Story Reviews » Round Robin Reviews # 10 · 10:11pm Jul 9th, 2016
The Round Robin Reviews are written by different groups and reviewers taking turns each week. If you are a story reviewer or part of a group that reviews stories and would be interested in joining the Round Robin Reviews, feel free to PM Wanderer D, Professor Plum, or ElDorado to tell us about it.
It’s me again, FIMFiction. Yeah, that’s right, PaulAsaran, that solo guy throwing reviews at you once a week. You ready for my third swing at the Round Robins? Of course you are.
No need for a big intro from me this time, folks. I’ve said my hellos twice now, I think you all get the gist. Those of you who missed it the first couple times can hit up my user page to get all the same info, including my reviewing methods/rules, a link to my review schedule (updated daily), and generally everything you could possibly want to know.
Unless I missed something. Then ping me. I won’t bite. Probably.
Today we’ve got a few requests that went above my expectations, a sequel more deserving of attention than its predecessor (or so I feel), and a delightful piece of fuzz and drama starring my favorite showmare!
Stories for This Session:
From the Flames in the Firelight by Snowybee (Requested by Snowybee)
Tables Have Turned by JoeShogun (Sequel to Of Birds and Bees and Awkward Things)
My Own Demon by Ryuko (Requested by Ryuko)
Trixie Lulamoon and the Horrendous Hypothesis by kudzuhaiku (Completed Story)
Dusk Falls by NorrisThePony (Requested by Danger Beans)
Total Word Count: 185,516
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 3
Pretty Good: 2
From the Flames in the Firelight
16,424 Words
By Snowybee
Requested by Snowybee
Once again, this author calls upon me to cast judgement upon her. Snowybee is longtime friend of mine, and also a fan, and she often tries to get my opinion on her works. Her self-doubt is pretty high, and I try to be encouraging, but I also strive to maintain honesty in my reviews. Anything less would be unfair to her. In the case of this story, she had me pre-read the second chapter long before she started publication. At the time, it just seemed like an oddity.
Oh, how things change.
From the Flames in the Firelight begins with the revelation that something is wrong with Cadance on a deeply emotional level. Princess Luna decides to investigate, and realizes that her niece is more than just troubled – she is on the verge of a physical and mental breakdown. Seeking to help, she offers Cadance the chance to try a very risky spell in which her subconsciousness and consciousness will meet without any barriers in a pseudo-dream, the dangers of which are unknown. Desperate for a solution, Cadance agrees. What follows is a descent into the past and a battle for sanity.
Holy wow, folks. Snowybee’s trademark writing style of freeflowing thought, metaphor and uncertain clarity is put to full use in this one. Sometimes her stories are tricky to get through because of the writing style she offers, but in a story of dreams where reality and fantasy mix? It’s a tour-de-force. On the one hand, I struggled to grasp the exact nature of what was happening, or the truth behind the events that were brought before us. And yet the descriptions – at times confusing and yet startlingly clear all at once – only make Cadance’s journey all the more fascinating. I can honestly say I regretted getting to the end.
I say all of this, but must add a caveat: the writing style really can be confusing if you’re not paying proper attention. For those of you looking for something easy to read, you might want to set this aside for when you’re feeling more ambitious.
But don’t you dare throw it away.
“Okay, so the writing is pretty. Whoop-dee-doo. Tell us about the story.”
After the real story begins in chapter 2, things got a little confusing to me. This may have to do with the fact that I never actually read the canon rendition of Cadance’s ascendance, although I have some generally good knowledge thanks to Cerulean Voice’s Essenza di Amore (which I am trying to resist comparing this to). As Cadance steadily goes deeper into her own personal battle, certain things gradually become more and more clear. Those with a stronger knowledge of Cadance’s past will probably pick things up much faster than I did, although I get the impression that the story she told Twilight left some things out.
Slow – and at times, confusing – as the story may have been initially, it nonetheless remains thoroughly interesting. The mystery, the danger, the suspense and the urgent desire to understand Cadance’s predicament all coalesce into something worth getting invested in. By the end of chapter 5, I wasn’t able to look away.
If there was any real issue with the story, it’s that it ends in a way that leaves questions unanswered. Some people may get to the end and say “Wait, that’s it? Shouldn’t there be more?” Yes, I was one of those individuals. However, I have it good authority that Snu is considering a sequel to clarify things, so I’m not going to let it bother me too much.
In summation, this story has been awesome. I have always said that if Snowybee could find the right way to channel her writer’s voice, she could make something great. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the evidence I’ve been waiting for.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Tables Have Turned
23,169 Words
By JoeShogun
Sequel to Of Birds and Bees and Awkward Things
Oh, Luna, you are such a wonderful mare.
Okay, so a small breach of etiquette here by selecting a sequel for the Round Robin, but I swear it’s justified in that it’s really easy to jump into this one without knowing anything of the original. And, frankly, if you haven’t read the original, what are you still doing here? Go on, go read it. There’s a link right above this review. I’ll wait.
…
Okay, done? Good. You’re welcome.
Tables Have Turned follows in the hoofsteps of its predecessor via the exact same subject matter, but with a much broader focus. The story begins when Twilight, doing a little shopping, comes across her now-teenage assistant Spike unwittingly ogling a certain somepony, which leads her to the sudden and panic-inducing recognition that her “little guy” is growing up. Rather than give him the dreaded “talk”, Twilight calls upon some royal help. One thing leads to another, and Twilight ends up at a bar with the rest of the Mane 6.
Drinks are drunk, explanations are made, and soon they all decide to share their own “coming of age” experiences.
This was fun. No bones about it (I’m sorry), I grinned the whole way. From Applejack’s poor timing involving her brother to Rainbow’s self-proclaimed “uncool” journey of self-discovery, each mare has something interesting to bring to the table. Each tale is wildly different from the other, and the bonus chapter is nothing less than riotous – while also managing to throw in some legitimately interesting and creative creation theory in there. Twilight is the only one that doesn’t get her story detailed, but that’s because hers was the focus of the original story, so no biggie there. And seriously, after reading this, what would stop you from going to check that out?
The only complaint I have is a minor one, and unquestionably subjective, which is that JoeShogun clearly went out of his way to guarantee that the stories didn’t mesh up with common expectations. That’s not necessarily a bad thing on its own, it just felt like the author said “How can I totally shock everyone reading this? By doing the exact opposite of what everyone expects!” Except that, in so doing, he did… well, exactly what I expected. As soon as it happened the first time, predicting the nature of the rest of the stories was pathetically easy.
But that didn’t make them any less amusing, so as I said, minor complaint. This is, on the whole, a far better story – err, stories – than its predecessor. Read this if you’re feeling like having a little fun and aren’t squeamish about the sex topic.
Oh, who am I kidding?
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
My Own Demon
2,439 Words
By Ryuko
Requested by Ryuko
I had long forgotten about this. Many, many months ago, Ryuko (who went by a different pen name then) asked me to pre-read this and offer some advice. It was so long ago that, to be honest, I can’t even recall what advice I gave. When I recognized what I was reading, however, my interest grew rapidly.
My Own Demon stars the six-year-old Zephyr, an earth pony who suffers from a significant speech impediment. Yet that’s not the only thing he suffers from; every night for as long as he could remember, Zephyr has had an unwanted guest. Is it a ghost? Is it a demon? Whatever it is, Zephyr is powerless of fight it, and its ability to disappear in an instant means his parents are clueless as to why he screams in the night.
This was a curious story. The sense of helplessness in Zephyr is strong and relatable, both from his inability to communicate his situation and his parents’ unwillingness to believe anything is seriously wrong due to his age. Ryuko puts us in the eyes of a child forced to confront something beyond understanding, and that leaves a strong impact.
Yet the thing I like most is the unanswered question of just what Zephyr’s mysterious tormentor is. The nature of the enemy is vague at best, but it is by no means the product of an overactive imagination. Is it something that all foals face, but ultimately forget about as they grow older? The story description mentions Zephyr’s past, so perhaps it is something related to the unwitting colt’s history? Maybe it really is some kind of demon, which has targeted him for no other reason than that he was an easy victim. The story makes no attempt to answer, and this pleases me greatly. It’s the kind of mystery that can inspire material in others who so desperately want an solution.
I suppose if I had to point out something to be critical of, it’s that Ryuko seems overly fond of semicolons. What, you were expecting me to attack the plot in some fashion? *Sigh*, fine. The only thing I can think of is that I question the need to expound upon Zephyr’s day between the two nights of the story. It was brief enough to not be a major distraction, though, and most of the section did an exemplary job of demonstrating the nature of his parents’ views for the situation. Which, come to think of it, may have been one of the criticisms I had in the past.
All in all, this is a strong first-time showing for a budding new author. Certainly not the best dark or ‘Weird’ story I’ve read, but certainly worth my time. I’m only sorry it took me so long to get to it.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Trixie Lulamoon and the Horrendous Hypothesis
28,667 Words
By kudzuhaiku
Completed Story
Ah, kudzuhaiku. Some love their work, some hate their work (or so I’ve heard), but there’s little doubt that they’re one of the site’s most prolific authors. I only thought my average weekly wordcount was strong. Today’s story addresses my all-time favorite side character, Trixie Lulamoon, and takes place some years after the events of the show. Exactly how long is unclear, but it can’t be more than seven or eight.
Inspired by the relationship between Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo, Princess Twilight decided to create a government program that provided incentives for ponies to take on mentor roles to foals. Seeing this as a way to get some quick bits, Trixie convinced Twilight to let her act in this capacity for the orphan Sumac Apple. Now the two of them are headed for Ponyville once more so that little Sumac can take a special test to determine his educational future, and the opportunities and potential are mounting. Along the way, both Trixie and Sumac must come to grips with what they are to one another, and Trixie must find the courage to rise above her past.
You’ll notice that I said nothing regarding a hypothesis in that summary. That’s because said hypothesis is nothing but a background catalyst to the real story. Hence the reason the title sounds so off to me.
What I really didn’t appreciate was the choice of perspective writing used in this one. I never got the technical lingo down, but kudzuhaiku uses that style that switches character perspectives in the blink of an eye, without warning or preparation. It’s frustrating at best, even when handled well (and in the author’s defense, it is mostly handled well). It can also be extremely confusing, especially when the perspective flies between three or four characters within just a few paragraphs. I’ve never liked this method of writing, and I feel this story is a good indication of why.
The dialogue felt a little rough at times. A few lines could have been revised to provide more impact, either via what was said or via the narrative description surrounding it. Even so, kudzuhaiku does a pretty good job conveying emotion via body language. I never thought I’d say this, but they may have even gone overboard in that regard, giving us a little more detail than was necessary. Even so, I can’t deny the effectiveness of the methods used.
Setting that aside, however, what we end up with is a veritable gem. Sumac is written as a believable and interesting young colt who has spent his entire life on the road, facing hardship and poverty, making no friends and being satisfied with what little he can get from his guardian. Trixie, in turn, is wonderfully characterized as a pony growing older, struggling to get by both for the sake of her ‘kiddo’ and her own sense of guilt. As the story slowly moves onwards to the big moment at Twilight’s Castle, we get to learn more and more about their relationship, and it’s a delight to see.
Sumac is adorable, Trixie is relatable (how many of you actually believe that one?), the minor worldbuilding provides just enough to keep things interesting. My displeasure with the changing perspectives aside, the writing style is endearing and at times fun, and the extra characters who show up are handled well. Above all else, Trixie’s and Sumac’s endeavors may actually tug at your heartstrings.
As a slice of life, this is everything I could want. As a Trixie fic, it is nothing short of delightful. I would strongly recommend this story to anyone who likes Trixie and/or would like to see her taking on a more selfless and motherly role. The story is believable in context and, despite the troubling perspective issues, the delivery is good. Give it a go. You won’t be disappointed.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Dusk Falls
114,818 Words
By NorrisThePony
Requested by Danger Beans
Celestia decides to take a vacation in some random podunk town and things don’t go as expected. Heard of it? Yes, yes you have. I’ve picked the ones I want to read, and when the authors finish them, I will read them. Until then, I have no intention of reading the same thing again and again.
But then the Bean said “Screw that!” and requested Dusk Falls, which appeared, more or less, to be more of the same. I was not enthusiastic.
Right away, Dusk Falls defied my expectations by not following the tired and true “Celestia decides to try living like an everyday pony” routine. No, this story’s purpose is far more serious. Taking place a few centuries after the defeat of King Sombra, it brings us to a time when Celestia’s and Luna’s relationship is deteriorating at a frightening pace. It’s reached the point that they can barely stay in the same room for more than ten seconds without resorting to heated arguments, and they’re desperate for a solution.
The solution they choose is for Celestia to take a year-long vacation, leaving Luna to run Equestria on her own for the duration. They hope, for one, to put a little more limelight on the blatantly underappreciated sister, while also giving them some time to cool down from one another’s presence. Absence, they hope, will make the heart grow fonder.
And so Celestia settled down in the northeastern coastal tourist trap known as Dusk Falls. In another unexpected twist, she doesn’t even bother disguising herself; every pony in town soon knows that the one and only Princess of the Sun has taken residence in a beachhouse just past the lighthouse. As these stories go, it just so happens Celestia chose to live in a place brimming with conspiracy, betrayal and unspeakable demons set to complete a centuries-long plan aimed at global annihilation. That mare just can’t get a break.
(What? Spoilers, you say? I eagerly invite you to read the story’s description.)
To say this story defied all expectations would be a severe understatement. Rather, it smashed them with a sledgehammer the size of the sun. From the constant struggle between the Royal Sisters to fix their relationship, Celestia’s patient search to solve the mysteries of her temporary home, right down to the rapid climax, everything worked well. Celestia felt so very real for all her flaws and achievements, yet is still very much like the alicorn we’ve come to expect, and Luna’s rough, imperial manner suited the downturn we all know she is steadily approaching at this point in her life.
More than anything, I am pleased with how this story brought an old villain of the past back. This baddie is one I’ve longed to see reproduced in a format of MLP that could effectively demonstrate its deadly nature. Not only did From Falls succeed in that vein, it actually exceeded my hopes, and I am nothing short of thrilled. Best of all, it provides a vague explanation of coming events, just enough to suggest the reason for them but not enough to concretely declare “this is the cause!”
And then we get to a conclusion which feels like neither a victory nor a defeat, but a patient acceptance of reality. While I imagine the “Happy Ending Crusaders” rejecting it offhand, those who appreciate that touch of reality and consequence in their tales ought to leave satisfied.
If I were to complain about anything in this story, it would be that it seems to take a lot of time to build up to the point. It takes a few chapters and several thousands of words to finally bring up the Dusk Falls ‘problem,’ which may leave some readers displeased. It can be argued that this makes sense, as in a way the threat in this little town isn’t the only, and arguably not even the dominant, point of the story. I could even see my own realism argument making this feel okay. It will likely depend upon your individual perspective whether this story starts too slow or is at just the right pace, so I will make no attempt to justify the issue one way or another.
The only other thing to complain about is that the prose could use a little polish in order to deal with the typos and odd word choice that show up fairly regularly. They don’t ruin the story by any means, but they do distract.
All in all, I enjoyed this one. It depicts the building tension between the Royal Sisters in a way that feels fresh, puts Celestia in a place of public living without resorting to all the old tropes, gives the antagonist a role it deserves (I’m scowling at you, Hasbro), offers some great worldbuilding insights, and even manages to throw in the potential for apocalypse with a sprinkling of the legitimately ominous. Well written, creative and attention-grabbing, it’s a solid piece of work that certainly deserves more attention than it has.
Which is why it’s here.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
If you enjoyed these reviews, feel free to check my blog on Thursdays for the latest set! The goal is to write at least five reviews every week. I also accept review requests – see my profile page for more information.
That’ll do it for this edition. Be sure to check out these fine stories, and we hope to see you all next time!
Thank you very much for the glowing review, PaulAsaran. I'm very flattered by and thankful for this very thorough review/recommendation.
The comments on the slow beginning are familiar to me, and I suppose the story might benefit from a bit of preening.
Either way, I really appreciate your review, and especially your comments on the story's antagonist. Cheers!
4081271
And thank you for giving me something worth reading. But if you're going to thank anyone, thank The Bean for asking me to read it. I probably wouldn't have looked at it otherwise, for the reasons noted in the review.
As for the antagonist... yeah, the brunt of my pre-FIM relationship with the My Little Pony universe involved that movie. In fact, it was the only thing of MLP I could readily recall from my childhood, which goes to show my fondness for it in general. So seeing someone give it the treatment it deserved was a refreshing and welcome sight. Honestly, it's not that different from how I probably would have utilized it.
4081271 Every time I see the title I think of Gravity Falls. The cover art isn't helping, either.
4081833 I love Gravity Falls but I honestly didn't know it was a thing until after I started that story
4081836 It's 'cause ya sneeze like a kitten.
You just added 200k words to my RIL shelf. I hope you are happy.
4081836 Really? That is an amazing coincidence, considering not only the title, but that the fic seems to deal with a city surrounded by conspiracy, and siblings who once were close but had a falling out. I was really expecting it to be a crossover.
4092833 Yeah, it's quite the coincidence. My reaction upon watching the first season of Gravity Falls was more or less a resounding "fuck," because I knew that Gravity Falls would forever be what my story is associated with.
Bright Falls from Alan Wake was a bigger inspiration, although "Falls" is also a pretty common town-name punctuation from where I come from.