July stories: the target schedule · 6:00pm Jul 7th, 2016
With this first advance-notice bad week mostly out of the way and some contest reading remaining, I can now put the yoke on myself and pretend I have some chance of crossing the goal line before August hits. (Actually, the pretending part may not happen.) So here's what I want to go up.
(Patreon sponsors, adjust/panic/flee accordingly)
New:
Good For Nearly All Princess Labor Public And Private (Be careful what you print on your money...)
Sick Little Ponies (And One Dragon) (A-choo!)
Note: although the latter is essentially seven short stories put up under the same title, it will represent one Patreon post charge and like Goosed, the whole thing should go up on the same day.
Updates:
Triptych (Warning: major dream sequence ahead.)
A Mark Of Appeal (Road trip!)
A Confederacy Of Dunce Caps (I'm tempted to name the chapter Corporate Retreat.)
I'm also considering putting up a short piece freebie based on a piece of restaurant stupidity I had to deal with a few days ago, but I'm having a hard time deciding which Mane Cast member to torment through giving the same experience to them. It's not quite Twilight and salad, but idiocy on this level should be commemorated -- and since I'm never going back to that place again...
*sigh*
I liked that place.
Of the two new stories, the one I'm looking forward to more is the second one.
And for the restaurant story, I'm thinking Rarity.
I suppose it depends on the nature of the stupidity and which member of the Mane Six it would most offend/enrage/drive to unspeakable but entirely justified acts.
In any case, definitely looking forward to whatever comes this month.
4075443
It's nearly across the board. Twilight would fail to see the logic, Pinkie would be offended by the crime against baked goods, Rainbow's frustration would hit the limit quickly, Rarity's teeth would grind over that kind of customer service, Applejack's fuming about practicality would start immediately, Spike would throw up his claws, and Fluttershy -- is out, because she might just fold, or simply do what I did: leave.
Here's the short version of real events.
1. I like garlic knots.
2. There's a pizzeria in my area which, honestly, makes a pretty poor pizza. However, they do excellent garlic knots. World-class.
3. Garlic knots cost $0.50 each. I ordered six.
4. I was offered dipping sauce, which I refused.
5. The register rang up seven knots.
6. I told the cashier I'd only ordered six, which were already heating in the oven. She told me that dipping sauce was fifty cents.
7. But I didn't take the dipping sauce.
8. It doesn't matter if I didn't take the dipping sauce. I still have to pay for it.
9. ...okay. So what if, instead of the dipping sauce, we consider that additional charge to cover one more knot?
10. She is now charging me for eight knots. Seven plus dipping sauce. Still refused. She does not understand the concept of 'without sauce', at least not in the way which transfers to the register.
11. At this point, the cook gets involved. He tells me to just take the sauce. I point out that I'm not going to use it. I would drop it in the trash. It's the same as throwing fifty cents away. Nothing about the sign or pricing says the sauce is mandatory. I only want to pay for what I'm getting.
12. He tells me not to buy anything, then. Because if I won't take his sauce, then I can't have his garlic knots.
13. I took my money back and walked out.
I steamed over the sheer stupidity of it for about ten minutes, then sighed and thought about transferring everything into short story form just as a means of getting it out of my head. And I very nearly went onto Yelp to write a review, detailing my experience as a warning against the Knot Nazi. Ultimately, I didn't -- but I did read the extant reviews. No one else had the sauce complaint, but a couple of people had encountered programs with the management, saying there were two owners and if you got the wrong one, end of pizzeria visit.
So... maybe a short piece. At least that way, I'd get something from the events. (Not Patreon money: as said, that would be a freebie.) Still... someone has an unnatural attachment to their sauce.
4075532
Probably not Pinkie; I'd expect her to want the sauce. Aside from that, yeah, it's a tough call.
4075532 Obviously, Rainbow Dash. Title: Knot Cool
4075561
I'd been thinking Knot A Chance, but yours works too.
...new subthread! Let's have some Knot puns!
4075563 As in any game of tag, allow me to be the first to declare, "Knot it!"
4075532 Based on that analysis of how each of the mane 6 would react, I still say Rarity would be best suited for the story.
As for pun names: Knot Acceptable.
4075563
Twilight is obvious: Knot Logical. As for Pinkie, I know I said she should be dropped from consideration, but given her tendency to catalog everything in town, I'd say this kind of behavior would put a restaurant on The Knotty List.
Actually, that would work for Twilight too. And possibly Spike.
Perhaps Fluttershy making an attempt at putting her lessons on being firm to good use
Title: Knot Nice.
I'm really looking forward to the second story, only because it looks like an absolute comedy of the absurd.
By pony and pun name:
Rarity-Knot From Around Here, Are You?
Applejack-Knotsense.
Pinkie Pie-A Very Knotty Bad Time.
Rainbow Dash-It's Knot Your Kind Of Place.
Fluttershy-It's Knot You.
Twilight Sparkle-50% Moves, 100% Knots.
Really looking forward to that lineup of stories
Don't get your Tail in a Knot.
Knot Gonna Happen.
Between a Knot and a Hard Place.
Pie's Knotted and She's Cross.
4075532
I'd say twilight (bonus if you can work in knot Nazi or a similar phrase (bonus bonus if the restaurant mysteriously burns down later)).
Or if you want to use someone other than the mane 6, Cherry Berry. She knows all about bad restaurants.
i.imgur.com/glVaB.gif
4075532
I would suggest it be called Knot The Sauce, and have it focus on Spike, if only because I like the way you write Spike.
P.S. The Cashier sounds like Davenport....A real person sounds like a fanfiction character....Why.
Shorter title:
All for knot
Longer titles for fun and profit:
I'll have the knot and not the sauce, ya got that Hoss?
National Saucialism and the rise of the Knotsi Party
Better take the sauce, cause that ain't going ' in dry!
I'd like to suggest a couple of background characters for the Knot story.
Flitter could be a lot of fun, considering her own abrasive personality. Knot on Your Life.
Filthy Rich would be offended by such poor customer service. Knot Always Right.
Move it to Canterlot? You'd get a two-for-one. Fancy Pants, who would see it as a learning experience for Fleur. Knot a Good Idea.
Snowflake? Probably be similar to Fluttershy's story. Knot a Word.
The Murdocks writer, Wordia? Could descend into a full on shouting match, full of "Do you know who I am?" And "I'll put you out of business before the weekend edition comes out." Knot the Full Story.
I would love to see Fluttershy in this role, just to see how well she'd handle being pushed around before going full Furyshy on the owner. I can just imagine her discovering herself standing atop the counter after the melt-down has just passed...
4075532 That reminds me strongly of the owner of Amy's Baking Company, and his legendary batshit insanity.
I kinda like Pizza Hut's stuffed garlic knots. They go great with bone-out teriyaki wings.
4075532
I know I'm late on this, but you should leave the Yelp review anyway. The level of absurdity will surely catch peoples' attention, and a business like that deserves to lose customers.