Review: Wise Beyond Her Years, by: Pen Stroke

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While helping some foals with a history project, Twilight discovers some odd coincidences, a pattern the seems to repeat over and over again. Once every generation or so, a figure will show up out of nowhere, have a massive impact on the world, usually Equestria but sometimes in other lands, and then just as mysteriously vanish. Each one different in style, method, what they do, even if said impact was good or bad. But always the same pattern, and always a Zebra. But is Twilight ready for the truth of this ‘conspiracy’ that has exist since before Equestria even existed?

Story: This story actually provides a good counterpoint to my last review, which is wholly dumb luck and was not planned out at all. Just the order I happened to pick up the stories. In that the overall ‘story’ that is the main driving force in each, the hunt for the ‘conspiracy’ here, and the ‘test’ there, are mostly just excuses to string together a series of different, self contained stories. A set up for these smaller, related tales. As well as the fact that the overall story connecting these smaller segments is the weakest portion of the overall story.

But that is where the similarity ends, and ‘weakest’ is an entirely relative term. With Exam the larger story altered the smaller ones, taking what could have been decent, if still flawed stories and totally altering their meaning and content. Adding layers to the narrative that diminished them due to not fully thinking out how everything fit together. Here, the larger narrative supports and expands the smaller ones. Connects them, makes each one even larger and grander then it would be on it’s own, weaves them together from a series of already good stories, into one large, grand tapestry grander then any of them alone could be. Or perhaps a web...

Not to say it was flawless, but in this respect, using a larger overarching story as set up for several smaller one, it does a really good job of making it all mesh well. Though if there is one potential issue I could raise with the format it is that some of the smaller segments were so good, yet had to be so short, that they felt a bit rushed, like they would have greatly benefited from being their own stories on their own, because they really were that amazing as to be able to stand on their own like that. And a few issues of way to obvious and blatant moments of Plot Convenience during some parts.

The overall narrative was well done, worked to bind the smaller ones together well, everything flowed rather naturally from a narrative perspective, and it had a rather satisfying conclusion to the whole investigation and mystery. So well done overall. As to the individual segments; The Fluttershy and Rarity ones are likely the best in terms of not feeling the least bit rushed, and fitting the best. Their stories feel complete, total, and it’s hard to see how more time would not have just caused things to be drawn out for no reason. Fitting perfectly into the available room almost perfectly, with each story being it’s own intriguing look at these historical zebras. Applejack’s likewise fits in almsot perfectly, feeling just long enough to tell what it needs to without rushing things along, though with this one it did feel like more could have been said about it, but it didn’t feel lacking in not having it. However, it was one of the most egregious cases of the aforementioned plot convenience in how she finds that last memory crystal. The whole deal with that, just felt far to contrived for my tastes. If it was going ot be that easy and meaningless overall, why not just have them already have the crystal? Or, if trying to hint at “The castle is somewhat alive” rather then it display this level of being able to do stuff out of nowhere, and the contrivance of the crystal being where it was, AJ being the only one to notice, just all of that, why not make it a dream the castle gave her of where to find the secret storage vault the crystal was in or something? Anything that would have worked better. That scene is one of the very few that just, did not work for me in the least.

Then we get to RD’s, the first one where it starts to feel like things would be even more epic, more amazing if this had more room to breathe and be it’s own story. Again, everything works, does make sense, doesn’t really feel rushed. But at the same time it is so good, it begs for more, and it’s easy to see how this could be expanded into a much larger work with more going on. But the story is not hurt from it’s lack either.

But next up is Pinkie’s, and this is where it really feels like things should have been longer and felt a tad rushed. But, that is mostly because of just how much shear, raw, epic WIN! The story contained simply being to much for that small a time limit to hold. First off, it is a story about Pinkie Pie, a ponified Captain Jack Sparrow, and the Queen of the Seaponies engaging in high seas glory while hunting down an undead pirate captain wrecking havoc and ends with Pinkie, and a whole back up squadron of Seaponies singing an altered version of the opening song from Muppet's Treasure Island! How the buck is this not it’s own massive, glorious, epic story!? (Though granted, not a huge fan of the “Sea Lighting” musical number. It worked fine but, eh just didn’t do it for me.) There simply needs to be more of this thing! But even for all that, the story, though well done and not missing anything, really does have so many things that should be pure awesome and the makings of a true epic, yet never has time to really get that large a feel going. It’s the one the most would benefit from having far more room to simply go nuts with all the amazing ideas packed into it.

Finally the Luna and Tia story also feels like there should be far far more to it then we hear. And in fact the way this portion is told, we know there is more because there are chunks the Royal Sisters simply skip over or condense into a quick “We had many adventures” type thing to keep their story short. Which is fine overall, but does just beg for this to be expanded and made into it’s own thing, if only because it does rob what should be the emotional high point of the story of a bit of it’s wieght. The Princesses to be finding and claiming the Elements of Harmony. We saw only one scene of either of them really showing and understanding the nature of one of the Elements, though we did get a few nice bits showing one at play for each of them. But rather then being the grand conclusion to their journey and being the epitome of all we’ve seen them go through to earn this, finding who they are, realizing their virtues. We get a quick bit of “Oh I am remembering all the times I displayed this virtue” when they touch one of them. In a rather huge violation of “Show don’t Tell”. Which like any of the above ‘criticisms’ is really more a point about how GOOD the stories are, that being as short as they are simply makes you realize how much more you want to see. What we got was fine, but it’s impossible not to wonder how much better then ti already was it could be with the time to really build things up. (Also, way to go Elements, don’t even give them time to adjust to their new bodies or having the Elements before setting them down in front of Discord for the epic showdown. Again, makes it feel a tad rushed overall.)

But, when the only major issue you can take with a narrative, is it is good it makes you want even more, and a very few cases of the plot poorly hiding it’s contrivances to get the story going. It’s a good sign overall.

Characters: Character wise, the story was pretty good. For the most part. There wasn’t really a whole lot of focus on the characters, being more about their adventures and the tales of past zebras they were uncovering. Applejack, Fluttershy, and Rarity were well done. Nothing particularly stand out as good or bad about them, just solid portrayals of the characters.

Rainbow Dash, is the source of all her own issues and acts like an idiot when she gets overexcited. So yeah also a spot on showing for the polychromatic pegasus. Singling her out because while the other three were just competent, nothing remarkable either way. RD stands out for just how well she fits into her story and how well it uses her character. None of the other Mane 6 would have found what RD did, because none of them would be insane enough to do what she did. But her? I can fully buy believing, on the flimsiest pretense that some pony... well Zebra.. is part of this ‘conspiracy’ on the flimsiest of logic, and just go full over board due to that. Plus, I am rather surprised some version of “We have to bail Rainbow Dash out of jail” does not get used far more often in fan works. As one quote about her that I sadly can’t remember where it came from illustrates

Most friends are the kind that will talk you out of doing something stupid before it’s to late. Rainbow Dash is the kind of friend who sits next to you in the holding cell and tells you it was ‘Totally worth it!’

Though it is curious that Twilight had to ask Celestia for a Royal Pardon for her, does she not have the authority to do so? But yeah RD was just so well done. Showing that, even a characters flaws can lead to great stories if used well.

Pinkie Pie... not so much but still overall amazing. Pinkie on the whole is generally the hardest Mane 6 to write well, balancing utterly insane, yet still somewhat logical randomness with just a hint of fourth wall leaning, without going to hard and breaking it, and being consistently funny without coming on to hard. She is a tough pony to get right. On the whole, this story did do that. Mostly. There are however some points where it simply felt like it was trying way to hard to make her random and silly, just because it’s Pinkie Pie and she should be doing that. The biggest spot was the first chapter of her own story. As much as I LOVE the second half, the first one.... it was mostly the fact Pinkie was on her own that didn’t work for me I think. Once she had other ponies to work off of and to have react to her randomness it got so good. But just her on her own, again it wasn’t bad, but felt like the story was trying a bit to hard with her. The joke about he swapping seats while pretending to be different ponies reenacting a conversation was funny, but went on to long and also was kind of a case of As you Know where she was the one telling herself something she knew. Also, just going “Oh I have a Pinkie Sense for Twilight going nuts over nothing, and it’s not triggering, so we all should accept everything she says” Not a fan of that approach. it’s another case of the story feeling to contrived, and is jut a bit of a cop out to use that rather then find some way for Twi to make them see, or just have them look over her proof and see for themselves something isn’t right. But aside from a few bits that didn’t quite work for me. Outside those issues, she was a blast, and Oceana and Captain Jack’s reactions to her were priceless!

Speaking of trying too hard. Twilight. She is the one who I felt was the least well done. Seeing the pattern in all the facts that others missed due to looking at it in just the right way, I can totally buy. Her realizing there was more to this, I can buy. I am a bit less certain how she leaped to “Massive Equestria wide conspiracy that secretly controls everything!” from that data. Given that the ‘conspiracy’ never had more then one operative active at a time, and only one per generation or so at most. There was certainly something going on given the pattern, but nothing indicated a massive number of ponies were in on it given the low numbers ever seen doing anything. Hell, my first thought on seeing that was something along the lines of exactly what it ended up being. It just felt like she went a bit to off the deep end for no reason. Becoming far more paranoid then things required. And the whole ‘web’ thing, while funny, also, just kind of got overplayed. Her walking along the ceiling like a spider appearing between strands of yarn at the pony trapped in the middle of her poorly lit den? Creepy and rather awesome. Making full on tunnels of yarn, over doing it. What is even the point then given they cover up all the data she’s trying to connect. Once she was snapped out of it she became much better. I so agree i could see Twilight doing something like this, but it’s pretty much a case of the same deal as AJ in Somepony to Watch Over Me Where I can totally see the character doing something like this, but not for the reasons given by the story as they don’t feel extreme enough to push them that far, and even then, the story goes just a bit further then I can see them going even then. Outside that, Twi was well enough done, and her stuff from the final parts was great.

Finally as far as major stuff goes, the “Spoiler” character. Let’s call her ‘Malewa’ for now. I did love her stories, and most of what she did made a lot of sense. All around, I loved this take. But with just one issue. Her claiming to essentially be some “Agent of Order itself” meant to counter balance Discord’s Chaos. Given, noting about her hints at her being anything on his league. It’s implied she’s meant to be seen as the same kind of anthropomorphic personification of the ideal of “Order” like he is “Chaos” but again, I don’t see it. Not only how... ordinary she is, how lacking in anything pointing to her actually being on that level. But just because her actions simply do not follow the logic. Very few of them seemed to be in anyway about ‘Order’ as much as they were about ‘balance’. Helping Tia and Luna, yes, that was directly opposing Discord, but even then, that could be more about restoring balance then establishing Order. Of the rest, only the pirate hunting really could be seen as being about Order, since pirates are a rather chaotic force. But trying to save the Everfree? One of the most chaotic places in Equestria? Her stuff in the Empire, where she was talking more about how things need to be balanced then how they need to be Ordered. Or teaching a Griffon to become less rigid, less orderly. To become less Lawful Stupid and start thinking on his own. To adapt, change, let go of his rigid order. All of it comes off more as her being an agent of balance then of ‘Order’.

Granted, there is a perfectly plausible way this could work. She’s lying. Well not so much lying as, simply believes this herself despite it not being the truth. We knew she is older then Celestia and Luna, possibly by a large margin. Maybe old enough even she doesn’t remember her early life? We’ve seen there are ways to become immortal, even without her needing to have ascend to become a zebra version of an alicorn. Perhaps she was just a regular zebra who this happened to, and has spent so long fighting agsint Discord, trying to keep the balance, that she’s come to see herself as his opposite, to define herself by that opposition. Even while acting in ways that don’t quite work out as conveying a sense of ‘Order’. This is simply how she sees herself after so many uncounted lifetimes of fighting against what she saw as the forces of Chaos. Which I find a lot easier to believe then what is said, given how little the facts back this up.

Oh, two final notes. Discord? hilarious spot on and just, very very well done portrayal of the lord of Chaos. And Celestia sharing that song with Twilight, very nice, very sweet and moving touch.

On the whole, did enjoy the characters immensely, but some of them did have a few issue with being taken a bit to far. But nothing massively OOC or that ruins anything.

Engagement-Very high. There is enough mystery about what is going on that you want to find out more. While each individual story has it’s own style, it’s own draws. Though with each one being self contained, giving you good places to take a break. It’s easy to just sit down and read through, but not quite enough to glue you to your seat and make you mess up your sleep cycle like some previous reviews. And the reveal in the end is well worth the build up.

Ponyness: Another category there isn’t much to say in. The characters were mostly written in character, except as noted above. The overall story, really fits the setting and feels natural. Issues with how Malewa described what she is not matching what we see of her aside. The story expands on the history of Equestria in rather new and inventive ways, making the whole thing feel larger, grander, while still keeping the narrative focused on our main characters. It had a few fun little additions I liked, such as the idea of ponies using their manes to hold their bit pouches. As well as a, rather direct logical reason for "You all look alike to me!" between ponies and zebras that makes sense, and yet the simple fact it exists and makes sense feels like it should be absurd, yet it really does work. All around a very well done look at a potential facet of Equestria that felt right at home there.

Overall: Good: Just a very competently told story the fits into the setting, provides a good mystery, and uses the mystery as a way to tell a series of smaller stories which all mesh well into one larger whole. While the Pinkie Pie section alone is simply fantastic, and so damn epic, it really is to short to fully build up enough torque to lift the overall story much higher. The story has a few issues with plot convenience being to blatant in a couple spots, but nothing story breaking, and some of the characterization was odd or overly exaggerated. But again not to full on story ruining level, just “How that’s not quite right” level. It was incredibly fun to read, always giving you something new, some new style of storytelling that kept everything fresh and engaging, but the stories, as good as they were, were a bit to short to really be as grand as they could be. But still a good, enjoyable, solid story that is well worth a read.

Oh and one more minor personal issue, what was up with Luna’s shapeshifting at the end? Not saying she couldn't do that but, why? Story.. you missed out on an awesome chance to have some fun. Why just have Twilight shoot an arrow-Luna from magical bow, when instead, you could have Luna saying she hoped Princess Tossing skills ran in the family and have Twilight toss her like that.

Also, to end on an epic note, just in case you have no idea what I was talking about above, this is the song Pinkie ended her segment on. (With slightly altered lyrics)

Just try to tell me the image of Pinkie singing that to Captain Jack Sparrow while being backed up by Seaponies is not awesome.