When Close Is 'Too Close'. · 7:54pm Jun 13th, 2016
So, a bit more of a serious blog from me today after the couple few rapid fire shitpost ones I've been doing. And today's particular topic is a bit more of a personal one, considering I feel more comfortable confiding with strangers over the internet than that of my own friends or god forbid my family.
So, just to jump right into it, I went out a few nights ago with a few coworkers for some drinks.
I got a little shitfaced. Joking aside about how I'm apparently a very funny drunk, things were fine until we went back to the hotel room one of my coworkers had decided to rent for the night, and that's when things got...interesting.
Out of our group, everyone left rather quickly leaving me with a coworker I felt in my opinion was a friend.
That's when they started to act a little less than just a friend.
Now, I honestly could be reading into this too much, even though my older sister is calling serious warnings, I had collapsed onto the bed and was well into falling in and out of sleep, and my coworker in turn lied on the bed next to me.
Like, right next to me.
Skimming over quite a few violations of personal space later, they then kept trying to wake me up even though they had told me repeatedly I needed to sleep if I was to drive home in the morning, something that after not being wasted, struck me as a little weird.
The more I think about the situation, the more nervous I get over it. Luckily, nothing occurred due to the fact my sister strong armed by drunken self and found out where I was staying, picking me up and driving me home before anything could have happened.
I say could because, I really don't know what their intentions were.
I didn't even realize how badly rattled I was over this until the coworker in question started texting me this morning, and how apprehensive I was at responding. I now feel sick after eating a small bowl of cereal due to this.
I'm just, I really don't know what the fuck to do.
Shocks. Listen to me, calm down and try to relax, you did nothing wrong, and nothing happened. Worrying will only make you sick. It is very possible you really are only overthinking it, but trust me when I say, talk to your sister about it at the very very least, do not leave this to linger in your head for any longer than it has to without making your concerns known, even if it really was only nothing, the 'what if' will kill you.
If you do this and feel its necessary to confront your coworker, do it with a friend present if you dont feel safe doing it on your own. Don't make accusations if there is nothing to accuse over, no need to make the work place more hostile if it can be avoided, but make it clear in any event you are not going to be silent. The worst thing you can do is nothing.
4019976 And that's what I'm freaking out about the most.
What do I exactly do? How far do I take any type of response? Do I go lightly, or do I completely cut them off from myself?
I have talked to my sister regarding this and she firmly believes that the actions my coworker did were anything but what a friend would do in that situation. I skimmed over the specific actions that they did because they aren't exactly actions and gestures a friend would do. They were far from risque and everything, but that still doesn't make them any less unnerving.
I think I'm just so blindsided by this.
And worse yet, this is just another thing to add to the pile of 'My job sucks'. The only reason I still work at my job is because I've been too nervous and lazy to look for another employer. And with this, now being apprehensive about working with my coworker is something I don't need.
And worse yet, one of my other coworkers that I went out with that night is leaving in two weeks! They're the only one I'd feel the most comfortable having there if I talked to my other coworker in question and the fact I now have a time table on that conversation is only making me more stressed.
4019994 Then I can only advise you do these next things right now.
The friend who is leaving, call her/him now. Just for a talk, let them know what happened, what your sister said and how you feel, hear what they have to say. If they agree then I'd say do what is safe and distance yourself from the co-worker who stayed in the hotel room for now, because the more I hear of it the less I like it. If your friend agrees, then you had best confront the co-worker now, or else raise it up with your workplace manager that you don't feel safe working around them. But I don't know if that will be best from what I've heard about your workplace.
At the same time, look for a hold over job, something you can do, right now and leave your current job just to hold you over till you get another job. There is no reason you should put up with all of this.
EDIT: OK, no seriously, call your friend, I don't like the sound of this.
I think you should directly confront the creepy rapist dude about his rapey attitude.
4020018 Taking my dog for a run really helped to clear my head a little.
Only for that to basically become mute after I texted my other coworker. She said there are some serious red flags and that while it's my choice to whether or not I want to distance myself from the person in question, they advised that yes I should.
And that's not the worst part.
Apparently, at the same time my 'friend'(the coworker in question) was texting me this morning, they were also texting my other coworker asking if I worked yesterday, which was the day after I got shitfaced, and asked, 'pointedly' in the words of my coworker, how much I remembered of that night.
What the fuck?! What the actual fuck?! How am I supposed to take that?!
Why can't have this have a fucking bright side to it?
4020093 Well, that is one way to put it. I just really do not want to go there.
4020244 Distance yourself from him, have your friend tell him off. And start making plans to leave your job for another one. The guy sounds like he knew he did something wrong, I don't know him and I don't know what he is like drunk, but take your friend's advice and keep your distance. Do not put yourself at risk.
4020244
Do you wanna describe the guy for us a little? I just want to know what ethnicity he belongs to, really.
Also, I agree that you should stay the fuck away from him. Hanging out and getting friendly with your co-workers is kind of a risky move from the get go.
4020267
Just to be clear, do you not realize how unbelievably offensive you sound right now?
4020289
Perhaps, but if I were a police officer or a lawyer, I'd be asking you that question anyway and it would actually come up in the course of the investigation.
No need to answer if it bothers you.
Edit: Also, we're talking about a potential rapist here. I have to say I sure don't care bout being offensive towards such an individual.
4020289
4020294 Can we disregard the incidentals for now and focus, please?
Shocks, what have you decided to do?
4020302
Sure. I'mma come clean, tho: I was waiting to see whether Shocks encountered a creepy white dude with boundary issues like the Swim Rapist Brock Turner.
If this makes me a terrible person or offensive, I apologize.
4020330 I'm the last person to give a fuck about offence when it comes to being curious about a perpetrator's race, but its more a question of tact. You can ask about what race the guy was after we're sure Shocks is safe and not panicking herself into a sickbed.
4020354
Troo. Actually, I no longer really want to know. It seems to upset her so I'll leave that stone unturned for now. I ain't trying to worsen her mental distress by being insensitive.
4020294 I'm sorry.
You just came off as a little racist there, and I'm just the kind of person that doesn't care to particularly on that. If you didn't mean it that way I apologize.
I'm just a little on edge right now and am probably snapping at things that aren't there.
4020302 I'm un-friending them from facebook, as I have alot of my coworkers on there, and deleting nearly all of the personal information on my profile. While their friend request at the time may have been innocent, having them have access to my profile now sure doesn't.
As for confronting them, I plan on doing it before my other coworker leaves, the I can't bring myself to set a date yet.
After that...I'll probably try to leave my job as soon as possible.
4020363
Don't worry about it. Honestly, you don't have to apologize, it's fine. I can understand how you might not be in the mood for doing detective work right now.
4020363 In retrospect, I think it might be better if you dont confront the person and instead just escape the situation altogether, I dont want you doing anything that puts you at risk or makes you a target.
I previously thought confronting him would be a good idea for clarifying it, but its clear now he was up to something of some sort, so its better to just leave. Never mind confronting him.
Stay safe, Shocks.
You want advice? You should probably thank your sister, if you haven't done that already. And maybe stop drinking for a while.
Hey, Shocks, Mono here; New York area. I can't give much advice on the subject, but I can give my support. Common saying over here is "watch your shit". Basically boils down to (1) Know your friends (2) Know your limits (3) Don't start shit (4) If someone starts shit, finish it. This is just my view based on where I grew up and being surrounded by female family, though our method isn't always the best.
Whatever makes you feel safe, whoever makes you feel safe; stick with them. The objective is to feel secure in your own neighborhood (that being work, home, and the surrounding area). There are far better people to give support on this site, and I know for a fact that I do not have the same mindset as many.
Stay safe, Shocks.
P.S.– Also your sister is fuckin' awesome, yo. She's gonna be my role model when it comes to my younger sister.
Shocks my friend, I hope you get out of this with no harm of any one and to get you mind off of it for a bit, have you seen Zootopia yet?
4020395 I suppose just trying to hold out until I quit is probably the best option. To be comepletly honest, I was really apprehensive of actually confronting them about it and somehow making things worse.
I really, really don't want that.
4020493 Thanks JBL, I'll try.
4021083 This was actually the first time I've gotten drunk in public out of the handful of times I've actually gotten drunk. I don't exactly plan on doing it anytime in the near future.
And yeah, I already thanked my sis.
4021265 My sister is really tough on me, but she has my back no matter what. She's the definition of tough love and while it honestly gets under my skin sometimes, she really means well. She actually said something along the lines of what you're talking about and how I shouldn't have gone out with people that didn't 'have my back' or rather I could fully trust.
4021308 Umm, yeah actually. I made a blog about it a couple of months ago.
4021449 Then its best that you don't confront him. I hope you find a new job soon, I'm sorry this has got you so rattled.