[Metacritic Monday] DOOM · 6:02pm Jul 3rd, 2016
After a long hiatus, the show is back, baby!
Hello everyone! My name is SuperKamek and welcome back to another episode of "Metacritic Monday", where I bitch and complain about people who bitch and complain. And yes, you heard right! The show's finally back after a two month hiatus! With school and stuff getting in the way, of course I needed to attend to that first. I was able to get in some freetime, but only for talking with you lot. But I'm here now, and I'm MORE than ready to start this up again!
Please, please, PLEASE take note that I will not be ripping apart reviews that are actually legit. If someone dislikes a game for a reason, I'm all okay with that. What I'm NOT okay with is false information, like those stupid "0/10" reviews you find sometimes. Also take note that this is for entertainment and comedy purposes only, so I will be exaggerating a few points I make. So, without further ado, let's delve into Metacritic Monday!
Motherfucking DOOM, ladies and gentlemen! Allow me to just say right now that DOOM is an amazing recreation of the classic series from ages ago. And it is STILL just as badass as it was in the past, if not even more badass! The gameplay is fast and fluid, not to mention challenging, the checkpoints are fair, the story, though understandably overshadowed by the gameplay, is still great, and the music is GODLY. Or... Satanly? Since, y'know... DOOM is about hell and stuff?
Well apparently some guy doesn't like this game very much, preferring to stay in the past and never look to the future. It's a bit long, but I see no better way to get back into Metacritic Monday. So grab your BFG and go to hell... figuratively... because we're delving right into the episode! Oh man, I'm so excited!
Right, this one comes from user "quakke".
And here we go again.. that time of year that the new big triple a game comes.
The game is not Doom, that's to start things out. You start the game and it's all about linear maps with extreme amount of handholding. You get a scripted scene for every little thing in this game. Pickup a new weapon and the game showcases you the gun for like 5 seconds until you can move again, you open a door and you watch a scripted animation of the player opening the door and ofc while this all is happening, you can't do anything :/
There are perks too, yes guys you get perks which give you ability to know where all secrets are etc and most of the pickups come only through glorykilling and thus game forces you to glorykill. Forexample
ammo is ridiciolously low (20 max for shotgun) and this forces the player to use glorykill system to get more ammo. You can't fail in this game since the AI enemies are dead stupid and just stand still when you shoot them. You have a locked door in your face and the keycard is "hidden" right 100 meters next to it in a oneway cave. Seriously?Yes, it's a console game through and thoroughly. So I can't recommend this under any circumstances since it's not a Doom game and most definitely not a PC game either. 0/10
Good. Yeah. Okay.
And here we go again..
that time of year that the new big triple a game comes.
the new big triple a game comes.
big triple a game
"Big triple a game".
...and that was Metacritic Monday! I hope you enjoyed, and I'll see you guys next time!
The game is not Doom, that's to start things out.
No, you're right! It's actually spelled DOOM with all capital letters.
You start the game and it's all about linear maps
Oh really? Well hold on, let me just check the internet for a second...
Well, that doesn't look very linear to me! You must've not gotten past the "Of course it's fucking linear it's a tutorial stage" tutorial stage.
with extreme amount of handholding.
Fucking when? What, all those helpful tips that pop up every now and then? Truly the prime definition of hand-holding!
You get a scripted scene for every little thing in this game.
Yeah, that tends to happen in video games. Scripted scenes that are scripted because if they weren't the game would be a fucking mess. Those scenes? Yeah, good job man.
Pickup a new weapon and the game showcases you the gun for like 5 seconds until you can move again,
Oh THAT'S what you meant by "Scripted Scene"! Well of course it'll showcase the gun, it's a new fucking gun! The game wants to tell you how to use it so you can better fucking use it. And I don't think 5 seconds is all THAT long, right?
you open a door and you watch a scripted animation of the player opening the door
Yes.
Because he's opening a door in a video game that was made in 2016.
The developers did that so the game doesn't look lazy.
...are you high?
and ofc while this all is happening, you can't do anything :/
Yeah, I'm done with this example of absolute stupidity.
There are perks too,
Yet you gave this game a 0/10...?
yes guys you get perks which give you ability to know where all secrets are etc
And that's a problem? Unless the perk comes really early in the game, I see no quarrel with this. Of course it's always better if you find the secret on your own accord, but if this perk comes at the end of the game, that's not really a problem.
and most of the pickups come only through glorykilling and thus game forces you to glorykill.
While I actually hate saying it, I do have to agree with you.
A little bit.
Glory killing in this game is a touch bit repetitive. And a lot of the pickups you can get are only available through it. However, a lot of the glory kills are fucking awesome, quick to execute, and are just damn cool to watch.
Forexample
HeyguyswhydontIjusttalklikethisthroughtherestoftheshowwithoutusingspacesorperiods
You have no idea how hard it was for me to do that sentence, since my fingers are basically set to the space bar every time I make a new word. It was actually kinda funny. 
ammo is ridiciolously low (20 max for shotgun)
No, actually that seems about right.
and this forces the player to use glorykill system to get more ammo.
Or, y'know... you can just pick some up from the hundreds of shells laying on the floor.
You can't fail in this game since the AI enemies are dead stupid and just stand still when you shoot them.
Okay, now I KNOW you haven't gotten past the tutorial stage. Granted some enemy AI is really dumb, but I never really saw a problem with it. Probably because I was too busy fucking shit up!
You have a locked door in your face
and the keycard is "hidden" right 100 meters next to it in a oneway cave. Seriously?
Well it's either one way or the other! You want a slower game where you have to think about where the keycard is and solve puzzles or something, or do you want a face-paced, action-packed game with blood, gore, and demons from hell?
You want it to take less time, like you brought up with you whole "Scripted Scenes" bullshit? Then this is fine.
Yes, it's a console game through and thoroughly.
The fuck does that even mean?
So I can't recommend this under any circumstances
Unless you wanted a fun game with tight, responsive controls that makes you feel like a badass!
since it's not a Doom game
Again, you're right, it's a DOOM game.
and most definitely not a PC game either.
Yes it is.
So that's THREE times you've lied to me now!
Prick...
0/10
And there's our reminder of how completely stupid you are!
And that concludes today's Metacritic Monday! Did you enjoy the show? If so, leave a comment down below! Also, what are your thoughts on DOOM? Like it? Hate it? Really your choice, I won't blame you if you hate it. The game is certainly different from the original DOOM, but I think the series has only gotten better since all those years ago. And I can't WAIT for the sequel after that cliffhanger ending!
What was the ending, you may ask?
Good to see this back.
Yay, more idiotic morons!
Glad to see it back and in full not Monday tradition.
Also, yay it is back!
I haven't played DOOM, but from what you tell it sounds really cool.
But I have to ask, is this episode of "Metacritic Monday" 1 day early or 6 days late?
Probably the latter
Oh that ending.... GOD it got me eager for the sequel.
Hurray this was fun!
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GLAD it's back! I've been meaning to get this stuff out sooner, but oh well.
4065813
I should probably do one on Tuesday just for the shits and giggles...
Huh... Yeah, I guess we're continuing with that tradition.
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At long last too!
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Knowing me, six days late.
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Tell me about it!
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Glad you thought so!
4066415 DO IT!
I mean, if that's alright
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So long as you make an idea.
And don't think I didn't see that FlutterAngry emoji!
4066434 We'll shit. Guess I'm going to IGN then.
And that FlutterAngry emoji was a mistap. I'm still getting used to my new phone.
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Message me back when you find something.
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I've never played Doom. Sorry DOOM, before, but I hear it's great.
4066498 Sorry, Cap'n. I couldna find anything.