The Document of PGS: More Cut Content!

It's always funny when I find little manuscript fragments on my hard drive, because when I read them, I'm hit with the sinking realization that this is how the story would have gone if I hadn't had the good sense to reevaluate what I'd written. What's funnier is finding entire half finished (or even fully finished) alternate versions of chapters. For instance, the original version of the fifth chapter that I'd hoped was gone forever. It's not gone forever, and that makes me miffed.

Fuck, I actually submitted that for publication. I... I posted that publicly. I was excited for people to read it. I...

I need to lie down...

Anyway, I just rediscovered an alternate take on what eventually became the chapters "Clients" and "Battle in the Base". There's some interesting stuff in there (provided you define "interesting" loosely): a scene between the big villainous three, a very different inner monologue for Snake, wherein we see his decision to forego the mission to help the Mane Six (a decision which is made for him by circumstances and by a very cynical Twilight Sparkle in the final story), and a fight scene in the castle that's markedly different from the one I ended up writing. Cain gets involved directly, banters with Twilight and Applejack a little, and he's characterized a little differently than the melancholy, disinterested old man I ended up writing.

Macbeth, though, comes across a lot better, and I almost prefer that version of him to the one I ended up writing, with his weird monologue, and that... that thing he does with Twilight's horn...

It's not just the content that's different, though, it's the tone. It's pretty all over the place. You've still got Twilight's angsting over being an almost-murderer and the big sis/little sis stuff with Applejack and Apple Bloom (which I really miss writing, incidentally), but the dialogue's much snappier and the fight itself is oriented more around slapstick. Some of it made its way into the final versions of the next two chapters, some lines of dialogue and concepts mostly, and some if it got worked into later chapters in other ways, but I can't really recall exactly where I was planning to take it. One way or another, the GEKKO would appear, Cain would freak out after seeing Snake, and events would more or less proceed as before, but getting from point A to point B would have been a different, and probably inferior, journey.

There are some pretty decent one-liners in there, though.

Anyway, at the very least, I'll put some of the fight scene below a page break if anyone wants to look at that and see what could have been.

There wasn't much distance between them and the foyer. Before long, the doorway came into view. Standing in it was the silhouette of a tall and bulky human, clutching some kind of gun in his arms. He raised it at them, and Twilight's horn flashed in response. The human fired straight into their path, and Applebloom yelped in fear at the ear-splitting rattle of automatic fire, but Twilight lowered her head, threw up a shield, and barreled straight through. Bullets richocheted off of her barrier; none penetrated.

The gunfire abruptly cut off as the human's magazine ran empty. He snarled something about "goddamn ponies," and rapidly backpedaled to avoid being bowled over by the charging unicorn. He didn't move fast enough. Using the barrier as a plow, Twilight barreled into him. The force of impact threw him against one of the lockers against the far wall, filling the room with a metallic shriek.

Twilight skidded to a stop, panting, and quickly looked around. The bald, muscular human's impact against the locker left him looking pained (and left a sizable dent in the locker's door), but he was gathering himself, albeit sluggishly. Applejack and Applebloom joined her. Applebloom was just as winded as Twilight, but Applejack didn't seem too tired from the run. "We leavin' him?" Applejack asked, a little breathlessly.

Twilight shot her a look of incredulity. Was she suggesting that they kill him, like she'd killed Nigel in the dungeon? She sought a hint of murderous intent in her friend's expression, but there was none. A glance at Applebloom brought Twilight back to the moment, and she turned toward the door. "No time to waste," she snapped. "Hurry!"

She ran, her aching legs and heaving lungs protesting, for the double doors leading to the makeshift heliport. They opened suddenly, before she could reach them, and a pair of soldiers rushed inside, their weapons held at the ready. Twilight halted, and out of the corner of her eye, saw another trio of soldiers descending the staircase that led to the keep's upper levels.

Twilight backed away from the door, her horn alight and her eyes narrowed dangerously. Applejack, backing toward Twilight with her eyes on the bald soldier, came flank-to-flank with her, with Applebloom positioned between the two of them. The soldier Twilight had stunned emerged from the stairwell. He panted and leaned against the wall for support, clearly pained, but kept his rifle level and his murderous eyes fixed on Twilight.

The human at the locker stood, a little woozy, but unbroken. He reloaded his gun and leveled it at the three ponies, treading closer to them. Applejack growled and scraped her hoof against the ground. "Now, ain't this a pickle," she growled.

Applebloom looked at her sister with worried eyes. "AJ..."

"Don't fret, li'l sister," said Applejack. "Our goose ain't cooked yet."

"Talking fucking horses," said the bald human. He punctuated his expletive remark with a roll of his eyes. "You never get used to that."

"You wanna watch yer language?" said Applejack, turning her head to face him. "There's a filly in the room, mind you."

"I'm Commander fucking Cain, of the fucking Pegasus Wings army, and this is my fucking base." Commander Cain unnecessarily cocked his gun for dramatic effect, ejecting an unspent round which clattered noisily to the floor. "I'll fucking swear whenever, and however much, I fucking want." As an afterthought, he added "Fuck."

"Potty mouth," Applebloom mumbled.

"Very cutting," said Cain. He trained his gun on the ponies, but stayed conspicuously distant from them. "Sergeant Malone."

"Sir," wheezed the soldier from the stairwell.

Cain nodded at the ponies. "Those three clearly did a number on you, sergeant."

"Shot me in the chest, sir," said Sergeant Malone. "And then trampled me. Hurts like a mother, if you don't mind my saying."

"Not at all; I cultivate honesty in my men, sergeant," said Cain. He directed his attention to Twilight. "Are there more of you?"

"Yes," said Twilight tersely. "All the world over. We're a global epidemic, I'm afraid."

To her surprise, Cain actually laughed at that briefly, before resuming his cold demeanor. "Shoot her and take the other two into custody. We'll wring the orange one dry, figure out who their accomplice is." He nodded Malone, who set his rifle's sights on Twilight's forehead.

"Sir," said one of the soldiers from the stairs in a meek voice. "Mr. Macbeth gave us strict orders not to kill any ponies."

"Well," said Cain, turning to glare at the soldier. "Mr. Macbeth is not here."

Malone's meaty lips curled into a smile. Twilight's narrowed eyes fell upon the rifle. Her horn shimmered, and it became outlined in a faint aura. Malone failed to notice.

Wrest it from his arms, point it at his face, and pull the trigger. It was that simple. Do it, she told herself. Do it before he does it to you. For Applebloom. For Applejack.

Malone's fingers tightened on the trigger.

A gunshot rang out, its suddenness causing Twilight to jump. Malone sprawled on the floor with a leaking hole in his temple and an exit wound the size of a nectarine. More shots followed, semi-automatic and coming from the corridor which led to the great hall. The soldiers by the door took cover. while the soldiers at the stairs retreated further up. Cain braced himself against the wall next to the corridor's entrance. He jumped out and fired, full-auto, holding his gun at his hip, but none of his shots found purchase. He turned to the group arrayed behind him. "You three," he said, pointing to the stairs. "On me, now."

One soldier poked his head out and blinked at the commander, He looked up the stairs and waved the other two out, and they filed down the stairs together, joining Commander Cain. "The rest of you, take 'em down to the dungeon," he ordered. "Keep 'em there. Watch 'em, and don't let 'em get the drop on you."

The four soldiers moved down the corridor, and out of sight. The remaining two soldiers slowly moved toward the captured ponies, their weapons held steady. "No sudden moves," said one of them.

Twilight glanced at him, and her eyes narrowed. Her horn shimmered, and she vanished in a burst of pink light. She reappeared behind the soldier, and bucked him in the backs of his knees, dropping him to the floor with a pained cry. The other soldier swung around, training his rifle on Twilight, and leaving Applejack completely unguarded. Before he could get off a shot, Applejack leaped at him, wrapping her forelegs around his neck and pulling back as hard as she could. The soldier coughed and choked. He staggered backward, unbalanced due to Applejack's weight, and flailed his arm, firing his gun wildly in the air. Twilight's horn glowed again, and she fired another burst, striking the soldier in the chest. He toppled onto his back, pinning Applejack beneath him, and groaned.

"AJ!" cried Applebloom, running to her sister's side. She put her head beneath the fallen soldier's shoulder and heaved, grunting and straining to lift his body. Twilight's aura surrounded his body, and he rolled off of Applejack and onto his stomach.

"Thank you kindly, Twilight," said Applejack. She stretched and shook herself off, then offered Twilight a bright smile which she failed to return. Applejack's smile faltered. She tried to look Twilight in the eye, but the unicorn turned her head away, looking instead to the doors that led into the courtyard.

"What about Snake?" asked Applejack. Her smile was wiped clean from her face now. "We just gonna leave him behind?"

"Snake?" asked Applebloom. She looked at her sister hopefully. "Snake's here too?"

"He was the one who saved us just now," said Twilight. Applebloom glanced at the dead Malone, and looked away quickly with a shudder. Applejack drew her close, placing a hoof over her eyes. "And no, we're not going to leave him behind." She looked over her shoulder, at Applejack and Applebloom, meeting her friend's eyes for an instant before glancing away. "We'll meet up with the others, then go after him in force. Now let's go!"

With that, they charged out the double doors and into the courtyard. They passed beneath the arch and into the chopper-ringed courtyard. Beside the Hind were three more men, dressed similarly to the one whom Snake had knocked out earlier. One knelt beside the unconscious man, while the other two made a show of inspecting the gunship's chassis. The man kneeling beside the unconscious mechanic raised his head, catching a glimpse of the trio rushing out of the keep. He shouted something in the same language with which the first mechanic had berated the Hind, alerting the other two, and pointed at the incoming ponies.

"Yet another speedbump," said Twilight. "Just what we need."

"Look on the bright side, sugarcube," Applejack said with a nervous chuckle. "'Least these speedbumps don't got guns."

The mechanics stepped away from the Hind and formed a line. Each of the three reached into a pocket on their jumpsuit and drew a handgun, and took aim.

Twilight took a step back and lowered her head, her magical aura springing from her horn. "Your fault," she said to Applejack. "That is your fault. You jinxed it."

"Well, shucks," said Applejack. She stepped up beside Twilight, carefully positioning Applebloom behind the two of them. "There's still only three of 'em. Best odds we've had so far."

The hatch to the first Chinook on Twilight's left dropped open. Down the ramp scurried two unmasked soldiers, their clothing disheveled and their hair mussed. They hastily fell into shooting stances; one of them cocked his AK-47 without noticing that it didn't have a magazine. He fumbled through his vest's pouches for one.

"You're making this worse," snapped Twilight. "Stop jinxing everything!"

Shuffling, unsteady footsteps drew Twilight's attention back to the keep they'd just exited from, where the two soldiers they'd left behind dragged themselves down the steps and toward their lost quarry. They held their rifles loosely, unsteadily, clearly still trying to shake the effects of the thrashing that the ponies had laid upon them. Weakened or no, though, it was still two more bodies for them to deal with.

"See that?" said Applejack, dismayed. "I didn't say nothin' that time."

Gunfire cut off Twilight's retort. One of the soldiers advancing from the keep had opened fire, but his shots went wild, ricocheting off of a Chinook well to Twilight's right. He spat a curse. "Light 'em up!" he shouted to the others in the courtyard. "Commander's orders!"

Twilight's eyes widened. "No they’re not! That's a lie!" she cried, madly pointing behind her, at the soldier who'd made the proclamation. Her horn sparked; her aura sputtered for an instant, before shining brightly, if not quite as brightly as before. "He's lying! He's a lying liar; don't listen to him!"

The men in the courtyard hesitated an instant too long. Their pause gave Twilight the time she needed to conjure a barrier to surround herself and her friends, just in time to protect them from being pelted by heavy gunfire. From inside the barrier, the bullets deflecting off of Twilight's shield looked like raindrops splattering in a puddle. Even the ear-splitting rattle of the gunfire registered as little more than a muted popping. Standing inside the barrier was eerily serene.

Keeping the barrier up, however, was less so.

Long ago, when Princess Celestia had taught a young Twilight how to manipulate her aura, she impressed upon her that the aura was, in many ways, an extension of herself. When she wrapped it around the rifle, earlier, she could feel it - distantly, though, and not with the same clarity as if she were holding it in her hooves. But she knew its shape, felt its weight, the splintered texture of its furniture, and the rough, stubbly feel of the rust on its barrel. It was more than just projected magical force, more than a convenient tool, unique to unicorns. It was an extra limb, one that she could shape and manipulate in nearly limitless ways. Everything it touched, she felt herself. And with so many rounds pounding simultaneously against her shield, Twilight was in tremendous pain.

Applejack pulled her sister closer to her and leaned toward Twilight. She leaned forward, running her gaze over the unicorn's sweat-streaked face. "How long can y'all keep this up?"

Twilight's body responded by sagging, collapsing a little against Applejack, who bore her without complaint. "I'll break before they run out of bullets," she admitted. Her voice sounded hoarse and strained. She shut her eyes tightly, tapping into her deepest reservoirs of magical strength to bolster the barrier. The aura around her horn faded and brightened intermittently. "One gun, I could probably shrug off, but so many, firing so quickly, all at once, and from two different sides - "

"I get it, I get it," said Applejack quickly. "Don't talk, just - just concentrate, okay?"

Twilight's legs buckled, and she collapsed against the ground. Her barrier flickered for a terrifying second before flashing back to full strength. "Not long now," she said, and she gave a ragged little laugh.

She heard a guttural growl from Applejack, and the sound of hooves scraping against cobblestone. "Applebloom," she said, her voice all-business and commanding. "When I say so, run for that building on the far side o'the courtyard. Don't look back, not even for a second."

"Applejack...?"

The barrier wavered, failing for just an instant before Twilight could force it back up. A bullet whistled past her ear in that instant, coming perilously close to clipping her. "Sister," said Applejack, and this time, her voice was soft and pleading. "This was all for you. Don't you waste it, alright? You run, and you don't look back."

Applebloom sniffled. Twilight assumed that she nodded, because Applejack didn't make any more entreaties. Good thing, too, she thought weakly. Because I'm about to lose it. Her vision darkened, her muscles numbed, and the light from her horn waned...

And then, just like that, the stinging sensation of the bullets against her barrier ceased. The gunfire continued, but she no longer felt it against her aura. It was an amazing relief, and Twilight reflexively responded by dropping her barrier and collapsing onto the cobblestones. There was shouting now, male and female, and the gunfire was no longer an unbroken cacophony. She could hear hooves against the stone floor, meat and bone colliding with one another, the furious beating of wings. But it was all a blur, fuzzy and indistinct. The sounds bled together, and Twilight's vision blacked out altogether.

Comments

[CoffeeMinion]

Well this is pretty badass.