Thank You · 4:23pm Jun 28th, 2016
I don’t know if you guys were here last week, but it was a bit of a struggle for me. Last week’s topic was something that was really hard on me and something that I always have trouble opening up about. But, you guys have stuck with me. Through whatever crap I’m going through.
And I know this is just a silly little blog that I do each week. It’s not even a blog really, it’s more of a post where I get the chance to just vent about all the things that bother me and just things I’m dealing with. I was trying to find a nicer way of saying whining. Because if any of you have seen me, I very seldom am serious. Something serious has to happen for me to stop trying to be funny and being as sincere as I possibly can.
And I don’t mean for that to sound horrible. Maybe it is, I don’t know. But, I do care. I really do care about what is going on in your life. All the good, all the bad. And I love hearing from you guys.
And I love your responses. Even if you don’t respond, you are still a wonderful person. Even if you are just joining us here, you are amazing. Simply amazing. And I know that. From the bottom of my heart I know that. So, this is for you guys.
Thank you
This is kind of my way of saying thank you to all of you. I wanted to thank you all. I know not all of us here have dealt with depression. And I hope you never do. But you are open to the truth about what people with depression can go through and what I’ve gone through as a result. And I know everyone with depression is different and they react differently to things. But, we all basically need the same thing. We all need to be reminded that we are worth it.
And we are. You are. You are absolutely worth it.
And I know that can seem weird to hear this from a person that you’ve never met and probably never will meet, but you are. And I am thankful for you. I am thankful for the wonderful group of individuals you are. You have been so kind and understanding with everything that’s been going on. And I wish I could just go and hug each and everyone of you. I really do. All I can do are these virtual hugs, but the love is there. The love I feel for you guys is there.
But I’m also thankful for the people I have in my life. My brothers, my parents, my RL friends that I still am in contact with. And maybe some who I don’t talk to anymore. Not because we aren’t friends anymore, just… real life. Sometimes you lose touch with someone. And you just don’t contact each other.
But I’m grateful for them. And I’m grateful for you.
For a long time, I was ashamed that I had depression. That I felt the feelings that I did. I still do a bit. I was afraid that people would treat me differently if they knew, or that they wouldn’t want anything to do with me. Or worse, pretend to like me so they don’t upset me and treat me like… not a person, but an object that might break if you lean on it too hard.
But, I’ve learned that it’s not true. And depression is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s not your fault you’re depressed. It’s something bad that has happened to you. A sickness. I keep saying that. It’s not your fault. It’s just something bad that you know have to deal with. But you can beat it. You can.
And I’ve learned that through opening up with my parents, my friends, my doctor, you guys. I’ve learned that there are people who care about me and what I’m going through. And I know there are people who care about you and what you’re going through. There are people who want to see you succeed and overcome this difficult time you are going through. And this applies to people who don’t have depression. Who are just going through something that’s really hard.
There are people who care.
Many of you have shared your stories online and I want to tell you how brave you are. Even if it is anonymous and you don’t feel like you are brave, you are. You are a brave, strong individual, because you are still facing this thing. You’re still here. Even if you don’t want to bring it to our attention as to who you are, that’s okay. The point is you admitted to yourself that you’re not okay. That’s the first step to getting help.
And I hope you find help. Because there are people who want to see you get better. There are. I want to see you get better. I really do. Even if we never find out if you were or are depressed, I hope you get better. Because things do get better.
And I know it’s not just me who is thankful for you guys. I know a lot of people who are thankful for you and all the wonderful things you do. Whether it be that you encourage them, you inspire them, or maybe it’s something as simple as asking them how their day is going and taking the time to listen to them for a moment. You have no idea how far that little gesture can go to make someone’s day just a little brighter. Just to know that someone is out there that cares.
And you guys do this everyday and I want to thank you on behalf of everyone whose lives you touch. Thank you. I know it might seem like something that you shouldn’t be thanked for, you just do it because it’s who you are. And who you are is worth taking the time to thank. Because you are a wonderful, amazing person. I believe that with all my heart.
Listen and taking the time to give them just a little bit of attention can save lives. It can. And you guys have given me more than just attention, you’ve given me hope. You’ve given me more than I feel like I deserve.
I know on the internet, there is a lot of anonymity. And sometimes it’s hard to be taken seriously, because some people take advantage of that. And some people do. But sometimes you meet someone, that shows they care. That knows the truth of what’s going on around you. And I’ve meet a lot of people who have shown me they care. And I want to thank each and every one of you.
And in real life, I’ve got my family, my brothers, my friends, my co-workers who I have made a special connection with. They’ve shown me they care.
I want to apologize, because I know some of you reply to these and I don’t always respond and I apologize for that. But, thank you. For taking the time to respond. Thank you for taking the time to read these. Even if you don’t do either, you do it for someone else. I know you do. And that means the world. To me and to them.
So, thank you.
You Make A Difference
Sorry if this wasn’t what you were expect. It’s just kind of a day by day thing that I try to keep up with. And sometimes I feel up to it, other times not. But we get through it. We’re still here. And we’re still moving forward.
I have been working on my Critique Reviews a bit. I don’t know when it will be finished. I’m not going give a due date because I don’t want to give a date and then me not be able to get it done by that time. But the Critique is not dead. He’s not. Though I’m sure a lot of people probably wished he was. He’s just on vacation. Which is good because he and I probably needed this. Needed this time to get our thoughts together.
But I want to bring him back. I do. I miss it. I miss doing it. I really do.
Hopefully, we’ll see him soon. Until then, take care.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1 (800) 273-8255
Websites that may be helpful:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/
I am not trained in mental health and do not suggest following my own ways of dealing with depression if they do not seem like they would be a good fit for you.
You take care as well
I'm glad you're slowly feeling better dude.
I haven't been on here too often lately, but I saw your other blogs. I'm just glad to see that you seem to be feeling a little better now, mate. Good luck, Spider.
(god it's a bit weird to post something on this account, especially here, but screw it)
You are a man among men...man. You are open and honest and have more guts then most people I've ever had the pleasure of dealing with. You are a kind individual who deserves the best, and I am so glad that you feel like we make a difference in your life, cause you've made a difference in a few of ours. Even though I'll probably never met you, I'm glad I've known about you.
(And don't worry about the Critique date, he deserves a bit of a break anyway.)
Hope tomorrow treats you well!
You welcome. I mean you would be had I actually done anything.
Oh' Wow I missed last week, and I was wondering the whole time if you did post anything. I feel now that I should have had a look.
And I think you said it right there. We are.
I feel as social beings we have a basic need to be recognized in some way, or we may wind up feeling that we don't matter.
Thou the question of who may matter if any do, I would say, any and everyone does. We share this world together. None have a greater right to a good life than any other in it, in my eyes. We all matter.
Many in my family have been in the military. I am one of the few that have not joined up. A personal thought I have struggled with in the concept of is "If I am unwilling to die in the line of duty to sever and protect all others who live the civilian life by not joining the service, am I worthy to live? Do I deserve to live?"
Than my own question turned back on itself. "Are any of the civilians who live the civilian life worthy of me and any others who may die for them worthy of such protection? Why should any have to die for another like that?"
I built up more on this. "Who are the worthy? Only those willing to risk life in the service? If so, why are those in the service told to risk their lives for the civilian population? What makes them worthy of the life of a another? Or even the life of one willing to risk it all for the sake of others?"
"Are not such people who risk their lives to protect others the ones more worthy to live than any others? What make the civilians so special and deserving of such a sacrifice by those so much more courageous?"
I would think the courageous are the ones more worthy to live. Not those sitting around going on day by day expecting others to die, so they can sit at a desk sipping coffee, thinking of him/or herself as great because he/she manages to write a good book some happen to like, while others are getting shot at for them, so they can live and think this way.
I ask myself, why does this world not make any sense?
I did a while back, only about four years ago come near killing myself. I had it all planed out too. I go for a long walk into the woods, about a three hour walk. And I did that. I take a big! bottle of Tylenol, this I did not yet do but had them. And wash them all down with a canteen filled with coolant. Then just lay down at the base of a tree and let death take me. Obviously I did not drink that either.
A question still nags at me. Am I a cowered for not going through with my plan? And as such should I live the life of a cowered who will not stick with his own convictions to do what I intended? Do I deserve to live if I am unwilling to die?
Not trying to be funny here at all, but part of that very last question I had for myself did seem funny to me.
Do I deserve to live if I am unwilling to die? It still looks somehow silly to me. Like it breaks logic or something.
It hurts my head trying to grasp any sense of such questions. Are only those who are willing to die the only ones worthy to live? Mostly if they are willing to loos their chance at a life so another can have theirs?
I had a similar question for myself about companionship. Are only those that are not so weak as to not need companionship the only ones worthy of it?
Again, it was a question that to me seemed to break logic somehow.
I still don't have any good answers for any of this. Sure, and after all this writing, I should have some well thought out revelation to my questions to share. But I don't.
All I can think of is, I don't think any of us have all the right answers to such questions. Sure, some may think they do, and are more than willing to share their thoughts on it. Evan those that might say something like "Die you unworthy looser. Cast aside all your doubts that you should die, and call it quits on life for you can't take it."
Yes, I have seen plenty of such comments from others, but who likes to listen to such people anyway?
If any can say life is precious, than any have a right to it I would say. The greatest fight one can have is a fight for life. Even if it is for one's own.
You said it yourself here.
Now that's the truth?
Oh' I think I may know just a little.
I am still telling others in personal PMs that you are one of the only that gave one of my stories such a review as you did.
Yes, I had a hard look at it and it was harsh, but hay, I liked it just the same. You gave me so much insight that others just have not given. A good opinion is worth having a look, mostly if it is one a person can use to improve from, even a little with.
So many ask for your reviews of their own stories, so it matters. Your big gesture to go all out as you do in your reviews I have seen make someone’s day just a little brighter. Probably more than you might think.
It is hard to know just what others are indeed thinking sometimes, or even all the time. Even when they tell you.
Hell, I got one asking me to fix up his story because he thinks I can. I tell him otherwise. I have told him to look over how my stories turned out, and if I edit his, well, his may meet with the same fate. But he insists that I do it just the same. Poor guy has got none willing to help him, he is that desperate enough to seek my help of all people. But I do it because he hasn't another willing to I guess.
With all that you have posted as The Critique, and the stories you made, and blogs, I should say so.
As many PMs I have received throughout the years, not only on this site but on others as well, seeking my advice,
I tell them much the same.
I am no professional, I am just another person who has survived for this long. But I am willing to share what has worked for me so far.
I have even had a few say I should be a motivational speaker at the very least. What an idea some people have of me.
They don't know me very well do they?
Well, I am glad you are feeling better. Life can be confusing and hard. This I know. It is always good to get off ones chest some bad thoughts.
I know I have unloaded on you, more than once.
But you always took it in stride.
And said what you could and tried to be positive.
For that I thank you. It is indeed good to know you will be getting back into your grove.
Stay frosty.