems. Sinus infections and inflammation are less an illness and more a way of life for me. No to mention that my home is a fetid cesspit of humidity, pathogens, and toxic pollutants. So my sinuses are basically constantly filled with thick fluid trying to wash out the various poisons and micro-organisms that are doing their damnedest to kill me.
Which, as I learned, means getting into a randomly pressurized metal sausage was probably not one of my best life choice.
Of course, I also learned that booze makes a great sinus cure. It opens up your bronchial tubes, your sinuses, and kills every living creature in your mouth and throat. So, as a cure for “Oh God I Can Feel My Sinuses Crawling Across My Face”-Itis, it’s pretty solid. Plus, SoloBrony was with me, and since he cooks and some of the dishes he’s interested in cooking use alcohol, he was interested in trying some of the liquors the airline was offering. Between the sinus pain, also being curious and wanting to expand my horizons, and just deciding, fuck it, I’m on vacation, there’s no better time to just try new stuff, I started ordering us some (hilariously overpriced) tiny bottles of booze. This ended up becoming something of a tradition as we flew that weekend, and I was later treated to some of Bad Horse’s birthday booze. So, I have made a catalogue of what I discovered about various liquors and mixers over my Bronycon trip:
Cinnamon Whiskey is pretty good, especially on the rocks. The ice takes some of the edge off the burn and makes it a little smoother. All in all, not bad if you can tolerate the taste of hard liquor in general.
Rum tastes like death. Do not drink rum straight. Even if you have to make a rushed mixed drink out of ice, half and half packets, and sugar, do it, because rum is right of there with straight Tequila and coked out scorpions on my list of “Things You Just Don’t Put In Your Mouth.”
Amontillado tastes like alcoholic sun dried raisins. Make of that what you will. Also, Jedi Master Ed informed us that fortified wines like Amontillado and Port were basically the Seven Years War equivalent of Freedom Fries.
Make of that what you will.
Tequilla Buzzballs are actually pretty good. They basically taste like alcohol Sprite with some Ginger Ale mixed in. On the rocks they just taste like Sprite and Ginger. Despite being less alcoholic than almost everything I drank that weekend, they probably affected me the most powerfully. Probably because it opened up all my airways like an emergency pipeline and being able to breath for real was such a novel experience that I got high off of it.
Nyronus and the Non-Euclidian Convention Center
So, I don’t know if all of you have every been to the Baltimore Convention Center, but that place is weird.
Like, there are two first floors, two second floors, one third floor, and one fourth floor, but you can only get to the fourth floor from one side of the third floor. They’re technically two buildings, but it’s all connected internally, sort of, so it’s not obvious at a glance. There is also an entire third building that I never went to. All of the doubled floors are completely segregated from each other and have to be reached indirectly, and even then, some of the floors are segregated internally, meaning there is no way to get to certain rooms except by changing floors and going around. On top of all that, the placement of stairs and escalators can be less than intuitive.
I got to learn the layout of that place intimately and very rapidly, and I did so for a very, very stupid reason.
So, out of nowhere on Friday, Skeeter sends me a cryptic text that is nothing but a location in the vendor hall.
What’s going on? Does he need my help? Does he want to show me something? So I tell Solo and then go rush to see whatever it is Skeets so desperately needs me for. Plus, the Vendor Hall is just downstairs, right? No trouble.
I go out of Quills and Sofas, down the escalator, down the escalator, down the hallway, come into a hall I’ve never even SEEN that wasn’t even marked on the map, scuttle under a divider, across the hall, exit to the street, go back into the con, back across the hall, back down the hallway, up the escalator, up the escalator, across the third floor, back across the third floor, desperately look at the map, double back down the escalator, double back up the escalator, across the entire length of the convention center, down the staircase, down the escalator, take a snap shot of Creepy Horse Mask One Punch Man cosplay, get into the vendor hall, find the map in the vendor hall, cross reference map with location Skeeter gave, find booth, find Skeeter.
And I’m doing this in dress shoes, by the way.
I get to Skeeter, I asked him what he needed and it turns out he just wanted to let me know where to find him if I needed him.
…
That sound you hear is the sound of someone playing the sad trombone.
That said, after all that, I did wander the hall, met Silfoe, met Assassin Monkey (who is awesome, btw), bought some of his stuff, bought a bunch of Dennybutt prints, bought an affordable Sunset Shimmer plushie, and shot the shit with Nadnerb while waiting for the next marked panel to start. So, all in all, pretty worth it.
Nyronus and the Meeting of Fimfic Famous People
Quills and Sofas is basically a lounge in the con where fanfic authors congregate, and if you go there chances are you will meet some people who are Fimfic Famous. I got to meet some real cool folks, and all in all it was super neat to meet people with whom you share interests, like being highly over educated and making magic horses cry for fun.
Fun fact though, Pen Stroke apparently loves it when you go up and fangirl at him.
Which is good, because I totally went up and fangirled at him.
Nyronus and the Curious Case of the Black Hats
So, it’s getting on in the evening in Quills and Sofas when Bad Horse suddenly returns to Quills and Sofas wearing a black suit, a top hat, and begins passing around free black top hats.
Someone hands me one.
I ask what this is for.
They tell me to ask Bad Horse.
I ask Bad Horse.
Bad Horse tells me I’m now one of them.
I get confused. I then realize Skeeter has had on a black hat all day and text him about it.
He texts back to ask Bad Horse.
I lose it, a bit.
I ask Bad Horse again.
He asks if I want the hat in a somewhat cryptic fashion.
TD mentions something about joining the Evil League of Evil
At this point I start to get a glimmer what may be going on, give in, and put on the hat.
Shortly afterwards, an ominous band of twenty something fimfic authors piles out of Quills and Sofas in a train of black top hats behind Bad Horse heading to his Advanced Writing panel. After which the black hats spread across the convention center, traveling in small groups, never entirely commenting on the strange phenomena they seemed to be a part of.
Unfortunately, Bad Horse may have ended up regretting inviting me into the Evil League of Evil after what happened after that panel, but then, what group of super villains is complete without that one anti-villain who joins the heroes’ side at a suitably dramatic moment?
Nyronus and the Accidental Stalking of M.A. Larson
Saturday started out strong with M.A. Larson’s panel. If you’ve never been, I recommend it. He’s a pretty entertaining speaker. The panel had him walk us through the Cutie Mark Chronicles episode from inception to completion in terms of writing. We got to see his pitch, his episode summary, his drafts, what changed, what didn’t, the kind of notes he got from Lauren and Robert on it. It was a pretty cool panel, and Larson is an entertaining speaker.
During the panel though he mentioned how hard it was for him to write Episode 100, and the epiphany he had that allowed him to finish it. That stuck out to me, so after the panel I approached him, shook his hand, and took a moment to tell him how much Episode 100 had meant to me to sort of let him know I felt he’d done a good job. I then mentioned that Amending Fences had also been a bit of a mind blower and let him get on his way.
On my way back to Quills and Sofas though I realized I hadn’t told him WHY Amending Fences had stuck out to me. I shrugged it off as a missed opportunity and hung out with the people there, shooting the shit about the show and assumed I’d just leave it at that.
Well, I go to Cutie Marks and Identity panel (which was awesome) and catch SoloBrony and Barasta Septim in the hall. We sit down and chat and I happen to glance up and down the hall comes M.A. Larson. I catch his eye, nod, and turn away when suddenly the person next to me starts bouncing up and down and calls him over. She asks for his autograph and he gives it, pretending that doing so was some big deal against the rules, and I decide that, since I have him in arm reach, I might as well take the initiative. As he finishes I get his attention and comment that it occurred to me to expand on my prior comment and explain to him WHY Amending Fences stood out to me; namely the emotions Twilight experienced reflected things that had happened in my life, and when any art reflects the feelings I’ve gone through in my life, it makes an impression on me. So, I thanked him for that, and let him on his way.
I turn back to Solo and Brasta and we chat for a bit more before I convince them to come with me to the Elements of Harmony panel (which was awesome). We go up to the fourth floor and see a huge, layered maze line and low and behold in the line and moving the opposite direction from us is M.A. Larson. We make eye contact, again, and we nod to each other, again.
At this point I think it’s a pretty funny random happenstance that I keep just crossing paths with him. The joke occurs to me that I’m stalking him. I mean, in this convention center for the next two days, the dude is basically a celebrity, so the idea us randomly crossing paths and it appearing like I’m stalking him strikes me as pretty funny. Not that I would. I want to respect the dude’s space.
Well, after three separate gauntlets of maze-lines we finally get to the hall where the panel is, and I’m parched. There’s a staff member waving people forward, and I ask if I can raid the water cooler right behind him. He says sure and while I’m refilling my bottle Solo asks if it’s cool to sit in the back row and the staffer also agrees.
Well. I look up from my bottle to see Solo plop himself down on the end of the far-back left aisle next to M.A. Larson. Then Brasta plops down to next to him and now the only open seat next to those two is directly next to M.A. Larson.
I stare at the unrelentingly ironic awkwardness the universe loves to throw at me for a few seconds, and then do the only thing I feel I can do; sit down in the next aisle up in-front of SoloBrony and try not to call attention to myself.
Panel was great though.
Nyronus and the Missed Fight Night
SoloBrony loves to fight.
The dude is like a seven foot tall German kitten. Like all kittens, he loves to wrestle, and like all seven foot tall Germans he can and will huck you across the room with a kick. We’ve sparred semi-regularly for years, and he wanted to bring the gift of asskicking to Bronycon.
After asking around he manages to get permission to spar on the Renegade Stage and manages to acquire a large crowd of Fimfic authors to use as punching bags train. To start the festivities off right me and him have a spar to sort of demonstrate what he’s on about and I actually did pretty well against him. I was far more acrobatic than I usually am, scuttling around like a spider and launching kicks at him to keep him off of me. I even score a clean hit on him after a minute of dancing about.
Unfortunately I decided to check out the Hoof of Argon panel meaning I missed a chance to do everything but that. From what I heard those guys were going at it for three hours until the con closed for the night. Also means I missed a chance to strut my stuff against people outside of our circle of friends, which is something I regret a bit since I wanted to see if I was as good as Solo keeps telling me I am.
Silver lining though: Besides Corejo out of a whole host of style black belts and masters, I was the only other person to score a clean hit on him all night.
Nyronus and Better Living and Dancing Through Martial Arts
So, as mentioned, I do martial arts from time to time. Another secret physical hobby of mine is I really like to dance.
I’m just not well trained at it. I can’t do the robot, I can’t break dance, and I can barely cartwheel. I can do a butterfly kick, but that’s not exactly a dance move even if it is terrifying to see me perform. I can kick and skip and spin and swing my arms and head to the rhythm, and I love to do it when I’m by myself and have a rocking beat on the headset. I may not have had the formal moves, but I love to dance, and a chance to cut loose on the dance floor to Silva Hound was something I was looking forward to about Bronycon.
I leave the Hoof of Argon panel and get down to the floor where Garnika is finishing his set and Silva Hound is coming out to prep. Things get underway and I’m jumping along with the crowd and I spot a little dance circle forming. I make my way over and watch some of the dancers do things which make me feel embarrassed to even be there. Still, I want to get out there and go nuts. I end up being stuck on the edge for a long while, not sure what the etiquette for just leaping in is.
Finally, after waiting forever, I jump in and just do it, and oh god do I suck. I can barely do any of my moves, I’m out of rhythm. It’s embarrassing. I then go into a lackluster spin and my laptop case slides loose and flies out from my body.
Fuck it, this is now my routine.
I shift my balance, finish the spin, plant, and then grab the shoulder strap for the case and start going into rope-dart/quaterstaff bullshit, twirling and flurrying the bag around my body like I’m fighting of a crowd of ninja rather than con-goers. I spin, sling the strap across my body, catch the handle when the bag slaps down on my left shoulder, and then leap out of the circle without even looking.
So, that night I learned I’m an awful dancer, unless I completely fuck up, and then I become some sort of extra from a hong kong action flick who stumbled into a rave and decided to keep going.
Next year the plan is to make a glow-stick rope-dart for the con and just go from there.
Nyronus and the Best Evil Laugh At the Convention
Sunday afternoon I’m eating lunch in Quills and Sofas with Bad Horse and Applejinx, talking about Tolkien. We end up playing an entertaining game called Once Upon A Time, and for some reason or another I decide to share a story about a mediocre Lovecraft themed board/card game I played once. I mention that the only fun feature was that, as you loss sanity, you had to give out an insane laugh, and I ended up having the best evil laugh at the convention.
And then someone at the table starts giving out an evil laugh in response to my story.
Oh no.
Oh no.
I shall not let this challenge go unanswered.
They’re doing a generic low, evil belly laugh. So I go into the generic evil overlord chuckle. They get louder, so I kick it up to Kefka. Then into the Joker. Finally I have a shrieking cackle that is as much haunted and in pain as it is filled with terrifying gleeful sadism, echoing across the room and filling Quills and Sofas with the sound of my unbridled madness.
I stop and the entire room is staring at me in a mixture of silent awe and terror.
And that’s how I, once again, had claimed the title of having the best evil laugh at the convention.
Nyronus and the Surprising Shared Interests of His Peers
As the con came to a close a bunch of writers went out to dinner with Bad Horse and Jedi Master Ed at a little incredibly overpriced and still not terribly great seafood bistro. We were all sitting at a table and the topic of Reddit comes up, and while making some point or another I mention the White Wolf Subreddit which is “All Vampire the Masquerade, all the time,” and the entire half of the table I’m at lights up at once with discussion.
Turns out there's a not insignificant overlap between “Brony authors who were hanging out at that table” and “Fans of Old Word of Darkness.” I’m a Hunter/Wraith guy, we had a Mage Storyteller, a couple big Changeling fans, someone who’d done Werewolf MUSHes for a while, and even one other person at the table who didn’t run screaming into the hills the instant I mentioned Wraith the Oblivion.
And poor TD was just left right out of the loop.
So we all set down to chatter about the various foibles and failings of those game lines, because you're not a true oWoD fan until you’ve bitched about how much of a hot mess that whole enterprise was. I even got to give my speech about how the Technocracy and the Mages in general ruin the setting. I don’t get to chat about those games much, and among my circle of friends that’s a horse well and truly dead and beaten, so it was really cool to find out all these cool people also shared this weird, semi-obscure interest of mine.
Plus I can now be confident I have at least one other person who will at least know what the hell I’m talking about if I ever completely lose my mind and write that Wraith/MLP crossover I came up with forever ago.
And that’s kind of what Bronycon was like all around: you meet cool people, and talk about things you love. Be it ponies, history, economics, politics, literature, writing, anime, or pretentious counter-culture tabletop roleplaying games from the 90s. Everyone is there to be cool, share their interests, and, most of all, make friends.
It’s an experience I recommend everyone try to get at least once. The energy, the atmosphere, and the friendship? It was worth that terrible flight in and more, and it was something I’ll never forget.
I have one more Bronycon post to go, and then we’ll get back to our regularly scheduled Nyronusing.
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Coda: Nyronus and the Pretty Interesting and Entertaining Panels
Every year Bronycon puts its panels up on Youtube, and the following are the ones I recommend you all check out when you get the chance.
The People Behind the Ponies
This was a panel done by all the show voice actors at the convention, just asking them general questions. Tara Strong wasn’t there, but everyone else was pretty interesting to see in action, and Tabitha St. Germaine is a national treasure.
Community Voice Acting Workshop: By Fans, for Fans
A pretty solid workshop for what getting into professional voice acting is like (spoilers: difficult) and filled with a somewhat amusing voice acting exercise.
A Monkey's Art Talk
AssassinMonkey is not a great public speaker. He is a really principled artist and spiritualist though, so listening to him talking about art and what art means to him and to everyone is really fascinating, even if it was somewhat sleep inducing in its delivery.
Mitch, Markers, and Magic
M.A. Larson walks the crowd through the Cutie Mark Chronicles from inception to the script that went to production along with talking a bit at various points about working on the show. It was really fun and informative.
Coping with Limitations: Owning Your Cutie Mark
A panel looking at the show and it’s themes from the perspective of sociology and myth. I found some of the terminology to be a little cringe inducing, but the real core of what they were getting at was fascinating and I highly recommend giving it a look.
The Elements of Harmony
Tabitha St. Germain wrote a fan script and had almost the entire cast live read it for an audience.
Tabitha St. Germain wrote a fan script
and had almost the entire cast live read it
for an audience.
And it was fucking amazing.
Equestria Daily Panel
A really funny panel about the insane and bizarre reality that is working for Sethisto. Lots of stories, insight and TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Hoof of Argon
People trying to read bad fanfiction without laughing or reading it improperly (which is to say in actual proper English). Back half dragged a fair bit, but the first story read was hilarious.
Good Dialogue and Bad Dialogue—Bad, Bad Dialogue
Applejinx and someone who’s name I didn’t catch give a panel on writing dialogue, and it was probably the best writing panel at the convention. The two of them don’t just give yeah or nays, but actually discuss why something is a bad idea - and when using it is actually a good idea.
Studio Pones: Recording for Horses
Another voice actor panel, this time discussing equipment for people who want to DIY. Has a lot of advice on doing VA on a budget.
Anyway, thanks for reading everypony, see you all around!
It was fantastic meeting you and I don't think I've ever heard a better summation of Solo than 7 foot tall Germanic kitten.
Sorry I missed the evil laugh contest, I suspect it was much improved by the banging of a typewriter in the background though.
Glad that was the start of a good time.
~Skeeter The Lurker
4096377
Oh, Skeeter. Every time we're together, it's a good time ;)
For the record, I hate wrestling.
Striking styles is where it's at.
Good times.
Though, I will note that you said before the con, in response to me saying "It will be nice meeting you", that I was saying that now, not, you know, after I spent three hours waiting for you in the hotel lobby.
So really, you doomed yourself before you even started.
I had actually hung out with Heir of Rick at some point, and he had brought his own own top hat from Mens Wearhouse. Later I went to the advanced writing panel and saw the panelists and the whole first row in top hats and started to wonder about the top hat conspiracy.
I eventually got the story of Bad Horse's top hat distribution from someone, but it didn't explain Heir bringing his. So yeah, there was some kind of top hat stand alone complex going on at Bronycon this year.
Sounds like a pretty awesome experience all told! I enjoyed the stuffing out of the con myself, and it was great to meet you.
I'm really glad that the universe reset at 7 am Friday. Thursday was about two steps away from things literally being on fire.
I no longer remember the process that has led me to this blog so long after Bronycon, but if you were that taken by the dialogue panel, I'd really caution you against taking much of it to heart. Applejinx tried to salvage that thing, bless his heart, but he could only do so much. There was an awful lot of advice that was poorly explained, misleading, or outright wrong.