Birthday Bios: Mustard Squirt Bottle · 5:25pm Jul 5th, 2016
That moment when you quickly whip up a cheap chibi pic for a Birthday Bio because a full-fledged picture is just too much to ask during the Fourth of July weekend, where things get a little crazy with patriotism and fireworks. Good thing I finished the Black Diamond and Berry Blast pictures beforehand and managed to use downtime to write the bios in time.
Also, why do I have the sneaking suspicion that this guy likes manga?
Anyway...
Mustard Squirt Bottle--or "Squirt" as everyone called him in youth--was born in Manehattan to Perfume Bottle. A half-brother that was eight years his elder, Bottle Cap, was there to greet him, but never any father. Perfume didn't believe it was ever necessary for one to be around, since she was an independent mare that didn't need no stallion to tie her down. So, she had raised her sons in her little apartment all by herself, spoiling them so that they would be happy.
Squirt often imitated big brother Cap in just about everything, and quite liked their time spent together. The activities ranged from innocent like playing ball and getting ice cream to mischievous like hitting pedestrians with water balloons from the roof of their relatively little apartment building. When neighbors complained about the pranks that the boys pulled, Perfume waved it off as "colts being colts" and that they didn't know any better. She only told her sons to stop after the landlord threatened to kick the family out.
Of course, Cap also had a tough image to maintain, not wanting to show his affection towards Squirt in front of his peers. When Squirt asked him why, he simply answered that it would make him look weak, and that's something you just can't do in Manehattan--somepony was bound to screw you over. So, Squirt got the idea that affection was weak, crying is for babies, and everypony was out to get you.
School had gotten Cap out of Perfume's mane for several hours a day, and now, it would do the same about Squirt. Squirt had heard stories about how vicious school bullies could be, so he entered the schoolyard that day looking at everypony suspiciously. He had the basics of fighting taught to him by Cap, and he was planning to use it once any other kid so much as looked at him funny. He expected somepony to jump him at any moment.
Then the cheerful Tomato Sandwich suddenly popped up in his vision and said, "Hi! I'm Tommy!" Tomato was offended when Squirt threw a punch at him, but found it pretty funny when he missed and hit himself instead. Squirt tried to start a fight with the little red-orange colt, even after he said "sorry", but Tomato had a way of slipping out of the way of the thrown punches and bucks coming his way. The conflict ended with Tomato's brother, Cheese, popping in and dragging him out, leaving Squirt dazed and confused.
After that little conflict, Tomato tried to make it up to him by dragging him into games with the other foals. While Squirt didn't want to deal with that nuisance at first, he soon found that he liked a lot of the games he was introduced to, like tag, Red Rover, and hide-and-seek. He would roll his eyes and admit that Tomato was 'kind of cool, even if he's a little weird'. It was odd feeling pretty good around a colt that was so happy all the time, even if he really shouldn't be (like when hurting his knee or being insulted to his face). The only time Tomato was ever angry was if he was called "ketchup squirt" or if you dared to talk smack about his brother.
Their conflicts over their big brothers were interesting. Unlike Bluejinx (only foal), Carpet Burn (only foal), and Jumbo Thumbo (who has a big sister), these two knew the joys and pains of having an older brother, and they often argued about whose was better. A lot of Squirt's arguments were attacks against Cheese, which prompted Tomato to try to get Cheese to join them and prove him wrong. Of course, Squirt couldn't help but laugh at Cheese's shyness and geeky appearance, outright saying that he saw some of the older kids bully him, and then bragged about how his brother actually had style, strength, and lots of friends (especially girls!) that he brought home a lot (though he wondered why they often just sat in Cap's room with the door shut and moaned loudly).
He also had a bit of conflict with Bluejinx over both being fatherless. Squirt didn't see the big deal, as his mother was doing just fine on her own in his opinion; for Bluejinx, it was a huge deal, since he had lost a sure, steady, and faithful friend that could teach him how to be a stallion. They would be arguing about this subject for years to come, even after they weren't "friends" anymore.
Squirt found out the hard way that when he did certain things he got in trouble. Getting into fights at school was a no-no, which bewildered him since Cap had said that knowing how kept you out of trouble. Wandering off school grounds to get pizza wasn't tolerated either. And picking on whatever girl he had a crush on put him on time out. He was such an obnoxious troublemaker, that most of the other foals started to stay away because they didn't like him. Heck, even Tomato's and Bluejinx's mothers didn't like him, and often asked (or demanded) their sons to stop playing with him.
Tomato only remained his friend because he didn't like the thought of anypony, even Squirt, being alone. His little band stuck with him, even when the other foals of the playground drifted away and decided to just play with their best friends, though they were still acquainted with Tomato. Squirt didn't like being pitied, but he liked being alone even less, so he just accepted it (especially since Tomato was still a lot of fun).
Of course, they squabbled over who was really the leader of the band, even though technically, Jumbo Thumbo was the oldest. If Tomato took the reins, they were usually playing silly kid games that only got them in trouble if somebody got hurt in an accident--though he'd be suggesting they drag Cheese into it. If Squirt was in charge, the resulting mischief was bound to land them in trouble, and the group of colts tended to be a bit meaner. They even talked behind Tomato's back about how annoying his worship of his brother was.
When they were invited to Tomato's house once, they goofed around the empty house (Tomato was celebrating his first time being home alone) until Squirt found Cheese's accordion and started playing with it. Soon, all the others fought over it--ignoring Tomato's pleas to stop--until it broke. Cheese came in before they could do anything else, and the majority of the group fled when that saw that Cheese was angry. Squirt notes that his glare was utterly terrifying, and he expected to see Tommy beat up the next day.
It didn't happen; Tomato's brother ran away instead. When Tommy was in emotional turmoil, Squirt got annoyed with his sudden change of attitude. He was supposed to be the fun sunshine of the playground, not some mopey mess. They also learned that Tomato had been hiding a horrible secret: he was a nerd! Having heard Cap talk about how nerds needed to pushed around so that they don't think they're better than anyone else just because they're so smart, Squirt was getting ready to cut ties with Tomato for that, and the whole brother ordeal.
That time finally came when Tomato displayed the most humorous display of crying that Squirt had ever seen, and Tomato had the gall to be offended and bite him in retaliation! He, Carpet Burn, and Jumbo Thumbo turned their backs, finally free from the irritating shills of what was sure to be the lamest and most unmemorable pony of all time, destined to be a lonely little coward for the rest of his life (hahaha, if only they knew). Please, without Tomato (or Bluejinx, who stayed with Tommy) reining them in, they could ditch the kiddie stuff and go the path of the greatest older brother ever, Bottle Cap.
The years to come were full of trouble. The trio were put in detention and suspended at various times, often for destructive actions and ganging up on foals that crossed them. Squirt commanded Carpet Burn's scathing tongue and Jumbo's sheer size as a way to intimidate everyone and prove that they were strong. Of course, they knew better than to pick on Creme Brulee, who was a notorious tattle and had a way of manipulating situations for her end. Still, they found it hilarious to think of what would happen if Tomato Sandwich pursued her in his misguided crush.
They were horrified to learn after one suspension that Tomato earned his cutie mark for an epic rearranging and governance of the school's fundraiser, and opted to keep on bullying him to keep him from becoming somepony powerful that could take revenge on them. Their torment kept up during their adolescence, usually at Squirt's command (without Squirt, Carpet Burn and Jumbo Thumbo usually just did their own thing and left Tomato and Bluejinx be). Plus, it was fun to take advantage of Tommy's new grumpy attitude.
Squirt was pretty insecure about being a late bloomer, often taking it out on others. He finally got it when he was home alone and cooking himself dinner, and he was saddened that nopony was there to celebrate. Perfume was out doing who-knows-what with her lover of the week, and Bottle Cap got arrested for being involved in a gang fight and killing somepony that same night.
Cap's arrest led Squirt to reconsider his life, and he decided to tone down the bullying. He'd still jeer at ponies he didn't like, but he wasn't about to unleash violence or vandalism anytime soon. He didn't want a future in a prison cell, so he started taking school a bit more seriously. He even started cooking with some professionals to learn a bit more, though he was too lazy to get very far.
He managed to keep good behavior long enough to get permits for a carrot dog stand as an adult. He'll basically be numb as he does business with customers, though he'll bump up prices for tourists (who are so dang easy to spot) and annoying entitled jerks. On occasion, an old schoolmate would come by and see him, and he'd squirt them with the condiment they didn't like if they poked fun at him. Or in the case of Tomato Sandwich, just squirting him just to bug him (or hit on Flora Peace for both that, and the fact that she's such a babe--he got slapped by her for his advances).
Sometimes, when he's having a slow day, he'll ponder about his life and cringe at the thought of his kid self, and be saddened about how awful his big brother ended up. He often wonders if there could have been a way to keep Cap from going on his downward spiral.
Eh, at least Squirt stopped himself before going too far down that path.
Saying "They don't know any better" really doesn't work as an excuse when you're the one responsible for teaching them better.
Brilliant plan! Keep him from taking revenge on you by giving him more reasons to take revenge on you. Surely nothing bad can come of this cunning stratagem.
Mustard may have kept himself from going down the drain, but he still circled it for quite some time. Early influences will have a major influence on anyone; a shame his were so negative.
A rather fitting end for Squirt. I imagine him doing the classic construction worker catcall to pretty mares whenever he thinks he can get away with it as well.
I wonder what he'll do when his brother gets out of jail, that could give him a chance to grow, or fall all the way down the drain.