Unicorn Thoughts (A Friend in Need Omake) (GNU Pratchett)

I've been on a Pratchett kick lately. Not just his fiction, but also his collected essays. Which led to this.

Set in the universe of A Friend in Need.

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I am frequently asked questions. “Would you sign my book?” “How do I become a writer?” “When’s that manuscript coming in?” “You call this literature?” I’m particularly fond of, “What would you like to drink?” I’ve fielded that last one a gratifying number of times over the last day, but I had to beg off sooner than I used to. My age and medications recommend moderation and unequivocally demand a run to the loo after each glass.

When I got home there was a new question waiting from my publicist, “What are your thoughts regarding the unicorns?”

My first thought was, “Why are you asking me?” That question came and went quickly as I’ve been in this business long enough to know how this goes. People want to read about a particular thing. Newspapers want words to print that people want to read. Interns draw up lists of people who might be prodded into writing or saying something interesting on the subject. This includes people famous enough that other people will read their opinions regardless of the quality of those opinions or of how they are expressed. In this case, I was probably put on the list because I am known for writing “fantasy” and the words “unicorn” and “magic” are involved. “Princess” isn’t considered a fantasy word by itself, but tends to amplify other such terms in the minds of many people.

My second thought was, “Whoever put my name down didn’t think this through.” Most folks view fantasy as the genre of stories-about-things-that-don’t-exist-and-never-did. By that standard, unicorns stopped being a subject of fantasy the moment Twilight Sparkle turned up in person. If anyone tries to inform Princess Luna that she is a figment of the imagination, they are likely to come away with symptoms of tinnitus, and might count themselves lucky if that’s the only consequence of that conversation. I’m still not clear on what Miss Sparkle is talking about when she mentions magic, but whatever it is works. Which may mean that most of the books in the fantasy section of your local bookstore should really be sorted into another aisle.

I hold the position that all stories tend to be fantasy by the standards I have just given. Intricately planed murders in isolated manors that a brilliant detective just happens to be visiting also don’t exist in the real world. Or at least, there aren’t enough of them to fill out an entire series. And we certainly don’t live in a universe where the virtuous will win in the end simply because they are virtuous. My preference in fantasy is stories that take something familiar, but present it from an unfamiliar angle. Alas, Miss Sparkle has not been in residence long enough to become familiar.

Thus, I am completely unqualified to opine on the subject of unicorns that may be fantastic, but aren’t fanciful. And yet I press on as that has rarely stopped me in the past and isn’t likely to prevent me from being paid for these words in the present. I will say that they might have done better to consult authors associated with science fiction, the genre associated with things-that-aren’t-real-but-might-be-someday. Then again, meeting aliens has also recently fallen out of the realm of fiction and that section of the bookstore may also be due for resorting. I read science fiction avidly in my youth and have tried my hand at it, but found that I needed a universe with more give to it that I could shape around the stories I wanted to tell.

One of the concepts I came across in my early years of science fiction was the word, “neoteny”. This means that a creature retains some qualities of being a child even after becoming an adult. Humans have made neoteny into our primary survival strategy. Our tendency to poke things with sticks at a point in life where other creatures have left such curiosity behind may eventually save us or damn us, but it has led to having some marvelous sticks to poke with and a comfortable environment to poke from. Regarding Twilight Sparkle, I do not know if this is a quality of her species or simply of herself, but in watching her from afar and reading her words I have received the impression of a being who is childlike without being childish, in all the best ways, to a degree rarely seen on this world. And for that alone, I would welcome her.

Terry Pratchett
Broad Chalke
Wiltshire
May 17th 2011

Comments

[Jigoku Luna]

Loved reading this.

[Greatazuredragon]

If anyone tries to inform Princess Luna that she is a figment of the imagination, they are likely to come away with symptoms of tinnitus, and might count themselves lucky if that’s the only consequence of that conversation.

Yeah I could see that happening.

Very good work.